The Cassandra Chronicles, Some Extras

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

The Missing Crown: Take 2

Cadence invited the Mane 7 to the Crystal Empire.

"Twilight and Cassandra! So good to see you two again!" said Cadence, "Cassandra you wanna get some Labatt Crystal and see where the night takes us?" she asked seductively.

"Cady, you're married now. I wouldn't feel right doing that unless both you and Shining are involved."

"I think we can arrange that."

"Princess, what's the big emergency that you called us here for?" cut in Twilight

"Do you remember last time when you came to the Crystal Empire and I said 'One of these days we need to get together when the fate of Equestria isn't hanging in the balance'?"

"Er, yeah I guess so..."

"Well here we are, and the fate of Equestria, isn't hanging in the balance."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

Cassandra facehoofed. "Cady, I don't subscribe to the theory that one has to choose between brains and beauty, but you're a very strong argument for it."

"I see what I have to do," said Cadence, "I'll go cause Equestria to be hanging in the balance!"

"No wait!" called Cassandra, but it was too late.

That night, Twilight's crown was stolen and replaced with a fake by the nefarious Sunset Shimmer. The next morning, the ponies met with Princess Celestia to figure out what to do.

"That pony you saw was Sunset Shimmer, my third most faithful student behind Twilight and Cassandra. She was once a promising student of mine until she didn’t get what she wanted, and her heart grew to darkness. She took the crown through the mirror into the alternate universe.”

While Celestia continued with the exposition, Cassandra was examining the duplicate Element of Magic. “Hey Tia, shut up for a second and look at this,” said Cassandra - she was allowed to talk to her like that because the princess was her long lost sister.

"What is it, did she take the fake by accident?" said Celestia

"No she took the real one, I was just tired of hearing your voice."

"We have to send Twilight through the portal to get it back." said Celestia. "Cassandra, you've been to the human world before, perhaps you should go with her?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. You've heard of Helen of Troy, haven't you?" Actually they hadn't, because none of them were as well-read as Cassandra, "she was so beautiful that men went to war for her. A similar thing happened to me when I visited, and the war was 1000 times bloodier. So I believe that it's for the best if my human form never sees the light of day again."

"Please Cassandra, you must be brave" said Celestia, "you are the only one who can save Equestria. We all trust that you can find a solution." The other ponies nodded in agreement.

"That is all very true" said Cassandra, "all right. I'll do it for Equestria, and practice kissing."

"We'll give you the best you've ever had." said Rarity.

"Good luck you two" said Celestia.

"And to all of you as well" said Cassandra, "for you have to go three days without me."

And so, the two ponies and a dragon stepped through the mirror portal, and into the unknown world.

*****

"Welcome to the human world!" said Cassandra, "it's been centuries since I was here last, but I know some basics. The only sentient species is called 'humans', or in casual conversation, 'people.' Colts are called 'boys', filles 'girls,' stallions 'men' and mares 'women.'"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" said Twilight, looking at her hands in horror.

"Really? The augmented fine-motor skills are what's got you down?"

"They're weird" whined Twilight

"Trust me, you'll miss them when you're back in Equestria, alone in your bed one night, and you realize you can't fit a hoof inside your special place."

"CASSANDRA!" blushed Twilight, "I do not-"

"You're 23 years old and you never talk to colts. You have needs, I completely understand."

"I hate these clothes and I want out." groused Twilight, not wasting anytime in airing her grievances.

"It's not polite to be without clothes in this society" said Cassandra, "it'll get you a lot of unwanted attention from older men."

"Cassandra, if I can't appeal to older men, then I have no reason to even exist." said Twilight matter-of-factly.

"Twilight we're in the 'Equestria Girls' movie. That ship sailed long ago."

"Point taken."

"♪ ♫ Will you lend a caring hand...?♪ ♫"

"Fluttershy?" said Twilight quizzically. Indeed, the melodic voice belonged to her pegasus friend from back home - the human version of her.

