A baby is found by Fluttershy one stormy night. Only it's not a normal baby let olone a pony. Feeling sorry for the helpliss creature she takes it in. How will her friends react to the strange newborn? How did it get here? And why was it out in the middle the forist?
thanks to lord_kalbario for helping me with the spelling.
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wow first chapter. alright people pleas let me know what you think so far and don't be afraid to help me out in spotting some of the spelling/grammer mistakes. Also if you have any idiea's on how the story should progress please PM me with your idias.
Ok, I'll be short and blunt, because its 4am, and I have no god damn clue why I am still up...
The Good: The concept of the story seems sound, and honestly, as far as I can recall, quite originial, which is definitely a plus in my book. The characters, as little as we've interacted with some of them, are acting as they would, though maybe Twilight is calling Celestia a little too quickly, but that's open to debate. The description on the creatures was satisfactory enough, to the point where I could see them in my head. Nasty fellows indeed.
The Bad: Normally, I don't mention this part, but good god the grammar mistakes. WOW. If English is your second language, it shows. Best advice would be to type this up on microsoft word (or whatever mac has), and run it through a spell checker at the very least. Every single sentence had several misspellings, to the point where it actually took away from the story significantly. Besides that, some parts of the story move VERY quickly (Rainbow meeting the human, why Fluttershy was in the forest to begin with, and the things eating the random earth pony are the biggest ones).
Honestly, before going on, fix the spelling and grammar mistakes. Seriously. You have the start of a good story, but the story will wither and die (viewer wise) if you don't clean this up some.
juuuust need to work on the grammar darling, otherwise its a story that has a lot of potential
322280 hey thanks sorry about that i will try to update both chapters today before continuing on with the story. if you could at least point out some of the grammer mistakes that would be apreceated. anyway thank you so much.
322518 finished with the editing and revising there might still be some grammer mistakes and spelling errors but if you keep helping me i will soon be able to fix that. Anyway why i wrote this fic. After searching for hours on end i couldn't find a single fanfic with a human baby in it so i thought. "Hey i have an idia that is both origional and promising" at around midnight i joined the site and got to work imediatly on the fic so thats probibly why it has so many mistakes and seems a bit forced. At the time i just decided to wing it and probibly get some help from other people who read the fic. anyway enough about me i hope you enjoy the fic and i promise my writing will get better. ( I hope D: )
>>brandsca123
AHA! i knew you had a chapter in there! was looking for chptr 1 the whole time i got out of class this afterrnoon
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!!!
oh and btw, its Pegasus, not Pegasis
sorry but. you asked for it...
A small cry could be "herd" = heard
the yellow "pegasis" = Pegasus
through the "forist" = forest
ears up and "listined" = listened
It was "furliss" = furless
young "ones" parents = one's
She cuddled the "infint" trying to "sheild" it = She cuddled the "infant" trying to "shield" it
noponey = nopony
signh = sign
enterd = entered
lockit = locket
effrt = effort
aaaaand
demensional = dimentional
hope it helps!!!
322717 thanks i would never have noticed those.
322542
I'll do ya a favor. Give me an email I can contact you at, and I'll edit these two chapters of spelling. And no, this isn't a permanent basis... too much rl stuff on my side
still a bit of spelling issues, use microsoft word, it has spelling check and grammar check too
your probably using open office huh?
323359
let me just admit something...I HAD NO IDEA YOU COULD DO THAT!
next, try pressing f7. That is usually the spell checker on documents and such
323373 ya me neather untill i decided to do a bit of experamentation. thats sortof how i blew up my xbox last time when i tried to hotwire a computer keybard to it. (by accedent of corse.) had to use oxe clean to get the scorch marks of the carpit. it wasn't my day that day. lol didn't really happin but still i did manige to get the keybard to work for my wii with a usb port in the back( always helpful)
and this is when i say *puts on shades* DEAL WITH IT
yeeeaaahhhhh!!! lololo
joking aside, yeah be careful when experimenting. THAT's how i crashed my other computer
323391>>323398 anyway my brother just joined the site and has agreed to help me with the proof reading. while i work on the storybords. Currently in the middle of writing out a rough draft for chapter four in my notepad right now it looks like it might be a long one. but anyway am i the first to do a human baby in equestria fiction or has it been done before. couse right now it looks like i was the first. just something i'm wondering about. but when i get my laptop fixed i will be doing the proof reading myself so right now i'm stuck using my bro.
