This is a daring story where Prince Blueblood is a Fake! See if Twilight ever finds the real Prince before the Fake Prince Blublood. Will she ever have proof of Blublood's evil plans for Celestia to regain her trust?
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 16th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen May 20th, 2014
PegaSisterPrincessLily
I am a freaquent writer and homeschooled.
PegaSisterPrincessLily
Joined 16th Nov, 2013 ·
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I don't know why but I really want to read this story!
*Adds to read later*
I enjoy this very much. More please?
Thanks!
Just from the description I'm getting a very "Man in the Iron Mask" feel here...
I read this and I have to say I'm impressed. It's a good story and I'd love to see more! Love that you included Flash.
Hey if you like this go to my brother dukesofhazzardftw stories they are awesome!
Alright, there's a few things I'd like to note:
There's some spelling, word, and punctuation issues, like this:
More editing might help here. You probably did edit, and I know it's a pain, plus one often overlooks a few mistakes even with additional editing, yet it's helpful overall in reining in the worst of it!
And you need to slow down! Things are happening incredibly fast, with little chance for us to take them in properly. As of now, the story is very script-like, which is difficult to read for your audience. It's a good idea to give more information about how characters feel, what they see, what they hear. In essence 'Show, don't tell'. Dialogue is fun to write, I know that—but giving the reader more insight into what's in your head is very rewarding, and they'll thank you for it!
Take the exchange between Flash Sentry and Twilight. Twilight had been so frightened and then so flustered that she forgot about the bombshell she'd just heard before. Explore those things! Flash Sentry was just on top of her, so maybe describe Twilight trying to fight her blush and calm herself down with slow breathing. Then ,while walking off, she wonders why Flash Sentry and she keep running into each other, have her scold herself for looking like a fool in front of him, just because she thought he was Blueblood... and then boom! She remembers why she'd been scared it was Blueblood who tackled her.
Just some suggestions. Most importantly, don't ever get discouraged!
Cheers!
Thanks for the tips and I didn't have an editor for the first chapter, but I will for the second thanks.
WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO
Do you like it?
There are a few errors here and there, but all in all, great story!
3522577
Like I noted, editing won't catch everything.
I'm sorry everyone what I said was mean and stop being haters! just cause of a few grammar issues and incorrect puns doesn't make it horrible! I was very mean and didn't consider my sisters feelings. I don't care how you guys feel about it or if I'm now on her side. I don't care if you think what I said was mushy or stuipid I'm on her side!
I don't mind comments on my story but please stop having comment battles!
I'm looking at the cover right now and I'm already into it so lets read... YEAHOO *gets sucked in to computer*
static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130711132208/mk_/images/2/25/Anchorman_well_that_escalated_quickly_966.jpg
and I loved it
this is also just wow
I'm totally riffing the shit out of this.
3578680 then next time think before posting shitty stories