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It's date night for Twilight and Luna, and they're both enthusiastic in their planning and preparations. Unfortunately, Celestia and Rarity both find out, and confessions are in order...
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Yes, I know the title is an obvious and shameless joke and I should feel bad. You come up with a better title.
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F*#@KING FLUTTERDASH!!!!!! HELL YEAH!!!!!!
F*#@KING TWILUNA!!!!!! HELL NOOO!!!!!!
A little awkward to read at times, feels like you were trying too hard at times... not that it's a bad story, not at all, it's a charming, quick read but it just didn't draw me in like other fics of a similar subject.
You did fine, mah boil, ya did fine.
Nice One-Shot and with my favorite pairings too.
Nice and simple. Very elegant, though a bit overused. XD
3907091 What did you expect, Fleshlight?
This was so adorable.
That was very abrupt. It would benefit from a bit more depth of description as it felt like you were pushing the story the entire way rather than letting the plot steer the tale. Rarity instantly getting Celestia's obscure, unfinished sentence, for example. It takes quite a bit of familiarity with someone's thought process to be able to do that. There were a couple of instances where it felt like the characters were just a little bit off-kilter - Celestia was overly formal at one point, for example.
Critique aside, I think the premise is delightful and the story in itself is very sweet. I definitely enjoyed it. Thumbs up from me!
Umm men the Pinkie Promise is "Cross my heart hope (not wish) to fly stick a cupcake in my eye"
3908937 3908004 No I'm just making a reference to the guy who posted below me.
>>Facecushions were now a thing.
This line is very unclear as to who's face is being cushioned and has an informal tone that is quite jarring. As the final line of the main plot, it is one of the most important lines of your story. The ending falls flat, as there is no real reaction shown.
The final scene is choppy at best. The time and place are left undefined, I can't tell if this is the same night or weeks later.
>"But you know what we will know?"
>"What?"
>"That our love is by no means a secret." Rainbow leaned over and kissed Flutters.
This is confusingly phrased, and could be far more easily replaced by something along the lines of "Aren't you glad that we aren't that silly?" Also, never use nicknames in dialogue tags.
Fluffy sweet TwiLuna is always a good thing! It didn't need the FlutterDash ending, but otherwise nicely cute.
Illustrated Kamare Sutra for a birthday present? Gee, I wonder where Celestia got that idea?
General feeling after this chapter...
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/098/7/8/ship_all_the_characters__by_iloveportalz0r-d4vielh.png
3910329 Yep, that was inspired by LLTM.
3911362
Thanks! That's such an awesome feeling. HUZZAH!
This was so cute
I thought this was some sort of strange foreshadowing, but upon completing the story, the book was never mentioned again. Why the heck was it mentioned in the first place? Am I just that stupid that I can't let it go? The answer is yes.
3913607 It was a reference, silly.
3915293
Then I am indeed stupid, as I foretold.
............ cute could use a bit of work but good job
Nice, but it could use more padding, as well as more story. I suggest continuing it.
What a super cute fic! i'd love to see you expand on this!
3962969
Precisely what I was thinking!
A little too quick but its sweet.
*smashes monitor on ground* ANOTHER!
Huh. Well, that was short.
A thousand yeses!
4408928 What? How the fuck am I wrong? It's clearly a shitty TwiLuna pairing.
4408928 What? How the fuck am I wrong? It's clearly a shitty TwiLuna pairing.
4411629 Because I didn't. Your argument is invalid.
Is the title possibly a joke on a book named Confessions from a shopaholic?
4520317 Maaaaybe...
4520351
Wow, TwiLuna and FlutterDash in the same story?
You my friend have earned the Triplet Reward of a like fave and follow. Cheers!
I agree, sorta, with yur AN. It doesn't have much of a plot. I have to ask. How do you make it interesting without something as vital as the heart, lungs, and brain to never go out of sync, or just spontaneously stopped working.
Nice to read a cute story with two of my fave pairings.
I've reviewed your story HERE!
4407552
In every Twiluna Fanfic I read lately ur in the comments. I think we have similar tastes.
Was Celly trying to tell her something?
Twiluna AND Flutterdash! you just made my day
Beautiful!
Also a lovely twist in the tail.
Nicely written and a joy to read!
Twiluna and Flutterdash in a single fic.
I salute you.
On my "Adorables" shelf.