Flight. A common part of life in Equestria, yet something that only the pegasi truly know and understand. Twilight has spent years watching her winged friends from the fields of Ponyville, and gazing at the stars from her balcony. But for one night, Twilight trades her notebook for the clouds, and her telescope for the stars themselves.
Twilight already knows what flight is. Tonight, she'll learn what it's like to fly.
Written for EQD's Writer's Training Grounds #4 (5K word limit; prompt: "what's it like to fly?")
Chapters (1)
Ok.
That was pretty damn good, man.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3837856
Thanks!! :)
That was... Amazing! So well written! I loved it, and how you tied it into Magical Mystery Cure.
this is as cool as ice
which would be funny if you knew how cold I am right now.
A little verbose for my usual taste, but I enjoyed it none the less. If you pared it back a little and tightened up the vernacular it'd be great.
Example:
There's several phrases like this. It adds nothing. The road to hell is paved with adverbs (and adverb phrases).
The overall fell of the piece outweighed the clunky verbosity, so thumbs up, but I honestly ended up skipping over parts. You're deft with descriptors. I think you get a little too enamored with their use.
3854684
Thanks for the feedback, and for taking the time to give this a read!
Now, I'll incriminate and defend myself at the same time here. I definitely have a tendency to "over describe" things, which is something that I'm trying to temper a bit as I continue to write. On the other hand, the prompt did stress the need to be very detailed in setting the scene, since all we had to work with was a single scene. So, I went overboard on purpose, lol.
Still, a very fair criticism, and the point is well taken. Again, thanks for the feedback!
i14.photobucket.com/albums/a331/brittmcgee/MLP%20Minecraft/TLSOA_zps2aa17c49.png
*sneaks away*
~Twi
3877682
*squuueeeee*
Thank you so much!!
Excellent!
9.5/10
~G10
P.S. Any chance of a follow up?
3878784
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
This particular fic was focused on crafting a single scene for the reader, so no follow-up is planned. I do have a couple of other fics in the planning stages though, so be on the look out for those. (eventually, lol)
Some how I knew she would get that book at the end of this... she's going to be disappointed when she can't fly like she did in that dream lol
5208035
Yep, she really needs to keep up with the flying lessons in reality. ;)
Glad you liked it though!
I so loved this story 20 out of 5 just the best
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Thanks!
This made me smile. Thank you! Have a moustache:
This is just....amazing. I could picture it with clarity in my mind's eye, and it is just beautiful
5854515 Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
If you liked this, you might also like my most recent one-shot, 'Night Rose'. It's my second attempt at a pure imagery driven story (as Unbound was), and overall, I think it turned out with much more polish on it. :)
Thanks!
5854543 No problem! I think it's just magnificent, the best one shot I've seen in a while!
Oh, that ending!
At first it seems like a story that completely ignores the Alicorn Twilight canon or predates it (notwithstanding the fact that it was posted well after that)... And then you drop the perfect tie-in. Joy!
There was some great imagery in this -- I was expecting a lot more wordiness out of those descriptions, given what you'd said about them, but thankfully none of it dragged on to the point where it would've become a chore to read instead of skimming.
6667663 Aw, thanks so much!
If you liked the imagery here, I'd definitely recommend you check out one of my more recent fics, Night Rose. It's 'imagery driven' as well, but I think reflects a more thorough execution than I managed here. If you do check it out, I hope you enjoy it. :)
Thanks again!
I loved this! You captured the wonder of flight and the grandeur of the skies in a way I don't see nigh often enough.
And then I hit that last line! *happytears*
Nicely done. Very descriptive.