• Member Since 7th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen May 30th, 2022

Randomized


Yellow fellow bronies of the interwebs. I tend to dream big but that's good for a story writer. My imagination is bigger than ever. So read my sotries in my featured story list. (if i have one yet.)

Comments ( 3 )

I can tell you put some effort here, but it was a bit clumsy.
but its understandable stuff no mistakes we haven't all made at one time or another...

The feeling of Thunderlane's wet tongue on his coat made Big Mac hard and seeing Big Mac hard made Thunderlane hard

revise this...

When Thunderlane went out Big Mac went in and when Big Mac went out Thunderlane went in.

and this...(repetitive and too many subjects)

Rumble his little brother he wasn't so little anymore and

(this reads weird consider a coma or a new sentence maybe)

the ice cream polar wanna come?"

there is other stuff too, but I don't want this comment to be a huge thing...

ultimately I liked the subject matter and I thumbs uped and faved it just to see if you do more or move on.

keep working on it, there is promise. Practice Practice Practice, that's whats fun about FIM:scootangel:

4087013 thank for the feedback I'll take this to mind when I write other stories.:twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment