Auntie Fluttershy

It was a simple normal day in the town of Ponyville. The grass was green, the birds were chirping, and Pinkie Pie was bouncing around all over the place as usual. Of course she wasn't just bouncing around in one place, she was bouncing to her friend Fluttershy's house. She was going to knock on the door, but her bouncing went out of control a little bit and she crashed straight through the door landing on a bag of animal food pellets. Fluttershy flew downstairs to see what happened, and everything became a big mess. The entire floor was full of food pellets, and the animals just munched down on them before any of the other animals tried to take them away. And Pinkie Pie didn't move at all cause she was making a bad poker face.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry about this Fluttershy" Pinkie Pie said as she was trying to think of something to clean up the mess she made. "Oh, no need to worry" Fluttershy replied "they tried to get into it ever since I bought it, so it's perfectly understandable." Then an idea hit Pinkie Pie "hey animals, you can't eat those pellets they need to be somewhere." The animals just looked at Pinkie Pie confused, and we're stepping back from the pellets just in case they are alive. "Um Pinkie" Fluttershy said with a soft voice "they are pellets, I don't think they are alive, and if they are alive, where would they need to be?" Pinkie Pie then gave her an answer "duh, a zebra stole their bike."

Then all the pellets on the floor started huddling together and formed a body the size, and shape of a stallion. Pinkie threw a pink hooded jacket at the pellets formed into a stallion. The moment Pinkie pointed at one direction which is where Ponyville park is, the stallion then ran out of the house as he said "zebra stole my bike" and kept saying it over, and over again.

After that awkward moment Pinkie Pie just looked at Fluttershy and say's "So... You want to go see what Twilight is doing?" "Sure, just give me a minute while I go upstairs" Fluttershy replied to Pinkie. Fluttershy then continued flying upstairs to her room as Pinkie Pie started following her. As they made it upstairs Pinkie noticed some things in Fluttershy's room that was never there before. Like a baby crib next to Fluttershy's bed, a box full of diapers, baby toys, and a book laying on her bed that says on the cover 'learning to take care of baby's for beginners.'

Pinkie looked at Fluttershy and say's "so, what's with all the baby stuff?" Fluttershy gave her a reply "well, I was going to tell you girls sooner or later but um" "*gasp* Fluttershy, are you pregnant?" Pinkie said with shock. "It's ok Pinkie, I'm not having anypony's baby" Fluttershy said trying to calm Pinkie down. Pinkie was relieved to hear that, but was still confused with all the baby stuff in her room. "If you must know Pinkie" Fluttershy said "I saw how much you love babysitting the cake twins, I thought I give it a try on my own."

"Well I don't know why you need this beginner's book?" Pinkie Pie then threw the book out the window "Besides I'm sure you would make a great babysitter." " Well um, thanks I didn't know you would think that" Fluttershy said to her friend. Pinkie nodded her head a little and says "besides, we were all baby's once, and I bet you were the cutest newborn in Cloudsdale." "Well, they did give my parents something a couple of days after I was born" Fluttershy said to Pinkie Pie. Before Pinkie could say anything Fluttershy looked through her treasure box and got out a certificate and handed it to Pinkie so she can read it. Pinkie got her glasses and then started reading it "congratulations to the parents of Fluttershy, your newborn filly just won this certificate for cutest newborn in all of Equestria."

Pinkie then threw her glasses out the window and say's "wow, I didn't know awards like this one exist" "me neither" Fluttershy said as she began putting the certificate back in her treasure box. "So what do you think twilight might be doing?" Pinkie Pie didn't have an answer to her question cause all she said was "I just hope those pellets get their bike back from that zebra."

Meanwhile at the Ponyville park Rainbow Dash was taking a nap on one of the clouds when she saw a bunch of food pellets the shape of a stallion wearing a pink hooded jacket running all over the park. Rainbow Dash flew down and tried to stop the running pellets but they wouldn't slow down. So she flew next to them hoping to have a word with them. "So, is there a reason why you are running around the park?" The pellets gave her an answer " zebra stole my bike." Rainbow Dash was getting a little bit annoyed and say's "you don't have a bike." "zebra stole my bike" this was starting to annoy Rainbow Dash cause she see's no zebra with a bike. She just looked at the pellets and ask them "Do you mind if I help you?" The stallion's body of the pellets nodded their head as Rainbow Dash and the food pellets go find the bike in Ponyville.

Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy went to Twilight's house wondering what she is doing today. Fluttershy knocked on the door, and Spike opened it. "Hey girls" Spike said to both mares "Twilight can't come out right now, so yeah, sorry about that." Pinkie Pie raised an eyebrow and ask Spike "What in Equestria is she doing in there?" Spike gave her a reply "she's practicing some age reversal spell for Mr. Waddle, so she needs quit, and alone time." "Well, sorry for disturbing you then" Fluttershy said to Spike.

"I wanna see it, I wanna see it" Pinkie said out loud as she bounced her way inside the house. Pinkie started bouncing around Twilight as her horn was glowing. Of course the glow means she is concentrating the age reversal spell on an old flower pot. "Um Spike" Fluttershy said "why is she practicing the spell on an old flowerpot?" " It was the first thing she saw in the house" Spike said to Fluttershy. Pinkie was starting to become a real detraction for Twilight by saying a bunch of random stuff that only Pinkie would say.

Twilight never felt this unfocused before in all her life. She just wanted to stop the spell so she can kick Pinkie out of her house. But she couldn't, cause she was determined to make the spell a success even if it means Pinkie was giving her problems. But in the end Pinkie's bouncing started making noise even louder then before. Right then Twilight just lost concentration and a blast from her horn hit Pinkie and the entire library just blew up and was covered in purple smoke.

As the smoke began to clear from the house. The two mares, and Spike started looking for Pinkie Pie. Twilight started looking in her bathroom, but she was not there. Fluttershy started looking for her outside the house, but she could not be anywhere found. Spike was looking at an empty toaster and say's "she's not in the toaster." Twilight just turned her head with a raised eyebrow and ask "why would you think she would be in the toaster?" Spike gave her an answer "This is Pinkie Pie we are talking about, she could be anywhere." "That doesn't explain everything" Twilight said to Spike in disbelief. Then Spike say's "don't you remember the day we found Pinkie camping in the sink fossett?"

Twilight didn't want to remember that day,cause she thought Pinkie's strange abilities are part of a conspiracy. And during that day, every pony thought she was crazy. Now there was a sound of laughing in the library, they turned there heads to where Pinkie Pie was standing when Twilight fired the spell. Of course Pinkie Pie was still there, but her laughing made her sound like a three month old filly. Of course it did sound like one, because Pinkie was now a three month old filly.

"Well this can't be good" Twilight said as she raised an eyebrow. She grabbed her spell book for any solution to this problem. Luckily she did find a way to reverse the spell to turn Pinkie Pie back to normal. As she began reading it quietly in her head Fluttershy was too distracted with the baby Pinkie she began tickling the little filly with her hooves making her laugh even more. Twilight closed the book and put it on the shelf using her magic and say's "well, there is a way to turn Pinkie back to normal. But the book say's that it needs to be a potion and i don't have the ingredients for the potion. So i am going to Zecora's house to make the potion."

Spike looked at her and ask "how come it's not a reverse spell?" Twilight gave him an answer "because the book's author said that he was too lazy to make a reverse spell. And the potion will take like a whole day to be made." After saying that obviously every pony knew that some pony has to watch Pinkie. Of course Fluttershy knew that if the cakes saw Pinkie in her current state they would run for the hills. "Well some pony has to watch Pinkie Pie and since showing her to the cakes is a bad idea, I will baby sit her" Fluttershy said as she picked up the baby Pinkie who was resting on Fluttershy's back after laughing so much. Twilight simply gave a little shrug and walked out the door thinking that Fluttershy babysitting Pinkie was a good idea. Spike wanted to say something about the whole thing, but instead he just went on with his business as he cleaned the Library while the mare and filly went back to Fluttershy's house.

