• Published 18th Jan 2014
  • 5,357 Views, 136 Comments

Trixie's Return - LightningBass94



Trixie returns to Ponyville again, but why is she here?

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The Epilogue: (Going Out With a Bang)

The library was quiet. Twilight thought it was suspicious that Spike hadn't left any of the lights on. "He can't be asleep already, can he?" She questioned silently. Trixie and Rainbow Dash had walked back with her with the promise of sharing a bottle of cider to wind down after the day's events. The cool night air blew in a small gust as Twilight slowly opened the door.

BANG!

"SURPRISE!" the group screamed, the lights flickering on. All the girls were there there with Spike. Pinkie had just shot her party cannon, and there was confetti everywhere. Along the far wall was a buffet table covered in hard punch, cupcakes, and assorted apple treats. Somehow, the cannon had installed a cheesy disco ball, and there was a banner across the room that read, "Welcome Home Trixie." Rainbow beamed at the sight and flew to hug Pinkie Pie.

"Pinkie, you're a genius!" She exclaimed before darting toward the buffet table. She was starving! Trixie was in shock, Twilight by her side. She had never expected this. Had her jaw not been connected, it would have hit the floor and drilled a hole to the center of the planet. Twilight wrapped a wing around her and led her inside, shutting the door behind them with magic. Systematically, all the girls joined in to give her a big, group hug. Spike crawled far enough to be able to hug her leg just before the group hug broke off.

"I told you I needed to shop for some supplies!" Pinkie exclaimed with a wink. "Let's party!" That they did. Tgirls danced and played games into the night. Trixie seemed extremely fond of the punch, and was soon stumbling around, slurring her speech. She was having fun, but eventually it became obvious she'd had way too much to drink. While trying to pin the tail on the pony, she had fallen six times, and gone back for another drink. It had been ten minutes and she wasn't even blind folded!

Twilight walked over to the drunken unicorn, chugging down another cup of punch. "Trixie, I think you should slow down a bit," She explained, concern apparent in her voice.

"Trixie dusn'need to lissen to you, miss *hic* princezz!" She giggled loudly, obviously thinking she was being clever. "Trixie can do wh- *hic* whate- *hic* whatever she wants!" After that, she leaned into Twilight's shoulder, unable to hold her own wait any longer. Twilight smiled warmly and looked at all her friends. They nodded in silent agreement. It had been a long day. They wrapped up the party while Twilight helped Trixie up the stairs. By the time she actually got Trixie into the bed, the girls had left. Spike was still passed out on the couch. He'd fallen to sleep hours ago.

Twilight gently pulled the duvet over Trixie with her magic and tucked her in by hoof. She nuzzled Trixie's blue cheek a second and began to walk away when she heard her name, "Twilight?"

"Yes, Trixie?" She responded, whispering.

"It's cold," Trixie whispered back. "Will you cuddle with me?"

Twilight blushed in the dark, but decided that wasn't anything too new to them. She got onto the bed and into the blankets, expecting that to be that, but Trixie had other plans. She wrapped her hooves around Twilight's neck, pulled her in for a quick kiss on the lips, then snuggled into her chest. She was asleep instantly. Twilight just laid there, thinking, "What just happened?" She eventually gave up figuring it out until morning. She wrapped her hooves around Trixie, nuzzled against her, and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.

FIN

Author's Note:

Is the fin too much? I feel like it's too much. I hope this is enough of a cliffhanger that you guys will be looking forward to the sequel. I may have to plan it, instead of letting it write itself like I did with this one. That's what got me in trouble with the whole RD thing. Then again, I've never been a very good planner. ;) We shall see, I suppose. Please leave a comment telling me what you think. Au revoir!

Comments ( 66 )

I think the RD thing was very well done. I didn't like it at first but after you gave an explanation it made perfect sense and fit well with the character! Can't wait for the sequel!

doit longer thats all i think that the fin as you put it it's to short in comparation with the hole story and first in the coments

3820279 actually if Rarity and Sweetie are sisters it makes sense that they would have the same last name

so what was with the sex tag if their was nothing of the sort in the fic

Penal Code.

3828320 Thank you :twilightsmile:
3828335 The epilogue was meant to be short. It wasn't a full chapter. I meant the actual word, fin, to end the story.
3828485 Get out. Lol.

Tgirls danced and played games into the night.

