Twilight and her five friends decide to spend a night together in her house in a sleep over and of course the book worm naturally pulls out her sleep over book to make sure it turns out to be the second best sleep over ever!
Rainbow Dash quickly 1.)dived to catch the 2A.)book much to Twilight's 2B.)relief and placed it back in the bookshelf.
1.) "Dived" should be "dove." I know what it looks like, it is called a heteronym, however, this is pronounced with a long o sound and is the past tense and past participle of dive. 2AB.) There should be commas between "book" and "much" and between "relief" and "and."
"...To see who the most athletic pony is?” 1.)she 2.)suggested much to the annoyance of the farm pony as she hovered over to Twilight.
1.) "She" should be capitalized. 2.) There should be a comma between "suggested" and "much."
“We all know you'd win that one hooves down Rarity.”
You need a comma between "down" and "Rarity."
Fluttershy's voice asked softly which caused everypony to snap their gaze at the yellow Pegasus, each one looking a little more slack-jawed than the last.
You need a comma between "softly" and "which."
"...I've read about them but what do we use for it?” Twilight asked still recovering from the slightly jarring yet brave suggestion by the Pegasus.
You need commas between "them" and "but," "asked" and "still," and between "jarring" and "yet."
“Lets just stick with Pinkie's idea since no pony else seems to be thinking up any other ideas.” she finished and sighed.
"She" should be capitalized.
“Okay everypony, lets all get comfortable.”
This should be "let's" with an apostrophe s.
“Since it was Pinkie's idea. I think she should get to tell the first joke.”
The period after "idea" should be a comma.
“Ah think we missed the point of that joke Pinkie.”
There should be a comma between "joke" and "Pinkie."
“Ha,ha,ha! A unicorn's horn is pointy! I get it! Haha!”
The "ha's" need spaces between them.
Rainbow Dash chimed in with a grin as she pointed at the Alicorn whom abruptly stopped laughing at stared at the five.
That "at" should be "and."
Twilight used her magic to lift up the 1,)bottle, stared at it for a moment before sighing 2.)aloud“Oh horseapples.” she said dismally before she popped the lid off, took a quick 3A.)drink and recoiled slightly as the beverage sailed down her throat.
“Ya act like ya never had an swig of cider 3B.)before Twi.” Applejack jeered with a smirk as she 4.)looked at Twilight's expression slowly change from a cringe to a slight blush.
1.) The comma after bottle an "and." 2.) There needs to be a comma and a space between "aloud" and the quotation mark. 3AB.) There should be commas between "drink" and "and," and between "before" and "Twi." 4.) "Looked at" would read better as "watched."
“This stuff tastes a lot stronger than the cider you usually offer during cider 1A.)season Applejack. I wasn't prepared for it to taste so...” Twilight 1B.)said trailing off as she struggled to think of the proper word. “Alcoholy.” 2.)she finally 1C.)finished though she knew it wasn't a real word, she couldn't think of anything else.
1ABC.)You need commas between "season" and "Applejack," "said" and "trailing," and between "finished" and "though." 2.) "She" should be capitalized.
“Ah let this batch mature a little more than the 1.)others so Ah guess it's gonna have more of a kick than mah usual cider. Sorry for not 2A.)givin' ya a 2B.)warnin' ahead of time.” Applejack replied as she scratched the back of 3.)her with a slightly guilty expression.
1.) You need a comma between "others" and "so." 2AB. Thank you, thank you, so much. 3.) A word is missing between these two words, perhaps head, or neck, or mane.
“Don't be takin a swig until ya laugh..."
Takin' needs an apostrophe at the end.
She quipped at the sight of the farm mare's annoyed expression with a grin to which Applejack's hoof collided with her forehead along with an annoyed groan.
There should be a comma between "grin and "to."
“Oh wow, I didn't expect you to come up with gold like that Twilight!..."
There should be a comma between "that" and "Twilight."
“So funny Ah forgot laugh R-D..."
There should be a comma between "laugh" and "R-D."
“Watch the merchandise A-J!”
There should be a comma between "merchandise" and "A-J."
Rarity asked with a slightly annoyed sporting a redder blush than usual.
Either "with a" is superfluous and you need commas between "asked" and "slightly" and "annoyed" and "sporting." Or, there is a word missing between "annoyed" and "sporting" and you need a comma between the missing word and "sporting."
“No, we get it but it's not funny.” Twilight remarked her blush still prominent as she shuffled uncomfortably on her sleeping bag.
You need commas between "it" and "but," and between "remarked" and "her."
“Good try thar surgarcubebut your punchline fell short of a knockout.”
"Sugar cube" is misspelled and you need a comma between "sugar cube" and "but."
“Okay lady puns-a-alot!..."
You need a comma between "okay" and "lady."
