Anniversary
It was a bright and sunny afternoon in the small village of Ponyville. Having the sun out in the middle of April, when rain typically ruled the skies, was a truly unusual event. However, the weather patrol had figured that with the vast amounts of surplus rain they had dumped upon the town, one day of clear skies could be allowed. Ponies everywhere took full advantage of the rare sunny day: mares were out and about shopping, stallions were hauling various fruits and vegetables into market to sell, young colts and fillies were playing in the wide open parks, and young couples were spending their day getting to know each other. Every street corner was abuzz with activity.
Off in the distance, a dot in the sky steadily grew in size, approaching the town at a leisurely pace. Soon, the pony shaped object neared the outskirts of Ponyville, and with a small flourish of her wings, landed in the middle of the road. Of course, while it technically was a landing, the clumsy trip and stumble as she touched down with her front hooves, calling it a landing in conversation would be generous at best.
The pegasus mare was panting as she took a few seconds to breathe, her wings hanging limply towards the ground. The tips of the longest primary feathers brushed against the cobblestones, picking up slight amounts of dust in the process, tainting their color. For nearly a minute, the pegasus just stood there, the various ponies crossing her path barely giving her a glancing look. Eventually, she gathered enough strength into her feathered appendages to carefully fold them against her sides, where they couldn't get in the way of any errant pony's hooves. Letting out a sigh, she looked down.
Adorning her left hoof, a very elegant hoof-ring clasped her leg, the gold band wrapping around her ankle. The band had a vibrant golden hue as it shined in the bright light of the late afternoon sun. The band was anything but simple, the gold expertly cut in various ways as to give the band a feather-like design. Near the top, facing towards where the pegasus walked, a truly massive and flawless diamond sat, glistening in the run's rays, creating a rainbow pattern against the cobblestone road. Even with its age, the hoof-ring was perfectly polished, shined, and looked as if it was forged by the finest of Canterlot's jewelers yesterday, a testament to the ring's importance to the mare.
“Ok ok ok... uhh... are you sure she'll like it?”
“Ugh, Ah told you twenty times already, she'll love it. 'Sides, its not the ring your askin' her to marry, its you.”
“I know I know... I just... umm... I just want it to be perfect...”
“Trust me, sugarcube, she'll love it.”
The pegasus, satisfied at the appearance of her hoof-ring, starts her walk into town. The spring wind picks up, carrying her mane with it, ruining any previous attempts to style it. With an empty look in her eye, showing her apathy towards her mane, she continues to walk into town, empty saddlebags situated snugly against her back. Looking off to the side, she notices the various stalls hugging the town square. Every product that a pony could want in a small town like this could be found here: from horseshoes, to apples, to even more exotic things like electric can openers. However, there was only one stall in particular that she was interested in.
Approaching the stall, she silently stood at the front, waiting for the owner to finish talking to another customer. It took a few minutes, but once the customer was satisfied, the owner finally turned towards the pegasus. Instantly, the smile that the cream coated earth pony was wearing fell, until a slight, and sad, frown adorned her face. Slowly, she nodded, and with a small motion, she pulled a single rose, as vibrant and red as the earth pony's mane, out of the back of the stall, and placed it on the counter. The pegasus moved, reaching for her purse, only to be stopped by the owner's hoof. Locking their eyes, the earth pony closed her eyes, gave a soft smile, and shook her head in rejection. Nodding, the pegasus picked up the rose in her mouth, put it into her empty saddlebags, and without another thought, turned, and walked away.
The pegasus continued her slow trot down the roads of the town, ignoring any calls or greetings, as few as they were, that were passed in her direction. Continuing away from the town square, the sounds of the crowd behind her slowly started to die away, until only the small conversations of the ponies in her immediate vicinity broke the silence. Finally stopping, she sat herself down near the side of the street, and waited.
She only had to sit for a minute until the door she was sitting near opened, and the occupant walked out. A unicorn mare stepped out of the residence, and walked into the small street in front. Lighting her horn, she closed the door behind her, and with a slight movement, latched the lock with her magic. The two stared at each other for a second, studying everything about each other, as if it were the first time the two were meeting. Eventually, the pegasus looked down, and blankly noticed the hoof-ring attached to the unicorn's front left hoof.
“... will you marry me?”
“Oh... my... YES!!! HAHAHA!!! OH CELESTIA YES!!!”
