I'm from Puerto Rico and Mlp is one of my favorite cartoons, my favorite Video Games are Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokemon.
One day in summer camp a girl named Twilight and 5 other young girls were sucked into the Digital world, there Twilight and friends meet the Digimon and were chosen to be the Digidestined, will they save the Digital World? Or will they die trying?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Yeah, I'm sorry, but I stopped reading when I discovered you didn't even capitalize the "I"s in the first few lines.
I'm gonna be straight with you, buddy. Digimon is a show with a GIGANTIC, enormous and epic following, and as such, a Digimon/MLP crossover will naturally have extremely high standards following it. If you can't even have the decency to follow the laws of proper capitalization, I'm simply afraid that the rest will correspondingly fail hard as well.
Edit your own work, post it again, and maybe I can be bothered to actually try reading it.
Sorry to be a harsh dick, but I just wanna help you out.
Best,
~Fifth Alicorn
... I'm sorry, but I didn't even get past the first page's worth. I'm sorry, but you need a pre-reader. BADLY. I mean... I'm sorry, that's just a LITTLE bit sad if you can't even capitalize the I's, or use quotation marks to show when people are talking. There was a lack of punctuation of ANYTHING, for the most part, and I just... Sorry, I couldn't read it. You NEED a pre-reader. I can't even really rate this out of stars right now... ~_~
(And sorry for being all negative, but this REALLY needs work, so I'm pointing out a couple areas that needs it. (Namely the grammar.))
428526
So basically i just need to improve my grammer? Because if it's anything to do with the story, i was never good at making beginnings for stories, i always write stuff backwards from the end to the beginning and when i get to the beginning i can't think of anything. I apreciate the tips though.
428622
I'm saying that the worst of your story should still be pretty damn good, and that goes a hundred fold for what you're trying to accomplish. Like I had said, I didn't get past the first few lines, so I have no idea what your content is like. But grammar, punctuation, basic mechanics are essential to making a story readable. It can be what makes or breaks a story.
But just take heed in knowing that, even if you make absolutely no changes, what you have now is STILL a much better story than Twilight.
Best,
~Fifth Alicorn
428538 i am sorry for asking but what is this pre-reader you speak of
428778 to check if the story's grammar/spelling/punctuation and the likes.
428622 Im a fan of digimon, but this isn't worth it. i know you can do better
my advice is better find an editor/proofreader and/or pre-reader. Join our group Story ideas and suggestion
i might or can help you with your story
and one last thing, people here doesn't care if this is your first or last story, what they want is the contents of your story. so i strongly advice that dont put those "It's my first story" thing in the description.
AAAHHHHHH!!!!
Digimon… in my fimfiction?
No. We don't go easy on new people. Telling you guys what's wrong is the only reason you improve.
I'm sure you'd appreciate a word by word analysis of what about this is terrible more than undue adulation anyway, so don't ask for what you don't want.
430375 Fair enough.
428622
Being a fan of the first four seasons of Digimon myself, I have to agree with what several others have said, you really need to work on your grammar, and spelling for that matter, since I can see at least a few mistakes in the first paragraph alone, and thta's just on a scan through.
The other thing you need to look at is the story itself, the way this reads at the moment, it looks like you tried to rip the script from either the manga or the actual pilot episode of the anime except that you've substituted some of the characters for humanised versions of the ponies and changed some of the digimon around. Great way to get ideas, but terrible way to do a good crossover fic, since most of us that like Digimon will recognise things far too quickly and we know what's supposed to happen. The thing you need to look at in any crossover isn't just having changed names, but actually making things work without rehashing everything from one of the originals.
To give you a few examplars of what I mean in that last sentence, try searching for some of the following fics on this site:
The Lost Element - My own, cross of MLP and The Lost Crown
Sweetie's Mansion - MLP and Luigi's Mansion cross, the author for that is probably better than most I've read in crossover fics
Directive: Grow - MLP and Tron or The Matrix would be the best ones I can come up with since I don't remember seeing it stated anywhere, maybe Reboot given the user/AI interactions
Silent Ponyville - MLP and Silent Hill
Each of the ones above take the two base universes and twist them together in some way, usually in a way that doesn't involve rewriting the script of whatever the original was. Granted you'll see indications of both universes in them with some items or references, but the thing is they all try to have a unique story as much as possible, or at least change the story up enough that things merge and don't throw people out because of them seeing what they've already seen elsewhere.
Also, for an example of how much a pre-reader/editor can help a story, well, while I'm by no means the best editor and I've found errors in my own edits since they've been posted, here's a good example of how much difference a second writer can make to a story:
X-PONY/X-COM: The Extraterrestrial Combat Unit - It's mostly Kimdan's work for the first four chapters or so, but after that I've been editing things and you can see the difference with a side-by-side comparison.
well, I liked it.
I hope this chapter is at least decent, i spent over a month writing it.
428526 J like it.
Idea: instead. Of SkullGreymon its CupidGreymon
It was so long ago I saw the first series, 12 years is a long time. It feals good to see those... well somethings gets a bit forgoten as always... things again from the image.
855280 The Digivices?
868037
That was the name. Have not seen Digimon in years. After the second series, it stoped to air. It is many mangas that I have been cut off from. Pokémon atleast is still airing here.
Needs adjustments here and there but the story and idea are great!
3 out of 5 Moustaches
Here's the problem I have with it: I hate stories where the ponies are humans from the start. It's supposed to be My Little PONY; having them as humans completely spoils the fun of it unless you have a good reason. If it was like where they start out as their normal forms but get turned into humans when they enter the Digital World it would be one thing, but having where they're humans from the beginning with absolutely no references to the fact that their canon selves are ponies is just disrespectful to the creators of the show.
I shall read these tomorrow, I'm kinda sleepy
Have some Robbie Wiliams
[youtube=gtOV7bp-gys]
2142804I'd rather you read the other one. >.> This one was pretty bad.
Sure I'll read 'em both and give my review of them
Did you listen to the song? Did you like it?
Oh and listen to the dirt post four? Lines especially
'she wants the boys to notice
<_<
Her rainbows and her ponies'