Dinky's promise

by Derpy_Hooves_Muffins

The Promise

This story is about a special little Pegasus named Derpy Hooves and her little bundle of joy, Dinky Hooves.

It all started when Derpy started losing and mixing up other ponies mail on her daily mail run. This eventually got her fired from her job, which left her in tears

"Why does everypony hate me so much, what did i do to get fired from my job?".

Derpy said with tears pouring down her face. Derpy then heard a knock from the front door. Derpy slowly rose from her seat.

"I'm coming, just give me a second" Derpy whimpered as she wiped a few tears from her face. Derpy slowly opened the door to reveal twilight at the door

"Twilight" Derpy said in a shocked tone.

"Yes Derpy, are you alright? From what I heard it's not exactly the best of times for you, has Dinkie found out yet?" asked Twilight. Derpy quickly replied with

"No, Dinky hasn't found out and doesn't need to know." Twilight could start to see the tears and tear marks on Derpy's face.

"May I come in Derpy, or would you like to be left alone for a little while?" Twilight gently asked.
Twilight shut the door behind her and walked with Derpy towards the kitchen.

"Would you like me to make us some tea?" Derpy slowly nodded in agreement.

"I hope Dinky is having a better day then me" Derpy said, forlornly while looking out the window. But the truth was, she wasn't having a good day. She was, in fact, have a terrible day.

"You're stupid like your mother, blank flank!" Diamond Tiara taunted.

"My mother isn't stupid, Diamond Tiara, just leave me alone!" Dinky yelled with tears pouring off her face. Diamond tiara just snickered and walked off. Dinky thought that was the end of it but it wasn't. Diamond Tiara then hurled a stick at Dinky.

"Ouch, who threw that at me, it wasn't funny" Dinky said in confusion with still tears running down her face. Everypony just laughed at her. Not a single pony helped her but just laugh at her. By now Dinky had lost it, she ran up to Diamond Tiara and pushed her to the ground with a solid thud.

The laughs slowly faded away. The pony that had been taunted had retaliated, and now all she got a was a shocked silence.

"Dinky Hooves!" screamed Miss Cheerilee. Dinky looked at Miss Cheerilee with tears still falling on her face and onto the school classroom floor.

"Dinky, I'm sorry for yelling at you but, you could of hurt Diamond Tiara."

"You didn't hear what she said about my mum, did you?" Dinky said while sobbing into her hooves. Miss Cheerilee let out a small sigh

"Dinky, how about you take the rest of the day off?" Miss Cheerilee said with a light smile on her face. Dinky nodded in agreement. Meanwhile back at the Hooves residence. Twilight has just talked with Derpy about what could happen to Dinky.

"No, I won't allow my muffin to be taken away. Not now, not ever." Derpy said with fear and tears still rolling down her face. Twilight back down towards the ground and back up to face Derpy.

"I'm sorry Derpy, but it's a possibility that it might happen”. I just hope for your sake she stays in your custody" Twilight said lightly. But Twilight knew Dinky would be taken away, she just didn't have the willpower to tell Derpy.

A few minutes later, Dinky arrived home from school.

"Muffin!" Derpy shouted in pure joy with a tear stains still in her face.

"Mum!" Dinky said with a smile on her face. Twilight slowly walked past the two and out the door behind them. Twilight whispered something but they didn't hear what she said. Everything was going fine until two loud echoes were heard coming from the front door.

"Hello, who's there?" Derpy said sweetly.

"Derpy hooves, could you open the door please?" a strong voice boomed from behind the door. Derpy froze but complied with the request.

Derpy slowly opened the door.

"Your not here to take my Dinky, away are you?" Derpy said as she started to feel the tears coming back again. She knew why they were here.

