Chapter 12: Simple necessities
"Luna," I spoke evenly and quietly as I continued to furiously rub my temples while Luna fidgeted next to me. "What is this?"
"It's... a bathroom?" Luna answered with a weak smile.
"It's a big bathroom!" Silver Blossom commented next to me with a big grin.
"Bathrooms don't have pools in them," I replied with a groan. "And royal seals for that matter..." I turned to Luna. "Where's my bathroom?"
"Your old bathroom," Luna spoke with obvious nervousness. "It was a bit..." she seemed to have trouble finding the correct word.
"Small?" Silver Blossom offered with a weak smile.
"My old bathroom wasn't small, it was functional." I replied with a sigh and noticed something for the first time. "How does all of this even fit inside my house? The whole place is bigger than my entire upper floor!"
Fun fact number twenty three; my original bathroom has an area of six square meters. It has a shower, a toilet, a sink and a mirror. I like to think about it as being 'normal', or probably adequate, or something along those lines. Whatever one would call it, I- I'm going to stop writing about this now. Probably shouldn't even be a fun fact for that matter. Instead, fun fact number twenty three; never let an alicorn princess remodel your personal space. The amount of pink is unbearable.
"Well," Luna shifted slightly before putting on what could only be a proud smile. "It's magic. It's a special spell that reshapes the space inside the room so that-"
"Alright, alright," I held up a hand to interrupt her. "I get it. Alicorn magic... So why did you change it again? I was perfectly fine with the old one."
"Yes. But," that awful combination of two simple words still makes me shiver. "How do I put this?" Luna seemed to think for a moment. "Aside from the fact that I could hardly fit inside the shower-"
"She got stuck in there for minutes!" Silver Blossom whispered to me with a giggle and made Luna's face sag.
"Aside from that," Luna continued slightly less enthusiastic. "There wasn't a bathtub..." she saw my frown. "And I really enjoy baths?"
At this point I was back to rubbing my temples. "So you're really going to stay here, aren't you?"
Princess Luna seemed surprised at this question. "Well yes, of course. How else would I keep a watch over your safety?"
"Mhm Mhm..." I mumbled with eyes clenched shut and still rubbing my temples, doing my best not to remind her that all of what had happened had been caused by her and her sister's presence alone. I imagined that it was probably already too late to do anything about it at this point. It was most likely that I was lost the moment I first met them anyway.
I finally broke out of my attempt at a stress-relief meditation. "So where is my bathroom?"
"It's still there," Luna replied with a confused face. "But why would you want it? This bath is much nicer and everything you could ask for," she gave me a small smile. "There is even enough space for all of us to take a bath together. Isn't that much nicer?"
I'm pretty sure that some would have jumped at an opportunity to have a private bath with an alicorn princess. Me? I just felt really, really weird at the prospect. "One; this bath does not have everything I need. All of my hygiene products an accessories are custom made and I need them to look appropriate..."
Fun fact number eleven; try to get a decent razor in Equestria. I dare you. Custom imports from the griffon kingdom are expensive, take massive time and you still have to explain to customs that it isn't a weapon. I shaved with a kitchen knife and a pair of scissors for the first year.
"And two; remember what I told you about the nudity thing?"
Luna gave me a slightly befuddled look. "That counts for baths as well?"
"It does," I replied with a dead-serious face. "Aside from the fact that it would feel incredibly weird to get in a bath with two people I've only known for a day."
"I wouldn't mind," Silver Blossom spoke up with a big blush while looking down to inspect her own two feet. "I promise I wouldn't peek."
I only shook my head with a quiet sigh before turning back to Luna. "So please, can I now enter my bathroom?"
Princess Luna seemed slightly disappointed at my lacking enthusiasm, but she nodded nonetheless. "Close the door," I pulled it shut. "Now, stand back a bit," I took a big step backwards and watched her horn flare up with magic, the noise accompanying her channeling echoing through the corridor.
"There," she nodded and stepped back from the door. "You can now enter your old bathroom again... though you are still welcome to use the other one whenever you wish to."
"I'll keep it in mind," I replied and opened the door, a happy sigh escaping me as my little safe place of normality greeted me. It almost felt like meeting an old friend.
Five minutes. Even after five minutes they were still staring at me with absolute confusion. From the moment I started to prepare the shaving foam to when I started applying it to my face they continued to stare at me in silence. Had I been smart I would have just closed the door, but living alone you tend to neglect such simple things.
"What is he doing?" Silver Blossom whispered before giggling. "He looks funny!"
"I'm not sure," Luna replied with fascination. "Maybe this is some sort of human ritual to-" she saw me pull out the razor and fascination went to obvious concern. "What is that?"
"It's a razor," I replied with an air of casualty and gave the blade a testing look. "I use it to shave off my beard."
"It looks sharp!" Silver Blossom noted with awe.
"Hold it right there," Luna finally seemed to understand what I was going to do, and she seemed very concerned at this point. "You're going to use that to cut the hair on your face?!"
"I am," I replied simply and flung the towel I was going to use over my shoulder.
"What if you cut yourself?" Next to Luna, I could see Silver Blossom grow pale at the idea.
"I only did that the first two times," I inspected my face in the mirror from all sides, deciding where to set the razor. "I never cut myself these days."
"Are you sure?" Luna asked, obviously not believing me. "What about just using magic? I'm sure I could help."
"Nope," I shook my head. "There are things a man needs to do himself. Now quiet, I need to concentrate."
Shaving in front of the two was the strangest thing I had ever done up to that point, ever. The moment I brought the razor up to my face I could actually hear them take a sharp inward breath, hold it, and finally release it again when I finished the first downward motion. This kept up during the entire phase of shaving my throat, each stroke accompanied by them holding their breath; especially when I reached the part under my adam's apple. Even the parts where I stroked off excess foam were followed with suspense.
At some point though, seeing as I was obviously not going to cut myself the tension seemed to leave them and I could finally fully concentrate on the task at hand. And just as I was busy shaving the last stubble off my cheek, the universe once again proved that it did not like me. Not in the slightest.
Fully captivated by my task, neither my two little voyeurs nor myself had noticed the door to the shop being opened. Neither had we heard the hoofsteps coming up the stairs; until a high-pitched voice broke through the silence.
"Good morning, everypony!"
Even back then I remembered that Rarity always had a flair for slightly dramatic entries. But it still came as a shock when she walked up to the door and greeted all of us with her sing-song voice at its best volume. I don't know if it startled the other two, but it certainly had an effect on me.
Startled by the sudden intrusion, I momentarily forgot about the razor on my face; and turned my head sharp to the side to see who had just entered my house.
Big mistake on my part.
Anyone who ever used a razor can pretty much tell you what happens when you do sideways motions while shaving.
Fun fact number six; unicorns, as well as alicorns and children raised by alicorns have a slight issue with seeing blood. The screaming panic that ensued lasted minutes. Not to mention that my shirt was ruined. As were my pants, my towel, and part of the rug in the corridor.
Stats
Page generated in 0.027 seconds
Total duration
995 users online
2,232,277 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I snickered more than would perhaps have been kind. Poor guy.
I would be screaming about the blood as well
I have a touch up razor, and my brother threw open the door screaming about having to piss, and this is a straight razor, so I jumped and boom, huge chunk a skin gone. Stung like a freaking bitch. Poor poor man.
I wish chapters were longer, by just a bit
RARITY!!!!!
Where the hell did he cut himself?!
BLOOD! ZE BEAUTIFUL BLOOD!!!
4075703 Usually, cuts to the facial area bleed profusely no matter where the skin is broken. However, cuts above the brow line bleed the most (though, I doubt he had a reason to bring the razor that high
).
This is why I use an electric razor.
4075727
Still to bleed that much with just a razor. I just hope he isn't going to be asking people if they wan't to know how he got those scars...
4075727
4075733
I'm probably over-thinking it anyways. I guess he just considers some blood to be a ruining factor.
4075734 lawlz.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/dark-knight-batman-joker-meme-you-wanna-know-how-i-got-these-scars-ice-pops-popsicles.jpeg
4075742
Ice pops, AKA Starter kits for joker wannabees.
4075731 You aren't the only one... Mine is a piece of crap, but knowing me, better to spend the extra time then to rip my face off repeatedly...
4075752 I swear, those things were what turned me into a man.
I suppose you can also look at them as a metaphor for life. Ya know, "If you work for it, you can have anything you want, but there's no guarantee that you won't be hurt in the process".
Or, maybe they're just frozen treats for kids.
4075727 People should count themselves lucky if they don't have a monobrow. I either have to have it plucked, or shave it manually...as in, with a blade.
4075764 I wouldn't trust myself with a blade near my eyes. It's just one wrong move and shick!
One trip to the hospital, courtesy of a straight razor.
Ouch.
Oh man the mental image
They're so entertained
4075770 I don't have much choice. It's my..."inheritance" if you will. Got it from my great grandmother. It's been on the face of everyone on my mom's side of the family, but they all have TWO brows that grow into one. I.E. a UNIBrow. I have a straight line. (I.e. MONOBrow)...fuck Genetics.