Back at Fluttershy's house Pinkie was just sitting on the rug in the living room minding her own business while Fluttershy was thinking of something they could do together. She remembered reading in her babysitters guide that the best way to entertain a baby pony is to play peek a boo. "Oh, Pinkie Pie" Fluttershy said as she got Pinkie's attention. She covered her eyes with her hooves and then say's "peek a boo." First time she said that Pinkie began laughing, then the second time came as Fluttershy again covered her eye's with her hooves and say's "peek a boo." And once again Pinkie started laughing her flank off. Now for the third time Fluttershy covered her eye's again and as she began to uncover them she jumped up straight to the ceiling thinking she saw a ghost. But of course it was Pinkie Pie in a little ghost costume, She took off the costume and say's "peek a boo."

Fluttershy just came down from the ceiling giggling a little bit knowing that Pinkie gave her a little surprise. "OK, you got me good" Fluttershy said to Pinkie "now lets go get you all cleaned up." Fluttershy picked her up and wrapped her around her hooves and started flying up to the bathroom so she can give Pinkie a bath. The bath water was warm enough for Pinkie and there was plenty of bubbles in there for her to play around in. Fluttershy looked at the clock and noticed that she needed to feed some of the birds outside. So she quickly shut the door, flew downstairs, and grabbed a bag of bird food as she flew outside and poured it in the little bowls next to their house's.

Then Fluttershy just remembered something that she forgot to do before she left to feed the birds, she forgot to turn the bath water off. She quickly flew back into her home and tried opening the bathroom door, but sadly the door could not open up. So she flew outside again and went through the bathroom window trying to find Pinkie. The water levels were up to the bathroom sink and Fluttershy was worried that Pinkie was gonna drown. But instead Fluttershy found Pinkie riding on a inflatable pirate ship while wearing an eye patch, and a life jacket.

"Well, at least you safe" Fluttershy said as she turned off the bath water "Now all we need to do is get you out of here." Then she reached for the door knob and as she turned it all the water started flooding the living room floor and made it's way out the door. Fluttershy was sliding down the stairs as the water was carrying her down. Of course Pinkie slide down while on her pirate ship and say's "ARRRRGGH."

Rainbow Dash was standing outside of PonyVille next to the food pellets that are obviously shaped like a stallion. Rainbow Dash looked at the pellets and say's "look, i know we didn't find the zebra in town but i know a zebra in the Ever free forest that might have your bike." The pellets just looked at her and say's "zebra stole my bike." Then Rainbow Dash had enough and say's "why can't you say 'zebra stole our bike' i mean if all of you guys are shaped like this does that explain why you don't say 'zebra stole our bike' in the first place."

The pellets nodded the head part of the stallion body which answered Rainbow Dash's question. Rainbow Dash face hoofed and say's "just go to Zecora's and get your bike back." The pellets ran to the Ever free forest to get their bike back and was finally out of Rainbow Dash's mane. Rainbow Dash began to chill on one of her clouds and was about to take one of her naps. That was until she saw Fluttershy on PonyVille street with a baby carriage right next to her.

Rainbow Dash flew down to see her old friend and check on how she is doing lately. "Hey Fluttershy, how have you been lately?" Rainbow Dash said to her, Fluttershy gave her an answer "I'm doing fine, i just got done cleaning the house so I'm taking the baby to town and buy her a balloon." Rainbow Dash gave a little grin and say's "I knew you couldn't resist being a babysitter, so who's the little filly your watching over?" Fluttershy gave her an answer "Oh, well you see Twilight is out of town to find a potion from Zecora to turn Pinkie back to normal cause Twilight "might" have turned Pinkie into a baby."

Rainbow Dash thought it was all a joke until Pinkie looked at Rainbow Dash with a cute expression on her face saying "i want hug's." Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy and ask "are you sure you know how to take care of her as a baby?" Fluttershy nodded and say's "don't worry Rainbow, she didn't cause that much trouble." Then Rainbow Dash say's "yeah, but even as a baby Pinkie could still get herself in some random situations like for example, she ties herself to a few balloons and starts flying into the sky." And of course Pinkie did do that exactly and both mares started freaking out.

"Don't worry Fluttershy" Rainbow Dash Said "I will get her down in ten seconds flat." And surprising as it was she was right about that. She untied Pinkie Pie from the balloons and quickly flew down and handed her to Fluttershy. "Thanks for saving her Rainbow" Fluttershy said "i don't know what would have happened to her if you didn't come along."