"How did you know my name?" she said. She turned to Cassandra, "and why do you look like a recolored version of me?"

"Because you secretly want to be me" replied Cassandra, "bold, brave, and beautiful. You're one-third of the way there if you don't mind me saying." Fluttershy blushed. "How many fliers did you manage to distribute?"

Fluttershy looked down. "Zero. I'm too shy to really approach anyone."

"Allow me" said Cassandra. She grabbed a handful of fliers and bravely distributed them among the crowd.

Fluttershy was so impressed she could barely contain herself, "oh Cassandra, how can I ever thank you?"

"Practice kissing?"

"Oh of course!" she puckered her lips and moved towards Cassandra.

"We'll do it later, we're very busy right now. Have you seen a crown?"

"Yeah, and I gave it to Principal Celestia."

"Principal? Wow, that's a long hard fall from being the immortal ruler of a sovereign nation." commented Twilight.

"What?"

"Uh, nothing, we've gotta go." Cassandra snatched up Twilight and dragged her away before she put her foot in her mouth anymore.

*****

The two of them went to Principal Celestia's office.

"My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I'm new here, um don't bother looking for my records to verify that I'm actually a student."

"Whatever, my sister handles all that boring stuff." said Celestia.

"How can I get the crown?"

"By winning the fall formal."

"Why is there no Fall Formal Prince?"

"I don't know. Any other stupid questions?"

"Just one, how come you have such long legs? Seriously, they're as tall as me."

"Excuse me?"

"We'll be going now" said Cassandra. She pulled Twilight out the door and closed it behind her.

"You have really strong arms, Cassandra" said Twilight

"Nevermind that " said Cassandra, "while you were talking, I located the wallsafe where Celestia kept the crown, observed the combination when she put it away, took a clay impression of her office key, and read Cat Burglary 101 cover to cover. I think it's pretty clear what we have to do now."

"Yes," said Twilight, "I must become Princess of the Fall Formal."

Cassandra was going to correct Twilight, but chose not to, this was one of those times she had to learn for herself.

*****

The next period was lunch, and Twilight met up with Fluttershy again at the cafeteria. Twilight put a beef burger on her tray, but Cassandra hastily replaced it with a green, fibrous veggie burger. "This one's vegetarian, like the hamburgers we have back home. Those ones have meat in them. I don't think you're ready for that"

"Cassandra, please" said Twilight defiantly, "I'm a princess for Celestia's sake. I'm going to ignore your advice." She took the beef burger and sat down at the table. "So Fluttershy," she began, taking a bite, "why is everypony in this school - oh my god this is GOOD! Like ten thousand times better than any food we have in Equestria! Sweet Celestia, is this what I've been missing out on??? When we get back home I'm making it legal to slaughter cows. I'm a fucking princess! I can do whatever I WANT!......and I need to change my panties."

"So was that from the food or the power?" asked Cassandra

"Probably both" said Twilight

"So, um, what were you saying about cliques?" interjected Fluttershy

"Oh right. I was saying why are the students in cliques? That's extremely backwards compared to Equestrian society."

"What's got you on your high horse all of a sudden?" said Cassandra, "people form groups because of common interests, not because they're evil."

"Sorry" said Twilight sheepishly, "I was still coming down from that food & power-gasm. Don't worry, I won't do anything crazy, like making cliques an offense punishable by death."

"That's a relief" said Fluttershy, "anyway, you need to go talk to Pinkie Pie if you want to run for fall formal.

*****

Cassandra and Twilight went to the gymnasium where they saw Pinkie setting up for the Fall Formal. She gave them the pen and clipboard to apply for Princess. Twilight looked confusedly at the pen, and tried to grab it with her mouth.

"I'd better handle this" said Cassandra. She took the pen and wrote Twilight's name on the clipboard.

"Did someone order a dozen cases of fizzy apple cider?" called Applejack from the doorway.

"Applejack is in charge of the catering" explained Pinkie Pie.

