“Darling, you can’t imagine how happy I am that you accepted my invitation. It’s so nice to have afternoon tea with a Canterlot pony of some sophistication.” Rarity sipped her tea, regaling in the company as her massive hat turned a few heads in the street.
“Well gee, thank you kindly,” Applejack replied with a hint of sarcasm as she wolfed on a scone. Cheerilee, for her part, merely snickered to herself.
The actual Canterlot pony, as Canterlot ponies often do, gave it some thought before weighing her words. The grey mare knew a set-up when she saw one, but she’d seen no good reason to refuse the invite, so she’d come.
After all, Octavia was an artist, Rarity was also quite the artist. Why shouldn’t she accept? “Oh, the pleasure’s all mine, darling. I don’t get out much, I’m afraid, but afternoon tea is a tradition I still enjoy here. That said,” she added with a sip of her tea, mentally preparing for whatever the three mares had planned, ”I was a bit surprised you invited me and not Vinyl.” Let’s see… Apple Bloom’s sister, Sweetie Belle’s sister, and their teacher. Doesn’t take a genius to see where this is going…
“Oh, well, Vinyl made a lovely presentation for Family Appreciation Day,” Cheerilee hastily replied, ”Even if we don’t know her that well, at least she made an appearance to remember.”
Octavia pressed a hoof to her forehead. “Don’t tell me she brought her bass cannon?”
“She did. But she didn’t fire it, luckily. She did mention something about her music, but not a lot of details.”
Octavia gave her best smug smile. “And now that you’ve seen her, along with all the shenanigans those girls get up to, you wonder whether or not Scootaloo is growing up in a stable environment. Am I right?”
That nearly got the whole table laughing.
“Well, ya can’t blame us, can ya? I mean, you are hosting the next sleepover, and let’s face it: the Cutie Mark Crusaders can be a little...” Applejack let that trail off.
“Energetic?” Octavia tried.
“To say the least. You know how eager those girls are to get their cutie marks and if you’re not related to them, arranging a sleepover can be a bit tricky. But actually, aside from that I think we’re all just a bit curious about you. You’ve performed in Canterlot -- you were raised there, I presume -- and you live in Ponyville, yet I never see you around. Why is that?” Rarity inquired.
With the secrecy of their intent broken, Octavia just acted like herself. She had a lot of personae to hide behind, but this was still Ponyville, not Canterlot. No need to be coy about anything. “I just have a different schedule from most ponies, is all. I go to Sugarcube Corner right when it opens, unlike most. And I don’t go every day, I just stock up when my supply of pastry runs low. I suppose it’s the same reason no one ever sees your parents around town.”
“She’s got you there, Rarity.” Applejack smirked.
“And what about the fillies coming by this weekend? Are you sure you and Vinyl can handle them? They are sweet little girls, but if there’s anything fragile in the house, you need to be careful,” Rarity asked with a hint of worry.
“Vinyl will be away this weekend for an airborne performance in Canterlot. She’s already cast her wing spell and everything. As for ‘handling’ them, I’m quite confident I can do that on my own, thank you.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t underestimate them if I were you,” Cheerilee added with a gentle smile, ”Those three are quite good at causing a mess, I’ve seen it happen myself. That’s even if they don’t poison someone outright.”
“They did break a table at Fluttershy’s place.” Applejack grimaced. ”You gotta be careful with them around. They’re not bad kids, but once they get an idea into their heads, there’s no stopping them. They’re a real hoof full, the bunch of them.”
“Huh…” Octavia pondered aloud while nibbling on a scone. “That’s not been my experience at all.”
The three mares at the table raised their eyebrows as if Octavia had just announced she’d given birth to a five-headed gryphon with a black widow spider’s colour scheme.
“What? Scootaloo’s never given me any trouble, as far as I remember. And that’s been, what, a year now? Year and a half, maybe?”
Rarity was the first to pick up her jaw. “Surely you jest. Scootaloo’s the most active of the bunch, and with her missing her mother I can’t imagine she’d listen to anyone.”
Octavia narrowed her gaze in confusion. “I’m sorry, what do you mean by ‘missing her mother’?”
“Umm… doesn’t she?” Cheerilee tried.
Octavia carefully put her food and drink on the table and leaned in. “Has no one told you how things are in our house?”
Three heads shook. Octavia got the confirmation she needed. “Well, that explains the invitation. Parent-teacher conference it is, then. To answer your question: no, she doesn’t miss her mother at all. Why would she miss someone she can see at any time?”
“Err…I’m confused,” Cheerilee admitted.
“Hasn’t Pinkie Pie told you? Scootaloo moved to Ponyville because she can’t fly, and her school in Cloudsdale is just too hard to reach on her own if she has to leave from a cloud home. She can walk on the clouds, sure, but it’s quite a ways away. Her home is in the suburbs, you see, and pegasus cloud roads aren’t designed for efficiency, they never needed to be. Her parents would have to drop her off in the morning at a painfully early hour because of their schedules, and for a growing filly that’s just not healthy. I’d gotten a place here with Vinyl, and Scootaloo’s parents asked if her she could move in with us about… six weeks after we settled in, if I recall correctly. Vinyl asked me if it was a problem, and I couldn’t think of a good reason to refuse her. Nor do I question it now. Pinkie Pie made her feel welcome, as she always does, and when she heard of how things were, she offered to lend Scootaloo her balloon if she wanted to see her parents.”
Applejack shook her head. “Wait, so she just flies off in that balloon over the weekend to see her folks?”
“If she asks, which isn’t that often,” came the calm reply, ”It’s not that big a deal. Her parents can still take a day off to take her places, they keep in touch as much as one would expect. It’s really no different from, say, boarding school. Scootaloo’s quite a happy filly, I assure you.”
Rarity still didn’t get the picture. “And you don’t have any trouble with her at all? No little accidents, no arguments?”
Octavia shrugged and smiled. “Not really. Her dear aunt Vinyl keeps her busy, and I keep an eye on her when I can. I set some rules, and Scootaloo follows them. For as long as I’ve known her, on my word of honour, she has never given me a reason to be angry at her. I’ve never even had a real argument with her. She’s as well-behaved a filly as anyone could ask for.”
If they were surprised before, now there were jaws dropping again.
“You get Scootaloo to listen?” Cheerilee asked. ”How? No offense, but… you’re not a blood relative, what authority do you have?”
“Tell me, Cheerilee, how many of the children in your class are your blood relatives?”
Silence fell.
“I explain myself, that’s all. If I tell Scootaloo not to use the oven without me around or the house will burn down… surprise, surprise, she’s smart enough not to touch the oven. I told her to stay out of my room, made sure she’d never need anything from my room, and she stays out of my room. I tell her not to eat the sweets or drink chocolate milk or she’ll lose her appetite, and she listens, doubly so since she gets chocolate milk with her dinner sometimes. Scootaloo may be a little filly, but she understands the concept of mutual respect. I don’t need to be a relative for that.”
“But… that still doesn’t explain how,” Applejack insisted. ”I mean, I haven’t seen you two together or anything. How do you two… I dunno, get along?”
“Oh.” Octavia nodded at the obvious question. “Well… let me put it this way, when Scootaloo’s parents decided she’d get a scooter, Vinyl picked out the best-looking one she could find. I then picked out the matching helmet and made sure it was a snug fit. Vinyl gets her that rock music she loves so much, I got her a set of headphones so she can listen to it without bothering anyone, and I warn her setting it too loud will make her ears hurt. That’s my authority. I know what’s safe, and I make the consequences of her actions clear before she goes ahead and does something. “
The mares kept on staring at her as she talked.
“If she needs anything, she just has to ask me or Vinyl. Other than that I hardly notice her, let alone argue with her. She’s already figured out that having lots of things is meaningless if you don’t have the time to enjoy them all, so she’s not really spoiled either. She does her chores, and she knows what rewards she can expect. Really, I’ve never had any problems with her. Out of the house, where I’m not around, she’ll make mistakes, but in the house she has never disobeyed me or questioned me. And… I don’t know how you handle your little sisters or students, but my method hasn’t failed me yet,” the musician added with just a tad of smugness.
The Earth ponies and unicorn realised something at that point. Octavia was a Canterlot pony, like Twilight. She had an air of calm organisation, and some amount of pride, with just a hint of snobbism. This basically meant that if they wouldn’t say something to Twilight, it was a bad idea to try it on Octavia, too.
Cheerilee was still trying to her head around the family situation, though. “So… Scootaloo is fine living with her aunt and you? And she’s not sad, she doesn’t have any problems?”
Octavia narrowed her eyes. “What makes you even think she has any problems?”
Cheerilee sighed. “Well, for one thing, she falls asleep in class, and she can’t fly. What really worries me, though, is that she doesn’t even try to fly. I’m sure Rainbow Dash would gladly teach her, or even Fluttershy. But no one’s ever seen her try to get any lift. I’ve asked some of her classmates, and they’ve never seen her do any training, not so much as a little reading on the topic. It’s like she just doesn’t care about flight, which isn’t normal for a pegasus pony. All the other pegasus foals can fly at that age, she should at least try practising.”
