Chapter 36
Without thinking, Evanescence charged at her sister’s husband. Sonority had been injured, she had a chance to take him down if she could get him by surprise. As she got within spitting distance of the colt, he reared up, bearing his teeth. A hoof, sheathed in the thick haze of magic, swung forward toward Evanescence. Neither made contact. Evanescence stood behind Sonority, not sure if she was expecting her head to meet Sonority’s gut or his hoof to meet her face. A wave of dizziness washed over her from tail to snout, knocking her back to the ground.
From her position there, she could see Sonority in a similar state. His wild haymaker had knocked him off balance, and his other injuries convinced him to stay on the ground. Evanescence lifted herself with her front hooves, but found her hind legs unwilling to respond. She snarled, letting out an animal grunt. One hoof in front of the other, she began to drag herself toward Sonority.
You hurt my sister. I know it. She wouldn’t leave your side for anyone, not even me. You had to drive her away. She could feel the dirt and soot tangling into her coat as she pulled, hoof over hoof, through the battlefield around her. Crowds in the distance thinned as the roar of combat pulled away. With every grain of dirt she passed the world around her faded, leaving only the cream colored lump of fur before her and the seemingly endless stretch of dirt between them. The light brown coat, the dark brown and black dirt, even her own gray hooves sucked the color from what little remained in the world until Evanescence could finally reach out and touch Sonority. She reached out, closing her eyes. What she felt was soft and warm. She could barely believe that the colt could be warm with a soul so cold.
“Cold.” Evanescence eeked her eyes open, and was greeted by a brilliant blue. She hadn’t reached Sonority – somepony had gotten in the way. “So… here we are.” Resonance had a hoof on Sonority’s chest, gently waiting for a response. “You hurt me, Sonority. Worse yet, you gave up on me. My sister has never given up on me. She saw me find you, she saw us happen. She held her tongue as you spouted your garbage about ponies like her. I love her, and I love you too.” Her hoof never moved. “But she’s twice the pony you are… and twice the soldier too.”
Evanescence watched as her sister knelt down, softly kissing Sonority’s forehead, and closing his eyes. A small metallic ting rang out as she pulled the hearth military pendant from his neck. She turned around, lifting Resonance up to help her walk. They were the last two to board Equestria Four, earning a place to rest on the floor by their blood matted fur and broken bodies. The crowd was silent, allowing the voices in the cockpit to fill the craft.
“This is Equestria Four. We are the last ship out of Hearth. It appears we are not being followed. You were right.” The cabin was quiet for a moment, then Luna’s voice appeared over the radio.
“The nation of Hearth is lost. Your craft bear its only survivors. It may be painful, but we must all consider this issue ended. Any creatures left in Hearth have made their decision, and will be left to their fate.” Her voice was softer than Evanescence could remember, but was still harsh in comparison to the next voice to come over the radio.
“This is Princess Celestia, addressing everypony in our air convoy. You are all good ponies. You may not be wanted in your homeland, but you are in ours. You will find a home here in Equestria, under the protection of my sister and I.” She paused for a moment, and Luna could be heard muttering in the distance.
“Everypony… Welcome home.”
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Sounds interesting.
Having finished the rest of the story, I'll say again that I think it moves very fast throughout and misses some good opportunities. Expanding on reactions and events throughout the story would have been a very good idea. I think that's the only major (and certainly most important) issue with the story, that it moves in a rush and skips over things that might have been good to include, like Twilight's recovery time with Celestia, or Evvy and Sunspot's dating, or Resonance's time with the rebels. Lots of opportunity.
I also had a bit of trouble occasionally telling who was speaking and following the dialogue, although it could be due to me being a little tired. I'm a little confused about Luna's apparent concern about whether Spike was like a brother or son to Twilight, maybe I missed something, but it seemed to have no relation to what was going on.
Other than that, I think the story has good potential. Dunno if you're working on any other stories, or thinking of any. If so, keep it up
I also quite like the cover image. I'm wondering what Resonance's instrument looks like.
4157833
Going to respond to both of these, since I'm seeing them both now.
First, as for barely anyone reading or commenting on the story, what else is new? There's like... a bazillion stories on this site and frankly I don't have any friends on here to nag into reading it. I don't think I told anyone from dA other than you, and you more told me.
