Well, here we are I guess. Making deals with hot girls in a library sounds a little weird... okay its a lot weird. My name is Shinza Monk, I'm a college student trying to finish up my Cryptozoology courses to become a Cryptozoologist. I was studying in the library for an upcoming paper on medieval mythology. when some girl with fiery red hair with red and black clothes asked me for some of my research books and starts shooting the breeze. Anyways long story short I'm on a planet called Equus. Gods I can't believe I just said that, I can hardly believe it myself, but there's creatures everywhere Manticores, Kappas, unicorns, pegasi, and dragons! If I compile a Tome of Monsters for Tanya, I get any reward I could possibly want to some extent. So here's to doing the impossible, NOT dying, all the pretty cat girls, unicorns, and all that nonsense.
Story is rated Teen for blood, gore, forms of swearing, and forms of adult-based humor. No ponies, diamond dogs, dragons, naga, ect. were actually harmed in the making of this fanfic. Thank you and have a nice day.
Find mythological creatures for the story? Hmmmmm.......challenge considered.
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Yep, preferably nothing humanoid, otherwise it'd be hard to get the fact that humanoid things don't belong there... like bigfoot, yeti, the stink ape... and shin.
Oy vey!
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That's your only issue with the story so far? Very well then, fixed.
I'd suggest dropping the alternating colors. It hurts the eyes of some of us old folx. :D
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I was contemplating that. Probably for the best though, it's in first person so if it helps then I'll drop them.
i like the idea of the deal with a lavaine.
why she was there?... who know´s but it can make an interesting plot device.
i love the idea of a story about someone making a thome on mystical creatures. a really cool idea
the color choice is the only downside to it. reading something red may be a good way to diferenciate the speaker but its hard on the reader eyes.
appart from that i like how the tale is going
keep up the good work
Hmm this chapter made me feel better. So I hope slow updates won't be as often. Ya done good buddy boy! Also FIRST!!
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Slow updates?! I hope not but no i couldn't type much had my hands stitched up quite a bit
Wait so what happened to all of the other chapters? There were way more than 2 chapters last I checked.
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the multiple chapters with little writing me was bugging me so I combined them into a redone chapter 1, while Bitchy Bloody Birds is chapter 2 and so on. Sorry for any confusion.
It......HAS.....BEGUN!!! Insert epic music sung in Latin here.
Also did he really die? Is that lavaline a murderous bitch? Probably, but hey that's just a theory...a Tome theory! Thanks for reading.
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here ya go for the music,
dont know if it's what you meant but it gets the point across, as for your theory; absotively posilu- who knows.
3581539 Perfect! Also I was thinking of a different song probably under the same category as that one so yeah. Still perfect though. the song was good too.
I meant the chapter was perfect and the detailed pages of the tome made me feel that this whole story should get an epic theme as soon as possible. Just you know, I am not sure I made it clear that I was talking about the chapter.
(Jason:"Shut up Dude you don't need to give the poor guy your life story!")
Uh oh.
I'm enjoying this quite a bit, excellent world building. A few typos scattered about, but if I have one real complaint, it's that there are often long stints with nothing but dialogue. It makes it a tad hard to tell who is talking at times. I'd recommend trying to add more descriptions to setting and character expressions/gestures in between spoken lines. Other than that, excellent story, keep it up.
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ponilauta.fi/k/src/13831598922864.gif/143223%20-%20animated%20pinkie_pie%20Pondering.gif okie dokie lokie
on a side note; yay~ constructive criticism
Oh. Dear sweet black bald baby jesus in a manger!! I just barely read it . Oh well. hey quick thing I want to let you know that there is a word that is better to use when explaining intelligent life. there are two words sentient and sapient. sentient creatures live breath and have basic functions. like plants are sentient, and dogs or monkeys are sentient. when something is sapient it has a free mind with morals of right or wrong or taboos. in equestria ponies and cows are sapient. they think have consious minds 100 percent of the time. they are sapient because they have a sense of right or wrong. they have taboos as well like say I don't know eating cow meat. Do you see where I am coming from?
anywho loved the chapter size, and I laughed my ass off keep up the good work!
