Chapter 8: Hold up
"Hold up!" I called out to Celestia as I ran after her, Silver Blossom happily skipping along several feet behind me. "Are you seriously going to leave her here with me?!"
"Why not?" Celestia replied with a happy smile and a glance towards Silver Blossom. "She seems to already have taken a liking to you."
"Why not?" I tried to reason with her. "You don't even know me! I could be some deranged criminal!"
"But you aren't."
"You don't know that!"
Celestia stopped in her stride for a second with a sigh, almost making me fall over my own feet in the process. "Silver Blossom, please be so kind as to go on ahead without us. We will follow you in just a minute."
"Okay." Silver Blossom skipped by us and passed me a happy smile as she left while I wondered whatever words Celestia had that would sway me over in just a minute.
"Mr. Woodchuck..." Celestia started and the form of address was already enough to make me feel queasy. "I have lived long enough to meet every kind of strange being that walks this beautiful world."
"I'm not strange..." I returned, feeling slightly insulted. "At least not that much."
"I know," she replied with a small smile, "but all things considered and having talked to you, I am sure that you are no threat to Silver Blossom... And besides, I am not leaving her alone with you. I am leaving her with her friends and you so that she may learn about herself. I am sure the others will be just as happy to meet you as I am. I think this may the beginning of something very beautiful."
I felt my shoulders sag. "I'm not getting out of this, am I?"
"This is no chore, Mr. Woodchuck." She started to walk again. "We will all profit from this. Silver Blossom will finally have someone who can answer her questions... and you won't be alone anymore."
"I don't mind being alone that much." I shook my head and kept pace next to her. "The ponies of Shoretrot are friendly enough... and I keep myself occupied with my store."
Celestia gave me a short glance. "Were you also alone before you came here?"
I crossed my arms in defiance. "I'll have you know I had a very dedicated social life before I arrived here."
"Then surely you can understand what it feels like to be the only one of your kind in a foreign world."
And strike. She had me with that one. Straight through my defense with that damned logic of hers. "Yes. I understand, I guess..." I rubbed my brow with a sigh and stopped once more. "Look. I'm going to head back to my store, the locals are probably already wondering why it's closed in the middle of the day. Copper Cobbler already knows I'm not pushing charges, so there's not really any point in me coming with you anyhow."
"I guess you are right." Celestia gave me a skeptical look. "Although I do believe Silver Blossom wanted to introduce you to her friends..."
"I'm sure I'll meet them soon enough if they're really going to stay here as well," I replied with a weak smile, already imagining what terrors would await me. "It's not like I'm going to run away. This is my home now, after all."
Ever see an alicorn frown? No? If it wasn't me she was frowning at it might have been amusing. "You're not planning to run away, are you?"
"Me? Not in the slightest." I swear to this day that one of my eyebrows started twitching even as I said that... I was probably sweating too. Especially since her frown was only growing. "Come on. Where would I go to anyway?" Boardor. Definitely Boardor. "Tell Silver Blossom she and her friends can come to my store once the subject of their... well, you know... once that stuff is settled. I'll be waiting for them there."
Celestia didn't seem to be very convinced... and who could blame her for it? At least she wasn't frowning at me anymore. "Very well... I will tell Silver Blossom you returned to your store when I go see her and her friends."
With that and a final wave of my hand, I bid her farewell and started to head back towards my store.
Once I had returned to my store again I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. This was my haven, my place of comfort... and now that it wasn't besieged by alicorns or element bearers any longer, it once again offered me the solitude I had come to cherish so much. Peace, normality, safety... at least until somebody jumped me from behind.
---
Fun fact number twelve; Getting knocked out by short-range magic sucks... big time... probably shouldn't call this one a fun fact for that matter.
The first thing that went through my head was pain, then disorientation, more pain, even more disorientation... and a feeling like I was about to puke any moment. In this state, the only thing that escaped me as I tried to open my eyes was a long, painful groan.
