The window through which we perceive life is what defines our experience of it. We are only aware of a small fraction of what our senses pick up. We can all choose how we see the world.
Sweetie Belle hasn't found the courage to tell Scootaloo how she feels about her, sometimes she can't find the time or the words for the confession to flow thoroughly. When Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo travel to Manehattan on a one day trip together, the time and place for everything could come to light.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Who would dislike such a impressive story?
Alright, long story short, it felt to short and to rushed to earn my like.
The cuteness levels are hurtin'
Scootabelle eh? Oh now this seems interesting!
The beginning of the fic definitely needs some editing. Try to read out loud to yourself whenever you finish a chapter, it helps to find out areas in a story where you can improve.
While the idea and tone of this fic was all fine and dandy, the mood isn't there. I blame this on the lack of character involvement. Except for the beginning scene, it seems like you can just add anyone's names in the story instead of Sweeties' or Scooterloo's names, and it would be the same story.
Interesting idea, but you might want to take time to improve this story. Remember, writing does take some time and patience in order to fully flesh out a story. I'll leave a like, as I thought that the story was, for all its faults, good.
4891469 Thank you for the constructive criticism.
I really enjoyed this little thing, but it felt rush. You should make it a little longer , or at least write another chapter when they go on a date and Applebloom finds out or something.
4891755 Glad that you liked it. I felt that it was rushed too, I didn't know how to approach the romance delicately and correctly.
4891767
No problem. I liked it so i'm gonna check out more of your stories too :)
4891826 Okay then, help yourself!
Scootabelle? My OTP gets some love at last.
4892030 Had to be done.
I think that the biggest problem in my eyes (that hasn't been covered in another comment) is that the trip to Manehatten had nothing to do with the romance. Nothing happened there to make it easier for Sweetie Belle to confess her feelings. Also, even if Scootaloo was okay with Sweetie Belle's feelings, I feel like there still should have been more discussion on the topic before Scootaloo was willing to go along with it. Overall I think another thousand or so words would have helped you paint a better picture. All that being said, this is not reallly bad at all, like anything there is just room for improvement.
The changes you made were definitely for the better. And that picture is super cute!
pretty much what other people said. It's a little rushed, and the dialouge borders on the absurd sometimes. Slow down, take a step back and really think about how your characters would say things.
In particular stood out as dialogue that didn't make any sense.
Just to detail pick here (just a tip): your description for sushi was horrible. There is no cooktop cooking in most sushi and definitely not for spicy tuna rolls. I make sushi as a hobby. So my tip here is do some research in the future. Even if it is a minor detail.
Other than what other people have said. Great fic.
4903430 Thanks for pointing that out. All criticism helps me improve.
4921802 Thanks for the informative tip.
I didn't say this the first time I read the story, but this is adorable.
But it needs a sequel where Apple Bloom finds out.
“Okay. But next time, you need to bring an adult chaperone,”
Just take the tickets and get out of the story, mate.
I enjoyed the story it was pretty good. But, it did feel a bit rushed during the trip to manehattan. Otherwise great story!!!