"Cool, so what else did you bring?" asked Cassandra

"What else do ya need?" asked Applejack. "Now Big Mac, ah brought in one case, can you take care o' th' rest of it?"

"We'll be on our way" said Cassandra, and the two of them left. Soon after, Sunset Shimmer came in, and she wasn't too happy about being challenged for the crown. "Who is this Twilight Sparkle? Grr, her handwriting is so pristine and perfect that it makes me want to KILL HER!"

*****

Twilight was passing by a vending machine when she saw a tasty looking fruit snack. "You have any money Cassandra?"

"Why would I? We were fortunate enough to teleport here with clothes. Here let me try something." In a raised voice she said, "It sure would exhibit GENEROSITY if someone were to..."

"The Grrrrrrrrrrrreat and Powerful Trixie!" interrupted Trixie.

"Oh come on" said Cassandra. She slapped Trixie out of frustration.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie...enjoyed that, actually. Can I have another?"

"Buy us that fruit snack and we'll talk" said Cassandra.

"Is that all you want?" she asked quizzically, "Why for such a lovely favour, The Grateful and Powerful Trixie will buy you all the fruit snacks!"

"Bet we could get the entire vending machine if you introduce the riding crop," said Twilight with a smirk.

"Twilight PLEASE!" said Cassandra, annoyed but not surprised by her friend's lack of decorum

"Are you offering?" interjected Trixie.

"C'mon Cassandra, I'm hungry" whined Twilight. Spike also looked at her with pleading eyes.

Cassandra sighed, "Fine, I'll take one for the team."

*****

"Did you follow Twilight Sparkle around like I asked you to?" said Sunset Shimmer to her lackeys Snips and Snails.

"We sure did" said Snails, "and we got all kinds of dirt on her!"

"Yeah, we got hard evidence of her bringing a dog onto school property and trespassing after hours!" added Snips proudly.

"In addition we don't recall ever seeing her go to any classes. We think she might be some kind of weird vagabond."

"And more importantly, not actually a student of Canterlot High, and therefore not eligible to win the Fall Formal."

"Then I know what I must do," said Sunset, "make an insulting video of Twilight, and hope that dissuades people from voting for her!"

*****

The next day, Twilight's friends pulled her into a classroom for an emergency meeting. They showed her the video that Sunset Shimmer made, but the damage control session quickly fell apart when they started fighting.

"Pinkie brought fireworks to my silent auction!" said Fluttershy

"Your e-mail said you wanted a violent auction!" objected Pinkie, "anyway Rarity left me in the lurch when I texted her to help me with decorations!"

"Rainbow was s'posed ta bring the softball team to mah bake sale!" said Applejack, "but they never showed up, an' as a result ah barely made any sales! Why one customer was so disgusted by the softball team's absence that he spit out his apple strudel right in mah face!"

"Excuse me" said Cassandra. "I come from a universe where the telegraph is considered cutting-edge technology, so take this for what it's worth, but it occurs to me that your communications should've had some sort of signature that identifies who really sent them."

"By jove she's right!" said Rarity, "I never bothered to check the caller ID's. And look, they were all from Sunset Shimmer!!!"

*Dramatic Music Sting*

"We were all wrong to accuse each other" said Pinkie. They embraced.

"So what's the next step?" said Twilight

"We go talk to Rainbow Dash." said Applejack.

*****

"Sure, I'll help you," said Dash, "but only if one of you can beat me!"

"I'll take you on" said Cassandra, springing up, but Rarity held her back and whispered,

"Careful now dear, she hates losing."

"Ah, I see. Twilight, how about you take this one?" Twilight's face lit up like a Christmas tree, just from the thought that Cassandra trusted her to win a soccer game against the mighty Rainbow Dash.

"Just to make things interesting, I'll handicap myself by wearing knee length boots and a skirt" said Dash confidently. She kicked Twilight's ass in spite of the handicap.

