The Beautiful Days...
I paint myself with guilt.
I wreak of deceit.
I feel overwhelmed, no, I…I…I’m okay, right? Or why I shouldn’t be? I mean, if not for the sake of myself, than for the sake of ponies around me. I’m okay, I can handle this.
I sit there and watch at the sun burning into a thousand explosions every second of the day until night nestles into the sky.
Wave of defeat, wave of pity, and I’m lost, I don’t understand why the world doesn’t understand the problems that lay beneath me? Why can’t the world take these problems for granted, why can’t the ponies around me take these problems for granted? Why am I taking these problems for granted when they aren’t normal, no…wait, normal? That’s an odd word.
Normal shouldn’t feel this right, normal shouldn’t have to mean that you are an equal with your surroundings, why is normal so different from the unusual?
Unusual…such a work of art when somepony says it, so many variables and theories that watch you as you try to uncover the definition of unusual in your head.
You sit there, you sit there and ponder with the unexplained, you sit there with those starry eyes and watch as the sun burns, the sun burns with a burning passion of harmony and love.
Harmony and love? Such preposterous terms and yet, so thrilling to speak of, or imagine, or gaze to, or fade to, so many meanings to love and loathe for.
Self Loathe, self-hate, self-pity, and self-seduction. Seduction to your own destruction.
What makes somepony love to watch their minds topple over their own pity?
Why won’t anypony understand? Why won’t anything understand, the world is crying, the world is spinning and the cries grow older, why can’t I cry?
I have to be stronger, I can’t go back, I have to be better, like a solider that marches away, I have to be better for worse, its like I'm minus something, you know?
I paint myself with self-guilt, I paint myself with hate, and why can’t I tell my friends that I hate them as much as I hate myself.
The sun beams out and brightens up the light in my darkness, the light shines out the cold black, and the ponies that call down upon myself are just plain noise.
The hollow digs me under, and cover me with dirt. The darkness covers me with Tartarus, while the bleak monotonous drone tears me into asunder. The glooming gaze of night sets in and I’m stuck with those jarring thoughts of emptiness.
The splitting, distorted thoughts still linger and tear my head into pieces, my brain feels cooked and burnt to a crisp while the palm of my hooves are stained and dirtied with mud.
Shame on you.
I look at what could have been, I look at my friends and think how great they are and what am I to them? It’s easy to think positive just as it is easy to think of yourself as negativity, you can try and scan the errors of your wrong doings over and over until you feel satisfied, but in the end what do you achieve? What do you gain besides that self-pity?
The old stories of the great Nightmare Moon were childish and fun to hear as you were put to bed, but they were soon dismissed as fairy tales after a while.
You’re self-esteem and your courage to bring about your personal weaknesses is delusional and a complete ploy to grow up, but really…
See? I think too much, maybe not somepony like Twilight Sparkle, but I over exaggerate on a few things with myself. Whether it be my family, my body, my looks, or my voice. That damn southern accent, gosh I hate it. I just hate it, I even make up words or slangs as I go along and it pains every time I hear somepony take a crack at my accent. I can’t help it, and I can’t stop what I’ve been doing for so long. These days, my family just bores me and my friends seem repetitive.
I remember the days when I use to be just free, and do whatever I felt like doing, or ask anypony around to give me some insight on whatever they were doing, or teach me something new that never stuck with the family trade that we all became so accustomed to. I was always fond of Rarity and Sweetie Belle, how easy and more simple their lives must seem, all they focus on is silly clothes and that damn cat I never liked, but none of them would ever know about it. They probably wondered the same thing about us, and how we look more friendly and joyous about everything, but really, they don’t know and they don’t understand. Hypocritical am I?
I’m a helpless child, I’m a helpless pony that needs something in her life.
When I look back, all I want to see is fond memories and that is what I get, but I know that something within those lines twisted and had bent out of shape because now I often contemplate self-destruction.
I watch as the gloomy sky is glazed with a million bright stars filling our universe up to the brim with eternal light. I watch as the smooth edges of the puffy white clouds get shaved off and bounced back by its surrounding competitors all striving to produce a bigger success than meets the eye. The eclipse of the sun is ending and the future begins tomorrow.
Tomorrow seems so far and beyond but really, it stands in front of our face and we can’t bear to notice because we don’t want the current to end.
My sister tells me that we were going to need buckets of water soon because the pipes under our home are rusted and need professional fixing. So I offered to get the bucket of water and my journey is quicker than I anticipated, I look over the blue river bubbling at the edge before it trickles down into the depths below, the unsung hero that has made this town possible, the hero that asks for nothing in return but to enjoy its company as we feed off it.
My name is Apple Bloom and all I want to do is admire my own self-destruction.
