"Grudges are like a good cheese. Hold them inside for too long and you'll be the one to suffer."- Sheogorath The Mad God.
After Trixie got her redemption she is greeted with a new being with magic so powerful she finds herself with a slew of new emotions. Will Trixie figure out how exactly she feels towards her new companion? Or will everything fall apart underneath her hooves?
Editor: refferee
Cover Art by Jayesixx
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Ok, I have only one criticism.
Grammar, grammar, GAMMAR! Do a brief check before submitting.
3844904 Sorry to say, but could you point out some mistakes?
Grammar was always my weak point 
A bit rushed and a few misspellings but pretty nifty overall I suppose
3844933 Thank you for the compliment
but now that I looked over it again I admit it is rather fast paced, but sometimes that happens to me 
Just can't word it differently sometimes.
This would be funny if the great and powerful human was Merlin, but it's not.
3844984 Your right, he isn't Merlin, but 'the human' is actually introduced in the second chapter
3844997 Somebody should really do a mlp story with Merlin in it. That's all I'm saying.
I want so badly to like this. I'm a huge Trixie fan and you've certainly got the beginnings of a good story, it's kinda rushed though. I'd humbly suggest that you look for a pre reader/editor.
Because I really like your premise I'm gonna favorite this but I'll wait for more chapters before I give a thumbs up or down
3844920 "...Maybe I should get a pet or something. She mussed. I'll at least have something to take my thoughts away from my constant travels somewhat..." Should be distinguished between a thought and narration.
"...Humans are bipedal mammal homo sapiens..." A list, should have commas.
"...but she was terrified of this...human just from an explanation of what they is and what they have..." What they are, not what they is.
That's all that I can see. There are also a few places where Oxfordian Commas could have been used.
All and all...
Pretty good for your first chapter of your very first FanFic.
3845077 Good to hear!
and I'll take your suggestion into consideration, might have been better if I just got an editor in the first place 
3845093
Wonderful, I can't wait to read more.
Mare being attacked by a dangerous beast in the middle of the woods, what does a human do?
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/000/191/leeroy_Final.jpg
3846029
I didn't think of it like that, funny. But I'm sure everybrony would leap to arms to save one of the ponies!
I am a to be participant in The Equestrian Critic Society. Over all a good story. It does feel slightly rushed towards the end, and a slight disconnect between the way trixie thinks and talks. But a great story non the less.
3846799 Yeah, that seems to be the only real problem I have
but I'm just glad overall you and everybrony else who's taken the time to read my first FanFic's first chapter enjoyed it to varying degrees 
3848540 Good to hear it, and your in luck, I just posted Chapter Two
I thought it was going to be the wizard of oz
3848681 Sorry to say, but this FanFic is not a crossover of any kind, new character, no affliction to any other piece of work
sorry if that's what you were hoping for
I like it but I don't understand as to why he is so calm about being on a completely different world. His love of science maybe?
3848783 Oh, there is a reason,
but you will only know it when it works it's way into one of the following chapters
Read this carefully.
Also...
1.) "Laws of physics" does not need to be capitalized.
2.) Technically speaking, if he discovered how to use "magic" through his research, he wouldn't be breaking the laws of physics; he would merely be redefining them. Things that break the known physical laws are impossible because the logical structure of reality as we understand it does not allow such things to occur. But if they were to occur, they wouldn't be "something impossible" but rather "something we didn't expect was possible," and we could change our definition of the laws of physics to include it. So it is impossible to actually "break" the laws of physics, since anything you could do that would "break" them merely expands upon their definitions. The laws of physics are "what we observed to be true," after all.
3850522 You're right
sorry, admittedly I could not figure out how to word that differently without it sounding odd. I will get right on that.
is he secretly a brony and not telling?
is he a magical, realistic, flying tiger?
3850953 Happy to hear you enjoy it so far, but as I stated in at the top of the first chapter, this is my first FanFic that I've posted on this website, so thank you for the encouragement!
3850856 You see what I planned for his backstory is that he-[spoiler redacted, no hints for you!]-and basically that's what's going to happen.
Wait, what happened?
Shouldn't you put an OC Tag on this story?
3851173 Not necessary, OC's are usually new ponies that meet with the mane 6 or the other back round characters, I do have an OC, but that will be for another story
Bending the laws of physics...
I ask you... At what cost?
Wait... when you think about it... all magic is science.
When he "spawned," a fire ball all he did was increase the vibration rate of the gas in the air causing it to combust
When he took down the Manticore he could have manipulated the carbon composition in he hands and arms. increasing their density, mass, weight and hardness thus creating a heavier hit.
It all makes sense.
+1 Like
+1 Favorite
+1 Lol
I'll be watching this story...
Travelling & Finally.
Honestly, the description just drew me in, will have to read later though and the moment I saw the picture, I thought she fell in love with Link (not to be confused with Zelda... again, like what many people {including me} did back in the day)
3852116 We shall see
but yeah, in actuality, your correct, but the reason I had him refer to it as 'magic' is because [Spoiler fished back, no hints!]
3852283 Glad to hear it
3853552 Always with misspelling!
happens far too often, but no, Link isn't apart of this FanFic.
I absolutely love the idea for ths story but it seems to be moving a bit fast
Besides that however the only other thing I don't like about this is how the human reacted
And this is your first story?!?
Dayum
3855218 I understand now that it is very fast paced, and I made sure to slow down the second chapter, and yes, this is my first fan fiction (As for how the human reacts that reason is put into question many times before I elaborate exactly why he doesn't act in a spastic manner
)
Other than a few grammatical and spelling errors, this fic is quite good! Haven't read a good trixie x human fic in a while. Love the use of his magic so far. Hope you continue to amuse and entertain me.