Spike in ch9-11, I usually don't make mistakes like that. Whenever I'm writing, I keep a page at the end of the word doc with a description of each character, including physical appearance, what parts of that appearance have been mentioned, and their current location. Guess I dun goofed that one up.
Speed in stories is something I've had trouble with for a while. I constantly feel like I'm rambling instead of embellishing and I don't have anyone whose, well, mean enough for me to accept when they say I'm doing it well. Everyone is so damn supportive. First world problems I guess.
I intentionally avoided a few things, namely Twilight's recovery and Evvy/Sunspot dating. I avoided Twilight because I really didn't want the story to be about the mane 6 at all, but it's impossible to be even slightly political without old Sun-butt's student and personal army of six. I decided to introduce them pretty early and, well, ditch them when I could. Evvy and Sunspot's dating I avoided because, frankly, I don't know a damn thing about it. I have never been in a romantic relationship in my life and I have zero reference for what would be good writing there.
As for Resonance's time with the rebels, there really is no good reason why I didn't go into that, other than that the story's pretty long already.
Luna's question about Spike is actually a lead-in to a chapter I never wrote, because it really doesn't fit with the story and, as I said, I don't want this story to be about the mane 6. Twilight is Celestia's student, and tries to be like her a lot. Then, there's this other creature - born when she was young, supposed to be a friend but often ignored or treated like a servant, whose problems are often left for them to deal with alone instead of with Celestia's help... Or was that Twilight? I forget if I was writing about Luna or Spike there. True we don't know much about Luna/Celestia's relationship other than the fights we've seen on screen, but I often think that they had much the same relationship as Twilight and Spike have.
Resonance's instrument is an annoying topic, simply because I know exactly what it looks like. The problem comes in that I have never been able to draw it. In fact, I haven't drawn much of anything lately that I liked the look of (and by lately I mean the past eight months, just look at my dA gallery). I don't like to complain about stuff like this on the internet, god knows there's enough drama out there, but long story short my life's in flux and I can't do anything about it other than wait, which has made me quite irritable.
And finally, yes long post is long, I've got three stories I've yet to write and a solid dozen which are done / half done and will probably never be published just because I don't personally like them. No ETA on any of that.
4509161
Glad you're liking it (seriously your the first person I can confirm has even read this who didn't come here from my dA posting). When you're done you'll have to give me a little run-down on what you liked and didn't... as well as how you picked to read this out of that sea of stories out there. That's more for my curiosity than anything.
Is that the end? If so can you make a sequal? I love this story. It is well written and has a good story and characters
4510886 Chapter 36 is the end, yes. I really didn't have any intention to make a sequel - I'm not sure what the story would be. Resonance and Evanescence have led the ponies worth saving out of Hearth and left the rest to rot - Luna has successfully resisted the temptation of leading her own evil nation - The mane six have returned to their lives - Resonance has defacto-divorced her husband and Evanescence is well on her way to a life with her marefriend... A sequel would have to be about either another set of characters adapting to life in Equestria, Equestria itself adapting to the new technologies these ponies brought with them, or a much much calmer story about Resonance, Evanescence, and Sunspot living together. Does any of that sound like something you'd want to read?
4511546
Yes.....
especially the one about them adapting. heck maybe sonority can show up again, you didn't say he was dead.
also if you want more people to read you should put it in some groups.
4511611
I have no idea how groups work (or that they even existed). Can you point me in the right direction?
Also, all three of those things were about adapting. Which were you talking about?
Sonority may be dead, maybe not. Left it vague for a few reasons. So yeah, he could come back as a more overt villain.
4512604
Groups are... well groups of people each one is usually specialized. There uses vary but basically go to the group search and browse until you find a group you think fits the story. I took the liberty of adding your stories to a few so I hope you don't mind.
I guess that isn't very helpful... here is a link to the FAQ just head down to groups
clicky
4512663 That actually answers pretty much everything. I never really bothered getting into the FIMfiction site - I mostly do artwork and crafts on deviantArt - but there's some pretty good features here.
I don't mind at all if you add this to groups, any publicity is good publicity.
Still not clear which you meant when you said the one about adapting. Care to elaborate?
4512984
I really like the idea about a sequel about the refugees adapting to equestria. There is a lot about their culture you didn't go into but did hint at such as how you need permission to have kids how their talents were planned out.
I would be interested to learn more about the life in hearth. Both equestria and hearth survivors would most likely be appalled about the others culture.