“Come now, surely you know that wouldn’t do any good. No amount of flight training will get that filly off the ground.” Octavia smiled as she thought the teacher was telling a little joke.
Rarity, Applejack and Cheerilee all stared at her like she was an abusive parent or something.
I swear, if they keep this up I’m going to take a picture and pin it on my wall. “What? It’s true, isn’t it?”
“That’s kinda harsh, Octavia,” Applejack tried.
Octavia tilted her head. “Hold on. You mean to tell me that you seriously don’t know why she never tries to fly?”
Rarity shrugged and looked around the table, getting no interruption. “We all just assumed she’d given up hope or something, her friends certainly think she has. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom worry about her, they’ve told us, but they haven’t confronted her about it. None of us are really experts at pegasus flight, but I should think Scootaloo at least got some encouragement to try.”
Octavia chuckled at that, much to their chagrin and confusion. “Scootaloo can’t fly because her wings are too small, and her magic isn’t developed enough for it. No amount of training is going to fix that.”
“Come now, surely there’s a way?” the white mare insisted.
“No, really, that’s just how she is. Her wing type is one that grows slowly, but eventually grows much larger than average, the proportions are almost that of a princess in adults. That’s just one of the quirks of her breed, nothing more. That’s why she goes on her scooter so much and why she never folds her wings against her sides, it’s doctor’s orders. She needs to train those muscles now or she’ll get a back problem once her wings grow in full. It’s not that uncommon, really, three of my classmates in Canterlot were just like that. She’ll fly once puberty comes around, that’s when her wings will be big enough. In the meantime, there’s just no point in trying. I thought you knew. It should be on her medical records, at least.”
“It isn’t. But what you’re saying is, she doesn’t try to fly because she knows she can’t? That’s pretty sad.” Cheerilee winced.
“Not to her it isn’t. She’s dealt with it, she can cope. She gets plenty of speed on the ground, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. I’ve brought some of my friends around, she had a little chat with them and she was quite impressed at the idea of having that big a wingspan. She’s not missing anything, you know. She will fly eventually. Scootaloo isn’t the type to mope or whine about something, she goes out and does something about it, if she can. If she can’t, she deals with it.” The mare shrugged as that train of thought found its final station. “Why do you think she’s so obsessed with getting her cutie mark? She can’t control when adolescence comes around, so she can’t control when she’ll be able to fly. She can control when she gets her cutie mark, so that’s what she focuses on. Sounds perfectly normal to me.”
“I suppose that does explain it, but you should talk to her about the sleeping in class. It can be a bit disruptive sometimes.”
“Well…” Octavia took a long sip of her tea, silently wishing it had some alcohol in it. ”I imagine if little Scoots hasn’t told anyone the rest of it, she wants to keep that a secret too, so you did not hear this from me. I’m serious: this does not leave the table.”
All three mares nodded a little apprehensively.
“Part of Scootaloo’s condition, her wing type or her breed, is that she sheds every few weeks. Pegasus wings aren’t like bird wings, they’re a mix of bat and bird. She has both feather-like extensions with bone in them and regular bird feathers, and it’s the bird feathers that keep her up at night sometimes. Every once in a while, they start falling off because of… some hormone or other, I’m not sure. When it happens, she gets a rash around her waist and on her back. She basically becomes allergic to her own feathers.”
Rarity leaned in at that one, nearly choking on her tea. “Allergic to her own feathers? A pegasus pony? Is that even possible?”
Octavia pondered for a bit. “It’s not that exactly -- you’d have to ask Vinyl -- but the end result’s the same. So when it happens, Vinyl puts some cream on the rash, and makes sure she’s tucked in nice and warm, since it provides a bit of a chill. And, well, you’ve all been around small children, I don’t need to tell you what happens when you put a foal to bed whose lower extremities are chilled.”
That got a knowing groan from the trio.
“The real problem is that, aside from the rash on her waist and some spots at random, she always gets one on her wings and on the small of her back. So that is always a little cold and wet compared to the rest of her body when she goes to bed. And that is what’s making her fall asleep in class sometimes.”
“I don’t follow,” Rarity tried.
Applejack nodded as the facts sunk in. She’d heard this sort of lecture shortly after the last Running of the Leaves. “Pegasus ponies are sensitive on their wings and back. Besides that, their wings moving is connected to their breathing and that spot is linked to their wings. They’re not as sensitive to cold air, but cold water or anything wet can keep them up at night. It’s an instinct thing, makes’em think they’re bleeding on their blind spot, that a predator’s got’em. It’s not so bad on a grownup, but on foals it can get pretty nasty. They get uneasy, panicky, even. I guess she gets nightmares then, huh?”
