- Member Since 25th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Feb 26th, 2017
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I ask only that you would forgive me, should I ever truly go hollow, that you would not hate me for falling asunder to the insanity.
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The most apparent flaw I find with this is Gold Watch's name.
Why are you calling him Gold Watch when his body would at least be near to the same colors as Silver Spoon's? That. Makes. No sense.
It would be more sensible to name him Silver Sword, to complete a bit of a theme -- the knight to Diamond Crown's king. It would help establish who's the leader and who's the sidekick.
That and... silver =/= gold.
Outside that, there's plenty of grammar errors I spotted. Honestly, you ought to go back over this fic and find em -- they're rather blatant and pretty easy to spot. I'm not pointing them out because I'm not your editor. And I'm lazy.
Sorry if I sound a tad grumpy; I always get a bit cranky if I stay up too late.
3889626 Thank you for being cranky. It means you've told me things that should have been found and fixed. Also, I haven't a clue where the name originally came from. Probably from some story I read giving the name to male Diamond Tiara and a short conversation over it with a friend. Silver Sword does sound better and, were this not a sequel, I would probably go in and change it, but I don't know if it would be a good idea to do to both stories.
I'm just unsure.
Also, this particular story was Hell for me for reasons that no one likely cares about(and honestly, it's the internet, so why should they?), so I really should have taken my mindset throughout into account before publishing and gotten an editor, not a pre-reader. 
But nope, I was worried about flow that isn't even fixed. 
3889626 Wait... These "grammar errors" wouldn't happen to be present within certain dialogue, would they?
3889626 Considering a name doesn't need to correlate with a pony's coat or mane color, the implication that "Gold Watch" Is a 'bad name' seems to be a matter of personal preference rather than some mistake.
If you don't like a character's name, suck it up and keep reading instead of whinging about it to the author.
On the same note, how does naming the character "Silver Sword" make for a valid theme swap when their non-genderbent names don't relate, either, other than to signify wealth. The current names still accomplish this.
Last, never be afraid to go to the author with what you suspect are grammar mistakes. If you want to be polite about it, just pm them and say 'hey, was reading your story and saw these. X, Y, Z. Might want to take a look!'
I'm not against someone bringing this kind of thing up, but your response starts out looking more petty and self centered than as helpful or as advice. You admit you're grumpy/cranky at a certain point; don't use that as an excuse to lash out.
3889845 Okay, would it have been nice to get those mistakes pointed out? Yeah. Is the name a big deal? Not at all, though I'm leaning more towards Silver Sword if I have Spoony gender-bent in the future. I kinda like it. The thing is, though, while I feel anyone tired and cranky should just not comment until they wake up and get in a better mood, this is the internet, and people will do as they wish until someone with domain authority says otherwise.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a bit irked at the idea of sifting through nearing 4,000 words to find some apparently obvious mistakes that I'm almost certain were AB's dialogue. Just, it's not enough of a big deal that I can't handle it. Thanks, though. Good to know people have my back sometimes.
3889882 Or until someone is willing to stand up. It stops where you stop it.
And np.
3889655
I mean spelling mistakes.
Like, there's several places where AB's "Ah" needs to be capitalized, but isn't.
3889902 Oh. That's what you mean? Fuckin' Hell. Look, I'm sorry, really I am, but you couldn't have typed that instead of the bit about being cranky? Really? You would have saved me time trying to find mechanics errors in my chapter. It's just nice to not have to trudge through my own story after something that shouldn't exist in it, only to find it doesn't in the manner I was searching for. All I ask is a bit of decency. I'll get on that as soon as I get some rest.
Please More! I beg you there needs to be more of this!