Scattered Seeds

by 111segasonic

Misunderstandings

Beep Beep Beep Be-SMASH

Like every single morning, I was awoken by that accursed alarm clock. Tired of the endless beeping, I grasped my wooden mallet and finished it off. After a failed attempted to return to sleep, I reluctantly arose from bed. Sweeping the remains of the clock into my dustbin, I thought of the costs for a new one. Perhaps I shouldn't break everything that frustrates me. Don't get me wrong, coins and gems are surprisingly easy to come around in this zombie apocalypse. But all things considered, that was a pretty good clock.

Soon I'd started up the coffee maker. As the machine ran, I walked over to one of the windows. There, on the windowsill, was the solar-powered seed gun. Propped up beside it was my shovel and bag of plant food, all ready to be used. Instinctively, I reached for the gun, already formulating the next plant army in my head.

I suddenly recoiled back. "Oh, right...," I mumbled. My eyes slowly fell to the floor and stared sadly at the items before me. Lying below the window was the last twelve seed packets I ever used. After countless months of tireless days and sleepless nights, I had won. I had forced the zombies to surrender. And it must've been a year since I've seen them last. But if it's truly over, I should feel relieved, even happy.... So why do I feel so alone?

I caught a glance of the family picture on the shelf. The sight warmed my heart as I lifted up the picture. Oh, how we smiled, completely oblivious to the world around us. I could recollect our final moments together, how we were just walking from the movies. We took a short cut down an alleyway and...

I could feel my eyes swelling. I could still remember that mugger's face when he shot my parents in cold blood. I grasped the picture tighter. Ever since then, I dedicated my life to end all crime and- no wait; that's Batman's edgy backstory. Or was it Superman's? Eh, who cares.

Ding!

"Ooh, my coffee’s ready!"

I dropped the picture, allowing it to smash on the floor, and darted into the kitchen. After pouring the coffee into my favorite mug, I took a long loud sip. I cringed in distaste. "Wait, I don't even like coffee."

Later that morning, I was prepping mentally to head out to one of my daily drudgeries: tending the Zen Garden. I don't get how Crazy Dave allow those miserable plants roam and vandalize his house. I imagine that's how he earned his famous title.

I began loading a wheel barrow with bags of fertilizer, bug spray, and chocolate (don't ask). To be clear, I don't hate the plants. After all, they were the main the reason I withstood the apocalypse. Together, with my superior intelligence and their botanic weaponry, we drove the waves of the undead back to the grave. Truly, I owe my life and possessions to each and every one of them. I simply don't see why they've got to be so darn needy. The day is wasted on babying them.

I lifted the heavy wheelbarrow set course to the Zen Garden. I'd barely taken my first steps before tipping. "You know what? Forget it! I'm filling this day with things I'd like to do! Those bratty plants can survive a day without being cuddled."

I marched inside and kicked off my shoes. I flicked on the TV and promptly plopped myself on the couch. I was there for at least half an hour, staring blankly at a screen of static. Did I really have nothing better to do? Did my life only consist of zombie fighting and gardening?

I wouldn't accept that. There had to be something to do to distract me from my soul-crippling depression. "Maybe I could visit my neighbors and see if- wait, they're all dead."

I sunk deeper into the couch. "Well, Crazy Dave is still alive. But he is exactly what his name implies: a David. I don't associate myself with Davids."

I just had to think hard enough and be creative. Besides, I wasn't going back to pick up that wheelbarrow. "Perhaps...I could attempt to contact civilization.... Will my money still be valid in society."

I let out a long, bored sigh. "Or I could just stare at the ceiling as I slowly drift into madness."

It was definitely going to be one of those days. An hour later, I was still lying on that same couch doing the same thing. I was actually making good progress until I heard something beating at the window. It was probably Crazy Dave asking for hot sauce. That or he was trying to con me with some new gadget. Either way, I ignored it. But still, the noise continued to grow louder and even more irritating.

"Shut up, David!" I yelled.