“Ack!... Can't... breathe... hugging... too... tight...”
Looking back up, she noticed the unicorn staring at her still, continuing the inspections of the pegasus before her. Slowly nodding at each other, the two ponies slowly started to walk side by side down the street, letting the ponies in the road flow around them like a rushing river against defiant boulders. As the pair flowed through the town, the wind died down, sparing the unicorn of the same treatment against her mane that the pegasus had so unforgivingly received. The pegasus looked at her companion for a moment, but looked back towards the road just as quickly.
Everywhere the two went, they went in silence. Many of the ponies that they passed, friends and acquaintances, greeted the two mares with simple hello's and other terms of greetings. Each time, the pony was snubbed, silence being the only response that each received. Unsure of the nature of the silence, the ponies merely raised an eyebrow, and walked away. Considering who the pair were, finding anypony in town who didn't know who they were was rare, but those few who didn't have any connection to the two ponies paid no heed. Their closest friends, the ones that they knew for countless years and had grown to know everything about them, greeted the pair with a stoney face, and a silent gesture of recognition.
It was exactly what the two wanted.
The unicorn eventually turned, and, with the pegasus close behind, approached a refined restaurant in the heart of the town. It was the best place in Ponyville to dine, and on a typical day, ponies from all over the region came just to experience the class and atmosphere that flowed from every wall and floorboard. Today, being one of the clearest days of the month, the restaurant was completely packed, not a single table was empty. Each pony sat in the receding sunlight of the late afternoon, and, with the help of candles on the tables, cast just enough light to let them view the ones the loved across the table. Even from here, it was obvious that the line to get seating to the pleasant eatery was out the door, and the wait nearly unbearable.
The pegasus walked past the extensive line, lightly bumping into ponies and receiving glares and murmurs the entire way, and approached the snow white unicorn Maitre D that was standing at the entrance. Presently, he was on the receiving end of a stallion's rage, veins quite visible as he yelled into the Maitre D's face. Small particles of spit spewed from the angry stallion's mouth, landing everywhere in front of him, including the apparent offending party. The Maitre D, possibly the most patient stallion to ever be born, stood there, taking every word, and calmly rejecting the more and more absurd requests that spilled out of the angry pony's mouth. The argument was something about the wait for a table being at least two hours long, though the pegasus wouldn't care if it was about the Princesses themselves visiting the restaurant. Instead, ignoring the furious couple, she walked up to the Maitre D's podium, and waited.
“And... here we are. You like it?”
“The 'Jument Charmant'!? Are you sure that this place isn't too expensive?”
“Come on! It'll be fun! Please? We don't go out enough. Besides, you told me it was your favorite.”
“... I don't know...”
“I'll rub your hooves later.”
“... dinner and a hoof rub? Well, how could I possibly turn that down?”
Even though the brightly colored pegasus stood out like nothing else, it surprisingly took at least a full five minutes before the calm stallion at the podium noticed the mare. For a fleeting moment, his eyes grew wide, but instantly afterwards, they return to their calm and friendly disposition. He nods his head, and says something to the pegasus, though she was too lost in thought to process the words leaving his mouth. Immediately, he leaves his podium, to the obvious and vocal disapproval of the argumentative stallion. As soon as he is out of sight, they give a scowl to the pegasus, and grumble to themselves as they walk off.
Ten minutes later, the snow white Maitre D returns with a soft, yet genuine, smile on his face. Levitated by nearly white magic aura, a plastic bag swung lightly, its volume filled to capacity by the contents. The pegasus nods, a blank stare on her face, pulls out her purse, and gives the Maitre D the payment. She hears him thank her, to which she nods again in reply, and, after the unicorn places the package in her saddlebags, she walks back to her unicorn companion. Looking into the unicorn's eyes, the pegasus gets lost in the window into her precious soul, and a small spark ignites in the pegasus' heart. Ignoring it as she always does, the pair turns, and continue to walk down the road.