Gee thanks Rarity. Remind me to scare you when you're playing with your sharpest dress shears sometime. :)
Oh well. Personally, I would have kept Luna's TARDIS bathroom. And used all her shampoo.
Gah. On second thought can you imagine how much of that crazy mane hair will get stuck in the drain every morning? Wet, matted, glowing mass of horse hair clogging everything? Ew.
4075789 I'm glad to say that I've never had to deal with anything like that before, though that doesn't stop me from occasionally nicking my throat while shaving. Let me tell you, that hurts, and you've gotta be careful not to reopen the wound, otherwise you're bleeding profusely in public, and nobody likes that.
Bladder control issues?
Oh ponies and their silly dramatic entrances.
Glad you're feeling better
can't type much, tired as sin. but must say THANKS for this update tonight.
Because staying up longer is longer isn't counter productive I guess? Bleh, sleep is for the weak!
Only I need to get back on my schedule or I'll continue to have really exhausting afternoons and I should work on sleeping. AURG. I wish I had sleep aides ;~;
That's the thing I've come to realize about ponies. They're so openly friendly to one another and have such a positive attitude that personal space is one of those words that exists but is so rarely used that most have forgotten what it means anymore. If you don't lock your doors and put signs up they will literally just let themselves in without the slightest thought. Case in point, Pinkie Pie.
You spoil us with the updates... Don't stop.
Also, 28 comments in an hour. Kudos.
4075703
With his luck? Probably the neck. On the bright side, if he's dead, he no longer has to suffer through pony silliness!
What's wrong with Luna getting stuck? I call that an opportunity.
Dammit Rarity! For somepony so 'refined', can't you enter somewhere without causing a ruckus?
Oh god. Oh. Why would you write that? I fucking cringe so hard just thinking about that.
It's probably a straight edge too.
Schlick
*shudders*
4075868 but .... Pinkie doesn't need doors tho.
I hope there was a small blood fountain.
teach those ponies not to screw around in a mans house.
4075703 Across the throat.
These ponies just step everywhere without a care in the world, I wonder if his fuse will reach its end at some point near the future.
How do stallions shave?
4076107
Easily: they don't. Ponies have fur, no need to shave to skin. They just cut fur to normal level.
4075940
Oh my god you're making it worse. Why, TheRedBrony? Why?
4075703 4076085 4075907 4075733 4075727
If I had to guess, it's a simple cut to his cheek. It probably isn't even that bad. The blood got everywhere because they started screaming, trying to cover the "grievous wound" with anything available, and either Rarity or Luna ended up picking him up in their magic and carrying him around while he was bleeding everywhere.
Because they wanted to help him. Honest.
This just keeps getting better and better. Cant help but love this fic
4076107
- It even grows those.. Corn thingies? 
I suppose since, they have natural hair on their face, the "beards" are simply how their facial hair looks, as they grow further. Kinda like grass. You know, it's short and stiff when cut. but as it grows it begins to look more.. leafy? I'm not sure how to describe it, English isn't my first language, but if you look at cut grass, and long uncut it looks very different you know
So they simply cut thier beards, instead of shaving
It's just a theory, and MLP theory
Fun Fact: in 'Baby Cakes', during the prologue Mr Cake appears to have stubble. Any idea how you shave that off?
Did someone cut themselves?
50ansdecinema.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/nosferatu-murnau-07-g.jpg
4076190
Now I'm picturing a stallion with his beard turning into flowers and weeds and stuff... But yeah, I guess instead of shaving their beard, they just mow it down.
Oh this guy just needs a break...
ouch..... *winces* this is why I use an electric shaver.... takes longer but it does the job.
also... is it just me or does it seem like silver is crushing on him?
its like... wow... only thing i can think of is her body just hit puberty, no one has ever talked to her about the birds and the bees or feelings of attraction and love vs. lust. (yes, some people/ponies need to be told the difference!), and he is the only known male human in equestria so all attraction is on him.
Something tells me that Woody always lived alone since he became an adult, even on Earth. When you live with a family, you are generally more resistant to distractions. However, I'm not sure that there's anyone in the universe who could ignore Rarity when she makes one of her entrances.
I also think that poor Silver Blossom is going to be traumatised for life by this incident!
I have the slightest feeling that the ruined clothes and rug weren't because of blood alone...
4076107
They don't exactly grow facial hair, Star Swirl was obviously a goat.
4076291
I use a woman's leg razor. I do it so I can get all of the stubble away, and not have to worry about it for a day or so.
Also do it in the shower so I don't have to buy shaving cream.