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... okay then, starting off the morning learning something... i didn't know I left the tv on the science channel haha I kid, thanks for the tidbit I think I'll go and fix that. Also how did you like the assassins creed reference? I know that's not how they actually work but I thought it would go great with the 'weilder gets a great power' thing.
3665584 Assasins creed references are always cool. I am also intrigued as to what the apple will do for our protagonist Shin.
Okie Dokie Little filles and gentlecoats, hope you enjoy chapter two, it finally uses the Dark and Gore tags properly. Lemme know if I misspelled some alrighty? I do the proofreading and editing myself so yeah... it can be a minefield.
Chimera Eh? Now why does that sound so familliar? (Slowly faces camera with deadpan expression.) Ah beats me. Probably just a big old coinky-dink. (Slowly faces the camera with deadpan expression.)
Anywho. Really liked the chapter it's an interesting change of pace from how you had the first draft going. Also I don't want to seem rude or anything, but the bit wih the song seemed a bit awkward for me. To be honest I just skipped over it. I'm not saying to completely edit it out of the chapter, or to never do it ever again I just need to point that out as it's always been a minor gripe of mine.
I've never written anything like that so I can't give you advice on that, but if you can find a way to improve on the written song sections that would be nice. It just seems like that space could be used for more of the story. But I digress, I loved the chapter, and I can't wait for more.
.......Chimera. (Once again looks to the camera but with a raised eyebrow.)
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Checks Fimfic, "Whoohoo notifications!"
I'm afraid I have no idea what you're referring to.
You're not being rude dude, I just used that song because I had just finished watching Tinker Bell and the Neverbeast where this song was sung -don't judge me!- and I'm not sure if your version of 'interesting change' is good but I thought it'd be better this way and it seems to flow better this way; I churned out two chapters in a couple of days.
"Now if he can get off his ass and finish the latest chapter of Diamond in the Rough he's been avoiding like the plague."
"Shut up I'm working on it alright?! Ahem."
Also don't worry about skipping the song, that's why I put in in horizontal rule and centered in case no one wanted to read it, I just needed something there that indicated her singing and presence helped turn him back.
Well I'm glad you enjoyed it, I enjoyed writing it and I used Chimera as a generalized term, I call him that but he's still human and the magic that he absorbed on dimension jump enhanced what he was. What's that you ask; well what do humans do; they take and they take from creatures and the magic made it so he literally takes from them and in the next chapter which I had a massive writing blast while walking this morning and am going to work on later, you're going to find out exactly how much he took. Mwahahaha.
Split personalities seems like an intriguing route to take for the plot. I can't wait to see what the next chapter holds in store. Also I'm glad to see another update I hope the next one doesn't take too long.
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I don't see why. chapter 5 is already finished and I'm starting chapter 6 as I'm typing this. I tell ya I've been on a binge lately and I have the next two or three chapters after those already planned out.
Okay so I liked the chapter overall. I think I'm going to save the next one for later, as I have other reading to do.
First off I would like to suggest that you double space your paragraphs to more clearly signify when a new set of dialogue or another paragraph has started. I don't want to seem rude but I think I skipped over a lot of important dialogue and information near the end and it got really confusing with everyone talking at a time.
Secondly I am not saying it's a bad thing that all of these side characters are being introduced (I'm one to talk). But it got real overwhelming for me, trying to download all of the information that each person was spouting off. I refer this to my previous statement that it would be helpful to more clearly show when new paragraphs start.
Thirdly? I noticed that it has been quite a few chapters into the story and shin hasn't done much, if any entries into the tome, I again don't want to impose because what do I know? But maybe you can add some more smaller encounters in between the arcs containing giant spiders, 5 ft tall rats, or whatever else you have planned. Take this particular tidbit very lightly because I have no concrete idea of how that would affect the story or what you want to do with it. It just tugs at my brain that this is a huge world literally teeming with monsters that you could just make up on the spot. Though I'm sure we can find some entries in the next chapter.