The path they take drew them away from the center of town and into the residential areas of Ponyville. Here, the sounds of carts full of goods and market transactions are replaced with the laughter of children and the light clopping of hooves of families taking their early evening strolls. Up ahead, a small family walks down the road, the pair of pegasi watching over their young and bounding little filly. The pink pegasus filly is determined to prove something to her parents, the speedy fluttering of her wings as she runs in circles signaling to everypony around her excitement of the topic. Smiling, the red stallion and the yellow mare listen closely, all the while telling the filly to be careful. All of these warnings are for naught, for suddenly, the young pink filly stumbles, trips, and falls hard onto the unforgiving cobblestone. At first, she just looks at the scrapes against her knees as a dark red stain slowly starts to appear on the beautiful pink fur. Her eyes grow wider at the sight, her mouth quivers, and she lets out a terrified screech.
“MOMMY!!!!!”
The pegasus winces at the scream as the young couple quickly run over to their distraught young filly, and attempt their best to calm her down. All the while, the unicorn simply looks on, emotionless to the scene in front of her, acting as merely a silent audience as the two parents softly sing to the crying child, until the tears stop flowing, and the tender young filly finally smiles again. The mare continues to softly sing as the stallion picks up the small pony, places her onto his back, and slowly, the trio make their way back the way they came: to the comfort of their loving home. The pegasus and unicorn continue to watch the happy family as their forms fade from sight.
Continuing on their path, they finally get to the edge of the town. The buildings here are almost all residential, the former crowded nature of the buildings that dominated the town center are now lost to the larger homes. The yards in between each house blended into each other, with fencing nowhere in sight, it looked less like a series of homes with yards and more like various buildings planted on each side of a field of grass. Off in the distance, various apple trees dot the landscape, creating a blanket of fruit bearing orchards.
It was from these orchards that a very familiar orange earth pony appeared, her hair as yellow as the most vibrant of sunflowers, and the stetson adorning her head signaling to all of her traditional country background. Getting closer, the honest pony saw the couple, and the most genuine smile grew on her face as she waved with a forehoof towards the pair, hopping along on her three lowered hooves. Quickly setting her forehoof down, she trotted over to the mares, not a concern in the world in her eyes as she went to create the most lively and innocent of conversations.
She walks straight up to the pair, stopping their forward movement with her mere presence. Just as she opens her mouth to speak, the subject unknown to the pegasus and unicorn, her eyes fell on the single red rose peeking through the top of the pegasus' right saddlebag, the significance of the flower instantly stopping the earth pony in her tracks. The honest smile that had been on the apple pony slowly faded, until a small frown is all that is left of her former mood. A silent nod, a gesture too often occurring in the presence of the two companions today, is all that the orange mare gives before she turns, and walks past the two ponies to carry on with the chore she was on before interrupting the couple.
Once again the pair continue, walking besides, but never venturing into, the orchard of red apples. They travel for almost a mile, the sun now barely over the horizon, until they get to large field covered in the greenest of grasses with small yellow and blue flowers poking through the lush green every so often, creating a sea of colors. The endless expanse of this wondrous creation of nature is broken only by a single grassy knoll, which holds dear only two monuments: an oak tree, seemingly older than time itself, and a single stone, buffering the harsh bite of the winds from any resting pony who seeks its meager shelter.
“... just a little farther...”
“Haha! Ok ok ok! We're here. So what do you want to tell me?”
“Well... ok... I... umm...”
“You take me all the way here, only to lose your nerve? Silly filly.”
“No! I mean... I...”
“Shhh... its ok. I was only teasing. Now, whatever is on your mind, you can tell me.”
“Well... you know how we've kinda... well... saved Equestria at least a dozen times?”
“Mmhmm...”
“Well... I was hoping to... umm... ask a favor of Princess Celestia.”
“Oh? And what are we going to ask Prin-”
“I want a foal.”
The pegasus slowly walks up the hill, until she is up against the ancient oak, and finally, for the first time in hours, sets down her saddlebags next to the stone. Coming up beside her, the unicorn sets her's down as well, and carefully using her magic, pulls a blanket out, and spreads it across the top of the hill. The red and white checkerboard fabric in place, the pegasus takes the package that she bought just a little while ago, pulls out two containers, and places them on either side. The unicorn takes her turn, and pulls a simple, yet elegant vase out of her saddlebags, and carefully sets it in the center of the blanket with her magic. Finally, the pegasus takes the rose in her mouth, and with the dexterity of a unicorn at her finest, places the wondrous flower into the awaiting vessel. Satisfied with their work, the pair sit themselves down across from each other, and open the containers to eat.