Now back in Fluttershy's house Pinkie was sitting on the rug in the living room petting one of the two week old baby kittens. While Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are in the kitchen talking about what Pinkie and Fluttershy did ever since Pinkie was turned into a baby. "Fluttershy, I think you might need to send Pinkie to an experienced baby sitter" Rainbow Dash said to Fluttershy. The shy pony just looked at her and say's " It's not a problem Rainbow everything is fine." "No it's not" Rainbow Dash said to Fluttershy "your house was flooded, you had a flying baby that was going to make her course towards the great beyond, and I just don't want you to go through this anymore."

Fluttershy took a deep breath and say's "maybe your right? I don't think I can do this anymore." "You probably should not have said that" Rainbow Dash said as she turned Fluttershy around and pointed her hoof at the baby Pinkie that was probably listening to the whole conversation. Pinkie's hair then began to deflate and her face made a little frown as she began to head upstairs. She went into Fluttershy's room and shut the door, Fluttershy tried opening it but the door was locked on the other side.

Then Fluttershy started to regret what she just said in the kitchen cause she probably knew it hurt Pinkie's feelings. Fluttershy then started to tear up from her eye's and started crying on one of Rainbow Dash's front shoulders. Rainbow Dash flew her downstairs to her couch and laid her down. "Is there anything i can do for you?" Rainbow Dash asked but Fluttershy shook her head, and so Rainbow Dash left just to give her privacy. Fluttershy just laid on her pillow as one last tear dropped on the floor, and before she falls asleep she say's "I'm so sorry Pinkie Pie."

But before she could close her eye's one last time and go to sleep, Pinkie Pie was standing in front of Fluttershy and gave her a drawing. The drawing had Fluttershy and baby Pinkie standing next to each other in a meadow of flowers, and on the top of the drawing it says "i forgive you." After looking at the drawing Fluttershy put on the other end of the couch and lifts up Pinkie just to give her a hug. "I don't care what trouble you get into" Fluttershy said to Pinkie " i still care about you no matter what." After hearing that Pinkies hair puffed back up and she wrapped her hooves around Fluttershy just to give her a hug. "Is there anything i should know before we go to bed, and you go back to normal in the morning" Fluttershy asked Pinkie, and of course Pinkie got close to her ear and began to whisper "I wub you."

As the morning finally came to PonyVille Twilight was in her house with the potion all ready to go while Rainbow Dash was reading one of her 'daring do' books. Fluttershy came in the Library with Pinkie Pie in the baby carriage fully awake and ready to go. "Don't worry about a thing Fluttershy" Twilight said "it will taste just like the same milk that babies drink." Fluttershy was going to say something but she was trying to avoid showing any tears in front of the girls. Rainbow Dash just looked at Fluttershy and ask "hey, is everything alright?" Fluttershy gave her an answer "It's nothing really, It's just that *sniff* I just wish she could be a baby for a little longer." Fluttershy looked like she was about to cry but Pinkie put her hoof on hers just to cheer her up. "your right Pinkie" Fluttershy said to the filly "I need to be strong."

And so Pinkie nodded her head at Twilight telling her that she was ready. So Twilight used her magic to lift her out of the baby carriage and onto the floor. She handed the potion to Pinkie and stepped back a little bit just for safety precautions. Both Twilight and Rainbow Dash put a hoof around Fluttershy just to make her feel better. Then right after Pinkie drank the potion she looked at Fluttershy and say's "Thank you Fluttershy."

As the potion begin to have an effect Pinkie was no longer a three month old filly, but the same old Pinkie Pie every pony knows in love. Fluttershy wiped a few tears that was left in her eyes but she didn't want Pinkie to see her crying. But of course it didn't fool Pinkie that easy. She walked towards her and put a hoof around Fluttershy and say's "It's OK Fluttershy, I'm still hear for you no matter what."

The End

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Comments ( 16 )

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Chaos15

Chaos15 #1 · Apr 30th, 2012 · · ·

The picture alone gave me diabetes

Cherry Rie

Cherry Rie #2 · Apr 30th, 2012 · · ·

I'm sorry but this needs a lot of work.