Apparently, whoever was knocking on my window decided to flip the entire house. I flew out of the couch and slammed into the wall. Sounds of shattering windows exploded throughout the house. I could hear the rushing winds as it passed through the broken windows.

"Who? what?! HOW?!" I panicked.

My surprise was cut short as I saw the couch sliding toward me. I rolled out of the way as it crashed into the wall. After my narrow escape from being flattened, I attempted to stand. But the house jerked to another side, sending me sailing to the opposite wall.

The house spun around and around as if physics decided to take a nap. I found myself floating for a few seconds before slamming into another wall. Obtaining my balance was hard enough without having to dodge the flying furniture.

My hands desperately searched for something fixed to latch on to. After some time of being tossed around, they found themselves locked onto a doorknob. The door violently swung open as if to throw me off, but I held firm. I spotted a window to the side of me. Peering through it, I thought I could finally solve this mystery.

But all I could see was the rushing wind. And strangely enough, the wind was red. In fact, that was the only reason I could see it. After a while of staring and intense reasoning, I concluded....

"I'M IN A TORNADO!!"

There was another jerk, and I lost grip on the door. I found myself thrown to the ceiling, and then to the floor. After some time, I finally managed to stop landing on my face. If anything, I was grateful I didn't fly through any of the broken windows, but my stuff wasn't so lucky.

"Aww, not my almanac!" I cried. For a moment, I had to forget my stuff. What was more important was surviving.

After what seemed like an eternity, the tornado stopped as abruptly as it came. I was back on my floor, thank goodness.

I punched the air. "Alright! I survived a tornado! I am awesome!" I cheered. I started my first step forward, just as the house began plummeting.

Ah yes, I was still mid-air. Everything started to float toward the ceiling. I felt weightless; the kind of feeling you'd get on a roller coaster. Resisting the urge throw my hands in the air and scream, I made my way to the bedroom.

"I just need a cushion of some sort...." I repeated continually.

Right there, hovering in the center of the room, was the mattress. But by years of experience, I understood it wasn't a very soft one. Yet, it had to do. I floated above the mattress and braced myself. The house hit the ground with a loud thump and everything went black.

---

Seconds later, I was still in darkness. For a time, I thought it was because I was unconscious. You could imagine my relief when I realized my eyes were simply closed shut. I slowly opened them. The room was dark, probably due to the power being knocked out. Some light managed to seep in through one of the windows, but that was all. I waited for my eyes to adjust before trying moving.

But as I sat upright, a sense of fear crawled up my back. Questions like "Where am I?" and "What if Spain was in Greece?" was ever-present in my mind. I'd fought a zombie apocalypse and stumbled through time, but this was different. I was confused, scared, and alone.

Grumbling, I rose to my feet. "All you had to do was pick up the wheelbarrow," I lectured to myself. "Now, look where you are...."

I tried to add a positive spin to my situation. But for the life of me, I couldn't find one good thing about this. I mean, I didn't even know where I was. With any luck, I could've landed right back where I started. I made my way toward the window, trying not to trip over anything, and peaked out it.

"Is that...a forest? How fast was that tornado moving? I must be miles from the town."

Between my house and the forest was a wide stretch of land filled with tornado debris and items from my house. I approached each of my windows to get a different perspective, but it was all the same. I was completely surrounded by thick trees.

Already things were grim for me, but I wouldn't allow worry to consume me. I'm a survivor. I glared at improbability and spat in its mouth. I'll use my resources and find a way out of here.

First, the house was to be made whole again. Thankfully, the exterior of the house was still intact, save for the windows. I marched to my attic and opened a box containing spare bulletproof windows. If by any chance there were any rogue zombies about, I'd be prepared.

After I was safely isolated, I began my work on the interior of the house. That involved picking up furniture, replacing anything broken, and fixing the electricity. The last one was a mystery to me, but I figured I'd get around to it later.