For coming from such a fancy restaurant, the meals that the two have were quite simple. Daintily eating from a spoon provided by the restaurant, the unicorn is satisfied with her soup; the carrots and onions of the dish mixing perfectly with the lemon and garlic to create a dish fit for a princess, even with the lack of formality. The pegasus, on the other hoof, slowly picks up her daisy sandwich, the apples inside providing a nice surprise to any unsuspecting pony, and takes a bite, savoring the flavors of the meal. Sitting directly in the middle of the two, a small dish of hay fries is placed, though neither pony dares to take the initiative of taking the first bite. They would sadly go cold.
Through it all, the sun softly and passionately kisses the horizon, greeting it after so many hours of being away from her love. The passion between the two casts a series of brilliant colors of red, orange, and purple across the sky, bathing the ponies below in a final warming glow before the day is closed. The pair of ponies, their nearly finished food now forgotten, come together on the very peak of the hill, and gaze over the town. Their sides nearly touching, the unicorn and pegasus watch as Celestia's gift to the world bids a final farewell to the pair.
“Do you know where we are?”
“Uh... we're on that hill that-”
“That you first brought up the idea of a foul. Yes.”
“Ok? But why?”
“Well... there's no simple way to say it... but I'M PREGNANT!!”
“...Oh... my... Really!?”
“Really!”
“I... oh! We're having a baby! I'm... we're going to be mothers!!”
The fiery orb finally dips below the horizon, the fading light of the celestial body starting to fade. With a sigh, the unicorn stands, and, leaving the pegasus at the top of the hill, makes her way towards the saddlebags she brought with her. Seemingly uncaring for the fate of the checkered blanket that she had brought to the hill, she carefully lifts her now empty saddlebags to her back, and starts to walk down the lonely hill, the rustling of the oak's leaves in the wind being the only sound that breaks the silence. Even with the sun in her eyes, the unicorn never looks back as she begins to make her way back towards her home in town.
“I... umm... I still love you... you know...”
The unicorn stops with a start, but doesn't look towards the source of the outburst. The wavering voice from behind her pierces the peace and solitude of the lonely hill. The wind dies to a standstill, the world holding its breath, desperately waiting for the answer it hopes the unicorn would finally provide the pegasus.
“I know,” is all the unicorn quietly says, never looking behind her, not even sure if her voice carries to the pegasus' ears.
The pegasus stands, and draws closer to the spot that the unicorn has frozen herself to, standing as still as a statue in the Canterlot Gardens. Never being able to work up the courage to get next to her, the pegasus moves within ten hooves of the unicorn, and sets her flank back on the ground, hoping that grounding herself would somehow give her the stability and courage that she desperately was in need of.
Another minute passes, before the pegasus lowers her head slightly, though she keeps her eyes on her companion, and speaks again in a wavering voice, “If you... if you don't love me... why have you still never filed for... for... well... you know...”
“I never said that I don't love you,” the unicorn passionately retorts, turning her head for a brief moment to face the pegasus, the look boring into her. They look into each others eyes for a few seconds, before the unicorn closes her eyes, lets out a sigh, and turns back to the expanse before her, the town's lights now just starting to illuminate.
“But... its been fifteen years...” the pegasus looked down, softly kicking the grass underhoof, “... if you still... well... why can't we-”
“Because every single time I see you... I can't help but see her. Because of that, one day of the year seeing you is heartbreaking enough for me, because I want nothing more than to forget. So us two living together again? I...” the unicorn never took her gaze off of the now glowing town, “... I can't do it... I know its not fair to you, and I know it makes me a terrible pony... but...”
The pegasus looks up as the unicorn grows silent, and the pair stare off into the town before them, the sun nothing more than a few faint colors in the darkening sky. Behind them, Luna's magnificent white moon begins her march across the heavens. The stars above unwilling to let the moon make this journey alone, and with a careful cadence of flickering light, guide the bright sphere across the night sky, following in the sun's wake. The mares below are barely aware of the waltz in the void above, only focused on each other.
“So... umm... I... uh...” the pegasus starts. After a moment, she sighs, and lowers her head to look at the ground one more time, “Same time next year then?”
There is a brief moment of silence until the unicorn nods, and starts walking off, “... always...”
