Chapter Three: Block Party (DANGER ZONE)
Chapter Three
April 13th 2012
I have this Love-Hate relationship with parties. On one hand, it's where people do the stupidest, funniest, and most interesting things. Things like asking people to kick them in the nuts, or to set their face on fire with a can of spray on deodorant and a lighter. On the other hand however, you have to deal with the other things... The loud blaring music, the dancing, and worst of all, the petty chit chat that occurs when nothing awesome is happening, which is what disappointingly happens a lot.
The sad thing is, I happen to live in a town that just loves partying. Nearly every week there is some kind of shindig going on, with all the music and all the hijinks associated with it. Most of the time I can just ignore it, but today? With Discord, the supposedly powerless Spirit of Disharmony? Not a fucking chance.
Discord looks way too happy. It's unnerving. He's not seriously considering going out there, is he? I mean, he's is completely powerless, he doesn't know how to act in a modern day Equestrian society, much less human society... and he just walked out the door. Balls! What should I wear? All I can see are panties, socks, dirty underwear, and- Oooooh, is that a can of cheese whiz? Screw it, I'll just wear what I had on yesterday. Which is also what I had on the day before as well...
He could be anywhere! "Discord!" Why bother yelling? It's not like he'd hear me over this crowd of party goers dancing in the street like crazed Irish strippers. I'm not surprised that none of them notice me, they are either to busy dancing, or to busy getting tanked. I'm not going to be able to find him in this crowd. Good riddance I gues-
"How yah'll doing thar partner?" So much for that then. Wow, look at the size of that stetson.
"Where in the hell did you get that hat?" I can't even hear myself talk over this music! "Or that cone of cotton candy?!"
"Well shucks little feller, I jus' payed tha' man." That accent is pissing me right the hell off.
~Make him eat the hat... make him eat all of it.~
"I didn't know you had money, Discord." It's hard maintaining an outwardly non-nonchalant attitude while you are a seething cesspool of anger and foul thoughts on the inside.
Jam that cotton candy cone where the sun don't shine!
These little thoughts are beginning to sound more and more reasonable the longer I look at that smart-ass smile of his. What pisses me off the most is his arrogant confidence that he has in a world that he is so incredibly unsuited for. He doesn't have the skills to function on Earth, and even though he isn't showing it, the loss of his powers must be having a profound effect on him.
"I jus' gave the man thems pretty green pieces of paper, and he dun' gave me this nice little hat and cotton candy. Ah' Swears!" This isn't even how he acted in the show. he isn't being cunning, or rhyming. He is just being a silly fool.
"Where did you get the money Discord..." I can feel my left eye starting to twitch.
"Oh, well, all these here people are just soooo generous an' such with their open pockets"
Oh, he's been robbing everyone blind. Wait no, correction, he has been robbing everyone that's blind stinking drunk.
"Well hello there! Humans must really like balloons if every one has one of these in their cloth pouches!" That's a condom. Discord is inflating a condom. Discord has given me a condom flower... "It's kinda slimy tho' ain't it hoss?" Great, the accent is back.
"Fine", I sigh, "Mind telling me what you are going to do here?"
"Oh, but where would the fun in that be, Ashton?" That smile can't mean good things for me." Rest assured, there will be chaos!" What did he do?
~Chase after him! You know you are in love with him.~
What? No! I just need to see what he will do next.
Oh look, cupcakes. What is Discord doing to them? Oh god, he's licking the frosting! He's licking all the frosting! Sweet merciful lord! I... I want to stop watching this but I can't.
~Look at him go!~
Ugh, he looks so pleased with himself. Why does he smell like alcohol? Oh, these are Traditional Irish Guinness Cupcakes... Why is this stall unattended!? Gah, I bet there are toddlers out there getting cranked on these. Actually that sounds hilarious.
Not as funny, however, as a completely smashed Discord. Hah, he can't even get up!
~You could totally steal his sweet coat now and ditch him.~
Tempting... Very tempting. Ooops, looks like he moving again, barely moving, but still. There's some kind of rule about robbing a conscious drunk isn't there?
~If there is, he certainly didn't follow it.~
My choice was made for me as he stumbles off into another random direction. Damn it! Can't he just stay still for a moment? He went down the street with a lopping stumble, nearly falling at least several times. I don't know what I am more tempted to do, give him a shoulder to lean on or simply shove him in a puddle. ~And curb stomp that motherfucker!~ Saner me prevails and a jog up from behind the lumbering drunk ahead of me. He puts his hand on my shoulder to steady himself without saying anything. We walk up to a familiar pair of giraffes statue and the solitary granite statue of a handsome man between them.
Discord drunkenly walked up to the middle statue, that I can only assume is a humanized version of Tom, the boulder from the first episode of season tw- ~Neeeerrrrrdddd~ Discord is caressing the statues rough cheek whispering," What fun we had my stoney friend. He tosses his head back and starts laughing again. I sigh. It's only discord being discord, but this was strangely expected of him... Isn't he supposed to be entirely unpredictable? Discord suddenly breaks into tears as he slides down the statue into a sobbing mess. His slurs a whiny monologue, "All I wanted wash for every ponie' to have sh'om fun! That's all *Hic* Why did they turn me to stone, why? Oh poor poor little old me!" He crys in his yellow sleeve for a moment, a pitiful sight indeed. It makes me feel bad, but not from empathy, no. It was that the sight of this drunk sobbing man just makes me angry at him instead of sad for him. I rub my hand in my hair as I walk up to Discord, who was currently shaking back and forth in the fetal position.
