I enjoy writing about ponies. Mostly ponies having about sex.
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After leaving ponyville, Gilda's life was a wreck. She became mean, all her friends left her. She became alone, more mean, bitter to the core. She lost her job, became homeless, lost...Everything. She goes back to ponyville begging for forgiveness but no pony gives in. All except one special pony who teaches Gilda how to act, how to be, how to make friends.
The story is teen, but there are clop-chapters that I will mark with parenthesis.
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Poor Gilda
I love your descriptions it really paints the scene very well.
I think you did a great job conveying her view of things and unwillingness to admit she needs help.
Was expecting she would get invited in by twilight but the way you did it fits so well for her character.
Minor detail:
an = and?
3954530
Thanks!
Ah, thanks for pointing that out!
3954884
No problem, can't wait to read the next chapter
huh, i wanna see how this plays out.
do continue.
Wow, sucks for Gilda, but we can't say maybe she didn't deserve it, even if Equestria is supposed to be more or less a utopia with forgiveness being the norm. At least Dash could've taken a look at her former friend before refusing her, sheesh. And was this inspired by Misperceptions? Since that was a Twilight/Gilda shipping story as well.
As for errors, well you misspelled lightning as lighting both times. And I see some usages of it's rather than its, since if you replace it's with it is (which is what it's is a contraction of), it doesn't make sense that way (not for all the usages where you did it, though). Not to mention, you failed to capitalize the names of ponies at times or places, as the rules of writing dictate.
And a few other things as well, but those're the major ones I can see from my first experience with your work.
Still, in spite of all that, I hope to see more soon perhaps!
3956448
Misperceptions? No I haven't read that..
Oh wow..
Well, thanks for telling me. I'll get to fixing those.
3956555
Well, I think you should look it up! Maybe read the one with a v2 next to it, even if that's an improved upon version of the original by a different author than the one whom originally wrote it. Basically, the same premise as this, just unicorn Twilight as opposed to alicorn according to the tags and that Gilda wants to win back Dash's friendship, as opposed to here. Though unlike the first chapter or so, maybe others aren't giving her a hard time or she's down on her luck like here.
I usually skip Gilda stories, but thought I look like an interesting concept. Never saw that other story on the site.
3956448
She deserves to die in the street? Wow... Being mean to ponies has harsh penalties... True about Dash though.
3958174
I NEVER said as far as THAT and would disapprove of that even, no matter how awful the person is. But just that she would get a harsh reaction from others, at least in the town where she was disgraced by losing her temper in front of a crowd of ponies. Plus, I mean, if it wasn't for her being stubborn (the author's decision, I know, but still), she wouldn't have let it get to this point where she's a skeleton (which makes me wonder now how much she ate in Twi's kitchen, because if you're really skinny, you can't really eat a whole lot without giving stomach a chance to expand, lest it burst open, LITERALLY; saw this same thing addressed briefly in at least one other story I've read).
3958550
I was joking TWPP, she deserved to lose her job, and be put out by most of the Ponyville populous. I was just having some fun on your vagueness. It's an annoying thing I do.
Yeah you have to adjust to getting that much food again, but of course when you are desperate survival mode blocks out intelligent thought. Not that she was probably a mental muscle user in the first place.
3962607
I thought you were serious and I didn't think I was vague, as I typically dislike it when others are and don't explain what they mean, if there's a possibility of more than one answer for something that is addressed in a question (for clarity's sake, usually) or what have you. And granted perhaps, but still.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, okay.
Let the Shenanigans begin
Oh boy I can't wait for the next chapter!
That felt rather rushed, dood. First Gilda was yelling at Twi then we get a kiss? I think we skipped something, dood.
agreed a little more pacing. feels rushed. other than that keep up the good work
First off from what I can tell in this story is that its going to be great... The storyline is solid and there aren't as many linebreaks as some of the previous comments have mentioned. Also... If you guys can't tell... Gilda has a very rushing attitude. She gets places fast because of the way she acts. So no you really didn't miss anything in chapter 4... She doesn't show emotions often so when they build up they hit hard. Kind of like a midlife crisis.
okay this felt like one of those it's Midnight im tired,
Brain: heres an Idea.
FIngers: Okay DUH!!!!
seriously finish the story though then I would think about choosing three prereaders and rewriting the story or chapters and bounce them of those readers to get their opinions and a better Chapter and/or story
Gotta agree with the others. Very rushed feeling. Even if Gilda isn't exactly known for patience and smart ideas, her already kissing Twi at this point feels very forced and rushed
Woah there Gil. Ease up on the reigns there. I hope spike didn't see
Egh. Was exited, and still am, that you updated, but DAMN your chapters are short.
It got a little confusing as to who was talking at the time, dood.
Next time I think you should make a longer chapter. Don't get my pe wrong I love it but it took a long time ang I expected something longer
4259954 Well yeah yeah.. Sorry. The chapter IS pretty short, I'll try to get the next chapter to be longer.
The reason it took so long was due to a lot of rising problems recently, though with everything over I should get chapters out much sooner.
twilight's friends can be so dumb sometimes.
4260144 you know what. No one can control what happens in their daily routine. I don't blame you I've been pretty busy too lately
This chapter was... Interesting to say the least. But funny and also a lot longer which I like
4267492
Heh thanks.
might want to change to mature since it went to sex....
4296352 oh wow.
I thought I did, I'll get to that right now. Thank you ^^
A pony and a griffin... Seems legit!
Well... Its okay. I think when it hit chapter 4 it kinda jumped a lot of good story telling that could have happened. And they just fall in love with one another on the first night? Seems off.
I myself did not feel how they feel in love. She yelled at twilight and some how now they are in love. That seams like such an abusuve relashionship... LOL...
Anyway them are my thoughts on it...
Well.....I cant describe this story which says alot
I'll give it a favourite for the story idea but a dislike for the grammar
It's not bad not good, but not bad. I would suggest working on your pacing the story seems pretty rushed.
You should definitely re write this. That way it can have better grammar and actually have an ending
4296407 yea you should re-write this. It's an idea that I have never seen before and it would be interesting to see an ending for it.