Lifting her head, the pegasus watches her companion start her journey back to her home in town, longing for the return of two things forever lost. Her emotions once again in check, the pegasus climbs back up the hill, the formerly forgotten sunset picnic now once again the center of attention. Approaching the top, the lonely mare looks at the blanket, the rumpling of the fabric leaving ample evidence of the pair's former presence. With a blank look, the pegasus notices the single red rose in the vase, standing defiant against the heavy mood cast upon the hilltop paradise. Approaching the rose, the mare carefully picks up the flower from its home, and carefully transplants it onto the base of the stone.
The pegasus softly lays herself down onto the ground, and observes the stone again, the times she's been here staring at this slab of rock countless in number. All around her, the natural world provides consolation: the cool touch of the grass relaxing the mare's tense nerves, the wind whispering comforting words into her ears. Even in the darkening night, the pegasus knows every word that is etched into the slab; every letter engraved into her heart.
Placing a single hoof onto the stone, the mare murmurers, “I'm... I'm sorry I couldn't be there. I promise that when I see you again, I'll never leave your side again...”
Lingering for another fleeting moment, the mare finally stands, and begins to pack up the various materials of the picnic. The leftover food, more than they left last year, is placed into their boxes, which are placed, likewise, carefully into her saddlebags. The vase, the former home of the precious flower, is placed into the bags, the pegasus uncaring to what gets wet from the moisture inside. Finally, the blanket is folded up, the red and white checkerboard design too bright for a day like this, and with the greatest care a pony could muster, placed it within the rest of the accursed things. Taking one last look, in the waning glow of the sun, she can barely make out the inscription on the slab.
Here lies Dancing Sky
She was taken before her time, but now rests in eternal bliss
May she achieve in the afterlife all her dreams, her soul forever flying in the clouds
At long last, the pegasus looks away from the stone. Carefully, she picks up her saddlebags, the containers filled to capacity, places them upon her back, and makes her way down the hill. For a second, the thought of flying her way back home crosses her mind, but there is no rush, and when she doesn't absolutely need speed, she wouldn't dream of ever flying. Not anymore. Instead, she keeps her wings folded to her sides, and makes her way down the hill, back to her home in the outskirts on the other side of the village. She takes the long way around the village, ensuring not to make the mistake of an awkward confrontation two years in a row. She lowers her head, and one final time, looks at the hoof-ring adorning her left foreleg, still gleaming despite the darkness. Looking up, she pushes all those thoughts to the back of her head, and tries to forget... just as her lost unicorn had said...
“Hey... how you doing?”
“Shh. She's sleeping.”
“... can I hold her?”
“Of course. Just be careful, love.”
“... wow... she's... beautiful...”
“Just like her mother.”
“Heh. So... you still ok with Dancing Sky?”
“I think its a truly wonderful name.”
“... she has your coat.”
“And she has your wings.”
“...”
“...”
“Happy Anniversary, Rarity.”
“I love you too, Rainbow.”
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*sees SAD tag*
encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcToV0_mneTrN54WnNcyLRxDs4wMHa9oU5Fb-DSVFuSUm30RdH1k5g
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
I... I was going to have a good day.
Thanks.
Very well done though, worth the 'thumbs'.
...Something about this story just doesn't click very well with me.
It's not that it's bad; the writing is reasonable, and it definitely portrays the emotion, however bits and pieces felt redundant, less-than-necessary, or were even just hard to follow, and whether it was your intention or not I noticed the tense switched a lot (not in the dialogue portions, but in the story itself).
It also uses one rather large cliché that I've never very well fancied, so although I did my best to look past that, keep in mind I'm saying this with a bit of personal preference mixed in with the plain facts.
The style of writing, I think, is good. Not the most unique out there, but not at all bad because of that, however as I said I would keep an eye on whether you're in past- or present-tense, and keep consistent with that.
Overall...I'd give this a 7, maybe 7.5 out of 10.
However I'm bumping that to an 8 and giving it a thumbs-up because the ending still made me tear up a little.
Not bad...not bad at all. You didn't tell us what's going on; you SHOWED us,and that's a big difference. Nice job,mate.
The only problem that I had with this was that I didn't know it was Rarity until the very end. I couldn't find a clue even during their conversations, although Rarity has a fairly distinctive way of speech. Overall, not that bad.
310197 ...
...