Octavia shrugged, her face devoid of any mirth for the moment. “Indeed. It doesn’t happen every time, but there are occasions that Scootaloo just snaps awake in the middle of the night, panting and shaking. Vinyl usually tries to calm her down with a lullaby spell, but the poor girl doesn’t get a wink of sleep when the night terrors come in. If she’s lucky, it happens on the weekend and she can sleep in, barely remembers what she dreamed of. If not, she goes to school with an elevated blood pressure and only a few hours of sleep.”
To that, Cheerilee could think of only one answer. “Oh.”
“It’s all right. It never lingers, she cheers up fast enough afterwards, she just has a tired day when it happens. I’m sure Scootaloo just doesn’t talk of it because she doesn’t want pity, I’ve seen the exact same thing before and those ponies turned out fine, they grow out of it eventually. Scootaloo is quite independent for her age. Really, there’s no problem at all, and I’d be more than happy to accommodate them on their little sleepover.”
Applejack chuckled. “All right, just keep in mind Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom might not be as easy to get through to. Those fillies egg each other on all the time, and on a sleepover they get worse.”
“Well then, I’ve been rambling on about Scootaloo for long enough now… care to tell me what I can expect from your little fillies?” Octavia smiled as she’d pretty much said all she’d needed (and wanted) to say on the subject.
The afternoon had come and gone, tea had been lovely, and once everyone was clear on Scootaloo’s predicament (or lack of a predicament, actually), Octavia had quite enjoyed herself. Little anecdotes on teaching, life on a farm and even some design tips from Rarity… all in all, an afternoon well spent.
And she did now have someone else in town to talk to besides Pinkie Pie and Vinyl.
On that note, when the Earth pony mare ascended the stairs to Vinyl’s bedroom, she silently thanked Celestia for having dodged the topic of how she’d met the DJ.
More importantly, no pony had asked what exactly their relationship was like.
As Octavia watched the slumbering unicorn under those bed sheets, a wicked grin crept up her face. The two had a ‘healthy’ relationship, was the only word for it, based partially on mutual challenges. Vinyl Scratch would drag her off to some beastly night club and giggle at her awkward attempts at raving. Octavia would kindly invite her to the high-end social parties and snicker to herself as the unicorn tried to contain her urge to, among other things, burp and go “Aww yeah!”. They pushed one another out of their comfort zones from time to time, and always made sure that things never got too uncomfortable. It gave them a sense of freedom, a mutability that was inexorably linked to their creativity.
That train of thought got more intense in her mind as she snuggled into bed with the white mare, summoned gossamer wings making a wider bulge in the sheets. Scootaloo wouldn’t be home for a while, there was no reason she couldn’t have a little fun.
“Hmm…hey, hot flanks.” Vinyl stirred in her sleep as Octavia rubbed around her belly. Those hyaline wings started rising, as if inflated by the affection.
That’s interesting. So even unicorns can get those… what were they called again? Ah, ‘wingboners.’ “Hello, darling. Sleep well?”
“Hmm, how was the tea talk?”
“It went quite well, thank you. Your little niece is apparently quite the enigma around these parts. I explained a few things to stop them worrying, swore them to secrecy.”
“So that means, what, three days before Rarity tells the whole town?” Vinyl smirked as Octavia’s hooves gently stroked her sides. The unicorn’s gossamer wingboner got harder, and one of her legs kicked feebly, if incredibly cutely.
Now the both of them had pondered their relationship for a while before getting to where they were. The issue of lesbianism wasn’t one they were unfamiliar with, but fact of the matter was, it just didn’t come up for them. Neither Vinyl Scratch nor Octavia was interested in a romantic relationship with the other. They had mutual respect, and they both admired the passion the other had for their art. They got along just dandy, and liked each other very much.
But a married couple, they were not. They were far too happy with things as they were for that sort of commitment. At least, for now.
Of course, that never stopped them from indulging in the guilty pleasure of meaningless physical gratification.
Like right then and there. Consenting adults and all that.
“So, darling…” Octavia licked Vinyl’s ear as the hug from behind got tighter. ”When did you cast that wing spell, exactly?”
“One at noon, then I had to lie down. It’ll last long enough, and I’ll stay away from the hot spotlights, like you told me.” Vinyl wriggled in that Earth pony vice grip cuddle. Octavia pressed her whole body against Vinyl’s, holding her like a giant stuffed animal. The butterfly wingboner became large enough to form a tent under the sheets.
“And when does your train leave?”
“About two hours, so no problem. I can get my stuff ready pretty quickly.”
“Hmm.” Octavia moaned gently as Vinyl’s tail tickled her hips, the usual trick she tried when Octavia held her that tight. It never made her let go, but it still added a nice sense of struggle to the game. ”When will you be back?”