3855534 Thank you for the compliments
and sorry about the third-rate grammar, can never seem to get all of those mistakes 
3855679 Get yourself an editor, or at least someone to help proofread to find your mistakes. Certainly helped me!
So he's a scientist that invented magic or is he a mage from "Mage: The Acension" I'm thinking Order of Hermes.
I've been wanting to write another review for a while so lets get started.
First of all, I find you writing to be very rushed, you don't spend the proper amount of time an any single subject to allow it to grow and develop. This is a big thing for any well written story; scenes, characters, and environments and how they interact must be given the proper attention otherwise absolutely nothing of interest will happen. A lack of proper attention to details is a fantastic way to lose reader interest very quickly. This neatly brings me to my second point. You suffer from what a lot of new writers have, a fear of conflict. You have crafted in just two chapters at least 20 situations that could have risen to conflict of some sort, not necessarily violent conflict, but conflict nonetheless. This situations spring up and resolve themselves with absolutely no effort on either characters part and it just seems lazy. This is compounded by your already rushed writing. As a writer and as a story teller, you can't avoid conflict, you have to thrive in it and milk it for everything it's worth. These I can chalk up to a new writer who hasn't refined his own writing style yet. But my next point is something that I see so often and even in the best of fiction. What I am about to say next may seem cruel, however it needs to be said anyways. Joseph Green is a painfully obvious self-insert Gary Stu character. He reacts to, as far as I can tell, being thrown into a whole new universe with no understanding of where he is with, at best, disinterest. He doesn't react in shock, confusion, or any other expected emotion. Trixie also has this problem, finding a whole new intelligent creature in her carriage with about the same level of emotion as finding a dollar on the sidewalk 'oh, how nice'. Reinforcing Mr. Green's Gary Stu syndrome is his apparent total control over physics. EXPLAIN THIS SHIT!!! you cannot give a creature that does not normally have fantastic abilities such things without a damned well thought-out and justifiable reason. And 'because science' does not hold water. All in all I found the entire thing kinda forgettable and falling into many bad tropes. I feel as though your main problem is that you don't reread what you write. I want you to go back and reread your entire fic back to yourself out loud. This is a basic trick that really helps you write. Also get someone else to weigh in on what you write. What might be obvious and awesome to you might not be to anyone else, because they don't have the story already in their head like you do.
All in all I'd give this, for what it is a 'C-'.
Bit of a Gary Stu don't you think?
Here's a list:
- Human doesn't freak out upon waking in new world and encountering talking pony, etc.
- Human has magical powers
- Human has epic battle right away and comes away as the victor unscathed
- There's probably more, but I can't find it in myself to find them.
So here's the thing, when you start a story and introduce a human character the default assumption is that he/she's from Earth (our version). The other default assumption is that, unless otherwise proven, that person is a reasonably normal person in terms of psychological make-up. If any of these assumptions are false in your story, it's good to prove them wrong in the first chapter in my opinion. It helps to dispell any misconceptions people might have. That being said, if the assumptions are correct then the lack of shock is an issue. Along with the sudden abilities. Even if a human were to be 'numb' (devoid of emotion), they would at least (reasonably) find having magic as an oddity if nothing else. That of course, assumes that he did not have magic beforehand. The way your story starts, your giving people a bad first impression right off the bat. I read this and think "Oh great, another self-insert HiE where the male protagonist is a Gary Stu (with magic no-less!) and everything goes his way."
I applaud your attempt with using Trixie, as she is one character who doesn't tend to get much love. She's a bit hard to write, but you did "OK" in this chapter (no major screw-ups, but no real detail either). I did like the scene with the bunny; I feel like it could have been fleshed out a bit though. Overall, these are things that your going to learn through actually writing. No one got to be a master musician without practice.
I wish you luck, and hope that you find time to improve on your writing with each chapter.
I will add it to the favorite (or my personal tracking device that i have no idea what other reason beside tracking the storys's progress)
Maybe the human's from an alternate universe of our Earth where it's possible to use magic.
Bet twenty bits that he knows spells that Trixie doesn't!
3857465 I have to agree with you on how rushed it is, I just think it's apart of the fact that I have no real experience yet. As for not rereading what I write, I have to disagree, for I do, maybe not as well as others do, but we ARE human after all. The lack of conflict now will be made up for in later chapters, and no, he won't be fine immediately afterwards. I also cover the reason he's so emotionless in the next chapter.
3857959
I think this is more of a case of shell-shock and beginner's luck. He's too surprised/shook up by the transport process to think about how weird everything is, and therefore acts and fights out of instinct combined with basic mannerisms he unconsciously employs due to them being ingrained into him.
As for the magic, maybe it's merely a resonance with the raw magic flowing through Equestria, which was hidden back on good old nonmagical earth.
I see a lot of potential in this story, just please stop rushing.
I really like where this story's going. But I only have one problem that I always spot in stories like this:
How's come ponies don't understand hands?!
Sorry, but that's just something I don't understand. There are creatures with claws and paws in Equestria like dragons, bunnies, and gryphons. They have claws and paws that act just like hands. So shouldn't they understand the concept of hands?
Not only that, but has every pony forgotten about Iron Will? He had hands too!
Keep it up this is getting good. You are having better luck with your first fic then I did.
"that we use against...really everything, other species, our planet..." His face darkened "And each other" he spat." And that's where i stopped reading.