310237 Thanks! Sorry about ruining your day. Grab a chocolate chip muffin! Derpy tells me they make her feel better
310287 Lots of points to comment on. I'll try to make it short! First off, sorry if you felt some things were redundant. I tried (obviously) to not TELL what happened, and tried to just SHOW what happened, and I guess in some parts I missed the bulls-eye. Second, no, the tense changes in the exposition were not intentional, and was just me trying, and failing, to change up the sentences maybe? Not sure if that made sense, but you can tell from my pitiful excuse that it was a mistake on my part. That is something I will make sure to look at better when writing future stories, I promise you that. Third, which cliche do you mean? The whole "kid dies" sort of thing? If so... well...
Even if you say that it is "your personal preference", I still love feedback, and I thank you for your criticism! Makes me feel like I'm getting smarter...
310357 Thank you! Its one of my pet peeves when people just tell me "the sky was blue", instead of painting a picture. Glad I'm not alone!
310687 Even though the point was both of them were supposed to be kinda a mystery (other than race), I hear ya. Thanks for the read and comment!
i thought the unicorn was twilight
But, but, but. . .
Why not twilight?
I'm sorry, I'm one of those ponies. I can't see RD and Rarity getting together. I mean, I probably should've known, what with the HUUUGE diamond rings you gave them, but still. . .
Otherwise, sad story, loved nearly every line. Thanks for sharing
The abstract style of storytelling isn't really my thing but I like the concept. Good story and I can see the quality in it.
Grammar & stuff: 5/5
Writing & stuff: 4/5
Story & stuff: 5/5
Personal enjoyment: 3/5
Overall qualitative review:
Comment: not my style, however the sad tag was nice and appropriate and I like slightly sadder stories sometimes. The abstract storytelling style suited the story but wasn't really a thing I enjoy reading, however to each their own. Ignoring the fact that I didn't particularly enjoy the style of narration, I can see that you have talent and that you're a good writer.
310748
I'm not entirely sure what I meant by redundancy, to be honest...that was more of a "best word I could find" thing.
As for the cliché, I meant more the "magic lets two mares have a foal" thing, I was just trying to keep from spoiling things for ponies who read comments before stories. Maybe not really as commonly used as I seem to recall, but it's a rather old one either way.
Even with a few weak points, it's still a good story, I just have OCD about a lot of things (being raised by two editors and spending most of my time reading as a kid) that tend to show up when I read fics.
311200>>311213 To be honest, I did start with Twilight, and not Rarity. However, three quarters of the way through writing it (I seriously had gotten to the dialogue part), I realized that Twilight WOULDN'T do anything that I wanted her to do. She would either embrace Rainbow, and the two of them would pick up the pieces, and move on; or she would let Rainbow go, and separate with her (via divorce) for good. Whether or not the two remained friends didn't matter to me. Rarity, on the other hand, she would do what I wanted her to do, which was "ride the fence" so to speak. Like it is said in the story, she still loves Rainbow and wants to be with her (as not divorcing her kinda shows), but at the same time, can't stand to be around her (because of the memories it brings up).
TL:DNR: Rarity fit what I wanted her to do more than Twilight, so that's why I picked her.
312467 I am actually very excited that even if it isn't your style, you still gave me a good review! And of course, thanks for reading!
313368 I'll be honest, I thought long and hard about it, and I was originally going to go with an adoption, but I decided towards the Magic Pregnancy direction all because of the final flashback. So instead, I decided that making it really really damn hard to do (Celestia was NEEDED to do it). Yes, I went for the cliche, AND I REGRET NOTHING!!!
310357
Agreed, too bad the stars are gone, there would have been 5. Great story, though
Thought it was fluttershy honestly how was it rainbow, I mean come on, but no the less.
Dancing Sky taken before her time,
Given to this world by love and kindness,
Taken to pursue the stars now,
But still the parents visit the grave,
For longed faces tell the tale,
Of how their love died with their child,
How sad that it did,
But it has and so they visit every year to once again say their goodbyes,
To the one who brought them happiness and with her death strive,
So they say their goodbyes and they will meet next year,
once again to say their goodbyes.
Beautifully written. But Sweet Celestia, that was sad! Intended effect: definitely achieved. I figured it was Rainbow before the end, but Rarity threw me for a loop. Looking at your comments, I totally understand why you chose her. And good job for keeping me guessing on who the two actually were! Definitely one of my favorites.
awesome fanfic. very emontional. (rarity, how could you???)