Next, they went to a cafe, where Twilight bumped into Sunset Shimmer's ex, Flash Sentry. Ponies with weaker conviction than Cassandra would've said "fuck this I'm done" at that point but Cassandra pushed herself to be brave and suffer through this insufferable new character.

"buy Twilight a new drink" she said, "that collision was your fault."

"ok" he said

"Also give me your guitar and take this" she handed him an accordion. "I'm letting you keep your sports car because I'm humane, but if you show just one more garystu tendency, I'll make you into Equestria's first gelding."

"ok" he said.

*****

The next day in the cafeteria, they sat down with their respective cliques; Rarity with the fashionistas, Fluttershy with the eco-kids who were eating fish-farmed sushi with disposable wooden chopsticks, and Applejack with the other 5th graders. They performed their "Helping Twilight Win The Crown" song, and it was truly a spectacle, because it managed to break even less ground than High School Musical. But the boys enjoyed it because they got some good upskirt views when the girls were standing on the tables, so Twilight couldn't complain.

"Drat" said Sunset Shimmer, "now I have to sabotage her. If only I had some incriminating evidence that could get her kicked out!"

"We still have-" began Snails

"We'll destroy the dance and doctor the photos to make it look like Twilight did it!" said Sunset. She did, and they hurried to tell Vice Principal Luna. After hearing the news, Luna immediately called Twilight and Cassandra into her office.

"After reviewing these photos" said Luna, "my sister and I..."

"*cough* nepotism" whispered Cassandra to Twilight. Twilight giggled. While a little uncouth, Cassandra's insinuation was probably true.

"...my sister and I have decided to take you out of the running for Fall Formal."

"but-" began Twilight

"Now get out of my office before I do something really crazy, like suspending you, or making you pay for the damages!"

"Vice Principal Luna, I have something to show you" said Flash Sentry

"Fuck off Sentry" said Cassandra

"But it's exonerating evidence" he whined.

"Fine" said Luna, "leave it on my desk, and then fuck off."

"Hey, if these photos are doctored, then can't we just peel off the picture of Twilight and see who's really responsible?" suggested Cassandra. The rest of them chose to ignore her advice.

*****

Later that day, Cassandra led the charge to fix the dance in time so that the Fall Formal could go on as scheduled. She also saved Fluttershy from getting hit in the face with a broom.

"My hero" swooned Fluttershy.

Later that night, they went to Rarity's to dress up for the prom.

"Twilight, if you would please let Spike out, we're going to get changed." said Rarity.

Cassandra leaned down and hissed at Spike, "you owe me big."

"huh?" whispered Spike back

To the group Cassandra said, "What's the big deal? He's just a dog."

"Oh all right, I guess he can stay."

"thankyouthankyouthankyou" mouthed Spike to Cassandra. Applejack was struggling to put on a pair of cumbersome and impractical cowboy boots.

"Applejack, don't wear those" advised Cassandra, "you can't even walk in them."

"Cassandra, ah don't like th' word can't," said Applejack, "Applejack, ya can't eat all those apples. Applejack ya can't sell just apple treats at the bake sale. Applejack, ya can't bring yer cousin Braeburn as yer prom date. Ah'm gonna ignore yer advice! Now if you'll excuse me ah gotta- WHOA!" she had tried to storm out, but had lost her balance and fell over. She tried to get back up, but couldn't find footing on her awkward footwear. The others rolled their eyes and helped her to her feet

*****

At the dance, Twilight won the crown, and it looked like the day was saved, until Sunset Shimmer came in and stole her crown!

"Give it back!" demanded Twilight, lunging at Sunset. Rainbow caught the crown and threw it to Rarity, who threw it to Fluttershy. Fluttershy panicked and couldn't throw it before Snips and Snails surrounded her.

"Ah'll save ya!" said Applejack, and she whipped out her lasso, grabbing Fluttershy but failing to save the crown.

"Thank you for that fumble, Applejack" said Sunset, picking up the crown. She placed it on her head and transformed into a hideous demon!