“Monday morning. Princess Luna’s asked for a listen of our latest project, so it’ll depend on what she says. But definitely Monday, at the latest. A little lower, Octy…”
With a grin, Octavia moved her hoof over the unicorn’s flank, gently massaging those thick muscles as the winged one kicked meekly like a puppy.
“Hmm, right there. So, any more questions?” The now fully erect wings gave a cursory flap.
“When were you going to tell me Scootaloo would be having friends over this weekend?”
And there went that wingboner.
Definitely a... unique story, to say the least. Certainly something you wouldn't really expect ever... and that's why I like it! I think you captured the characters adequately and I hope to read more soon.
3/5 Cups of tea.
I abide it gently, like a lover caressing your cheek.
Good story, interesting concept, and I like the way you portray Octavia. The only problem I can see is that you keep getting Octavia's colour wrong. She's grey, not brown.
3429291
Hmm, thanks for pointing that out. I'm pretty sure I avoid that mistake in later chapters, though. I'll get right to fixing it.
Edit: you know, it's times like this I'm really thankful for the Ctrl-F hotkey. Both chapters checked and fixed.
3429125 interesting Story rating you have there.
Well, liking it so far. Octy's handled well, and there's no way she's prepared for this sleepover.
And of course Scootaloo will occasionally get chocolate milk.
This is with mature content turned off, but:
imageshack.us/a/img716/3366/0src.png
And now it's featured with mature on:
imageshack.us/a/img132/5672/pzq.png
I was dubious at first, but reading these two chapters... I like it. I like how you portray Octavia here. Arrogant, yet caring. Haughty yet respectful. Not prone to anger, keeps to calmness in situations and is friendly to anypony she has a conversation with. Wow. You can see that Canterlot Elite attitude but only just. She knows who she is talking to, she knows that that attitude won't cut it in Ponyville and she certainly doesn't cling to pride or some position she's got.
Kudos to you, man. You deserve it.
I'm looking forward to read more of this and I can't wait to see how her personality reacts to all three of the girls staying over for the weekend.
3429893>>3430098
Gosh, well... I think that thing is just broken, really. Trust me, come chapter four, the downvotes will come pouring in.
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Thanks very much. I'll say it again, though: the prologue was originally a story on its own, inspired by something Arcum42 mentioned. I have several stories where the headcanon is that Scootaloo lives with Vinyl Scratch (it explains a few things we saw on the show), but then by extension she'd be living with Octavia, too, if going by fanon. Likewise, I've got several explanations as to why Scootaloo can't fly, and I can't start the story without setting the scene, so there's that.
And yeah, I like my characters to have likeable and unlikeable traits, it's how they are on the show. Octavia here... she's either what Rarity would be if she'd actually been born and raised in Canterlot, or she's what Twilight would be if she were proper upper class and raised to be that haughty. That doesn't mean she's bad at heart, though. You'd have to draw that conclusion from some other stuff .
She's no Marry Poppins, though. Expect some tense moments. And expect to hate me when chapter 4 rolls around.
3430165
Ah, one of the hardest learned lessons around these parts. Of course, I overdid setting the scene once, so that can happen, too.
Scootaloo as Vinyl's niece? I adore it. New headcanon adopted! Until Hasbro ruins it, anyway. Carry on with your good works, sire!
My only, and mild, complaint, would be the lonely dialogue paragraphs. Dialogue without narrative can be confusing, and is always far more bland than dialogue with narrative. Please don't skip those opportunities to breath life into your creations.
3430254
On the reason why Vinyl could be related to Scootaloo: I was asked about this before, and I made a list. It basically boiled down to 'How did the CMC get a song recorded in such a short amount of time?' and 'How does Scootaloo know what a rock ballad is?'
Just consider that second one for a moment. Kids that age do not learn about rock on their own. That's the sort of thing parental figures introduce to them. Also, the CMC were in Canterlot for the wedding, but who was watching them all that time? Not one of the Mane Six, it's established they were too busy. One of the foals' parents? We never see them in the background. Big Mac? Possibly. Who else was there at the wedding?
On the lonely dialogues: well, I was told to reduce the number of speech attributions, so on occasion I will just put in a phrase of dialogue where nothing 'happens'. It's a tradeoff, and I vary that depending on the story. This story's finished, just you know, but I might do some last-minute editing as I upload the other chapters. I'll keep an eye out for it.
I saw the title in caps lock and had to post this:
i.qkme.me/3ozf5i.jpg
Like this a lot so far. Some very nice explanations for Scootaloo's predicament. Much better than the usual "Her parent were murdered and raped in front of her eyes and she spent the night with the bodies. Now she lives in an orphanage run by pony Hitler and she'll never fly because she has super cancer in both wings!"