I actually did a read of it! the thumbnail got all messed up though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmnATRt3VNs&feature=plcp&context=C431e372VDvjVQa1PpcFOTgkayuevP3bKWAPP7Qx65kYyjFSZwQWM=
Woah, I just noticed that this story has a few more comments. Might as well reply to them!
313985 A simple upvote, and maybe a sizable monetary donation would be enough
333004 It was Rainbow because I wanted it to be! But in all seriousness, the reason I picked Rainbow over Fluttershy was how each of them would react. While Rainbow would be broken by the traumatic event, I could see something like this completely shattering Fluttershy to the point where she couldn't handle not only visiting Rarity every year, but visiting the grave. She'd probably become a huge recluse, and refuse to leave her cottage.
Oh, and the poem is cute
377332 I'm glad I hit every goal I intended with the story for you! And thanks for the positive review!
441342 ... Woah... I'm honestly flattered beyond belief. Sweet merciful Celestia that's awesome! May I make a single request that you link the story in the description or something? I know you say my name and such on it, but a link would be appreciated
I love you all
443102
It is done!!!!
I kind of had a hard time following it right up until the end... It was a bit too meandering for what I'm used to. The ending, though, was superb. So overall, great job.
Small mistake, there. I think there was also another one towards the beginning but my eyes are failing me.
Nice one-shot, by the way.
313464
That notion rings false to me. Rarity not being generous enough to let Rainbow Dash go? I doubt it.
I can see how sentimentalist like Rarity could get caught in the "brings up too many painful memories" kind of trapping, but I don`t see her being greedy and cruel enough to keep Dash to herself being fully cognizant she can not stand to be around Dash no more. A year or two may sound reasonable enough as a "timeout" period to dull the pain of memories. Fifteen years? Way too much. At this junction, Rarity would realize that if she still loves Dash, she needs to let her go.
Not to mention that other four would arrive to that conclusion as well - and knowing them, they would not stand aside. I`ve half-expected Applejack to pull Rarity away for a second and say something to the tune - "Don`cha think Dash gave ya plenty enough? Either be her wife good and proper or let her go."
1509054
I think that's kind of a black-and-white way of looking at things that doesn't really make much sense. The loss of a child is a powerful blow to most creatures that rear and care for their young; not only in humans, but also in baser animals as well. Do many people eventually come to terms with what they've lost? Sure. But just the same, others don't - their psyche's are broken to the point where they can't.
Besides, personally, I don't see Twilight, AJ, Pinkie, and Fluttershy really having any great impact in this manner. RD and Rarity aren't just friends, and this isn't just a friendship problem; if the girls are really mature, they might voice their opinions but they'd also realize they have no choice in the matter. The only ones who can really say or do anything about it are those involved - and only two ponies are involved in this.
As far as your specific example regarding Applejack, I can see why she wouldn't have gotten involved. Throughout he series, it has been demonstrated that she is more conservative than the other five; she and her family continue to hold on to traditions that can be traced all the way back to the settlers who founded Ponyville itself. I can easily see those conservative viewpoints lending themselves to the idea that "what happens between a mare and her wife is nobody's business."
1859084
A few years is time enough to figure out if something is broken. Two, three, ok maybe even five. But not fifteen. At this point, it is far beyond broken, it`s outright clinical.
Besides, you kind of missed my point. Do you really think that Rarity would not be generous enough to let Dash go, if she were cognizant of the fact she can`t resume their relationship? What kind of justification Rarity would have for herself for being so greedy?
And yes, I can vividly see Applejack saying this - and not on fifteenth year either. I can just as vividly see Twilight doubting the possibility of prolonging this kind of thing without permanent damage to everyone involved. As well as Fluttershy simply begging Rarity to show Dash some kindness. Let`s not even touch Pinkie Pie`s reaction - it would be... horrific.
1859084>>1860546
It's been a long time since I wrote this, and when I did, I was not nearly as skilled as I am now. However, I'll try to say what I felt when I made it (keep in mind that my memory is sketchy).
Rainbow: She's the most straightforward. She still loves Rarity, and is completely loyal to her. While this is normally a great thing, in this case, it is a HUGE flaw with her, for while she will never leave Rarity, that is also what she NEEDS to do right now. If Rarity were to break up with her, then Rainbow would accept it. However, because Rainbow both feels loyalty towards her wife, as well as responsibility for their daughter's death, she will never be the one to break up with Rarity. Also, I see Rainbow not actually living in Ponyville anymore—too many memories.
