"Are you feeling better?" I carefully asked as I went about setting up something to eat. I wasn't sure if she was actually hungry, but given the situation it was the best I could think of. Working always calmed me down... and I definitely needed to calm down. I had a small kitchen in the back of the store. It was small, but it had everything I needed.
"Yeah, thanks." She put on a small smile. "I think I'm fine now."
"Good to hear... are you hungry?"
"Kind of..." She shrugged. "We had breakfast before we left but..." she paused, "can I ask you something?"
"What?" I asked and checked the contents of the pot.
"Well..." She seemed to hesitate. "What's up with the whole 'bearotaur' thing? Why not just tell everypony you're human?"
"Because..." I carefully scooped up some of the pot's contents and poured it into a bowl. "Well... you see..."
"Yes?" She gave me an inquisitive gaze.
I set down the bowl before her with a sigh. "When I came here, I already knew that the locals would be skeptical of me... so I thought; instead of telling them I'm some sort of alien, why not tell them I was something they could imagine already existed in their world?"
Silver Blossom raised an eyebrow. "That... doesn't really sound logical. You know you could have just gone to Canterlot to see aunt Celestia?"
And run straight into the one thing I had been trying to avoid for three years? Fat chance. "It seemed like a good idea at the time... and I've been doing good since then. Everything has been nice and peaceful."
"But a bearotaur?" She gave me a look of uncertainty. "Couldn't you have thought of something more cool?" She played with her spoon. "Like... I don't know. Maybe a special kind of wendigo or..." A grin spread her lips and she swung her spoon through the air like a weapon. "A demon lord come from Tartarus to travel Equestria and save Equis!"
"I'm not really much of an adventurer."
"Oh..." She seemed disappointed, but a small frown found its way onto her face when she looked at the contents of the bowl. "What's that?"
"It's rabbit stew," I replied.
Fun fact number four; Even though all ponies are naturally vegetarians, they don't really oppose the fact that other species eat meat. At least as long as you're not eating them, that is... that of course doesn't mean eating it in front of them isn't somewhat offensive. Getting meat is not easy though, as you have to hunt it yourself. At the time I went out trapping once a week.
"Eww..." She gave the bowl a mistrustful look.
"You don't eat meat?" I asked with slight surprise. "You know you can eat meat, right?"
"Yeah... they said I have the teeth for it." She put down the spoon and pushed the bowl away. "I just don't like the idea..."
I briefly wondered what the ponies had been feeding her instead. "Have you at least tried meat before?"
"Fluttershy tried to give me some fish one time..." She shuddered. "But it was all slippery and squishy."
I shook my head in wonder. Of course a child would become a vegetarian if you gave her a bloody raw fish. "Look. It's fresh and I cooked it myself. At least try it, I'm sure you'll like it."
She seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then she carefully pulled the bowl towards her. Giving it a look as if it would jump her any second, she scooped up some of it in her spoon and with a highly doubtful expression put it into her mouth.
Fun fact number fifty-one; Apperently, I make one heck of a good rabbit stew. Not once in my life have I ever seen somebody wolf down their food the way she did.
Silver Blossom was busy devouring her second bowl when there was a call from the front of the shop. "Woodchuck? Are you there?" I immediately recognized the voice as Copper Cobbler's... Judging by Silver Blossom's terrified expression she did as well. She almost dropped her spoon when she heard him.
"Wait here while I go see what he wants." I gave her a reassuring look and couldn't help but smile at her smeared face. "There are napkins in the shelf next to the stove." She blushed. "If you're still hungry you can help yourself. I'll be right back."
---
When I came out of the kitchen Copper Cobbler was already waiting for me. "Good morning officer. What can I do for you?" I greeted him with a warm smile in spite of my rising anxiousness. He usually didn't come around the store until noon when his shift ended... I could already imagine what this was going to be about.
"You know you don't have to be so formal Woodchuck," he replied and sniffed the air. "Are you cooking? At this time of day?"
"Just a small spur of hunger." I jested.