"Derpy Hooves, I'm sorry but the child welfare services and fellow ponies in town believe that your daughter, Dinky Hooves is living in an environment ill suited for children. So it brings me to be the bearer or bad new and say, we have to take your daughter away from you". The stallion said in a strong tone but yet at the same time trying to sound sorry at the same time. Derpy then broke down into tears and dropped to the floor saying

"NO, you can't take my muffin away, she's mine, please, please don't take my muffin away, she's the only thing i have left!" Derpy said while sobbing into her hooves. Dinky then came up to her mother and asked

"Mum, what do these pony's want?" Derpy slowly turned around and said

"These ponies are here to" Derpy couldn't say the last few words. It pained her to say them. She rose from her hooves and trapped Dinky in a hug while crying over her shoulder.

"I will always love you Dinky, you will always be my muffin." Derpy said in between sobs.

Then one of the ponies that was standing outside decided to walk in and remove Dinky from Derpy with a basic levitation spell. While Derpy struggled to hold onto her daughter, the other stallion casted a simple paralysis spell.

"Muffin, No!" Derpy screamed while she tried, but failed with her attempts.

"Mum, help me! I don't want to go with these ponies!" Dinky screamed with tears rolling down her face. Derpy could only listen to and watch as her daughter was taken away from her. Derpy close her eyes tightly and whispered loud enough for Dinky to hear

"I'm sorry Dinky."

Dinky replied with "Mom, I will find you. I won't stop until I find you."

After that, the door was closed by the two stallions while Derpy was left alone still in the grasp of the paralysis spell.

After a short minute, the spell faded away and Derpy bolted out with tears poring down her face. She ran both up and down the street but found no sign of her daughter, or the two stallions.

Derpy dropped to the ground at the end of the street while she silently said

"I will find you my muffin, even if it take me forever, I will find you. That's my sacred promise"

The End

Comments

[SuperGiantRobot]

...oh lawdy.

Monstrously cliché, you appear to capitalize names only when the mood strikes you, your characters have the personality of cardboard and Dinky is apparently being taken away because Derpy is taking good care of her. Twice. ('is living in a in fit environment')

As for punctuation, about the only thing you've done well here is remember to put periods at the end of sentences and speech between quotation marks. This was frankly unpleasant to read; you don't appear to have made any real sort of effort, merely trying to push this out as soon as possible.

Further, if you need someone to help you with spelling, you're not ready to be doing this, yet. We have a FAQ for writing. READ IT.

And the excuse "This is my first story" holds about as much water here as a strainer.

You can do far better.

[marineproductions100]

I only read it because its the same title for one of my stories I made.

[Jphyper]

3451626 It might help if you told the author how to get to the guide instead of just instructing to read it.

As for you, author, click here to go to the aforementioned writing guide.

[SuperGiantRobot]

3451841

I shouldn't need to. See that big ol' button under the banner? The one labelled 'FAQ'? Shockingly enough, if you put your mouse pointer over that button -and try to follow my logic here; I often think 'outside to box' as the saying goes - immediately after doing so, you'll be presented with a link that takes you to the FAQ. It's even labeled 'Writing Guide' so people know that's what it is.

Is that considerate or what?

I know, I know, you're thinking to yourself: 'Why Mister SuperGiantRobot; how is such a feat of programming possible in this day and age?!' and I will smile cryptically and say nothing.

[Jphyper]

3452077 I know all that. But not everyone is observant enough to notice something like that, especially if the person is new to the site and not yet familiar with the layout.

[Derpy_Hooves_Muffins]

Thank you for all you comments like i said i am new and forgot to Put caps locks on like most of everything...But i can't help to think im being Yelled at

[Grif_Bladefeather]

3452450 first off it's a good start you need to work slightly on details and timing. you need work on dramatic tension and of couarse spelling and grammer. but we all have trouble with that and anyone who doesn't is lieing. next time focus a bit, take your time, let the story flow don't force it. and you may want a more permanent ending unless you intend to sequal this or something.

[Derpy_Hooves_Muffins]

3453102

I was kinda indentending to do a sequel later but im not sure

:)

[SUPERCHARGER2001]

3453102

You got a lot of grammar problems and your telling someone else that they got grammar issues, you hypocrite.

[Rose Quartz]

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO DO THAT, DERPY IS TRYING HER BEST TO TAKE CARE OF DINKY

:****(