At first glance, the forest was intimidating. Sickly trees with warning branches and the gloomy grass all helped its spooky appearance. But after an hour or so, I was beginning to think this forest was all bark but no bite. Nothing so far posed a great threat, and I was starting to get used to it. I finally decided it was safe to start collecting some of the stuff that fell from the house. That was my first mistake.

"Ah, my almanac's safe," I said, lifting the book from the ground. Already had I made ten trips to gather everything. Only one or two trips more and I'd have finished. But as I opened the book to inspect it, I heard a twig snap. Instantly, my survival instincts jumped to life. From the corner of my eye, I spotted a figure emerging from the bushes. I darted for a nearby broom and pointed it at the creature. "I'm begging you, for your sake, don't come any closer! Cause I will kill you with this broom!"

The figure, ignoring my warning, continued to move forward. My heart raced, but I continued to keep my menacing glare. Though I was no fighter, I wasn't going to back down. With any luck, the animal would recognize my superiority and back off. Slowly, the looming beast took a step into the light. Soon, its whole body was revealed by the sunlight.

"Is that...a pink unicorn?"

Was I dreaming? Right in front of me was a living fairy tale. Actually, for a horse, it was relatively small. I stood about twice its size. Yet the creature stared at me with big purple eyes, totally unafraid. It curiously cocked its head, allowing its purple mane to flow to one side. Of all the things I've encountered, this animal was by far the most...adorable.

For a while, we were still, silently observing each other. It was stunning how calm this horse was. Not only did I wield a weapon, but I was nearly an arm's length from it. If I wanted to, I could've easily taken it out with one swing. Yet, it stayed there, trusting I wouldn't bring any harm. Perhaps there was no need for my caution.

And right there, my survival defenses dropped. I lowered my broom to the ground so not to alarm it. I'd made up my mind, I was going to tame this animal. Slowly, I stretched out my hand to pet the horse. It lowered its head as if to welcome the gesture.

But before I'd made contact, I pulled back and spun around, expecting to get jumped. "Huh, I was pretty sure there was some... Oh."

As I turned back, I noticed two more horses were next to the first. One with wings, another without. Alarm soon overtook my senses as three more crawled from the darkness. Then five more horses. Then ten more followed. It wasn't hard to calculate that I was vastly outnumbered.

"Maybe...they're all friendly?"

Yeah right. With their newfound numbers, their whole expression changed. They glared at me with mouths hanging open. I could sense the bloodlust in their glazed eyes. They crouched down menacingly and crept toward me step-by-step. If I didn't act, things would get messy.

From the quick glance behind me earlier, I gathered that my house was a few yards away. But unfortunately, the door was on the other side. And assuming these horses were faster than me, that would be way too far for a mad dash. Still, the broom was just below me. It was clear I had only one option.

"Oh, I see how it is," I growled coldly. "Now you got friends you don't need my affection, huh?" I slowly bent down and reached. "Then you'll have no sympathy either."

The second I grasped the broom the unicorn lunged at me knocking me to the ground. My attacker hissed as its mouth stretched open. I kicked the unicorn off me as several more decided to join in.

I managed to jump to my feet and keep them back. I fought ruthlessly, not sparing one from the repetitive whacking of the mighty broom. I repelled a zombie horde with nothing more than a wooden hammer. Taking these things was easy. That is until-

SNAP!

-the broom broke. Before I knew it, I was backed up against the house wall. The surrounding horses stared at me with a threatening leer. The unicorns’ horns glowed green as if preparing something.

But they weren't the only one with tricks up their sleeves. I grinned as I extended my arm and open my hand. Instantly, a big glob of butter appeared in my palm. The dumbfounded horses couldn't react as I chucked it into one's face. The unicorn flailed around, trying to shake off what I'd done.

I did my best to keep from bursting into laughter. "Sir, I think you have a little smudge...."

The enraged unicorn threw itself at me. After easily sidestepping it, I spawned some more butter. "Who wants next?"

Before they could answer, I flung butter into their faces with deadly precision. Overwhelmed by butter, the demon horses retreated back into the darkness.

"Butter luck next time!" I yelled at them.