Large sections are too compact and lacking any detail. In some instances, what feels like several chapters worth of storytelling has been condensed into just one or two paragraphs.
More important is the dialogue. You need to separate individual character lines and express how they are speaking, not just inject lines where ever they're needed. Right now it’s difficult to tell who is speaking, never mind what their motivations or emotions are. Try thinking about the scene in which events are taking place; how do characters interact with it and does this affect their reactions?
There is a skeleton here for an adorable story, but you’re going to need to put a lot more meat on the bones to pull it off.
My advice would be to take this to the writers training grounds on ponychan, get someone to pre-read / bullet point the issues you need to look at and then follow their tutorlage careful.

Hope this turns out well in the end, there’s potential here.
Good luck

crimsonbrony2507

crimsonbrony2507 #3 · Apr 30th, 2012 · · ·

522507 well thanks for the advice, i just only have one question. How in the hay am i supposed to contact any prereaders from ponychan? im just asking cause i never went to that website

KamiyaItsuno

KamiyaItsuno #4 · Apr 30th, 2012 · · ·

Is this the version of "Pattycakes" that does not make me want to barf? Because it appears so.

The only difference between the two fics main ideas.

In "Pattycakes" Fluttershy was doing it to feed a freaking disgusting fetish

In this, she is doing it out of the good of her heart

crimsonbrony2507

crimsonbrony2507 #5 · Apr 30th, 2012 · · ·

523297 that is correct my good sir

Cherry Rie

Cherry Rie #6 · Apr 30th, 2012 · · ·

523153 No worries hun
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/
Nip on to this link, have a look at the top post for 'reveiw threads', pick one and post up your request with a link to the story.
You'll probably need to write a short blurb and basic tags so that the readers know what they're dealing with. Mention anything you personaly want to improve on too, that'll give them some direction in their advice.
Good luck!

chaorock

chaorock #7 · Apr 30th, 2012 · · ·

522493 I don't think anyone was spared diabetes... Now where's that insulin.

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #8 · Apr 30th, 2012 · · ·

This was cute but it needs to fixed up and if possible expanded.

And the 'Zebra Stole My Bike' thing while a funny reference to the Punch Out meme 'Nigga Stole My Bike' had no connection to the plot, so why was it in there?

crimsonbrony2507

crimsonbrony2507 #9 · Apr 30th, 2012 · · ·

525306 yeah that's the point. i do not know why i put it there in the first place. i guess it got stuck in my head

Sarcasmo

Sarcasmo #10 · May 1st, 2012 · · ·

I agree with Cherry Rie that this would make for a good story, if a couple of things were imporved.

There are two pieces of advice I'd like to share. First some sentences were simply repetitive, slowing the story down. An example would be:
""Sure, just give me a minute while I go upstairs" Fluttershy replied to Pinkie. Fluttershy then continued flying upstairs to her room as Pinkie Pie started following her. As they made it upstairs ..."
Second I would strongly advise you to use a thesaurus. For instance, you keep using the word "say" over and over again, when there are several words you could use, that would add some additional meaning.

I hope that you manage to improve the story to everyone's and also your own liking.

crimsonbrony2507

crimsonbrony2507 #11 · May 1st, 2012 · 1 · ·

526151 ok just so i understand
1. how repetitive are we talking about
2. why would you want me to use a dinosaur if it's extinct
3. what i said in 2... i was just kidding with you, i know what a thesaurus is. i was just pulling your leg

Sarcasmo

Sarcasmo #12 · May 1st, 2012 · · ·

526333 What I mean by repetition is the example I provided could be reduced to:
""Sure, just give me a minute while I go upstairs" Fluttershy replied to Pinkie. As Pinkie Pie started following her..."
basically providing the same information, without the use of the phrase "going upstairs" three times.

It at least happened once more in the story:
"Of course the glow means she is concentrating the age reversal spell on an old flower pot. "Um Spike" Fluttershy said "why is she practicing the spell on an old flowerpot?""
Telling the reader that Twilight was practicing on an old flower pot was unnecessary, since you provided this piece of information through dialogue just a single sentence later.

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #13 · May 1st, 2012 · · ·

It might have been funny if the 'Zebra Stole My Bike' actually eneded up at Zecroa's. And it might have been intresting to see what Rarity and Applejack would have thought of three month old Pinkie Pie.