"Run away!" cried Applejack, and she made a mad dash for the school, but she tripped on her boot and hit her head on the concrete step, and died.

Sunset Shimmer smashed the wall open and hypnotized all of the students into doing her bidding. "Now, I shall conquer Equestria with my own army of TEENAGERS!!!" she said, desperately trying to sound menacing.

"The hell you will" said Cassandra. She conjured up her Element of Harmony, a jewel-encrusted gold suit of armor. She drew her gold and silver sword and slashed Sunset Shimmer, not harming her physically, but expelling the malice from her body.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" she cried. When the dust cleared, she was back to her normal self, sulking at the bottom of the crater that the magic had caused. "Can you ever forgive me?" she said woefully

"We do need a new fifth group member" pointed out Fluttershy

"Do you like baking apple treats?" quizzed Pinkie Pie.

"No" said Sunset

"Then you'll fit right in!"

"We'll help you atone for your misdeeds" said Rarity.

"And you three can start by fixing the wall" said Principal Celestia

"Point of interest" interjected Snips, "Sunset Shimmer was the one who broke the wall. The two of us were just flying around looking intimidating."

"Hmm, that is true. Ok, you two are excused."

"What the hell, guys?" said Sunset

"We feel emotionally neglected." said Snips, "we took a vote on kicking you out of the gang, and the results were two yay's and one abstain."

"We're going to take our chances with Trixie" explained Snails. He nodded to Trixe, who was dripping hot candle wax on her leg and making an aheago face.

"Hey chin up, Sunset, I've decided to get back together with you" said Flash Sentry.

"R-really, you mean it?" she asked, wiping her eyes.

"Of course I do. Your looks were the primary reason I was dating you, and now you're not a bitch anymore, that's a win-win in my book."

"And it doesn't bother you that I'm actually a pony?"

"You have human parts where it really counts," he said suavely, "by which I mean your bre-"

"ENOUGH!" said Cassandra. "Twilight we're leaving." She grabbed Twilight by the hand, and the two humans and one dog stepped back through the portal.

They emerged back on the other side, and Cassandra said, "the day is won." The ponies cheered. Twilight accidentally bumped into the pony version of Flash Sentry.

"We've got to stop bumping into each other like this." he quipped

"Yes. Yes you do." said Cassandra. She demoted him to janitor as punishment for being overly familiar with a princess.

The end.

Author's Note:

Sunset was inspired by Black Adder, specifically Season 1.

Comments

[Queen Fangirl]

"You have human parts where it really counts," he said suavely, "by which I mean your bre-"

No.

[unassuminguser]

3648412 Oh yes

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

3648412 What do you mean no? That's Flash Sentry's deepest moment in the entire movie, where he's bearing his soul for the world to see.

[Queen Fangirl]

3649059 Well, good point.

[MarioMLPlover12]

OMC! Lemme e start and say that youre perfect in every way. Keep up the good work!
BTW, I love Applejack but if you don't, thatsOOK

[DuskPhoenix]

IMHO, it might be a little eaiser for me to try to convince myself to read this story if in the pic the mane six weren't literally bowing down to your OC. There's this thing, it's called ego...

Oh, what am I saying, you've definitely heard of it.

If this is supposed to be some kind of comedy/satire thing that totally sailed right over my head, then props to you and I'm a dick.

Actually, reading this comment again, I'm already a dick. Hmmm.

Too fucking bad, I guess.

[Starlight Nova]

3744725

My OC is an alicorn,

Witch one of your stories does he appear in?

[IndridCold223]

3572516
I'm gonna have to agree with every single one of these,but one other thing that I don't like is the design of this OC...it's..not original at all. It just looks like a recolored Fluttershy if you ask me. I can't be the only one who thinks that.
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/077/4/c/anti_recolors_by_awesomebyaccident-d4t7x32.png

[Dagi Dazzle]

4506319 God, you guys can't critique if you can't tell this is a trollfic.

[Puppy]

What Cassanda is a recolor of flutter shy
Not the other way around