Prithee and well met, thou tempestuous witch of storms, to alight so delicately upon the jet streams of the cerulean sky. Welcome to Spirit Airlines.
The city of Vanhoover is the place "Where Everypony's Family". Pinkie Pita isn't sure if she believes that, but it seems true enough. After all, she enjoys her job and the place where she lives, and she can't imagine asking for much more out of life.
Today, though, she discovered something new about herself. And it doesn't make any sense at all.
[No overt spoilers for "Pinkie Apple Pie", but you won't get the story if you haven't seen the episode.]
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Such good
Much story
Very pear
wow
so she finds that fruit...
...unpearable
inb4 pearple prose shows up
Ah, smudges. What wonders you can hide.
A lovely little slice of life. Thank you for it.
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpx83tH4oB1qj43juo1_400.gif
mfw this story
Jokes aside, a very nicely written slice of life. Thanks for a nice read.
3776651
:V
I really enjoyed this. Nicely done! I love the wistful melancholy you pulled off here. Very Nice.
That was nice. It doesn't really do anything, but it doesn't need to be any more than what it is: a scene from an ordinary pony's life.
3776729
God damn it, I though I could beat that other pear guy to the story.
3982597
Pearple Prose always wins.
*flexes*
Well this was quite the story. Nothing outlandishly spectaciler about it, but it was still a great read. Definitely a change of pace of what I usually read. Which is mostly amazing adventures with tons of action. Or crossovers. Again, great job, here.
Man, that's really subtle. Also you've got a double period in there somewheres.
3776729 where did you even find that GIF? I've never seen anything that can comPEAR.
This'd been on my radar for a while, and I finally got around to reading it today. It had a nice idea to it, but unfortunately, I'm coming away not liking it too much, for three reasons.
First up, the prose. Grammar- and usage-wise, this reads fine, but in a lot of places it just feels clunky and unclear to me. Things like sentence length and structure, choice of phrasing, etc. The bit that stands out most to me is the first few paragraphs of the story, where the word "pear" is studiously avoided... but to no clear purpose. Pinkie knows the fruit she's eating is a pear, because the word first appears when she uses it in dialogue a few paragraphs in. The reader is pretty sure it'll be a pear, from the title of the story, and sensory descriptions bear that out. And yet, the word 'pear' doesn't appear until the sixth paragraph, for no clear reason. That's fine, in and of itself, but avoiding the word damages the prose. If Pinkie didn't know what the fruit was, that might give the circumlocutions some justification; or if you were trying to play on reader expectations. But as far as I can tell, there's no actual purpose to avoiding the word, and since avoiding it enclunkifies the prose, it winds up feeling like I'm wading through a lot of unimportant language.
Second, character perspective. This piece is written in 3rd person limited, but it's largely divorced from Pinkie's perspective. Sure, we get her thoughts (more on that below) and her actions, but that's about where it stops. This is of a piece with the first point—it's like you're intentionally avoiding her perspective even while you write through her eyes. The pear isn't specified until she names it to the shopkeeper. Brussel doesn't get a name until she uses it in conversation. There are a number of places where we get extended descriptions of physical actions without any judgment by Pinkie about what those actions mean—the oft-mentioned alien anthropologist (hippologist). I've got a suspicion this is one of those things that gets recommended in some creative writing classes: let your reader do the interpretation, and don't load them down with intrusive meaning. That's a piece of advice I've never understood, at least inasmuch as you're writing in 1st person or 3rd limited. 3rd omniscient might make that advice reasonable, but when you're inside a character's perspective, it just feels grossly unnatural to me to get a character's overt thoughts but none of their situational interpretations.
Third, the scene with Brussel. This I just found terribly confusing. By the end, I'd figured out—I think—that Pinkie was supposed to be attracted to Brussel. Again, Point #2 plays in here because as a reader I feel like I'm given very little to work with in terms of how Pinkie thinks about Brussel. Her actions toward him are avoidant, but the narration doesn't take much of a stand as to her feelings. And the italicized thoughts, which I assume are there to make the situation clear, wound up having the opposite effect for me. Let me quote a passage here:
That thought reads as inherently sarcastic to me. Brussel has just tried to make a joke about physical violence, and in the vacuum of interpretation, the description of his physical actions come off as forward but not necessarily welcome. Because I'm not working very far inside Pinkie's perspective, I'm left to interpret these actions on my own, and to me the attempt at a joke and the forwardness just feel skeevy, so when they're followed by that italicized thought, my reading is that Pinkie must barely tolerate him. It takes quite a while for the narrative to make clear that no, she actually likes him, and she's not just doing the rather standard be-nice-to-the-creepy-man-so-he-doesn't-do-something-bad thing. I think, having finished the whole story, that the Brussel scene is probably supposed to be the emotional heart of the piece. My confusion over what's being communicated in it, then, sort of kills my ability to appreciate the story.
You're doing a fair amount of good descriptive work here; the dialogue feels natural; and you've got some nice small moments, like parts of the apartment scene and most of the scene with the colt and his mother. There's definitely some positive stuff here. But there's just too much that's throwing me out of the story for me to really appreciate this piece.
3 years later, Apples, Pears and a Vanhoover connection are canon. Good predicition.