Never saying that again. Though I probably shouldn't make the butter thing a habit anyway. It takes five hundred coins to spawn one handful. But at least it was over.

I filled my arms with the rest of my stuff and stumbled into the house. But as I locked the door, it hit me. "Wait, I wanted to tame one didn't I? Dang it."

Yes, I realize they were trying to kill me. But they were just animals. With the right amount of discipline, I could have them kneeling at my feet. Besides, I never had a real pet before, and it would be interesting trying to break them.

Of course, it'd be futile to pursue them, so I dropped it. Yet moments later, I caught sight of six horses casually strolling toward my house. Are these animals really that stupid? I nearly killed them with a mere broom! In this case, domestication should be a breeze. I reached for my wooden mallet and shovel. This time, I'll have the advantage.

---

Earlier....

Princess Twilight and five her friends trekked deeper into the Everfree Forest. Traveling off-path, the ponies had to duck under low branches and trudge through piles of leaves and twigs. They ventured further into the forest than ever before. Yet, as they walked, they never encountered any of the Everfree creatures. Though the ponies were grateful for the lack of monsters, they were starting to get bored.

"Augh!" Rainbow Dash cried, throwing her hooves in the air. "It's been a whole hour and nothing has happened!"

"We came here to investigate the tornado," Twilight reminded. "Not to go on an adventure."

"We're in the Everfree! Of course, we're going on an adventure!"

"We're tired enough without your complainin', Dash," Applejack said. "I just want to get this over with so I can return to mah farm."

"Why did we come here anyway?" Rarity asked. "I thought we agreed that tornado was nothing but a result of the Everfree's unnatural magic. Nothing more."

"Not even the Everfree could conjure something like this," Twilight explained. "Tornadoes take a lot of planning and pegasi to create. This place is too random to do any of that."

"Then it was probably the Shadow Bolts' doing," Rainbow Dash countered. "Remember, the greatest flyers of the Everfree? They did it. Problem solved."

Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash. "You do realize that group was just a projection created by Nightmare Moon to deceive you, right?"

Dash blinked. "What?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Let's just be clear. Pegasi can't create red tornadoes. And why would a pegasus summon a tornado all the way out here?"

"Why would anypony summon a tornado here?" Applejack asked. "I'm tellin' you, we have nothin' to worry about. Whatever that thing was it doesn't matter."

"It could be nothing," Pinkie Pie said, "or it could be the summoning of an insane warrior with an iced over heart hid behind a cheery exterior who'll trample any opposition in a mad escape for freedom with its infinite army."

The group wore confused expressions as they stared at Pinkie. "I don't think so," Twilight said.

"The very fact Pinkie isn't vibratin' like a rattler on a jackhammer is proof this is a wild goose chase," Applejack pointed out. "But if you want to go runnin' around solvin' mysteries, then I won't stop you. In fact, that's the only reason I agreed to come along."

Twilight nodded. "Thank you."

"I wish that at the end of this, we get to finally do something," Rainbow Dash said.

"I'd beg to differ," Rarity said. "The fuss Twilight's making about this place as really done a number on my hooficure. I can't wait to return home to the spa."

"Whatever it is," Twilight said, "it's on the other side of these bushes."

The ponies stopped immediately, surprised by the sudden warning. In front of them was a batch of tall, thick bushes blocking the path. "Really?" Rainbow Dash asked, somewhat hopefully. "How do you know?"

"Ever since we started this trip, there's been a weak pull of magic guiding me to the location. If I'm not mistaken, the source of that power is here."

The team glanced at each other. "Whatever you say."

They step forward and separated the bushes, prepared for the worst. Past the bushes was a large opening with twigs and branches scattered everywhere. But the thing that shook their expectations to the core was the object in the center. "It's...it's..."

"A house." Rainbow Dash said. "We came all this way for a house?! To think I was looking forward to this!"

"It can't be just a house, dear," Rarity said. "I mean, a normal house can't create magic tornadoes."

