• Member Since 25th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Jan 4th, 2015

DashiesFavoriteHuman


I'm a brony from, Lubbock, TX. Rainbow Dash FTW!

E

With the heat rising in Ponyville and the weeds coming, the crops aren't thriving well. Applejack is affected the most and is feeling like her worth is falling, but Rainbow Dash sees it differently.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 9 )

Cuuuute! And well-written, but that's kind of a given. :twilightsmile:

Yay! New chapter :D

I dont understand why this story has so many dislikes. This fic is adorable!! :heart::rainbowkiss:

Good so far but could you add a break to show the passage of time ex.

She opened the door to her house, “Ah’m home”, she called, “and Ah’m goin ta bed.” She trudged up to her room and crawled into bed and layed her head down. She closed her eyes, the thoughts of her day ran through her head as a tear fell.
================================================================================
Applejack woke up to the sun in here eyes, she squinted as she raised her head from her pillow and looked outside. She got out of bed and walked down to the kitchen to find Rainbow Dash sitting at the table with a glass of milk and an empty plate in front of her, “hey Rainbow Dash, what are you doin here?”, she asked sitting down across from her.

:pinkiesmile:

When will be the next chapter? I really want to see what will happened!!

Comment posted by DashiesFavoriteHuman deleted Aug 16th, 2014

Okay, so... first things first. This story needs some serious proof-reading/editing. There are some tense changes in the last chapter, some mistakes here and there throughout. It's also a rather fast-paced story and AJs 'tale' about her parents seemed a bit like... thrown in. 'Here, have some background, if you want' - if you catch my thought.

But, to be honest, those things were dwarfed by the thing that bugged me the most: AJ suggested that Rainbow has to apologize. "I love you" - "Uh..." - "You're a jerk!" No. It doesn't work like that. Nopony has to apologize just because they don't share romantic feelings towards the one confessing them. Yes, it's always hard to get rejected, it hurts a lot and it is nice to find comfort in your loving, caring family. But that doesn't mean that there actually IS something AJ has to forgive Rainbow for. That's just... downright wrong.

You also need some way to separate parts of the chapters from each other - it was kinda distracting when she went to sleep and zap, it's morning already, without hint or warning. Or when you change perspective from, say, Rainbow and AJ up in Twis room back to Twi standing at the main floor of the library.

I'm sorry.

Login or register to comment