• Member Since 17th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 31st, 2013

Mineing Daimond


I've never really written like this before, I'm such a noob.

E
Source

Everything can have a soft side and changelings aren't so different. Well, if you took their memories away from them and gave them an unusually new setting.


(This is my first story, YAY! So please be kind, I'm always open for criticism though.)

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 13 )

You are ripping of a story from some one eles.

Comment posted by Mr Pones deleted Oct 24th, 2013

3390568
Shut up, Troll! This is a common idea. The author's doing it differently, and will take it in new original directions.

Punctuation is a big problem here, and it doesn't seem to flow well... I mean, it seems a little rushed, otherwise it's a good idea. :derpytongue2:

Hmmm, not a bad start. But just like what the other fellow said about the punctuation. Kind of interrupts the flow of the story here and there. Though I will be watching this story to see where you head with this.

3390889 I'm not trolling you ignorant imbecile I am simply stating the facts nothing you would do you ruffian.

you need to fill in more sentences explaining the mood, the feels and the thoughts. Im gonna watch this and im gonna criticise every. single. chapter. for good.

To help with the editing, many people type it up on google docs. Makes it easier to see mistakes and what not.

Dang, this story has issues. First off, there are a number of grammar problems, but the biggest one is that there are a LOT of run-on sentences. You claim to be unable to see periods and commas, so maybe you either need your eyes checked or you need to change your browser settings. It also doesn't excuse the parts that are missing more easily visible punctuation, such as semicolons and question marks. Clearly, you need to learn where and how to end sentences.

Secondly...

>>Alert! Plot Holes Detected!<<

This changeling sure seems to know a lot about his kind for someone who supposedly has total amnesia. If that isn't a plot hole, then he's lying, and I don't think any of the main six are that gullible, especially considering they'd be on their guard. Speaking of which, let's talk about Fluttershy. She is noticeably out of character. She would never threaten physical violence. You're also portraying her to be a little more sociable than she is in the show. Granted, she's improved a lot via character development, but she isn't quite at this level yet.

This Changeling need more amnesia. He look like to remember many thing.

But everything all is fine! Look forward for this! :twilightsmile:

he seems to be a bit too knowledgeable for an amnesia sufferer. referring to experiences that should have been reduced to an unusable mess.

has my mind screaming "IT'S A TRAP!"

Heh... I found this story while looking for a profile picture, I was looking at Changeling pictures and this one led to your story...

Get a beta-reader, or an editor. It will help with mistakes.

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