“1A.)So Apple Fritter's foal was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little filly was up to, he politely asked: 2A.)What are you up 1B.)to there? And she replied: 2B.)My goldfish died and I've just buried him.3.)" Her neighbor was concerned as to why the hole was so 1C.)big so he asked her why the hole was as big as it 1D.)was and she replied: 2C.)That's because he's inside your buckin' cat.”
Okay, wow... um... This is tricky... Let us start with the easy stuff first. 1ABCD.) You need commas between "so" and "Apple," "to" and "there," "big" and "so," and between "was" and "and." 2A.) You need single quotation marks surrounding 'What are you up to, there?' 2B.) You need single quotation marks surrounding 'My goldfish died and I've just buried him.' 2C.) You need single quotation marks surrounding 'That's because he's inside your buckin' cat.' 3.) The double quotation mark here is superfluous.
It took a few moments for the joke to set in but once it had, everypony in the room except for Rarity burst out laughing.
You need commas between "in" and "but," "room" and "except," and between "Rarity" and "burst."
“That was a terrible joke Applejack.”
You need a comma between "joke" and "Applejack."
Twilight replied as she placed her bottle of cider down which was nearly empty now.
You need a comma between "down" and "which."
“So what's next Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked curiously despite the fact her bottle was empty, the cyan blue Pegasus seemed to be able to handle herself quite well despite the fact her face clearly showed a drunken blush.
You need commas between "next" and "Twilight," "curiously" and "despite" and between "well" and "despite." Also, you have a repetition of terms, you typed "despite the fact" twice in one sentence. You may want to fix that.
Applejack jeered which caused everypony in the room to laugh hysterically at this despite the fact it wasn't all that funny.
You need commas between "jeered" and "which," and between "this" and "despite."
“Shove an apple up your(hic!)foal-1A.)hole A-J, I can still make out the(hic!)bucking words.” Twilight snapped at the farm 1B.)pony which caused everypony to stare at Twilight in shock at the vulgar language 1C.)that up 2.)till 1D.) 3.)nowdidn't think the Alicorn was capable of.
1ABCD.) You need commas between "hole" and "A-J," "pony" and "which," "that" and "up," and between "now" and the missing word before "didn't" 2.) "Till" should be "until." 3.) There is a word missing between "now" and "didn't," perhaps they?
Applejack replied as she crossed her hooves in front of her face on the sleeping bag and rested her head on her left front leg with an annoyed expression.
Applejack's front left leg had an annoyed expression?
Twilight's eyes soon fell upon a set of bold letters she 1.)could make out. “Truth or Dare.” She said 2.)finally to which the other five looked up at her in curiosity.
1.) I am unsure, however, maybe you meant "could not?" 2.) here should be a comma between "finally" and "to."
Pinkie Pie's voice 1.)erupted much to the cyan blue 2.)Pegasus's annoyance.
1.) You need a comma between "erupted" and "much." 2.) Pegasus' should just end in "s apostrophe."
Twilight said with a devious smirk at the five as her horn glowed for a few moments and a purple mist sprayed over all six mares.
You need a comma between "five" and "as."
When anypony asks a question, the other will be forced to tell the truth no matter what as long as the game continues.” Twilight replied quickly only to go slightly wide-eyed.
You need commas between "truth" and "no," "what" and "as," and between "quickly" and "only."
Rainbow Dash replied with a grin to which Pinkie Pie made an overly exaggerated shocked gasp complete with the jaw dropping gesture until she narrowed her eyes at Rainbow Dash.
You need commas between "grin" and "to" and between "gasp" and "complete."
“Okay um... Truth?”
You need a comma between "okay" and "um."
Pinkie Pie replied and once again sat in 1A.)place deep in thought. “I got it! What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?” 2.)she 1B.)asked at which point Fluttershy's eyes snapped wide in shock and her mouth opened without her telling it to.
1AB.) You need commas between "place" and "deep" and between "asked" an "at." 2.) She Should be capitalized.
She replied only to slap her hooves over her mouth with a tearful expression.
There should be a comma between "replied" and "only."
Rainbow Dash asked without thinking only to regret asking the question moments later as she recalled that the truth spell was still active. “Wait, don't answer that!” She added moments later however she was too late and much to Fluttershy's embarrassment and horror she began to recite the events that lead up to the deed...
There should be commas between "thinking" and "only," "later" and "as," "later" and "however," "late" and "and," and between "horror" and "she."
I found as much as I could, however, I am certain that I did not catch everything.
It will be interesting to see what will happen next. Unfortunately, I will have to wait until later to read it. I look forward to the next time I have enough time to read the next chapter. KBO.
lol ok that joke AJ told about the goldfish was funny. I was laughing for a bout 5 minutes striat. pretty good story so far tho a bit shorter then what you usually do it seems they are over once i begin reading them. can't wait to hear flutters lil story
wow fluttershy
Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. I am QUAKING. I don't remember the last time I have SHOOK with FEAR before.