Now to what I actually thought of the epilogue. It nice to see that Trixie is actually accepted into Ponyville. Now, he just need to know how close she is to Twilight and will this be permanent sleeping arrangements.:raritywink:

3828931 I can't tell if that was positive or negative, but seeing as you faved the story, I guess it's good? :rainbowlaugh:

3828946 I don't even think I know that yet. :twilightsheepish: I need to come up with a basic idea of what I'm going to do with the sequel before I start writing. I'm going to listen to some music, and reread my fave Twixie fics to figure out how mine will be different. I'm also not sure if I'll make it mature, eventually, or not. I'll leave that to a vote later. I'm glad you liked it so far. I'm a bit disappointed that no one commented on my peanutbutter cracker joke in chapter 3. :trixieshiftleft: I thought more people would like that. It's the best part of that entire movie. :rainbowlaugh:

3829044 The peanut butter joke has been used quite a bit by now. So people are use to it.

3829003 Did you read the quote I used?

3829155 Oh. I hadn't seen it at all. :/ I do see a lot of fics where she eats pinecones. idky that's such a big thing. xD I didn't notice the typo at first. Sadly, I can't edit it yet. :/

Things could use a general polish of mechanics overall (especially the second 'angry villager' shout, from the lines out of the comments). And ... honestly, it seemed like things were moving way too fast. Hard to put my finger on it, but it was a little hard to think that things could go that fast, especially on the escalations--the brawl, the crowd at the end, Trixie's time at the library, and so on.

As far as the brawl itself? It's taking a lot for me to see that happening. Perhaps a little more buildup there would've helped; whatever speed there was just didn't seem to work for me, sadly.

It was REALLY rushed. But I love how you played the Twixie angle. You didn't jump into it right away. though it was a little blunt it was still excellently paced.

AJ's bit was almost as flip floppy as a politition. Angry enough to cut off her princess friend but then instantly fine? Yeah. Might wanna re-think that.

Still. I liked this quite a bit.

3858111 Thank you. Lol. I wasn't sure if I made him a bit too mature or not, but I guess this confirms I did alright with him. I just hope I keep it up during the sequel. Lol. :pinkiesmile:

I held my tongue for a bit, and it paid off. The story is good, sweet, and sometimes touching (to me at least). Have the fav! :heart:

3866545 Lol. Thanks. I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you enjoy the sequel.

3868720 Oh man. :rainbowlaugh: That's horrible.

3946882 Lol. Thanks. I guess I have been gradually getting better, though this one is a large amount better than my first fic. :twilightsheepish:

Haha, I was also going to point out the "Tgirl" typo, but I see someone else already has. Certainly not something I was expecting to read in a pony fanfic... got a good chuckle out of me. :ajbemused:

But anyways, the story: I liked it. Bits of the plot don't fit together all that well in places, and scenes are a bit herky-jerky in places, but it as overall fairly solid. Take a "thumbs up," and I'm off to read the sequel.

3946979 Well...word would have gotten around. I guess I didn't make that clear enough. :twilightsheepish:

3947010 Lol. The sequel's a bit better...and edited. :facehoof:

3968008 Yet, you're the only one who's even tried, so far. Lol. Internetz cookie for you! :trollestia:

3969636 Thank you. :pinkiesmile: I've got waaay better after this story. After the conflict was gone in the sequel, I tried fluffiness for awhile, and I explained how that went, already. :facehoof: I'm actually surprised you came over and read my stories back!:pinkiegasp:

a few breaks in structure

I don't know what you mean by that, and I'm curious.:rainbowhuh:

3970452 Ah, I see. Well, I'm glad to have provided you with some extra reading materials. Lol.:raritywink:

Could have spent more time on details and scene building but otherwise pretty good.

4196219 A lung could be punctured while the item which punctured it remains in place. That would cause a case where one happened and not the other.

4212586

Btw why did all her friends seem to lose track of what they were going to say around her? That was odd.

Where? I don't remember that. :rainbowhuh:

Called it! :)

Called what? :rainbowhuh:

I don't think that's out of character for rainbow at all.

Thank you! :ajsmug:

Although why rarity belle?

I had heard it once or twice before, and I like it a lot. :rainbowwild: That's it.

4212609

Btw why did all her friends seem to lose track of what they were going to say around her? That was odd.
Where? I don't remember that

both occurred in chapter 1
this was rarity's moment

Rarity stammered. She had an answer, but it escaped her brain as she realized how much she had upset her friend with her whining. Why was this important, again? Why had it ever been a good idea to wake the sleep deprived alicorn from her long awaited slumber? She knew there must have been a good reason.