Opening my eyes didn't help much either. I was surrounded by darkness, and it took me a moment of panic before I realized I was actually stuck in some sort of bag... with bound hands and feet nonetheless. A whisper of disbelief escaped me. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me..."
"It seems you are finally awake, Silver Blossom..." a female voice made its presence known. "Open the bag... We wish to see what clever words this little hero has for us now."
Even as I felt them unbind the bag, I couldn't help but wonder; I knew that voice from somewhere... that malicious, female voice, the buzzing sound I was starting to notice... A terrible suspicion started to rise within me. "Pleeease..." I brought forth a silent prayer. "Please don't be who I think you are..."
Fun fact number thirty-four; The universe does not care about my prayers. Not in the slightest.
When the bag was pulled open and my eyes adjusted to the light cast by countless glowing crystals... I found myself staring up at a certain, baffled, and confused changeling queen.
Chrysalis simply stared at me with surprise, seemingly caught wordless at my appearance. Finally, after what seemed like minutes of staring at one another; "You're not Silver Blossom."
I don't know what came over me at this point. Maybe it was the accumulated stress of the day, maybe it was simply a spur of the moment... or the aftereffects of the knockout spell they used on me. Probably the latter. Whatever it was, I could not help but answer her observation. "I'm not?"
"No..." Chrysalis replied, still lost in her confusion. "No, you are not."
"This isn't my store." I decided to use the momentum of the situation to my advantage and play the fool. "Why am I not in my store?"
"I'm not entirely sure..." She surprised me by dropping the royal 'we' and turned her attention to some of the countless changelings present in the room. "Who is this?"
"Uhm..." one of the changelings carefully spoke up. "My queen, isn't this the one we were supposed to bring?" He pulled out a piece of parchment and read out loud. "Silver Blossom; Bipedal, black hair, hands..." He gave me a short glance. "Suspected in Shoretrot?" His hopeful face turned into one of worry as he saw his queen scowl.
"It also said female, did it not?" She pointed an angry hoof... leg... or appendage? I don't even know, but she was pointing it at me with a clearly annoyed expression. "Well?"
"We weren't entirely sure..." the changeling weakly replied. "It also said there was only one with these characteristics in all of Equestria, so we kind of figured..." he swallowed as he saw her scowl deepen. "I apologize my queen. It seems we have made a mistake."
"You don't say," Chrysalis said with a voice that clearly showed she was not amused before giving me an inquiring look with those green eyes of hers. "Who are you?"
"I'm Woodchuck," I answered, "I have a store... in Shoretrot."
"I figured as much." She raised an eyebrow. "What are you?"
I briefly wondered how many times I had been asked that question that day already. "I'm... uhm..." Did it really make a difference? Probably not, but I was going to play it as safe as I could. "I'm a bearotaur."
"A bearotaur?" She gave me an incredulous look. "Really?" I only nodded. "And is Silver Blossom a bearotaur as well?"
"Who?" I stuck to playing the idiot. Getting associated with Celestia or the element bearers was only to get me in even more trouble at this point...
"Silver Blossom," Chrysalis repeated herself, "friend of Twilight Sparkle, the other element bearers and the alicorn sisters? Hero?" Her brow furrowed. "Undoing of all my plans?"
"Never heard of any of them." That one might have been a bit too ignorant... A quick check of her expression confirmed this suspicion.
"Never heard of them..." she repeated my words and a terrifying smirk found its way onto her lips. "In that case, your life holds little value to us, doesn't it?"
"Oh, wait." I quickly tried to catch myself. "Silver Blossom? Little girl? Black hair and brown eyes? Walks around with a certain, purple unicorn?"
"That would be her, yes."
"Huh... Nope. Don't know them." For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to endanger Silver Blossom. If Chrysalis would use me as a trap... the mere idea made me sick. So... I continued to play the fool. "Who are you again?"
For a second, she simply stared at me. The silence didn't last long though. "Enough of the games!" she thundered at me. "We know you are playing with us!" Her eyes narrowed. "And we are not amused."
"You're not amused?!" I shocked her by shouting back, my stress finally boiling over. "How do you think I feel?! For Pete's sake! I've been abducted by frigging changelings! I knew something bad was bound to happen the moment Celestia walked into my..." I choked on my words. "Store... Uhm... oh, boy."
"Repeat that last part," Chrysalis ordered with newfound interest, her voice almost hissing.
"I'm a bearotaur?"
"Not that..." she scowled at me and stepped closer. "The other part."
"I have a store? In Shoretrot?" I felt my mouth go dry as she continued to approach me. "I'm Woodchuck?"
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Oh my.
He got tossed right into the shitstorm hurricane.
lovely, got a nice little chuckle with woodchuck and Chrysalis' exchange.
ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i38/2/8/1/frabz-Let-the-shit-storm-begin-690180.jpg
I couldn't help it I started to laugh at the last part. Well done and I hope to see more soon.
Well, shit!
Would you look at that. Those girls really are trouble bringers.
well he was right that trouble follows the elements
3673856
They're almost as bad as The Doctor in that regard.
poor woodchuck if only he had his broom of doom
For Christ's sake, Celestia, this was EXACTLY what Woodchuck was trying to avoid!!!
As I said before. Fan, his life has hit hit it finally.
So Silver Blossom is the "little hero"?
How long until she punches through the cave wall and rescues him?
Great to see an update for this story.
Now I just have to wait for the next chapter
Though I am curious as to how those Changeling's managed to smuggle him out of the town without anyone noticing.
-------------------------Omake--------------------------------
"Wait, you saw some ponies carrying a large rolled up rug out of town?"
"Yep!"
Rarity turned to the other pony. "And you sold a particularly large rug to a group of ponies?"
"Oh yeah! They wanted a rug big enough you could practically hide a Bearotaur in it, that was my best sale all week!" The ponies smile faded as he realized what had happened.
The other pony turned to him. "Well I hope you gave them a good discount cause one end of that rug had a bunch of hair sticking out of it."
*Cue group facehoof*
----------------------------------End of Omake------------------------------------
I think you meant to add the word "she" between 'as' and 'walked', you might also want to replace the word 'nearer' with closer so the modified sentence might read like: "I have a store? In Shoretrot?" I felt my mouth go dry as she walked closer and closer. "I'm Woodchuck?"
Then again replacing the word 'walked' with 'came' would've worked better for that........
3673950
The Broom of DOOM
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/155/3/1/broom_of_doom_by_chichistar-d3i2gkx.jpg
I love ShitxFan shipping
3674094 LOL
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
I think that this is the funniest story I have read on Fimfiction. On a somewhat related note, are you familiar with the works of Sir Terry Pratchett?
3673942 Worse, in some ways. The Mane 6 can't seem to go one single week without an adventure of some sort. ^_-
The nope continues to be strong with this one
3674188 The Girls may have the frequency award, but The Doctor has them trumped in scale.
Hahahahaha, he's fucked
And I get a front row seat!
Hey, Celestia, guess who was right.
I really hope that Celestia doesn't get off with absolutely no repercussions at the end of this. I want Woodchuck to at least give her an angry talking to. But I have a sneaking suspicion that this might end up like "Past Sins," where everything is basically Celestia's fault, but she isn't the one who has to face the consequences.
I just got over being sick and made the comment "laughing still hurts" ....then I clicked the update for this story...ooowww ha ow
I love it! Its a shame that these chapters are so short. It's like eating only one cupcake! Your never satisfied!
This is all Celestia's fault... Now how is he gonna escape?
Hilarious but missing a few words near the end.
Cliffhanger Man... he is so despicable!
Aww, it's no longer lighthearted slice of life only. It's still good, as good as it is short, and it's too damn short. And sparse.
Well, at least there's not an Ursa Minor tromping through town... oh damn. Sorry...
Fuck's sake Gnoll, how do you come up with it? So damn good.
All he has to do is invent a new bearotaur habit: that bearotaurs go insane with superhuman rage in the presence of changelings and RIP THEM ALL TO BLOODY SHRED WITH GIANT DAGGER-LIKE CLAWS THAT SPROUT FROM THEIR FINGERTIPS! Ooo... oooo! And they become immune to changeling magic in their transformed state... which is... A giant monkey! That can shoot lasers from its mouth!
*And so Woodchuck transformed... (the part of Chrysalis will be played tonight by Vegeta!)*
How much 'wood' could a Woodchuck chuck if a Woodchuck could chuck 'wood'.
Hopefully enough to last an hour.
*smooth criminal plays*
Well...at least he can rightly claim all his paranoia was justified.
Head butt her woodchuck! Pull some comando moves and say "fun fact number one: 50% of known humans in Equestria are former marines." !
3674702 Average amount of wood a woodchuck would chuck in a given day, 970 butt cords of wood.
Celestia's going to save him and he's gonna be like, "THIS IS EXACTLY THE KINDA SHIT THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT."
I hope he tries to run away from celestia otherwise this is just going to be another crappy HIE fic :/
Can we have a dedicated chapter where Woodchuck smacks Celestia upside the head with a broom for an hour?
Seriously, I want a description of how hard he is smacking her and where, the whole nine yards.
Really? Why jump the shark? The story was fine, the pace was comfortable, and instead of comedy and development we get shoved into some sub plot....
Is this the part where he tells the poniz to fuck off for causing shit already?
Celestia Damn It!!
Looks like I have to get my Changeling Hunters together again. Time to nuke some more bug holes.
Man, not even a day no, not even a few hours and the mane 6 plus 1 have fucked up his peaceful life. If I was this dude the moment I got back I'd kick them out of my home and never talk to them again.
The funny thing about all of this is that once Celesta et al. return to Woodchuck's store, they are going to think that he ran away instead of being kidnapped.
That went wrong quickly for him... oh Murphy is in town.
He didnt fight Celly much about having to deal with SB and Co. And now he get to taste how right his prediction were. Hopefully that will motivate him to get rid of the troublemakers (somehow) and punch Celestia in the face.
But since he's so genre-savvy.. maybe use that to nudge the villain to get "rid" of the heroes for him?
Ha. He could probably play up being exceedingly annoyed at Celestia and Twilight's derailment of his life plans. It's not as if he'd have to act overly much to be convincing.
He's also got a point about running away. His single, paper-thin shield until now had been Celestia and co. not knowing that he existed. Now that they do, any attempt to run away would be fruitless - there's nowhere in Equestria he could go and not stand out, and all the heroes would have to do is just ask around to easily discover where a strange bipedal creature had recently been sighted. Or heck, why not cast an alicorn-strength spell on Silver Blossom to detect all creatures in Equestria of the same species?
He couldn't go live with Diamond Dogs - they don't seem to be a particularly accepting culture. Relations with most other four-legged herbivorous civilizations seem to be good enough that they'd be happy to assist in locating him. I can't see griffons being particularly tolerant of humans, although that may be colored by Gilda's appearances. Dragons aren't even a consideration. He's screwed.
3675338 No he's not.
Boardor.
Poor Chryssie! Something tells me that, after any length of time with Woody, she's going to end up with a serious migraine. The fact that her Drones seem to be unusually stupid at this point probably doesn't help much.
"Why was Celestia in your store?"
"I don't know! I threw her out because I don't serve alicorns!"
"LIES!"
"Um... Actually, my queen, we saw the sign and it did say that he didn't..."
"AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ANYMORE!!!"
Aaaand lookie there, the Mane Six are nothing but trouble. Poor Woodchuck, all he wants to do is run his quaint little store and live in peace. A shame that's all been drop-kicked out of the window at mach 10.
Alright Woodchuck, time to start some smooth talking. This'll be a toughie to get out of!
3674094 You are win. +1
Open mouth, insert foot. Dangit! He's in for it now!!