"Makes sense." He shrugged. "Autumn is about to start. You're probably already starting to gather food reserves." Cobbler shook his head. "Anyhow. I came to inform you that this morning we arrested three mares in front of your store. I caught them trying to break into your store."
I cringed. "Ahh... listen, Cobbler. About that..."
"They also had a female bearotaur with them, but she has escaped prosecution so far and..."
I leaned forward towards him and whispered. "I know. She's in the kitchen right now."
"She is?" His eyes narrowed. "She hasn't threatened you, has she?"
"No!" I quickly replied, "I think it's just all a big misunderstanding. It seems they just wanted to see who I was."
"Climbing through closed windows is a highly dubious way of meeting new ponies..." he paused, "or bearotaurs, for that matter."
"I know, I know..." I sighed, "listen, she's not even an adult yet and I'm not going to push any charges against them..."
"Are the others alright?" Both me and Copper Cobbler looked up to see Silver Blossom stand half-way behind the door frame. "We really didn't mean to do anything bad..."
Copper Cobbler gave her a measuring look. "Young lady. You and your friends have a lot of explaining to do." His voice was stern. "Seeing though that you are not adult yet and since Woodchuck is kind enough not to press any charges I can't hold you." His brow furrowed. "Your friends though... they are charged with several offenses." His gaze returned to me. "There's is also another matter I wanted to inform you on."
I sighed, "let me guess. The purple one has been asking questions about me."
"Ever since we threw her and the other two in the cell," Cobbler groaned and rubbed his head. "She hasn't stopped pestering us with questions about you for a single minute." He shook his head. "The other two have only been making threats that we keep our hooves off the female bearotaur."
"Silver Blossom."
Copper Cobbler turned his head towards her. "Pardon me?"
Silver Blossom cringed under his gaze but weakly repeated herself. "My name is Silver Blossom."
"A pleasure." Copper Cobbler didn't seem happy in the slightest. "I'm officer Copper Cobbler." He returned his attention to me. "Twilight Sparkle, as she has identified herself, has also claimed to be the personal student of princess Celestia."
"That's quite the title," I remarked.
"Got some good laughs out of the boys, I tell you that." His expression hardened. "At least until she appeared on our doorstep."
"Aunt Celestia is here?" Silver Blossom asked with a happy voice from behind me while I could only stare at Copper Cobbler in complete terror.
"Princess Celestia is here indeed," Copper Cobbler corrected her with a frown. "Would you believe she has been trying to get me to drop the charges against the three mares ever since she got here?!"
"And you didn't?" I asked with a baffled expression.
"Of course not!" His reply was immediate. "She may be princess, but our credo and duty stands clear!" he put on a grim face. "Nopony is above the law."
"So... what's going to happen to them?" I carefully asked.
"They will be charged with resisting police force and assaulting an officer on duty..." he paused. "However, if you are really not going to press charges and taking into account that the princess herself is vouching for them, the sentence will likely be reduced to working community hours."
"Okay... that's good then, isn't it?"
"For them it is," Cobbler replied with a frown. "But considering that the princess is on her way here to see you, I would advise taking down the sign in front of your store. Don't get me wrong, you have the full right to deny her access to your store but..."
"Wait. What?!" I could feel the blood drain from my face. "What do you mean she's coming to my store to see me? I never agreed to that!"
Cobbler gave me a curious look. "Is there some sort of history between alicorns and bearotaurs I should be aware of?"
"What?" I stared at him without comprehension. "No! It's just... I..." I swallowed. I briefly wondered if running was still an option. "When will she get here?" I thought that given some time to think, I could still find a way out of this mess. How wrong I was...
"She should be here any..." Copper Cobbler started to reply, but was cut off as Silver Blossom stormed by us and outside with a big smile on her face.
"Aunt Celestia! You're here!" I could hear her call with happiness in her voice.
"Silver Blossom, I am glad to see you are alright." I almost fell over when I heard that motherly voice. "I was worried when Twilight and her friends didn't know what had happened to you."
"Can't you do anything to help them?"