My second impression of Octavia isn't much better than the first, I'm afraid. The personality issues that made me dislike her in the first bit were lighter here, but... well, I think the narration rather counteracted any improvements, there.It seems like the other characters just got abruptly dumber, just so that they would ask stupid questions that Octavia could lecture them on through most of the chapter. It's kind of the same issue that Empathy had, and which cropped up in the end of Changeling Blood. The chapter is mostly just a single character expositing information, and the other characters seem to exist primarily to prompt the exposition, even if that means their behavior seems rather strained in order to do so. It feels to me that they're less like individuals and characters, and more like simple plot devices.
3430367
Thanks for the input, but I was aware of that. Berry Punch's unofficial 'daughter' is named Berry Pinch. Her (presumed official) little sister, the one she did the Sisterhooves Social with, is named Piña Colada. You can see her here:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120508174037/mlp/images/thumb/7/7b/Berryshine_and_Pi%C3%B1a_Colada_finishing_the_race_S2E5.png/640px-Berryshine_and_Pi%C3%B1a_Colada_finishing_the_race_S2E5.png
You're thinking of the filly Berry Punch pulls into the house in 'Bridle Gossip'. That one is referred to as Berry Pinch, but the family relation isn't as firmly stated, it's just a resemblance. Piña's a different character and a more canonically related one.
Hope that cleared things up.
3430386
I... really? That's a thing? Well, you'll be pleased to know this isn't the first time I use this headcanon. Flight Camp, the Quorum Sensing universe as well as the Faux Pas-verse use the same logic and I think even the same family relation, but there it's mentioned as an aside, not used as a main plot point. Plus, it explains a few things (where did Scootaloo find a piano so fast?). I think the only Scootaloo stories I have that don't are Empathy (her mom is a weaponsmith for the Royal Guard, a reference to the idea her dad is a Royal Guardspony on mission) and Upside to Your Backside, but there her mom doesn't show up in the actual story. She's just a plot point in the sequel, at least the concept of it.
I'd only make Scootaloo an orphan if I could find a good, original angle for it, and so far none have come up.
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Yeah, it's something I'm working on. I know I tend to do that a lot, I even wrote a fic entirely for the purpose of practising it. But yeah, it's either that or leaving the reader in the dark about it. Not much I can do to fix it now.
I like how Scoots is normal in this one. Not the whole orphan/abuse/cripple route. She has a few medical issues and she is fine and dealing with it in a mature manner.
Let's see if Octy can handle three kids at once. Also, bad Vinyl, bad.
I died.
I have to admit you have made one of the best explanations as to why Scootaloo can't fly, and where her parents are. Orphanloo gets so damn tiresome, I can't wait till S4, maybe just maybe we will get a Scootafamily episode.
That line at the end made me laugh out loud! Poor Vinyl!
I'm very much enjoying this fic. It makes a surprising amount of sense for never having been done before (as far as I know). Scootaloo is a well-adjusted kid because her guardians are loving but stern, and Octavia and Vinyl satisfy one another without being tied down and forced to neglect their respective careers. The headcanon around Scootaloo's unique medical circumstances are very well thought out as well; most authors just gloss over it or name some poorly explained BS disease.
Oh, this seems fun.
That last line of chapter one made my day.
I'll just be going now.
Everyone grab the popcorn...
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/295/561/d99
Oh ho ho. This looks fun!
"I can Promise that we are 100% not together"
But you live together.
"Yes"
And you share a bed.
"Also yes"
And you have sex!
"Again yes"
.
..
...
You're in denial Octy
My only complaint about this story is that the prologue and the first chapter don't seem to tie together very well. I'm not talking about the tonal shift, that was necessary. I just mean that at the end of the prologue Octavia is saying to Scootaloo about having a talk with Rarity and Applejack about it later, but in the talk in the first chapter that incedent doesn't even come up. I thought they should have talked about that first before moving on to discussing what they did. I wouldn't have to be much, just a quick explaination to eachother about why they behaved the way they did, possibly some apologies and move on, simple. Anyway I like the Scootaloo not flying explaination, it means she'll grow up to be a beautiful mare.
Your interpretations of Tavi and Scootaloo are awesome.
3432447
Piña Colada says she thought the beer was meant for them, but they drank the lemonade because they thought 'beer bad'. Octavia concludes from that that the beer was non-alcoholic and safe, rather than a mistake on Berry's part. The mistake the girls made was not listening to Piña. The mistake Berry made was not introducing Piña to table beer earlier. It's explained later on that Octavia really does know her way around alcohol, she's well aware these things exist. And again: the prologue started off as a separate story altogether for a prompt. I felt it didn't merit being submitted as a separate story, and adding it here saved me even more exposition in the next chapter, so I just threw it in here.