"Or can it?" Pinkie Pie said.

"No Pinkie, it can't," Applejack said. "I hate to tell you 'I told you so'."

Twilight ignored her friends and began to examine the strange house. It seemed like an ordinary house of Ponyville. But it was made of concrete instead of wood, like in Manehattan. Instead of hay, the roof was checkered with bricks, as well as the base of the house. As she inspected the place, she heard a sharp cry from one of her friends.

Twilight whipped around and spotted Fluttershy cowering behind her. "Fluttershy? What's wrong?" Twilight asked.

Fluttershy feebly pointed toward the window. "Th-th-there...I saw something...."

The ponies scanned the area, seeing nothing but an empty window. Rainbow Dash flew toward the window and pressed her face against it. "It's too dark to see anything clearly, but I think there's furniture."

"Of course! Something must live in a house like that!" Twilight said. "If whatever made that tornado is in there, it must be some powerful wizard. I wonder, why would it create a tornado of such degree?"

"We could wait here talking about it," Pinkie said, "or we could knock on the door and ask."

"That's the most sense anypony has made since this morning," Rarity said, fanning herself with her hoof.

"If you think it's such a good idea, why don't you do it?" Rainbow Dash said.

Rarity froze, wishing she hadn't said anything. "Well, you see..."

"Don't tell us you're scared!"

"I'm not scared! I just think it'll be more appropriate if Applejack did the honors."

"If you don't want to knock, you don't have to," Twilight assured. "We'll just ask somepony else."

"Yeah, it's okay to admit you’re a coward," Rainbow Dash laugher, before receiving an elbow to the side. "Ow!"

"No, I'll do it," Rarity said, "if not only to show Rainbow Dash I'm entirely capable of knocking on a door." Rarity trotted to the door with her head up. She stopped in front the door and politely knocked. She smiled triumphantly and turned to her friends. "See, I'm not-"

She didn't even get the chance to finish her sentence. The door swung open and a shovel slammed against the back of her head. She fell to the floor motionless. Holding the other end of the shovel was a strange bipedal creature.

"Rarity!" Applejack shouted as she rushed the creature. She spun around and bucked with all her might. The creature tried to block the blow with its shovel. But as the hit connected, the shovel snapped in half, throwing the creature to the floor.

"Aw, that was my favorite shovel," it said.

Applejack tried to attack once more, but Twilight's hoof managed to stop her. "Wait, Applejack! I think it's trying to speak!"

"Too late now!" Rainbow yelled as she charged it. The creature jumped to its feet and smacked her with its mallet. As Rainbow was sent sprawling to the ground, the creature dashed toward Applejack for revenge.

"Come and get it!" Applejack yelled, winding up another kick. With amazing agility, the creature side-stepped her buck. It returned the favor by giving Applejack a devastating hit to the head with its mallet. She immediately fell down unconscious.

Twilight had to do something. She started charging a tranquilizing spell to calm this thing down. The creature noticed this and grabbed a glob of butter out of thin air. She almost completed the spell when butter covered her whole face. It somehow rendered her unable to cast spells. "Wha-?!"

The creature punched Twilight's butter-covered face, throwing her to the floor. Before it could blink Rainbow Dash tackled the creature and threw it into the window. The creature staggered out the door, covered in glass. "Okay, that hurt..."

Rainbow Dash, without a moment to lose, kicked its leg. The creature cried out in pain as it crumbled to the ground.

Rainbow Dash flew back a bit. "Yes! How do ya like that?"

In a swift motion, the creature threw its mallet and hit Rainbow square on the forehead. Rainbow Dash crashed to the floor and was out cold. Before it could pick up its mallet, something splattered all over its face.

"Hey, stop hurting my friends!" Pinkie Pie warned, holding two more cake. "You don't want me to throw this again."

The creature wiped its face, quite baffled. "Oh you want to play it that way, huh?" Two globs of butter appeared in its hands.

The two glared at each other, daring their opponent to throw. They stood there for a while until Pinkie cried, "Food fight!"

