They were students attending a high school, friends that got along well and shared many things with each other, then they were lost. Separated and scattered, they each find themselves within the magical world they thought fictional, Equestria. But there is something off, as each student discovers.
Their cellphones, which work somehow despite being on the wrong planet, and all their contacts are gone. Except for their four friends. What could this mean? What plan are they using? Where is everyone?!
My Little Pony is Property of Hasbro Entertainment and Lauren Faust
Human characters are real people who have given their permission to be in this story.
Collab with TheLuckyPucker
Chapters (3)
I'd read this because of the description... but then I saw the chapter lengths.
3425467
Prologues mate, they are meant to be short. The next chapters are going to be in the thousands.
3425479I'll take your word for it. Please don't disappoint.
3425524
I have a point of making my chapters 1500-2500 words long on a bad day, or I'm very disappointed in myself. For the Taran chapters, I'll talk to him to make sure he does the same, or better.
LOL, even the chapter title!
myfacewhen.net/uploads/4006-continue.jpg
An Interesting take on an HiE. I will watch and see how it goes.
It's booootiful
Error checking, starting with the description:
there
This is difficult to parse because it makes no sense as written, to say nothing of being grammatically incorrect.
get pulled
Missing a period after place.
From the Taran prologue:
"places" should be used here instead of "conditions"
That reaction is a bit jarring. What basis does this stallion have for assuming Taran is a "foul creature", or displaying overt hostility in any case? After all, Taran is just walking around the forest minding his own business. He isn't even armed.
Props on getting the archaic pronouns right, though. :)
Stray comma here
From the Tim prologue:
plump
waiting (awaiting is used incorrectly in this case)
Again, this reaction makes no sense. Applejack's first reaction would be to apologize, ask if this newcomer is okay, and carry him up to the farmhouse to lie down. Because she has absolutely no reason to be immediately distrusting and hostile toward an unfamiliar creature, let alone one she just injured.
tree's
Repetition is redundant. Everything after "ring" in that sentence is unnecessary redundancy.
My thoughts:
These individual prologues are far too short, they are uninteresting, they do virtually nothing to capture the attention of the reader, and the characterization of the two ponies seen thus far is so off-putting and contrary to what is known and accepted that unless there is some IMMEDIATE, DEFINITIVE REASON for these ponies acting so hostile, then it's impossible to accept their behavior as valid.
I'm sorry, but you've earned a failing grade.
3427698
Yeah...
Tried to type late at night with worries of assessments the next day and friends bickering on Skype. Thanks for pointing them out, I'll fix 'em up now.
3427698
Right! Fixed. I'll tell TheLuckyPucker to fix up his chapter and hopefully give you a better story. These are just the prologues, so they are short for a reason. As for not being that captivating, I'm sorry. We are only teenagers trying to get used to writing after all, and we learn something new everyday thanks to it.
Any reason, why you don't use double quotes instead the single ones for dialog?
3430694
This is a collab, so to know why you've got to ask TheLuckyPucker about his chapter. The others do it fine, though.
3430694
It's a habit I've picked up from my English teacher. New Zealand tends to follow British rules for spelling and punctuation, so single quotes are often used for dialogue.
3432732
I didn't know about this British grammar rule. Strange, I thought I was being taught Oxford English... Still, considering that other stories use the double quote, and for consistency reasons within this collaboration, can you please change the single quotes?
So you do you need an editor for this story? Just wondering?
3451534
This is really more of a project that I can do two things I love most at the same time, write and hang out with friends.
This is also secretly an attempt to get my friends writing so we have more in common.
3451984Kinda wish I could do what you're doing. I tried before, none of them went for it. Though they did say that what I did write about them was "awesome". Still, none of my friends like writing.
And now I'll never know what plan they are using!