Sleepwalker had a fairly tragic childhood. After a chance taken with the Princess Celestia herself and a royal upbringing, he has ended up in a modest house in a modest town. Just the way he likes it. A stallion of few words, he has only a few core friends in Twilight Sparkle and Ditzy Doo (mainly for the sake of pity). His adventures, if they can even be called that, are modest and don't change much in the grand scheme of things. His journeys though, however small, can shape him and those around him into things they never could possibly imagine. The gateway to the mind can reveal more than any life story.
As my first story, I ask you be brutally honest in your critiques. I cannot grow if you only praise me for a good first outing. All I require is constructive criticism. Not "I hate everything you say you piece of human garbage."
But seriously, the story got some real flaws.
The lenght of the chapters is not enough, you can't really show the world or real characters interractions with chapters this short.
Over designed name, it's a mouthfull and it's way too complex for a pony name. And it don't click right at all. Pony name always describe the personnality, color scheme or talent/job of a pony while being simple. " Sleepwalker " is descriptive and simple enough to work.
Plotwise, why Celestia ask him about dreams when Luna is way more designed for the job ? Even with a dream related cutie mark the MC is way too Young and inexperienced compared to Luna. Or is Luna still on the moon in this story ?
And reread all the chapters, you miss a lot of capitalization at the start of some paragraph and names.
3496863 I thank you kindly for this feedback. I will check into these capitalization and punctuation errors you speak of. Princess Luna is still on the moon at this point and perhaps I should go back and redo it so the desperation of the situation is more pronounced. As for chapter length, they will get longer. The first few are my first foray into Fanfiction and I want a bit of advice before I go about making chapters that are several thousand words long.
I do realize the name is a bit much, and I realize I should probably make it in the 3-5 syllable range. But I happen to like the name and, in my arrogance, refuse to change it. It is after all, My character.
You've been a help. A good help at that. For this I thank you. I shall continue writing with the knowledge you have given me good sir!