As for not mentioning the incident... I'm sure there was one mention of it, but nothing too overt. It might be due to negligence on my part, but I'd be lying if I said it bothers me. The CMC get up to all sorts of things in the show, and they continue to get in trouble without the adults supervising them. At this point, I think the general attitude is 'stuff happens, they'll learn eventually', and apologies among ponies are implied rather than spoken out (again, something I feel is pretty close to the show).
3431017>>3432219>>3432447
I tend to edit like crazy, but obviously I don't catch all errors. Mostly I just glance over things a long time after posting, that's when it's all fresh enough to notice. When you catch one, feel free to comment on it, I do not mind and usually I'll fix it immediately. Please note that I use British spelling, though, not American. I've had that remark before. I do use a spellchecker in Word, it's just not set to American English.
3430989
Actually, I had this family tie established in my Flight Camp fic, but it was in the background there, more to frame Scootaloo's situation than anything else. It's my default explanation for Scootaloo, but the nature of her condition varies and usually I have to point out she's not an orphan just because she's in the story (thanks very much, fandom cliché ). If you want another fic with Octaloo, I can recommend Just Winging It by Arcum42. This story is actually based on an offhanded remark he had on my Flight Camp fic, and his story is all about Scootaloo trying to overcome a handicap with no certainties at all. It's also the only Orphanloo fic I've read so far, and it didn't put me off the story as a whole. So this has been done before, this thing just won at the slot machine .
Also, a general remark to everyone about the exposition: this is part and parcel to my default writing style. All my stories will have scenes that are laden with exposition, unless I set out to do otherwise in the concept stage. If you have suggestions to make this exposition more tolerable in future stories, I'm all ears, really. I wrote Passiflora's Plight with the sole intent of writing something that's nearly all exposition, but still makes the reader care about it in some respect. I use every trick I can to get away with it, and do my best to keep it justified. I'm a very concept-oriented writer, I have to clearly show what the rules are in the story and most of the time I can't do that without resorting to that type of scene. Most of the time .
If I write something that doesn't have this element in it, it's because I made an effort not to do it. I put that restriction on it in the concept stage then. This story has it in droves, and Octavia will do a lot of talking. The reason she does, incidentally, is implied later on, but not spelled out. I could add it spelled out if it really bothers people, though, I'd just rather not to keep the tell within some limits.
That said, if the critique boils down to 'the exposition ruins it', I can't do much with that. I know this is a weak point, I try to do it to the best of my abilities. But there's 'this story can be improved' and there's 'this story shouldn't have been written like that, it should have been a different story'.
Anyway, more is on the way, updates will be regular.
This story is shaping up to be amazing. Your theories, ideas, and Octavia's explanations are simply brilliant.
Two chapters, and right now this is at least my second-favorite of both CMC and Vinyl/Octavia stories.
Now I can only hope that this story won't be forgotten among all the others you seem to have. Either way, you deserve a Like and a Follow for this.
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Umm... I'm actually publishing now because it's finished. The stories you should be worried about are the Quorum Sensing sequel (couple more chapters, any day now) and the TwiDash clopfic I promised (I'm shooting for the S4 opener, just to warp people's perceptions of Princess Twilight ).
Thanks for the vote of confidence, I hope I shall not disappoint.
Edit: oh, if you mean this story will turn into a B-lister fic... oddly enough, my flagship fics didn't get featured, aside from possibly Changeling Blood, but I don't have proof for that one. Most of the stories I'm attached to are not popular, and the popular stories, I'm not that attached to. And it'd be wrong of me to hate people for that.
The beauty of stories being online is that they're available for everyone to read and they don't get lost. Even if the stories I put more effort into are less popular, at least it draws attention to my profile and possibly to other works. Not every story has the same intended audience, not every intended audience is as big as the rest.
If this site has taught me anything, it's that stories still need to be marketed, which includes driving the right people away. People need to know whether any story is for them or not before they start reading. If a lot of people read the story and it's not for them, that'll get you downvotes. If a lot of people avoid the story because they know it's not for them, assuming they don't downvote out of spite (which some do), then you still wind up with a less-known story with a good relative score.
Ill have to look into that more closely
I think there's a very interesting story here, and I eagerly await the rest.
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Oh, okay...
It's still tagged as Incomplete, so I thought... I guess you could take the last scene as some kind of closure. I hoped we would see some scene from the actual sleepover.
Oh well, not like I don't have more stories I want to read than is reasonable... And I'm not even talking about your other stories I'll now have to take a look at...