yup my dear! you are the FIRST to ever bring it up as far as i have read in my travels through the fandom
. most were guys, some had both but surprisingly less had a girl as the unlucky/ lucky human to get into Equestria
kinda like My Little Dashie or MY LITTLE ONE on fanfiction.net. I say, godspeed to ya 
usually its a guy who falls from the sky or walks out of the everfree and let me tell you, THAT has a surplus of stories and I should know, ive read over 234 of it
YOU my friend may just be on to something, a human raised by a pony
you'd think it being a little girl's show, the majority would be little girls or teens
suddenly took "of" like a bullet = off
! Any other questions, just send me a message or comment in my story "The Good, The Bad, and...The Ponies?"(It's a good story by the way
)
"sorce" of the noise = source
"stoping" to "listin" = stopping & listen
into the "forist" = forest
she "stoped" suddenly = stopped
"ontop" of a small hill = on top
the pegasus "stutterd" = stuttered
with "pitty" in her eyes = pity
started to leave the "forist" = forest
"Finaly" the infant stopped crying = Finally
capitalize the "e" in Everfree also it's called "The Everfree Forest" not "Everfree"
but "stoped" when she came to a small cottage = stopped
a cold "peace" of metal = piece
"ingraved" on it = engraved
This is Hope our only "daghter" = daughter
protect her and "rase" her = raise
small "squeakey" tone = squeaky
a small "vortext" "appered" = vortex & appeared
black "hornes" were present = horns
jutted out of "there" jaws = their
they let out low grumbling "growles" = growls
the child of "harmany" = harmony
shouldn't be "to" far = too
the other on "groweld" = growled
could be "herd" behind the two creatures = heard
a "mantacore" = manticore
if it's a name of a race, then capitalize the "d" in demonta
"pittyfull" creature = pitifull
could be "herd" throughout the "everfree" = heard & capital "e" in Everfree
Hopefully my list can help you with writing future chapters... OH! Before I forget, make sure to proofread your chapters before submitting them. I would suggest at least a two day check before submission! But other than that, good story so far
Always remember to Indent each new Paragraph, always the basics, and don't forget to add a little meat(Words) to your story.
Just build it up it certain events, don't be sudden. Their is potential in this story just keep it up.
325054 OMG IT'S DUSK STALKER!!! Big fan of your work!
325103
Thanks.... But its just one story
325106 One story or 100 stories, a fan's a fan. Anyways, good idea of making a DMC crossover.
Do you mind if I steal your idea of a human infant found in Equestria?
I could have so much fun with this, i could totally turn this into a great story(not saying yours isn't great, I am a grammar nazi so I can't really read things with too many errors).
325483 yes you can use my idia of a human baby in equestria . oh and can youhelp with finding the mistakes in the three chapters. and tips about how to improve my writing would be good to. pm me with yor answer.
You also misspelled Rarity's name. Other than that, you're good.
in my own opinion, twilight should have said "I think maybe something scaring her."
fluttershy told them that hope was a girl
YAY i got the first chapter of my story up!
331157 did you submit the fic?
331248
yep.
SWEET RAPTOR JESUS!!!
The spelling!
Ther grammer!
Even punctuation was bad enough to get me!
Furthermore, ITS SPELLED "CUTIE"! NOT 'CUTEY'
Please, get a proof reader. We beg you.
339752 right i will admit that my spelling and grammer is terable. but as i don't trust others to proofread over the net i'm stuck without a proofreader for now. Fortionaly i have a friend that did agree to proofread my stories for me, so please expect the next chapter to be better spelling and grammer wise.
HUZZAH! The grammer quality will be DOUBLED!!
Your friend should get paid in beer or liquor for his/her services.
343850 actualy the house we live in has a strick no drinking on the grounds policy. but that won't stop us from enjoying an upper canada's larger when we go to a bar. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
343984 No booze on the premises?!?!
I know that Im happy when I have a handle of something with a 12 pack of soda.
Man, I hope for yall's sake that your rent is a steal and it has a killer location.
Ah the bar, the place where happy memories are made and promptly forgotten and you wake up with a strange woman next to you and a goat in the bathroom.
Also a place where people know your name.
344052 well its more of a boarding home i'm living in. the rent is decent and i get 132 dollers in cash each month. though most of it goes toword cable and internet. but somehow i always manige to have enough to spend for myself. even if it is groceries. sorry if i speeled olot of thing incorectly in this comment it's almost 3 in the morning hear and i'm about to hit the hay so to speak. tomorow i will finish the proofreading of my rogh draft for chapter five so expect it soon in the next couple of days.
344417 Ah, the no booze rule makes sense now.
Man, the errors in that comment would drive most english teachers to drink. IN CLASS! Though exhaustion is understandable.
Good night neighbor to the far north east!
Shit just got real
still spot a LOT of spelling errors!
349336 damn it I thought I got it right this time. All well back to reading the dictionary again. Thanks for pointing that out.
349336 damn it I thought I got it right this time. All well back to reading the dictionary again. Thanks for pointing that out.349387 I know right. I love the show.
and its harmony not harmoney dear
Keep it koming I want moar!!!!!
367270 you want more you can have more :D. I'm planing on making this a huge story. Tomorow expect chapter 7 to be up sometime after lunch or dinner maybe. actualy i'm not sure. Anyway tell me what do you think about chapter 6, you know with Hope being a young arch-angel?
THE SPELLING!!!!!
just to help out I'm gonna go into "NerdMode" this might sting a bit...
terrorising = terrorizing
distroying = destroying
coases = causes
on the part that celesta asks them to sit down, how about, "as the group sat down, Celestia said..."
you also used the expression "a long time ago" moo much or too close to each other AND
you also made Celestia sound like a regular person or in this case, a regular pony. you forgot to take into account that she should sound a bit "Motherly"
you also kiiiinda dropped the bomb on the a bit too hard