Pinkie discovers she may be a timepony from Gallopfrey, meanwhile, a parasprite gets major gas.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 30th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen Sep 27th, 2014
monkeylegs
I am just some random pony liker, that has way to many unused charactors. So now I'll see how many fanfics and all that jazz I can write before I explode! Woohoo! I like potatoes. So many charactors..
monkeylegs
Joined 30th Dec, 2013 ·
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Oh.
My.
Celestia.
This is a good idea, but you have your chapter formatting all wrong. So far, everything you've posted should be in one chapter, maybe two at the most. There were errors with homophones, and some odd sentences, along with the paragraph formatting being off sometimes. The parasprite seems unnecessary to me at this moment in the story. You might want to work on the pacing some, and tag the story AU, since it deviates from Pinkie Apple Pie and onwards.
With some polishing, this story could do really good.
3787213 Yeah, I'm no were NEAR a professional writer, and the parasprite was really jsut kind of there for stupid comediac reasons. XD But thanks for the critisiscm so I can do better :P
3787229
Always glad to help! If you need any advice, don't hesitate to PM me. Also, don't be afraid to get someone to bounce ideas off of. That might help some.
You're welcome.
I put a drama chapter. Heheh.. Yay for dramatic cliffhangers!
Y U SO SHORT, CHAPTER! AND FRIGGING CLIFFHANGERS!!!
Moar please?
So far this seems more like a random story. An example could be the the parasprite chapter. And the beginning seems a little generic. I'm sorry but I don't think her mom would right down in public records what would not only be proof of other worlds but could also put her family at risk or most likely be seen as a sign that she's a few cupcakes short of a bakers dozen. Maybe you could have done Pinkie getting into a fatal accident during a visit from her sisters and right as ponies are starting to weep as it sinks in she starts glowing and regenerates. The Doctor would be there picking up Ditzy and notice the accident and he uses his telekinetic powers to force her to send the regeneration energy into a severed limb. Thus beginning their adventures. Do with this what you will I'm not gonna use it.
I have no idea what just happened.. Must read more!