"I am afraid that even I do not stand above the law, my dear. However, I hope that with Mr. Woodchuck's help we can avoid the worst," she paused. "Is this his shop?"
"It is," Silver Blossom replied, "he's really nice... and he's just like me!"
"He is?" Celestia gave a startled reply, "Twilight was telling me something about a bearotaur but I..." I could hear her trail off. In hindsight, she was probably frowning while looking at my sign. "No alicorns allowed?"
"He's just shy," Silver Blossom giggled, "I'm sure he'll be happy to see you. You know, he's been here for three years already!"
I burrowed my face in my hands. "Please don't come in. Please don't come in."
Next to me, Cobbler gave me a smirk. "Shy?"
Outside, I could hear Celestia give a small huff. "Well... I never was one to support discrimination." I heard her magic flare up for a split second. "There... much better."
A moment later, Princess Celestia herself, ruler of Equestria and deity of the sun stepped into my store.
And I... as hard as it is for myself to believe it even today... I flipped out.
I can't tell for certain what it was that set me off. Whether it was the fact that the greatest fear of my life had just stepped into my store, or if it was finding out that there was another human in this world... probably all of them together. Whatever it was, it is safe to assume I had some sort of mental breakdown at that point.
I'm still surprised it worked, but with a force born from sheer desperation I grabbed my trusty broom and chased her out of the store while waving it around like a lunatic and shouting, "Out! Out! Out!" at the top of my lungs.
Once she was outside, I threw the door shut and pulled down shutters after turning the sign to closed. And while I was gasping for breath and leaning on my broom for support both Silver Blossom and Copper Cobbler were staring at me with a look of complete disbelief.
"Wow..." Silver Blossom finally remarked.
A small smirk appeared on Copper Cobbler's face. "Aside from the fact that this is probably going to have an aftermath... why the buck aren't you in the police force?"
"Give me a break..." I wheezed and grasped my chest to feel my heart pound like crazy. "I think I'm about to have a heart attack." I shakily turned to Silver Blossom. "Didn't she read the bloody sign?!"
"She did..." Silver Blossom cringed slightly and gave me an apologetic look. "And she changed it to 'Alicorns welcome' with her magic."
"You have got to be kidding me..." I dropped my head. "How ridiculous can this day get?"
Outside, someone else was probably asking herself that very same question.
I should probably draw a picture of that scene...
It was quite funny. Chasing Celestia out of your domicile with a broom.
I like how Celestia expected no repurcussions for changing the sign. Silly royalty, acting like they matter.
Sweet, finish one story and find an update for another.
[NOPE INTENSIFIES]
That was good, should be interesting to see what Celestia does once she wraps her head around what happened.
Pfft. this is so hilarious.
Well,Now we have sir tag and the Nope Broom.....
See? See?!
You should keep alicorns out of your homes! That's a clear case of vandalism, right there!
The image of an irate store clerk chasing Her Royal Highness and Raiser of the Sun out of his store with a broom is priceless.
You do know that horses have
6 incisorsEDIT:12 incisors, up to 4 canine teeth, and 24 molars . . . pretty much the same as humans, just a different quantity. [And horses can eat meat, too! Apparently they like roast beef as a treat. It's not really good for them, though.]2.bp.blogspot.com/-jlS-mC-r_IM/UhzI5ytxo1I/AAAAAAAACUY/IRbutYuPluc/s1600/Pony+Teeth_edited-1.jpg
(IRL horses don't brush their teeth)
I love this story. It's just the right amount of silly and d'aww.
Awesome, Too short for my tastes though. Especially considered the wait (Not complaining... that leads to longer waiting...)
Hahahahahahahaahahahaah! Oh lord, I have tears in my eyes! Well done good sir!
3490110
Do it.
Well ok. You can have your excuse for now. Feel better soon so I can have more input though?
Awesome.
That. Was. Beautiful.
3490110 Yes yes you should.
Oh man... he is so going to have so much to answer for once things calm down.
This is absolutely great!
Seriously, I cannot get that image of him chasing her out of the shop with a broom out of my head, I'm crying with laughter.