Applejack: She's a little more awkward. I'll be honest when I say that I never thought about what she might think of the two when I wrote it (her scene was more to show "hey, this has been happening for a while, and it's pretty common knowledge"), but I'll give it a go. I bet you money that she has tried, and tried many times, to help them. She tried to get the two together again, she tried to get them to love each other again, and even tried to get them to realize that it was all over, and to separate. However, every time she tried, she was met with a wall. Rarity wouldn't break up with Rainbow, and Rainbow wouldn't break up with Rarity. Eventually, after years and years of trying, she simply "gave up".
Before you say this wouldn't happen, imagine your two best friends in a relationship together, and it is not going well. Not fighting or anything, but just neither are happy. Sure, at first you would try to help them, and eventually you would do anything to make them happy, but imagine trying and failing for FIFTEEN YEARS. At what point do you throw your arms up and say "fuck it, I give up." Hell, I'll be honest, I'd have a hard time being friends with them at that point.
Twilight, Pinkie, and Fluttershy: Probably the same as Applejack, but none of them nearly as much. If anything, Fluttershy would be the one to try the hardest of these three, but she wouldn't be as persistent as Applejack would be. Twilight would try hard, but would never know what to say. Pinkie would be no help at all, for she would either try to cheer them up in any way, or be even sadder than the two. Don't get me wrong, these three would try, and try hard to help, but it wouldn't.
Rarity: This is the tough one, but I can see her doing this. When I say she loves Rainbow, I mean soul-mate love. She loves her to no end, and wants nothing more than to be with her all the time—even now. However, as she says, every time she sees Rainbow, all she sees is her daughter. That's the main problem, and I admit that it is definitely a mental illness. With this, she's caught between a rock and a hard place. She wants so desperately to be with Rainbow—more than anything else in the world—but she CAN'T be with her. So, in her mind, she sees this as a terrible and awful compromise, but a compromise nonetheless.
I hope this clears up a lot of things for you two. If you can't accept those reasons, then we are sadly at an impasse.
1860546 Just wanna make a separate comment just for this question:
Because she is probably mentally ill at this point.
1860596
The thing is, if Applejack could give up on that, she`d give up on Rarity as an entity at exactly the same time as well.
Not to mention that if Rarity were as far gone as to not realize that telling Rainbow to go is the most reasonable thing she can do - she`d most likely attempt to reunite her family in... more physical ways, let`s say.
1860682 Who knows? Maybe Applejack doesn't do more than just acknowledge that Rarity exists when she sees her in person, and that's it. I never touched on that.
And I'm not entirely sure about that last part. Keep in mind that when I say she has a mental illness, she isn't insane. She just has a terrible depression, and yet can't let go to the one thing in her life that is guaranteed: Rainbow Dash.
1861981
I don`t see how that could work. At least, not in the way you want to picture it. Rarity that is unwell enough not to be able to let go of Dash would not be capable of keeping away from her. Those once a year scheduled meetings just don`t work with unwell mind.
Frankly, the only plausible situation for this kind of thing to develop was if Rarity knowingly and consciously blamed Dash for the death of their daughter. But again, I can`t see Rarity being able to hold on to unfounded grudge like that for long, and I doubt very much their friends would permit her to maintain it for this long either.
To put it bluntly, this premise asks me to suspend disbelief by too much.
1862092 Well, then like I said before, we are at an impasse. *shrug*. Sorry I couldn't satisfy!
1860546
I didn't miss your point; I rejected it.
Rarity doesn't NEED a justification to "be greedy." No person does, really. She isn't Generosity Incarnate; she may embody the element of Generosity, but she's still a pony who's as liable to fall into any emotional trap as any other. And so what if it seems, or even IS clinical? Never said that wasn't going to be the case, did I?
1863137
Let me put it this way. I couldn`t imagine myself in Rarity`s place. Doing something so basely egotistic revolts me - and have in mind that this is psychopath saying that. Says something about how deplorable the idea really is, ne?
I sincerely doubt anypony could be capable of that kind of atrocity. Sane or not - it does not matter. Even if they could entertain a notion, I refuse to believe all of their friends would care to go along with it.
1863137>>1865576
Can we just agree to disagree? We aren't going to convince each other, no matter what we say.