And yes, the internet is a weird place. My stories rarely get any downvotes so far, so I guess I should be proud; but it seems with every story I post they actually get less views. I thought my last one was promising, but (subtracting my own views and my prereaders) it got actually less views than I have followers,,,
It's starting to get just a tad annoying...
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Let me explain it clearly: all the chapters are done and uploaded right now. They are simply not published yet. I intend to publish one chapter every two or three days, that way there's no pressure on me writing more. There are eight more chapters coming up, it will be marked 'complete' when the last one is up.
Remember what the book says:
Don't Panic.
3433027>>3430989
Thanks for hyping my fanfic. It's probably worth mentioning that there's another story I've read, No Longer Lost, that's about homeless!Scootaloo being taken in by Vinyl and Octavia.
To be honest, I don't tend to think of Just Winging It as that much of an Orphanloo fic, despite Scootaloo being an orphan, because it doesn't have a lot of the hallmarks of those. Typically Scootaloo is living on the streets or the clubhouse, fishing through trash, etc...
In Just Winging It, she was orphaned years ago, and there was probably less than 24 hours between her parents dying and her being taken in by her aunt.
Though Cubic Zirconia is technically orphanloo, and I know you were reading that...
3433956
Oh.
Ohhh...
That is... impressive. I don't think I could do that, holding off with publishing for that long.
Forget I said anything, then (except for the praise and stuff).
I'm not sure what I like better about this work; the actual story itself and the unique content we're presented with, or your explanations to help clarify what the readers have trouble interpreting. Either way this story is going in the favorites section.
(... Unless I missed something, Octavia had that entire conversation with Rarity, Applejack, and Cheerile, was informed of the fact that there would be a slumber party at her house, kept cool and did not reveal that she had not known, requested and learned information, then went home to erotically torture her lover, only to bring her from blissful anticipation into 'I'm in trouble' with one sentence. ... Arrogant or not, this Octavia is rather bad-flank.)
hmm this shows promise.
You're really good at descriptions. just enough to keep me from scratching my head in confusion without being enough to be boring.
wish I knew how to get that right...
Fresh Scootaloo and Collected Octavia. What's not to love?
Scootaloo is related to Vinyl? AWESOME!
i did not expect that last bit
I expected clop.
Good story still.
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No, I mean if they had listened, they would have gone for the table beer. Table beer is a non-alcoholic beer for kids, it's sort of a European thing. I'm not sure if it's been investigated, but I'm told it's actually healthier than even regular softdrinks. But the girls were only ever told 'beer is forgrownups', and no one ever said why. So they went for lemonade, which no one had ever explained might contain alcohol, too. In the original, I referred to it as 'alco-pops', but that would have caused even more confusion, I think.
The girls drank unlabelled alcoholic lemonade when the labelled beer, which was non-alcoholic, was harmless. Piña was following the rules Berry set up, they just didn't realise it was a rule for a good reason. It sets up Octavia's way of foalsitting, and her views on handling children by presenting them with the consequences and reasoning of rules. That's the main reason I threw that prologue in here, that and the exposition on family.
It is supposed to be Berry Punch, yes, I don't know where you got Berry Pinch. I'll look it over again and check.
Edit: oh, right you are, Rarity does call her 'Miss Pinch'. And that was in the original, too. Funny how that survived all the edits. Thanks for pointing it out, at any rate, it's fixed.
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Ah, you must have read 'Throb'. No, this story is not linked to that one in any way. Scootaloo's condition in that story is completely different from this canon.
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What are you doing and why are you doing it with my fic?
Edit: the deleted comment came from a now banned person ranting something about kaidan being banned. Going from the discussion on his profile, apparently it wasn't even a real person, but a script.
If you had a message from this dingus, I suggest you remove it forthwith.
I really love your explanation of Scootaloo's wings! It's different from anything I've ever seen before. Heck, I haven't even read that idea about ANY pegasus. Fascinating!
Suppose I'm a little late to party here but I just wanted to say your explanation on Scootaloo is easily my favorite so far!
3433027 A bit of personal confusion, but I come from Europe and have never heard of this 'table beer', though I think it might be due to my Englishness. Here in England, you can have half a pint of booze with a family meal when you get to fourteen, then as much as you like when you reach eighteen, while in several place on the continent, such as Italy, children as young as four apparently can have a glass of wine or two with a family meal. Apparently the theory is that it basically indocrinates the idea of sensible levels of consumption of booze from a very early age, while in England people go nuts because they couldn't legally have it for almost all of their lives, then they can suddenly have as much as they like all of a sudden, causing binge drinking problems and straining the NHS.