Couldn't he charge Celestia with the vandalism of his sign and trespassing as Celestia said "I am afraid that even I do not stand above the law". He even has a police officer who witnessed the crime.
The Nope Has Been DOUBLED!! Huzzah! :D
I was wrong last chapter, hello Trollestia!
Amazing.
Laughing my ass off. Bravo!
Woody
awesomelyluvvie.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/GetTFO.gif
Tia
1.bp.blogspot.com/-WMir6GLS2fE/UBzqmYJ0VTI/AAAAAAAACAE/7fQzvxq3Aa4/s320/garrys-mod-wat.gif
Updates of this never failed to brighten up my day.
I don't remember that romance tag being there...anyway his greatest fears have finally caught up to him and it is glorious.
Cobbler is a good man, er pony.
As the owner of a store he is well within his rights to refuse service to someone and as he placed a sign asking alicorns to keep out shooing Celestia out is perfectly justified.
Fell out of my chair from laughing. I needed before heading to work.
Thank you
It's great to see an update, though please don't push yourself too hard.
And for some strange reason this scene just popped into my head:
"I just don't know how it all went wrong!"
"Uh huh."
"I mean sure there was that strange hibernation thing I started doing after arriving here, but aside from that it really wasn't that bad."
"Uh huh."
"Spent a couple of years working, even managed to open my own shop. It wasn't much but it was nice and quiet.....atleast until that CMC Club started up!"
"Uh huh."
"All I wanted to do was just live my life like that without getting all mixed up with the Mane 6 and their chaos. Was that so wrong?"
"Uh huh."
"And it still happened. Now they're here with a human kid! Maybe it's not too late.....there's gotta be some place I can hide. What do you think?"
".......for one?" The oversized pad of paper moved away to reveal Discord wearing a monocle. "You should hire a real psychologist. Cause I can't make heads or tails of these ink blots, I think this ones glaring at me. Though the shrunken heads turned out great!"
OH GOD that's funny one up for trollestia anyway great story so far can't wait for the next chapter.
~ Techsol
That broom must have some serious intimidation buffs on it.
I couldn't stop laughing! You nearly killed me via asphyxiation! Please do it again!!!
I really liked the chapter and wish I could like your story more than once, GnollReader.
Oh my god my sides I cant stop laughing!
Just the mental image of a guy chasing Celestia out of his store with a fucking BROOM!!
I cant fucking breath dude!!!
I- I just have to have more of this! please!!
all the mustaches!!
He better run for it. XD
Furthermore, I am kind of curious who the romance tag is for...
Frankly, I love stories with romance but if it's between Silver Blossom and Woodchuck, well...
I don't have anything against human x human but the only real issue I find is the age difference.
Speaking of which, have you ever mentioned Woodchuck's exact age???
Yep. I figured this premise was going to be a good one, and I'm glad that it hasn't disappointed one bit.
I had to go back and read that last part three times. It was priceless!
Dat chapter. . .
i1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii516/Klutzybear/314-1.jpg
Someone NEEDS to draw Celestia being chased by a broom wielding human!
3490315 I'm not going to spoil things yet... though have I ever done what anyone expected me to do? ^^
Wonder what will happen next.
Celly have probably not encountered that sort of event in ages, if ever. Being used to the constant Formal Royal Treatment from everyone ever, even when she might not want it.
Her reaction will be very interesting, whatever she does. If could go in so many directions..
3490426
Well, as long as it's not an old guy like Woodchuck and a young girl like Silver Blossom, you can throw ANYTHING at me and I'll be happy.
Show me what you got.
I for one am up for celestia breaking in through the second floor!
Is this in the same universe as 'The reader' ?
3490461 People keep asking me that... is it because of the town's name?
3490471
Just asking.
3490475 I don't know... I think a crossover could get pretty difficult to handle
I LOVE IT!!! MOOOOOOOOORE!!
We should be able to like and dislike individual chapters....so I can like this 5 more times :)
3490389
But then she can charge him with discrimination and assaulting the Princess.