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Thats deep
3819987
Thank you for the feedback, man. Would you be interested in more chapters?
Apple Bloom might want it.
[youtube=MKeulwZ3sGE]
I'm a tag lost, why is apple bloom so depressed, seems a tad out o charcter without a good explanation?
This was way to out of character without explanation for me to like it, sorry.
3822790
Yeah, man. It was written mostly out of spite, I understand if it isn't interesting.
3822168
Well? It was just written because I wanted to try something new I guess, as Metallica always say "Spread our wings" That's what I was doing, just spreading my wings and trying out a new avenue that involved a depressed filly.
The story itself...don't worry, I'll fix it.
I doubt you seem interested though, so sorry about that.
While 3822790 is right about AB being out of character, this does have an AU tag, so you can get away with it. However, that being said, you do need some kind of explanation as to WHY she's this way. Otherwise, any message you're trying to convey is lost.
This is certainly an interesting concept. I'm curious as to how you would continue— perspectives from other characters? More narration from AB about other thoughts, eventually leading to her taking action? Personally, my suggestion would be to write a flashback as to why she thinks this way. That would hopefully answer some of our questions about why she's so out of character (but again, AU tag).
You also need an editor— there are a bunch of hiccups in there. Every time I say that, I have to say this, too: I'd offer, but I'm swamped as it is.
PS: Was just about to hit the "Add Comment" button when you commented on my page. Good timing.
3823246
You're a teacher, right? Or, at least studying to be a teacher, I think.
You're my friend, so I'll go out and say that this was just created because I wanted a quick one-shot, but contrary to belief, I didn't get that as a result and that is how I'm stuck with this again where I made it too "Open ended" as you said in my last story. So now, I do get why its out of character, and about the editing of the story, how I do it is that I make the story and I like to get feedback on how it is unedited, a bad task, however. I can see why it isn't a good choice but editing things on my own is difficult because I often have the trouble of understanding my faults. It comes with being a new writer.
One thing I hope you can agree with is that (at least of all things) the concepts I create are damn good. If not worse than average I mean.
3823279
). And yes, your ideas certainly are good, but I hate to tell you— I think you may have the same problem I do. I try to come up with one-shots, but the concepts just aren't one-shot material. They're ideas that can become so much more if you allow them to, and I would continue a story if I can. I don't like leaving things "unfinished," but I just can't handle writing multiple long stories at one time. This is why I have so few stories up right now.
Yes, studying to be a teacher (but on medical leave, so have had to put it on hold for now
This story of yours in particular has the potential to turn into a whole lot more. For example, after a second look, I can see it becoming an adventure story that could result in dropping the AU tag (I'm not suggesting you do that, I'm just saying it could have that potential). However, if you're looking for something short, I would suggest some explanation behind AU-Applebloom's thought processes. There needs to be some kind of background explaining why she feels this way.
I can't make a comparison between this and M/B/L/S right now. I'm sorry to say that I haven't read the other chapters you put up, but I'll be off to do that soon.
In terms of editing, I always make it a point to have someone else look it a story before I publish. Something that may look or sound perfectly fine to you may not appear the same way to someone else. That alone also is a good way to broaden your connections. Two of the people I edit with/for have now become great friends of mine, though I've never met them. One of them has had stories featured frequently (and should still have one in the popular box).
So beautiful. This really works for a darker version of Apple Bloom. You really get an understanding with the emotions in this story. A sad but amazing story.
Wot in ze fock iz dat!?
I understand the depression in the story it is one of my favorite moods in a fic.
Honestly this was rather random and made little sense.
Being out-of-character means nothing because emotions change everyone that exists
Whoever says that is an idiot, and whoever quotes me better have a good fucking reason
You never explained in depth of why she is depressed and gave no back story behind it.
She is literally just talking in her head about feeling miserable...
Hopefully the next chapter explains something...
Im not gonna downvote this, neither am i going to upvote.
Explain in the next chapter
Make it a STORY
Wow me
I want it to be worthy of an upvote.
One side note; you do describe depression really well. points for that
You always make me stop and think with your dark feels
I can really get into it, and sometimes even have it affect me a little
Still bipff????? "Best internet pony friends forever"
3837048
You're honesty is what I definitely crave most about you, it is very humbly appreciative that you say what you say, dude.
Furthermore, I hope you comment about the second chapter because I want to know you're feedback, also, and to note too, is that Drone Music is not "wot tha fuck!" it's more experimental, and gosh bro! Did you even check the link it states in the author's notes. It shows what me and my cousin are experimenting on.
Lol, I'm very surprised that you find the depression in detail very realistic, as that I did try to make it as such, and I'm proud it worked. Want some insight on that? I can give you a hint if you want.
Always, always you will be my bipff.