Those Distant Sisters

by Rettro

Chapter 11

Dear Princess Celestia,

Events have unfolded dramatically quickly since my last letter. A third foreigner has been found after he crashed some form of military combat aircraft over the Everfree. He goes by ‘Sonority’, and claims to be Resonance’s husband. However their relationship just seems odd – at times they are friendly if not distant, and at times they seem more like brothers in arms. Sonority claims that his craft was taken down by some creature in the Everfree, and has insisted that we go to investigate. Well, it’s more that he’s going and he doesn’t care if we follow him or not.

The things they say about their home country, Hearth, are increasingly bizarre. They appear to have no neighbors, but their military force is strong, perhaps even superior to ours. What could they possibly need all that force for? Sonority has some form of technological device he calls a ‘Cochlear’ implanted in his head. He says he was born deaf, and the device repairs that condition. I’m not sure how to react to this. Surely they have similar magical medical systems to us; their nation is deprived of pegasus not unicorns. Why do they need to resort to something so… barbaric?

There are many questions I need answers to, with more surfacing every minute. For now, I believe it is important that we find the creature responsible for leaving these three stranded here; but I fear what will happen when we do. For now, I will try to trust our new companions. I know my friends here can help me through anything.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

Twilight passed the letter off to her dragon assistant, who vaporized it without a word. She secretly hoped that the letter would encourage her teacher to act to protect her, although she was unsure if she was actually in danger or not. She could tell her friends were uneasy as well - the way Rainbow Dash yawned and stretched her wings at just the right time to hide Spike’s flaming breath, the way Rarity continuously checked the straps of her saddlebags, and the way Fluttershy and Applejack… well they were just easy to read.

“Don’t fall behind you lot, we’ll need to stick together to maintain a tactical advantage over something this powerful. We barely have any equipment after all.” Sonority’s voice boomed across the Everfree, drawing every eye to him as he rummaged through the scant items in his saddlebag. Eleven sets of eyes, all trained on the cream colored colt leading the pack of nine ponies, and Spike.

Comments

[adcoon]

Thought it was about time I gave your story a shot. Here I convince you to give FiMfic a shot, and then barely anyone reads or comments on your story Well, let me do something about that.

Not quite finished reading the story yet, but I noticed a minor thing. Here in chapter 11, Twilight writes a letter to Celestia out in the forest, but back in chapter 9, Spike went back to sleep instead of following them into the forest.

Things move a little fast at times, too. Reactions are a little stifled and limited because of it. I think the story could easily have used a little more padding, some slightly extended conversations and reactions, maybe doing some sightseeing so to speak or planning ways of going back home before Sonority arrives to push the plot forward.