Both pelted each other with unhealthy food. Fluttershy gaped in horror at what the thing had done. All her friends fought bravely, but she just stood there scared. She couldn't let this go on any longer than it already has.

"Nooo, unsalted butter...my only weakness..." Pinkie said as she was completely covered in butter. "Goodbye cruel world!"

As the creature picked up its mallet, it heard a loud cry. "How dare you!"

The creature turned and saw Fluttershy right below him, staring directly into its soul. "We did nothing wrong to you! Why would you ever attack us you big mean bully!? I can't believe you would just knock out all my friends like that! I WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE!!"

In the middle of her lecture, the creature slowly picked up its mallet.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! Drop the hammer!"

Ignoring her, the creature raised its mallet. Without further hesitation, Fluttershy used her "stare". Her eyes pierced the creature's soul, injecting fear into its veins. The creature then dropped its mallet onto the ground.

"Good, now apologize."

It immediately reached behind its back and tossed butter at her face. It then picked up its mallet and swung. Right before the hit connected, there was a purple flash, and all the ponies disappeared.

---

"Y'know, maybe I should've stayed inside...." I mumbled.

I limped back to the house and opened the door. I really hoped that my leg wasn't broken. I barely had anything to treat it. I sat on a chair and began massaging my leg. From what I could tell, it wasn't that badly damaged. Thank goodness.

I took a finger and ran it through the icing on my face. I then stuck it in my mouth. It was actually pretty good. I continued to lick my hands as I walked to the sink to wash off the cake. But as I turned the knob, nothing came out.

"That's right, I have no water either...."

I reached for some paper towels and began to clean up. For some reason, these ponies are a lot different than the ones I fought earlier. And a lot tougher. For some reason, they seemed a lot smarter as well. I thought I saw one trying to communicate with me. Too bad I couldn't understand them.

I had a hunch that this would not be the last time I'd see them, so I had to defend myself for next time. I took the seed gun off the window sill. It had 50 sun still left. Perfect. I picked up a seed packet from the floor and placed it in an empty slot. I then fired off a seed into a pot. From the pot, grew a happy sunflower.

"Time to start garden my house!"

The sunflower face-leafed.

Comments

[Lord Shaxx]

Going through a re-write, I see.

[unknown2]

So you are doing a re-write. Seems like a pretty good idea, and this chapter is certainly better than your original Chapter 1.

[C197]

Where did the Sunflower come from? No mention of her in this chapter until the end.

[mune72]

Much better then the old one

[Ice Justice]

And with an unholy gurgling, this story rises, and breathes once more!

Good to see you again. I hope it doesn't take to long to reach where the previous incarnation left off.

[JohnIsOffline]

Do you got the old version one? I need to re-read the old one. thank you.
And Good luck. Rewrite is perfect choice!

[Changeling-Drone]

Rewrite time for one of my favorite crack crossover huh?

Looks like it's time for more butter jokes!

[Death Pony]

This protagonist totally sounds like the War Mage from Orcs Must Die! in my head. It seems far too fitting.

[wlam]

"A forest?" I said, quite surprised, "that tornado carried me quite a distance."

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.

this forest was all bark

[Warrior Kitten]

I'm sad this isn't a serious fic.

Could've been amazing.

[111segasonic]

7599082
I gotta ask, what makes you think it's not serious?

[josue]

7599800 I read a story like this 2 years ago is this a rewrite and if it's not could I hug you and kiss you and ask you to make more lol

[Gear_change]

First, the house was to be made whole again. Thankfully, the exterior of the house was still intact, save for the windows. I marched to my attic and opened a box containing spare bulletproof windows. Nothing will be able to get in her after a few minutes.

Nothing will be able to get in HERE after a few minutes.

[Vitae]

8274918
Are you sure about that?

[Bluzerker]

What were the ponies that attacked the human? Changelings?

[Gizmo Gear]

8921971
Naaaaaaaaaawwwww. Noooooooot aaaat aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwllllllllll.