Chapter 10: House occupation
Anyone reading up to this point is probably going to expect some explicit battle description next. Valor, shouting, swears of vengeance and all that accompanies it. And in all honesty, I would have written down everything that happened after Silver Blossom and I broke through to the surface were it not for one slight problem;
I didn't see it.
The reason for this lack of information is as simple as it is annoying; I took a magic projectile straight to the face. And even to this day I swear it was purple... Twilight Sparkle still evades the subject whenever I bring it up.
So... sorry; no battle story. Instead, I'll pick up where my brain started functioning again.
The battle probably wasn't even that interesting anyway...
Darkness, warmth; the soft, unmistakable feeling of blankets on my skin and a comfy mattress beneath me... Even on the verge of awareness, I knew I was back home in my bed; safe, alone and-
A shift in the bed, a slight deformation of the covers... It took me a moment to realize it, but someone had just climbed up onto my bed. Or was it somepony?
As my mind was still trying to make my body move, I could feel a small hand being placed on my brow. Silver Blossom. An inner sigh escaped me as I realized she was alright. But at the same time, I couldn't help but let out a small sigh; I had somehow still hoped to wake up and find that everything until now had been a dream.
Then again, the universe never did care about my hopes.
Still, the human contact felt nice. It was something I had not felt for a long time, and it made a warm sensation of happiness that surprised me pass through myself realizing another human being cared for me.
At least until she started playing with my face.
To this day I still don't know what she was trying to do; whether she was merely bored, curious or trying to accomplish something. Or was it still simply the stubble that fascinated her?
Whatever it was she was trying to do, it was starting to get on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I was still happy she was alright. But the assault on my face was not very comfortable; not to mention I was sure she was shaping the skin on my face to lengths and shapes that it was not meant to take.
The hands were removed once more, and just as I started to wonder what would happen next I was surprised to feel her shift on the bed again. I felt her scoot closer towards me and then stop, seemingly sitting on the bed right next to myself. What was she doing?
The answer came as a surprise as I felt her soft breath on my face and a slight tickling sensation on my skin that could only be her hair. This was slowly but certainly taking a very awkward direction.
Finally, I started to regain control over my own body and carefully opened my eyes, staring up into her own surprised face only inches away from mine.
"Uhm... hey?" I greeted her, the word the only thing coming to my mind as she stared down at me with her brown eyes.
"Hey..." she managed to reply after a moment of surprised silence and still keeping her face close to mine.
"What are you doing?" I asked with a slightly puzzled expression.
"Uhh..." she seemed to have trouble finding an answer. "Waiting for you to wake up?"
"Well, I'm up." I replied with a feeling of growing unease. Something in the way she was sitting above me... let's just say if someone would have entered the room at that moment it would probably have been cause for a lot of misunderstandings.
"Oh..." she replied with a sigh of relief and leaned backwards again, though for a slight moment I think I saw disappointment cross her face. "Celestia said you would probably wake up again soon," she sat on her legs next to me and played with her fingers. "So I figured I'd wait until you did."
"That's nice of you," I replied as I propped myself up slightly. "But why am I even-" I stopped half-way through my question as I noticed something. "Are you... are you wearing one of my shirts?"
Silver Blossom looked down herself and put on an apologetic smile. "Well, my clothes got really dirty during the fight and I didn't want to catch a cold..." she trailed off as she saw my face. "You don't mind, do you?"
She was wearing one of my long-sleeved white shirts, the buttons on the wrists as well as the first three top and bottom buttons on the front unbuttoned; and it looked ridiculous. I mean, the shirt was already slightly too big for me, but for her it was big enough to qualify as a dress. Judging by the length it reached half-way to her knees, and she was constantly pulling back the sleeves to keep her hands free.
That in itself wasn't the issue though. I would have been fine with lending her a shirt, it's the decent thing to do after all. The problem I was having with it, was of a slightly different nature.
Wearing an oversized shirt is okay, even cute to a certain extent; but when it's seemingly the only thing you're wearing, things tend to get... strange.
"No," I swallowed nervously and tried to banish the weirdness into the back of my mind. "I don't mind..." I looked around myself and tried to think of something to talk about. "So... what happened anyway?"
Silver Blossom cringed slightly. "You got knocked out by a spell..."
I frowned. "Who's spell?"
"Uhmm..." I could see her hesitate. "I don't know?"
"Okay..." I decided not to pursue the subject for the moment, even though I was pretty sure she was hiding something. "So, I guess you guys won the fight?"
A sudden wave of excitement washed over her face as she started to bounce up and down on the bed. "You should have seen it! Everypony was so cool! Celestia and Luna both teamed up on Chrysalis," she started to stand up and raise her arms. "And they did this crazy spell that created this huge ball of energy," I watched her arms tremble as she held them before herself with a huge grin. "And then," she suddenly threw up her arms. "Boom!"
"Oh, god!" I quickly covered my eyes with my hands, feeling my cheeks burn a crimson red.
Remember a few chapters back; when I hoped that the whole nudity thing had gone by her? Well, hope denied. The moment she threw up her arms the shirt traveled upwards and served for an image that would undoubtedly have put me in a jail cell back on earth.
"What are you doing?" I could hear Silver Blossom asked with confusion. "Is something wrong? Your head is really red all of a sudden."
"No." I continued to cover my eyes, "Just... are you still raising your arms?"
"Uhm... I am?" she answered, and from her voice I could tell she had no idea why this was making me blush.
"Could you please lower them?" I asked, still refusing to look.
"Okay..." she paused, "Why?"
"Just... do it, I'll explain later." I sat up and put my legs over the edge of the bed. It seemed they had taken off my apron, but at least had left me the decency of my pants and shirt. I felt her shift and hop off the bed next to me.
"So," I carefully took a peek at her through my fingers and a small sighed escaped me when I saw she was no longer raising her arms. "I got knocked out, you guys won the fight... and you brought me back here?" I carefully got up, checking that my legs were still functioning.
Silver Blossom nodded. "Twilight was really worried when she saw that-" she suddenly paled a bit, "Uhh.. when she saw you got knocked out." She put on a small smile. "But Celestia checked on you and told us you would be alright after a good day of sleep."
"Okay," I stretched a little but then a terrifying thought entered my mind. "Does this mean everyone is here?" I briefly considered getting back into my bed but Silver Blossom shook her head.
"Celestia, Fluttershy and Pinkie had to go back to Ponyville. Twilight, Applejack and Dash are staying with officer Cobbler; he was nice enough to let them out to help us, but they still have to do forty-six hours of civil work because of..." she grimaced slightly, "Well, you know."
"Don't worry. Copper Cobbler won't be too hard on them I'm sure. He's got a nice place too, so I'm sure they'll be fine and-" I stopped. "Wait, what about the rest?" my eyes narrowed as two names flashed up in my mind. "What about Princess Luna and Rarity?"
"Well," Silver Blossom answered with a slightly nervous expression. "Rarity and the others decided to take turns staying here, so that I wouldn't be alone and they could get to know you better." Later, I would learn that it was actually Celestia who came up with this part.
"Okay, fair enough..." I sighed, one of them wouldn't be as bad, probably. "What about princess Luna?"
Silver Blossom actually cringed at the question. "Promise not to be mad?"
"Why?" I felt my brow furrow.
She started to play with her fingers again. "Aunt Luna decided she wanted to make sure something like this wouldn't happen again," she gave me a careful glance. "So she decided to stay a bit longer."
I stared at Silver Blossom for a short moment, trying to put her words together in my mind. "How much longer are we talking here?"
Silver Blossom opened her mouth to give an answer, but seemingly couldn't decide on one... and simply shrugged instead.
"Oh, god..." I fell backwards onto my bed again. "I have an alicorn princess occupying my house... and a child that doesn't know what underwear is," I closed my eyes with a small groan. "I'll be lucky if I survive a week..."
It didn't really help the silence that followed when Luna entered the room with one of my underpants on her head.
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That last line could silence rabble rousers on the other side of the planet because not the oppressing wave of awkward!
The more I read the better this story gets.
HE LIVES! HE LIVES!
"TIS A FINE HAT, SER WOODCHUCK!"
Most amusing.
I've said this before on this site, but I'll say it again:
Dear Sir, I would like to object to that last scene, and to the next comment.
Or perhaps this is more appropriate:
I've been cursed!
i.imgur.com/ZEo9C.gif
The last line sounds a bit like it should read "on" instead of "over", just for the flow, phrasing, and imagery.
3979521 I agree.
This actually makes sense when you think about it. Silver Blossom has evidently been raised by the ponies since infancy. It's likely that she has no sense of a nudity taboo whatsoever, which is a learned behaviour in humans. The clothing she wears will doubtless be based purely on a pragmatic assessment of what covering she needs to maintain a safe body temperature and to protect her feet against things from which ponies have their hooves to protect them. Oh, and I'm sure Rarity has recently tried to add a certain "pizazz" to Silver Blossom's ensemble.
The consequences for Woody are obvious, when you stop to think about it. When she's indoors and the air temperature is comfortable, it's quite possible that Silver Blossom doesn't bother with clothes. Why should she?
The kindest thing to do at this point is to explain to her clearly and directly about human cultural taboos in this area. She isn't obliged to honour them wherever she goes but, for her host's peace of mind, it would be better if she did whilst she's staying at his house.
Do we know how old Silver Blossom is, by the way? I got the impression that she's around 10 years old.
3979500 i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6667190272/hB237F4D2/
blrag.com/storage/facepalm-animated.gif?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1303486069184
Luna, this is why Celestia doesn't let you out in public without supervision...
3979506 Sounds like a good curse! Unless you run out of stories. Repeatedly.
And thats why i keep a backlog of 100+ read laters~
that last line
Great chapter!
Also, now he can rant to Celestia about how he was right. (About how trouble follow them around)
One thing I never got: Just because she's a human she gets to call the Princesses her aunts? A bit Mary Sue-ish
How old is she again? Because he either has the correct reaction, or needs to man up.
Woodchuck, Luna can stay at my place, she'll be... entertainted.
WHY SO SHORT!?!
I love this story so much. This is just the kind of awkward, sitcom esque stuff that is normal to ponies, being in a cartoon world, that people from the real world would quickly tire of. It's infinitely hilarious to watch the reactions of a man who tries to take it all in stride but just ends up seeming put upon by the over the top and wacky personalities invading his life.
3979538
This is good thinking.
3979611 I don't think this word means what you think it means...
3979611
I think that has more to do with her staying with Twilight. Since Twilight is Celestia's personal student (and a princess in her own right, both by marriage and ascendance), it makes sense that Blossom would be closer to the ruling diarchs than most other people/ponies. And it's not uncommon for people of her age to refer to older adults that they spend a lot of time around but aren't necessarily related to as aunt or uncle.
The whole point of the story is that Silver Blossom's arrival caused Woodchuck's peaceful and seemingly perfect life to go haywire. Gnoll could have easily made Silver spend all that time in Equestria and not be any closer to the Princesses than Woodchuck himself was, but having her be so close to them makes the impact she has on his life that much more jarring and dramatic. And since he's taking this along the route of the Princesses appearing more in the capacity of caring aunts that just so happen to be massively famous (and incredibly nosy), rather than actually as rulers, I think it fits in quite nicely with the tone he's trying to set for the story.
And what happened to Chrysalis? did she take the Villain Exit?
3979710
Given she was caught in some spell cast by the Alicorn Sisters, I imagine she's now a garden feature in Canterlot.
3979602
CELESTIA: "In my defence, this hardly ever happens!"
DISCORD telports in.
SILVER: "Uncle Dee!"
CELESTIA: "Except on Thursdays. For some reason I've never been able to get the hang of Thursdays."
WOODY: "You too?"
3979740 Thursday,The ungodly spawn of Q,Discord,Eris,Eric,And Kreig from next door(Or pandora,hell if i know).It is the most useless day of the week,And taunts us by not being friday.It is also prone to fits of bad luck during its time
Forsooth, this elastic headwarmer tis quite the boon, is it not young Blossom?
I suppose it's only chance that the store clerk wasn't female, then it'd be a bra instead.
Both Luna and Blossom put some on their heads and agree, "Oooo! Earwarmers!"
It didn't really help the silence that followed when Luna entered the room with one of my underpants on her head.
This made my night good sir.
3979614
That suggests early teens. I can remember certain specific memorable events from when I was four, but nothing much before that (like when the bar across the street from our house burned down).
3979614
3979538
She is 16
3979538
Or he could just not bother. After all, his desire to always wear clothes makes him the odd one, not her. There's nothing wrong with choosing to go around nude, especially in Equestria.
Also, she's ten plus a few years. I'd guess early teens (13-15).
Oh, Luna! I hope they were washed first.
Luna with underpants on her head......the cutness has been doubbled!!!
3979815
On the bright side, it is the day of the week with the fewest suicides.
I have a feeling that this is just gonna be the tip of the awkward iceberg
3979870 yay my age
3979970 *Slaps on the back of the head* No getting any thoughts about getting it on in any way, form, or circumstance with the fictional sixteen year old. Now Imma go do thermal equations in a fancy robe whilst eating bonbons and listening to classical music whilst a top hat and monocle adorn my head.
There should be an old man who lives in a mining town somewhere with a monstrous IQ and mechanics and engineering skills that put most industry leaders to shame, and he should have a massive manly white beard and a minotaur butler called Stevens. And he should totally arrive on the back of a tamed Ursa Major.
3979879
This is about his peace of mind. I don't think he could function if Silver wandered around without clothing!
The further we get into this the more it validates his initial tactics. It isn't that he was too paranoid, he wasn't paranoid enough.
A denied narrative is a nasty enemy tropewise. If you want to be left alone in his situation, you have to REALLY work hard at it.
3979879 It's his house. I'm pretty sure he lays out the ground rules there, not the ponies.
3980063
Well,of course I can't speak for the character or what the author's got in mind. I can say from experience that, like other things, it doesn't take all that long to get used to. Yes, he would probably be uncomfortable with the situation for a little while, which would undoubtedly confuse the ponies. But, unless there's already a sexual context, he ought to be able to deal with it. At least, I've never had a problem with nudity.
No words can describe the range of expressions my face made after this line.
3980106
That's true, and he would be within his rights to tell her she has to wear clothes in the house. It might be a little awkward to explain why, especially if she starts to ask why the ponies don't have to wear clothes, but sure, he could tell her that.
That would make it even more awkward when she wanders to market nude, if the weather's nice. Or goes skinny-dipping in a lake, or whatever else. Again, I can't speak for the author, but I'd think that by now he's seen enough pony 'naughty bits' to be mostly immune. I don't recall him ever telling ponies that they have to wear clothes in his store; if he did, I missed it.
3980136 You seem to forget that ponies have their tails to keep their modesty most of the time. Plus, they're, you know, ponies, not a female he'd be instinctively aroused by and more than unused to seeing casually naked.
3980165
.
I haven't forgotten about the tails; observations on real horses revealed that they frequently showed their 'lady bits' when they were just wandering around (and of course, while it hides the beans, the frank's pretty hard to ignore on a stallion). As drawn in the show, of course, the ponies hold their tails high enough all the time that they'd hide nothing, ever.
I don't think there's an instinctive arousal from nudity alone.
This was a very cute chapter.
Thank you. I'm especially happy that you've nailed the pacing. The previous chapter felt a tad wonky.
Underpants on head..
Hole for horn, holes for ears.. i guess it makes sense from the pony POV.
He could sell the design and make a few bits at best. Epic-level private joke only him can understand if its popular with the equestrians.
Is he going to bend or stand next? Can't wait to see where it goes.
3980207 "Well Trollestia I want your title... why you ask? Well... I trolled your entire country, by selling my underwear as hats!"
3979740
AKA, it happens at least once a month, twice in Ponyville.
Well, here is an awkward thought. Has her menstrual cycle started? That would be a really awkward conversation for Woodchuck. And if she had already started, a huge freak-out on Celestia's part the first few times it happened.