quick hoove's strange life

by lazertoad

a ghost of my past

*Many years ago*

"Ummm...are you sure about this quick hooves?" whispered Fluttershy. We were trying to sneak into flight school building so we wouldn't have to do the weekly race.

"Fluttershy." I said seriously. "If I wasn't sure would we be doing this?" I questioned .
"I... I guess not." She silently said.

Just then we heard a loud voice.
"HEY you two!!!" shouted our coach. Fluttershy yelped
"Come on Fluttershy!" I yelled at her. She looked up at me(since i was a few inches taller).
Her eyes started watering, she then started wailing. Oh great. I grabbed her hoof we took off.

*A few hours later*

CREAK CREAK CREAK. A ceiling fan (that obviously needed to be replaced) wouldn't stop. "Well...sorry for all this Fluttershy." I said feeling bad for the yellow and pink mare. "SHHHHHHH QUIT...NOW!" Shouted some mare that was really ticked. I decided to work my magic on her.

"Excuse me... but i couldn't help notice something is making you mad" I said coolly and smoothly. "Well actually yes.... actually there's a colt that recently broke up with... ".she started timidly. "No no no what you need to do is go to his house and stick it to him" I interrupt.

*Five minutes later*

"How did you do that!" Fluttershy said in a shocked tone. I grabbed two apples from a stand, without paying. She sorta cowed when i offered the apple."What... come on it's ok." I started while looking into her teal eyes. She took it and had a worried bite.

*Several hours later*

"Well this is it." I say with finality as we look at the two storied cloud home. "t-thanks for walking me home." said Fluttershy. Then she moved up to me then hesitated then she quickly nuzzled my cheek. Quicker than i could blink she moved inside her home. Extremely shocked, I flew home "Well that was.. interesting".

*Present*

"Well now... I remember." she said blushing. She then said bye and left. "WAIT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO I ASKED?". I sigh, then i saw the ball.

Author's Note:

Hoped you liked (bronysquidiness did editing thx)

Comments

[Dunsparce]

first story so dont hate

dis gon be some'in

First: Description should be about the story and nothing more. If you want to add credits, do so in authors notes. 2nd of all, there are such things as chapters too short, but when you're just starting out, there's usually not a chapter that's "too long". 3rd, get a professional editor, I see a lot of grammar mistakes.

You wanted feedback, so there ya go. Gave it to you within the time restraint I have.

[Manes]

Word of advice telling them to don't hate will make them bring the hate to your story.

[Commissar Rarity]

Quick Hooves' Strange Life. That's what you want in the title.

[Siaraos]

All editing goes to my fri

end nick

You might want to have words with your friend Nick.

[Benny]

I concur with much of what Dunsparce said, with the exception of the credits thing. A lot of people put credits to editors and prereaders, credit for collabs, links to sequels/prequels, explanation of inspiration ("I got the inspiration from this picture"), etc., and it's all fine as long as it's done well, which it was not in your story description.

No offense to Bronysquidiness, but he's either not blunt enough to give honest grammar checking or he just doesn't have enough of a grasp on it to be helping anyone out. If you can't improve by yourself or can't find anyone with decent enough grammar skills who's willing to help out, I'd suggest checking out a group like Looking for Editors.

As Manes pointed out, you're gonna get hate for this. People are jerks, and people who aren't jerks are going to exercise the downvote function or just avoid it all together. The good news about that, though, is that later when you've got a thousand plus followers, you can look back on this fic and see how far you've come.

The story itself isn't terrible, regardless of it's delivery and presentation. It's short, most glaringly, but it also has a complete lack of action and a general cheesiness about it, if you get what I'm saying.

And finally, 3516949, it'd actually be "Quick Hooves's Strange Life" since "Quick Hooves" is singular like "James's" or "Charles's". Or at least, that's the way I've always been taught, both can be acceptable, I suppose.

[Commissar Rarity]

3517013
Incorrect, because it's a hard S sound at the end. Hard S sounds are just an apostrophe, no extra S needed.

[Benny]

3517050

Hm. Learn something new everyday, I guess.

[lazertoad]

Don't worry benny there's gonna be action in the next or 4th chapter.

[BronySquidiness]

Wow, I'm doing this bad? I guess my editing isn't half as good as my writing. Sorry, and I'll try harder....