“You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul.” George Bernard Shaw
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A little crush escalates quickly for Scootaloo. She quickly learns she has fallen head over hooves in love with one of her closest friends. But what will her friends think? Especially Sweetie Belle.
Note: This story contains some racy scenes but nothing too explicit.
This is my first fanfic. I'd appreciate any feedback, tips or advice.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Aw, poor Scoots. Those stirrings of your first crush are pretty powerful. Noticed a couple of small errors, but nothing really to fret over. Cute story.
Since you asked for tips, I'll say a few things:
1. Check the grammar. It's well written in general, but problems with punctuation (or the lack thereof) can really break the flow.
2. Whilst I agree with your use of indented paragraphs, most people here seem to have a strong preference for line breaks between them. Changing the format to better suit the readers' tastes will make it better received.
3. Please continue. I like where this is going.
Cute story. I will fav this to see where it goes.
My apologies for the delays. I'm having trouble with my ISP and doing this from a cellphone is pretty much impossible. Chapter 2 will be released as soon as I'm back on the Internet and can finish editing.
Cheers!
Pleaseeeeeeee give lines of speech their own line. When you have multiple lines of speech in a paragraph it looks.. wrong.. please fix that cause I like this story and scootabelle is so hard to find something good!
Why am I a sucker for fillyfooler shipping?
Why do I like it with the foals of the show?
Why do I ask these questions?
To hell with the answers, all I know is I haven't loved a fanfiction like this since "Pretty In Pink" and "Of Challenges And Kisses"! Keep it up, you got yourself a fairly interested reader.
Best chapter yet!!!!!!!
So cute. Great chapter. Happy belated Hearts and Hooves Day.
alas, Scootaloo is so awesome. And Sweetie-Belle! keep rocking!
DEAR LORD THAT WAS CUTE.
Can't believe I didn't spot this before (note to self, don't skim read and then favourite a fic), your view on how crushes are formed is very weak. Only fools gain a crush by merely looking at somebody, and to have scootaloo form one just by doing that really takes the biscuit.
Now of course, you've got quite a few chapters out and there's no point in changing it now, but for future reference if you do make another fic like this, please add a bit more build up like:
1.Prolonged character interaction that contributes towards the crush over a set number of chapters ( e.g doing/saying nice things to each other, physical interaction like hugging etc)
2.Explain how and why the crush was formed, simply saying "I looked into your eyes and found them to be beautiful" just won't cut it (sure its flattering, but it doesn't do much for build up)
Hope I've helped
3955156 Yes, you are quite right. I realized this while writing chapter 4 and threw in that little bit about them always having a crush on each other when they first met and how Sweetie humming was the catalyst for Scootaloo to fall head over heals in love with her. Is that a total cop out? Yes, yes it is. Hopefully its cuteness will make up for what in lacks in proper back story.
I plan to write many more fics, this is something I will work on. Thanks for being direct. Cheers! 
One of the best I've read so far and it helped with my depression so thanks for that definitely a fav
Twi-Fi i got a question when will more chapters for this story come out and i like it
3956152
3956595 I am currently writing the last chapter so, soon. I have a sequel and spinoff planned too.
3957061 ok
"barely"
"losing"
Props for coming up with a completely sensible, uncontrived plan, serving at least three different goals (Scootaloo asking Sweetie Belle out, Apple Bloom asking Spike out, and helping the farm), with no obvious looming disaster waiting to happen. Nice contrast to the usual contrivances and absurd plans.
3955259
As in most fanfiction, it's OK to assume the canon material as backstory. I didn't get the impression from the first chapter that it was love at first sight; given how long they've known each other, the only change was the realization that there was something more there. Together with the more detailed (and touching) explanation from Scootaloo in this chapter, it works quite well.
3957415 fixed.
Cutnes overload
so much adorableness, i think i'm gonna die!
This is a good story overall, but a lot of your dialogue is really formal. You don't seem to use any contractions, which makes the characters kind of sound like robots. Also, you're using "awe" when you should be using "aw" or "aww". The pacing also seem to be a bit quick.
That said I'm still enjoying this quite a bit. Scootabelle is a great ship.
I was going to ask why Scoots and Sweetie seemed to work so well in these fics, but my question was answered so yeah thanks for that, and awwwwww Applebloom has a crush Spike that's cute and scally.
Cutest first kiss EVER I'm sooooooo for this! *Squee*.
AAAAAAW!! MA FEELS!!!!!
Awesome. Just...
Awesome.
I'm at a loss for words.
This needs more views!
) waiting for more of your stories. 
I'll be (patiently
I just looove this it's a great light hearted story that's bolth funny and cute.
This is great! I hope Scoots gets Applebloom back with a LOT of teasing.
But I'm wondering. How will Diamond Tiara ruin it for them?
4013158 in the sequel, maybe? if there is one, that is....
For your first story you did wonderfuly.
Congratz!
Very nice story. Rarity was a bit over the top, though, even for Rarity.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh soooooooooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuute really good story
to the next chapter...i go!
3958518 oh my I'm sorry I was spouse
To comment on this before oh well really awesome And yeah
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4109840
that made me laugh so hard, I love that movie.
Rubber? At least they are save ;3
Well.. that was... extremely quick to the punchline..
When's the sequel??? I need one!!!
I LOVE this story. FANTASTIC job!!!!!
That story was amazing! Loved it.
"Is there something in water?" should be "Is there something in the water?"
4516493 Fixed! Thanks.
This story just gave me diabetus, I hope your happy.
Why do I keep reading your stories?! Too... Sweet!
HRRNGH
apple bloom is having way to much fun just like me
4068826 i agree i still love the story though