"Hey dude, how about we walk back to my apartment, and maybe fix you some chocolate milk?" I say, in my faux sincere voice. ~ And maybe some ground glass, I am sure he would appreciate that, at least until he starts coughing up blood.~ Discord looks up at me with bloodshot eyes as he grabs my hand weakly. I pull him up a tad too quick and he - Fuck fuck fuck! My pants! Arrrggghhh! Vomit everywhere! Smell. Of. Chocolate. Overpowering!
We manage to stumble back home, and I manage to avoid touching the chocolatey vomit staining my pants. I see flashing red and blue lights. WOW! Can this day get any worse? Nevermind, it probably has nothing to do with me. Oh hey, there's my dad! Oh, hey, what are those two cops doing? Why does dad have have a black eye and a swollen lip? Why is he going inside the police car? What the hell is going on? ~Teehee, he got arrested.
The police car speeds down the street, or it would have if there wasn't a crowd of party goers blocking the road.I rush upstairs to my apartment, hoping that dad didn't lock the door, since I didn't have a key. The door was left open, so I guess that's good news for me.~There is a madman in the shower waiting for you to take a shit.~ A quick peek through won't hurt though.
The Closets? Nope, just clothes. Under the bed? A particularly moldy piece of toast, a slinky, and a fruit-roll up. In the shower? Oh my god a spider! I emptied my can of cheese whiz on that 8 legged freak.~You should totally eat that~ I give a gasp of relief, and trudge toward my computer, to put this long day behind me. A few minutes pass before my crazy voice pops in ~Aren't you forgetting someone? Oh right! Tom the humanized boulder!
I scowl as I rush down the stairs, intent on finding that drunk idiot, Discord. Why the fuck didn't he follow me upstairs? If I have to look for him in this crowd I am going to...~Going to what, you big pansy? Apologize? I quickly find him in front of the apartment... Lounging in the nude!? But... What? Why? Why!?
~I find it hilarious that he isn't the only one sprawled on the grass in his birthday suit.~
I am in a peaceful meadow, there are no limp phallic man rods here. Nope, no meat pipes here. Oh look! A baby bunny carrying a carrot. How adorable! Ha. Ha. Ha.
~You are completely surrounded by naked men. Don't deny it! Embrace the schlong!~
"Uh... Discord? I'm sorry ~HAH!~ but you have to put clothes on" I say as I gingerly grab his hand and pull him up. He grumbles in his drunk stupor, mostly oblivious to everything as he sways left and right. I grab him clothes and take him upstairs. Once we were in the apartment, he passed out unceremoniously onto the couch. I stare long and hard about what I am going to do about this.
~Your going to keep him like you would a stray dog~
What? No! I am not so stupid that I would keep him at the apartment!
~Quit denying it. You are talking to yourself here, and I say you are going to keep him!~
But this is Discord we ar- I am talking about here! He is going to drive me crazy!
~Psssh, I thought you were tougher then that Ashton!~
He already convinced that me he didn't exist once already!
~What's so bad about being crazy anyway. Plus if you spurn him away, then you are going to be alone here, with no way to pay the rent, or more importantly, the internet bill!~
Damn it. I hate when the voices in my head make since... However it's not like he can make much money from pick pocketing people. Especially sober people.
~ At least it will be quite entertaining when he gets caught. Why don't you check his haul?~
I rummage through his coat, finding bizarre items, items like a purple rubber chicken, a pink vibrator, an economy sized tube of crazy glue, and a finally a pile of wallets, deep inside the back pocket. Son of a bitch! More than enough for this months rent !
"I guess you can stay for a few days..." I grumble to no one in particular. "But that's it!"
And thats chapter three folks... and the first day as well!
Stats
Page generated in 0.022 seconds
Total duration
711 users online
750,008 hits today, 2,205,040 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
First. Liked it. Glad to see ponyfall is still going.
hooray, let the flood of chapters pent up over the last week commence!
Shhhhhhh!!! I just edited the fic a tad D:
whats different?
Whoa...
While others humanized pone are basically useless other than being clopping materials, Discord proved himself as a decent moneymaker
I love it.
Though seeing Discord so down made me very sad.
Don't worry, Chaos pony will save you! -Tries to arive-
Wait you've been causing it. And now you...Oh crap. -metal hugs anyway-
Can't wait for the next part!
Well, this is certainly gonna be interesting. If I could ever make a good Ponyfall story-which I cannot without some form of help with editing, ideas, etc.- I would pick Pinkie as no one has made a Ponyfall story involving her. Or Fluttershy for that matter. Why did someone have to take RD? Why the CMC? I wanted the chance to hang out with a pony that had similar interests. Hey, I like things that are cool, and want some things to be 20% cooler. If the author of the Rainbow Dash story cannot continue, I will gladly finish it(with his input and permission of course).
444466
Guess who has both Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy?
You?! Dammit, stop trolling. If Celestia's evil twins Molestia and Trollestia have them, then they shall pay!
444478
Nope, The_Slorg has them both!
Why aren't they up then? I want to help him on the Pinkie Pie one, because I know her antics better than anyone. Plus I can stand her for longer. Tell him that, and that if he declines, the full wrath of Nightmare Moon shall come down on his arse.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/13327/The-Day-My-Beard-Turned-Into-Pinkie-Pie cough cough
If you want a chance to get in, then you should join the pony fall channel in the IRC. >.>
IT JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER AND BETTER!
This is the second story I've read with discord as a housemate and the fist one I read developed into a weird (gay) shipping.
Not sure where this is going but it seems to have a good reputation so I'll continue reading.