3655352
I can't tell if your being sarcastic or just eager for the next chapter...
3655609 Well I'm eager to get to the point of the story..... Hehe...
well that was interesting
DAAAMMMMNNNN...........didn't know you got down like that, Fluttershy.
But at least we know that it worked!! Somewhat.....
next chapter will be fun with Flutters Explaining how she did Discord.
Nice one ... poor though... CONTINUE!! Lovely story!!
WARNING! MAJOR CHAPTER TWO SPOILERS!
1.) "Dived" should be "dove." I know what it looks like, it is called a heteronym, however, this is pronounced with a long o sound and is the past tense and past participle of dive.
2AB.) There should be commas between "book" and "much" and between "relief" and "and."
1.) "She" should be capitalized.
2.) There should be a comma between "suggested" and "much."
You need a comma between "down" and "Rarity."
You need a comma between "softly" and "which."
You need commas between "them" and "but," "asked" and "still," and between "jarring" and "yet."
"She" should be capitalized.
This should be "let's" with an apostrophe s.
The period after "idea" should be a comma.
There should be a comma between "joke" and "Pinkie."
The "ha's" need spaces between them.
That "at" should be "and."
1.) The comma after bottle an "and."
2.) There needs to be a comma and a space between "aloud" and the quotation mark.
3AB.) There should be commas between "drink" and "and," and between "before" and "Twi."
4.) "Looked at" would read better as "watched."
1ABC.)You need commas between "season" and "Applejack," "said" and "trailing," and between "finished" and "though."
2.) "She" should be capitalized.
1.) You need a comma between "others" and "so."
2AB. Thank you, thank you, so much.
3.) A word is missing between these two words, perhaps head, or neck, or mane.
Takin' needs an apostrophe at the end.
There should be a comma between "grin and "to."
There should be a comma between "that" and "Twilight."
There should be a comma between "laugh" and "R-D."
There should be a comma between "merchandise" and "A-J."
Either "with a" is superfluous and you need commas between "asked" and "slightly" and "annoyed" and "sporting." Or, there is a word missing between "annoyed" and "sporting" and you need a comma between the missing word and "sporting."
You need commas between "it" and "but," and between "remarked" and "her."
"Sugar cube" is misspelled and you need a comma between "sugar cube" and "but."
You need a comma between "okay" and "lady."
Okay, wow... um... This is tricky... Let us start with the easy stuff first.
1ABCD.) You need commas between "so" and "Apple," "to" and "there," "big" and "so," and between "was" and "and."
2A.) You need single quotation marks surrounding 'What are you up to, there?'
2B.) You need single quotation marks surrounding 'My goldfish died and I've just buried him.'
2C.) You need single quotation marks surrounding 'That's because he's inside your buckin' cat.'
3.) The double quotation mark here is superfluous.
You need commas between "in" and "but," "room" and "except," and between "Rarity" and "burst."
You need a comma between "joke" and "Applejack."
You need a comma between "down" and "which."
You need commas between "next" and "Twilight," "curiously" and "despite" and between "well" and "despite." Also, you have a repetition of terms, you typed "despite the fact" twice in one sentence. You may want to fix that.
You need commas between "jeered" and "which," and between "this" and "despite."
1ABCD.) You need commas between "hole" and "A-J," "pony" and "which," "that" and "up," and between "now" and the missing word before "didn't"
2.) "Till" should be "until."
3.) There is a word missing between "now" and "didn't," perhaps they?
Applejack's front left leg had an annoyed expression?
1.) I am unsure, however, maybe you meant "could not?"
2.) here should be a comma between "finally" and "to."
1.) You need a comma between "erupted" and "much."
2.) Pegasus' should just end in "s apostrophe."
You need a comma between "five" and "as."
You need commas between "truth" and "no," "what" and "as," and between "quickly" and "only."
You need commas between "grin" and "to" and between "gasp" and "complete."
You need a comma between "okay" and "um."
1AB.) You need commas between "place" and "deep" and between "asked" an "at."
2.) She Should be capitalized.
There should be a comma between "replied" and "only."
There should be commas between "thinking" and "only," "later" and "as," "later" and "however," "late" and "and," and between "horror" and "she."
I found as much as I could, however, I am certain that I did not catch everything.
It will be interesting to see what will happen next. Unfortunately, I will have to wait until later to read it. I look forward to the next time I have enough time to read the next chapter. KBO.
lol ok that joke AJ told about the goldfish was funny. I was laughing for a bout 5 minutes striat. pretty good story so far tho a bit shorter then what you usually do it seems they are over once i begin reading them. can't wait to hear flutters lil story
Who needs a good night's sleep? I'm up late now despite needing to get up early to finish this great story
This is gold man!
Wait, all six of them have to agree to end the game, so if one of them fall asleep, then the spell will last longer. Side effects ensue!
Don’t worry rainbow dash. I thought it was funny. Lol