! (The Song Formerly Known As)

Pinkie likes Discord. Chaos ensues.

Written for EQD's Writer's Training Grounds #005.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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shutaro

shutaro #1 · Jan 30th, 2014 · · ·

A bit tedious to read, but overall it's a nice story.
Pinkie Pie is a vixen!

A Hoof-ful of Dust

A Hoof-ful of Dust #2 · Jan 31st, 2014 · · ·

3871472
What makes it tedious? The part of me that all creative people have that completely disregards all positive parts of any feedback to focus on the negative (I'm sure you understand) wants to know.

shutaro

shutaro #3 · Jan 31st, 2014 · · ·

3874389
Compare the sentences of Discord and Fluttershy with the those "spoken" by the narrator. The narrartor's are quite a bit longer and structured like ... what's the oposite of direct speech? That makes it a bit harder to read.
Also present tense.

A Hoof-ful of Dust

A Hoof-ful of Dust #4 · Jan 31st, 2014 · · ·

3874961
Ah, okay. Yeah, that's intentional - the narrator is not as good a writer as they think they are - but I can see how it would come off as awkward to read. Present tense is kind of a necessary evil in establishing the narrator having a distinctive voice, or at least one where they can interact with the characters. Thanks for explaining that, though, I feel a lot better about my experiment here now.

Grey Faerie

Grey Faerie #5 · Feb 3rd, 2014 · · ·

I loved it! The whole talking back to the narrator thing was really cool and well done.

berrytone

berrytone #6 · Oct 14th, 2014 · 1 · ·

I'll ship it

Themaskedferret

Themaskedferret #7 · Feb 10th, 2015 · · ·

*Grins* Very cute fun.

Galaxina-the-Unicorn

Galaxina-the-Unicorn #8 · Aug 4th, 2016 · 1 · ·

I not only ship it, but this is my FAVORITE ship! And this is my favorite fic with this ship. So thank you for writing it, this is beautiful! You even broke the fourth wall without it being cringeworthy!