Finally there were some spelling mistakes that I can't name right now, but they still irked me when I saw them. I suggest you do what I could never muster up confidence for, and find a proofreader. There should be guides on the site if you feel lost, but make sure that if you don't get one then take some time to find every mistake you can. I know that's why I always update late.
Anywho those are my thoughts catch you next time.
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Yay criticism! *places his old person reading glasses on.*
Hmm... Is my writing set into paragraphs? That's news to me, if you're referring to the indentations then I use those to indicate someone else is speaking. (I gleamed the style from Blackwing, man that dude is chill.) Don't feel bad dude, this is why I try to keep character dialogue to two characters if I can help it; I freaking suck at it.
Edit: I've gone ahead and double spaced the last two chapters so there's that problem dealt with.
The advice has been noted and filed away for me to work on.
Haha way ahead of you; the next couple of chapters I said I had plan? Yep, those contain entries and a little mini-sode/mini-chapter thing I have planned for one of the other minds that will also have a entry and no, it's wont be Covet, he had his fun... which I've planned some mayhem for hehehe. Truthfully joining the Sellswords was to make him go do stuff, because I feel if I was tossed into a world of magic and fantasy I'd like to do absolutely nothing for a long ass time. Also who told you about the 5ft tall rats?! We've got a mole people!
Haha... If you could see the crap I've pieced together inside my noggin... huge plot points towards the Gala and season 2 (We're currently in between Dragonshy and Look before you sleep. The next chapter will be a mission chapter that that runs into the beginning of Look before you Sleep.). Towards season 2 when we start opening up to the more vague stuff and things get weird.
Ah yes, the spelling mistakes... I've noticed a problem with the writing program I use; microsoft word and that towards the 6,000 to 8,000 words it begins slacking in the spellchecking til it stops working all together. I would gladly find a proofreader, had one... but he's dealing with some personal stuff, but as of late I find myself on the internet less and less but I won't give up again. I took someone's advice; I think it was yours, to read through it several times before publishing it but I'll take a look, I think I'm in a group that provides proofreaders.
Thanks for the thoughts, I hope everyone likes the cameos I put in there. I adore Blackwing's and Rust's CGoTG stories.
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You know; I was up late last night thinking. (That's when I do my best kind of thinking!) it's about the entry of the Tome; what do you think would be better for them, having the entry at the very bottom of the chapter with the achievements and other things OR have a separate unpublished story where each chapter is a tome entry and the creature of MToE chapter that needs a Tome entry that will be linked with the achievements and other things?
I just ask this because some of the entries will probably be quite lengthy.
Edit: 9/18/15 I'm going to just have them centered in the story somewhere so be sure to look for them.
Next MToE chapter will be delay for some bit, I'm hyped for the new Heroes: Reborn so I'm bingeing Heroes in anticipation.
I feel that the story is forgetting its direction.
I thought it was about cataloguing magical creatures?
What kind of eggs float? And don't say eggs 'lite' on the calories.
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It is, I'm just world building a bit (or is it character building?) and I'm not the greatest at it. The cataloging creatures will happen, don't'chu worry yourself about that.
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Haha no but that's a good one, wish I had thought of that. The reason why they float was explained towards the end by Double Stakes... or I'm thinking ahead of the published chapters and it's in the next one.
Edit: Okay, it wasn't explained per say, I hinted at what they were in the hopes that someone would come up with a theory about them. The explanation definitely is in the next chapter.
6464316 either way, you still get a like for an awesome story...and maybe for throwing Dash to the proverbial'Cougar' if you catch my drift. OK so its more for using Dash as a meat shield, heres looking forward to more Dash being used as bait moments, I find them hilarious.
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Glad I could entertain, I can't guarantee they'll be often but I do have some scenes like that planned. Also quick question; would you describe this as a Displaced story? I was curious as to what the Displaced stories were, so I checked out the group, turns out I've read a few stories that were part of it but didn't realize it.
To those readers who are concerned as to why this is on hiatus, don't worry it'll be back... probably, if you want explanations check out my latest blog post.