RD's moment

Rainbow kept her startled gaze locked on Twilight, "I- I-..." The alicorn turned away from her friend, not waiting for a full answer. She looked around at the ponies around them, still staring at the scene as it unfolded. Mostly, the stares were of bewilderment, but there were still some angry faces within the crowd. She took a deep breath to prepare herself.

Individualy they can each be explained away, together it seems to be more then simple coincidence thats why I asked.

Called what? :rainbowhuh:

my comment from the first chapter. the whole incident went down (according to ch 3) pretty much exactly like i thought it would. (So I called it!:twilightblush: )

I have a few other cirques but there all story flow issues. nothing major if you want i will go over them with you later, I want to finish CH 5 first

4214086 It's just a coincidence. They were two, totally separate occurrences. Lol. I'm glad you seem to be liking it, and I will gladly listen to anything you want to critique me on.

did. Tgirls danced

I think it was meant to say The girls danced

unable to hold her own wait any longer

Her own weight any longer

oh one last thing. It seemed like Rainbow was totally kicking trixies ass in the first chapter but the flashback had it as a more even fight.

with how weak she was I am more inclined to believe the ass kicking.

4214259 I'm way too far beyond to start fixing this story, because I'd end up rewriting the whole thing, but I understand what you're saying and will definitely consider the advice for future stories.


As for the pillow fight, all the ones I've been in were completely spur of the moment. I can't find it, but I distinctly remember Twilight getting peeved at her for something she was doing in her "sleep" and I had her pretending to sleep as sort of a playfulness of its own. In my opinion and experience, that was as much as I could have built up to it and kept it realistic.

The fight was definitely not even. :rainbowderp: They traded equal punches, yes, but Trixie was weakened from hunger and travel, on bottom, and getting her shoulder bitten into by horse teeth. (Ouch!) She may just have well traded blows with a gorilla.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/060/b/e/that_s_gotta_hurt__by_smileygurl1995-d5wn8og.jpg

4214364

I wasn't expecting you to fix this story like that, just something to keep in mind. I see it in A LOT of stores on here and I am guilty of doing it myself. (I had to ask an english major graduate about it, the advice I got was to never use the same pronoun twice in a roll, switch between she, her, first name, and last name as applicable.)

I will start reading the sequel soon.

4292277
Indeed, and that's why that's redundant.

4293247 If the item which punctured the lung is still in place, preventing air from escaping, then you will not get pneumothorax. Your lungs would just fill up with blood. I'm actually in the edical field. I work at a hospital. I know what I'm talking about. :applejackconfused:

4293648
Then wouldn't that be pulmonary edema?
If you have a punctured lung you have a collapsed lung. The Doctor didn't say the rib stayed in place. :derpyderp1:

The report was a bit vague so I was really confused.

I too am in the Medical field. :twilightsmile:

4295230 The rib didn't stay in place, hence the pneumothorax, but I was just giving an example why the two are not mutually inclusive.

4310091 no a punctured lung is a punctured lung and pneumothorax is the term for air in the chest outside the lungs:facehoof: and could be caused by a punctured lung

4313747 yes but one leads to the other and I don't see what else could cause air in the chest besides a punctured lung. :scootangel:

3828383 except that's not how pony names go, only those silly humans. :scootangel: :twilightblush: :derpytongue2:

4323618 there are plenty of ways to get a pneumothorax. For example:

A pneumothorax is usually caused by an injury to the chest, such as a broken rib or puncture wound. It may also occur suddenly without an injury.

A pneumothorax can result from damage to the lungs caused by conditions such as chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), asthma, cystic fibrosis, and pneumonia. Spontaneous pneumothorax can also occur in people who don't have lung disease. This happens when an air-filled blister (bleb) on the lung ruptures and releases air into the pleural space.

People who smoke cigarettes are much more likely to develop a pneumothorax than those who don't. Also, the more you smoke, the greater your chances are of having a pneumothorax.

source

4323618 :ajbemused: because there is more then one thing that can be caused be a punctured lung and there is a MEDICAL term for each.

4325416 Well, you're backing me up in this, so no, thank you. Lol.

4382992 I did state that it was just some local ruffians, some shopkeepers, and Rainbow Dash, so Nikita is right that not everyone was involved, but Ponyville is a small town. Word gets around, and everyone knew what happened, yet no one seemed to care, so you're right that they're all being major dicks. :twilightsmile:

Not bad. Good enough for thumbs and interest in the sequel

You might want to attach the sequel to this story (i.e. link it in the summary and mark it as a sequel to this, for ease of finding)
4379833
I'm used to seeing "flared" or "snapped out" used, instead of the onomatopoeia commonly associated with it.

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