- Member Since 28th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 19th, 2023
Lance Skyes
Once a writer, but now gone. You might see him again one day, though...
Lance Skyes
Joined 28th Apr, 2012 ·
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well...
images.wikia.com/theevilliouschronicles/images/8/8a/Meme-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg
What if that "strange feeling" was a ghost or something?
That was an alright clopfic. My main complaint is that there was little detail; I like a clopfic with lots of detail. Don't worry about the like/dislike ratio either, many dislikes on the story and positive comments are from clopperbashers.
"I’m just glad she isn’t old enough to get pregnant, yet." She knew this was going to happen xD
This was something that would make a few people either mad or uncomfortable.
I half expected Button's mom to come in at some point...And then at the end I was like Oh my Celestia, she knew!...and she didn't mind that her son was having sex at his age. It's still a great clopfic!
God, Rarity must be a slut in that universe if she has so many sleepovers with several different stallions so Sweetie Belle could see.
3374745
2spooky5you
3375476
6spooky9me
I'll show myself out.
What can I say about this? 'Twas nice, and seemed to imply that Sweetie knew more about those 'sleepovers' her sister has than she said.
And Button's mom is 2kewl4skool.
I enjoyed the prose, the action was well paced and the clop was adequately innocent, considering their age.
Good job. Haters gonna hate, but this was enjoyable. Spikestash for you.
Holy chucklefuck, she knew all along!! That is so funny!
Well, somepony's been hidding in Rarity's closet while she's giving it to every stallion in Ponyville. Sisters forget that they are being looked up to 24-7. Every. Minute. THEY. BREATHE.
Downloading it as a text fill is pretty unreadable.
Am I the only one here who is getting just a little bit tired of Button Mash and his Mother?
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/431/573/3c6.gif
Yours truly... NecromancerX69
Ps...
Extra points for SweetyxButton 
Disappointing. Could use a good bit of clean-up, especially the dialog, but not bad especially for a first time.
Also, I didn't clop to this, but it was because of external factors rather than your writing.
Not bad. I've certainly read far worse. Well, we all started from somewhere, right? Just keep on writing and you'll get better!
I have many ideas for clop. But if I write them I just feel that some of my followers will despise me. Blah. Good story though!
Well damn
I can just imagine Sweetie going back to the Boutique the next day.
Rarity: How was your sleepover dear?
Sweetie: It was great, Button put his thing in me like I see you do with the stallions at your sleepovers, it was really fun, anyway I'll be in my room.
Rarity:... I am so dead.
Very Nice. The pair would be a nice cupple
This is pretty neat written junk. Pardon for putting it that bold, but - my fuqen evil God! How come that I've stumbled of all the clop into that foalfuq?!
No offense meant, my friend. For a first shot, this quite hit home. But I simply beg you, do not put ye hands on foalfuq again. Tis so fuqin wretched.
Seriously Rarity! How hard is it to install a door lock?
3374732
It did escalate quickly, too quickly, perhaps.
I really enjoyed the premise of this story. Youths experimenting, finding out about themselves can be hot. I also thought the writing was well done and I dug the cute puns at the beginning, and there was some effort put into building up tensions at the beginning that I really enjoyed. By the time Sweetie was getting invited into the bed, we all knew what was going down, and the author teased us so good on our way to getting there.
All the way from the beginning of the story, right up to that point, everything felt so believable. The characters had motivations, and thoughts and feelings. Comradery, nervousness, pride. And then poof! All gone. After that, it all feels so robotic and forced. Neither of them seem the least bit nervous or excited, none of them seem interested in focusing on their experience, or questioning it. There doesn't seem to be any effort made to capture the intensity of the experience.
Actually, that last one happens a lot throughout the story. The characters are our medium into the world of the story, so it's important to show what they're feeling and what they're thinking by demonstrating the things they choose to focus on, the things that strike them and stand out the most to them. The little, subtle things that they'll remember forever about this incredible experience they're having. For example, there could have been quick heartbeats, sharp breaths, ruminations about how different sweetie's fur felt now that she was letting him touch all he wants, why it felt so scary but so exciting, how every few moments he would glance at the door, hoping his mother doesn't come in and catch them. Does that mean we're doing something dirty? Am I going to get in trouble? Why is she trembling? ... you know, that sort of thing. Details, thoughts, feelings. Don't just go through the motions like some empty anatomy lesson.
Also, the story feels very 'plot driven'. The author seems to want the characters to do something, to move from one place to another, but there doesn't seem to be any significant effort to make me believe that the characters chose that path for themselves. They went from A to B to C by some unseen mind control, not because of their own believable desires. This is kinda tied in with the last bit. The same progression could happen, but it seems more like it's the characters own motivations if some of their feelings get exposed more deeply. Also, you could make the characters unsure. Conflict is the heart and soul of a story. If you're able to make this into an internal struggle for one character or the other, then it gives us a reason to be invested in the outcome. Will they screw, or won't they? How's it going to go down? ... these were not questions that this story made me ask.
Eh.. I don't mean to be negative. It was still pretty hot, just based on the scenario alone, but I guess sexual discovery is just a kink of mine. So, three thumbs up.
Wait.. that one's not a thumb.
I think it was a good clopfic
this story is sweet and saucy at the same time. awesome.
Liked the pace, I personally like to get into my smut pretty fast. Hot, did come. 8/10
3381931 I thought the same thing and guess what? my first clopfic got me more fic ideas and now I have 100 followers under my belt and 0ver 10,000 story views. Not to mention my latest complete clopfic has been my most popular.
3413471 I guess Bronies are just horny :P lol
Mom is still best character
3413724 agreed
"Well, that's my first attempt at a clopfic. What'd you guys think? Worth clopping to?"
1) it was quite good but im my opinion, you could have made in longer
2) Yes it was worth clopping to
3385281 (Rarity)
dahling i don't want to mess up my hoofacure!!
(me) Really Rarity, you should of asked me
That was very nice for a first attempt at a clopfic
Way better than my first fic.... My clop seine was like a paragraph long
Great story! I enjoyed it, especially how Boston's mom wasn't the main sex beast in this story. I love her, but you know I need something other that his mom.
'Well that was my first attempt at a clop fic.'
liar. That was fantastic.
I think this is cute, I might have orgasmed a bit too, and that part where she's like
: Rarity and these stallions have SLEEPOVERS where they *fucks Button*
NEXT MORNING
Button's Mom: AWW they're hugging
Me: THEY FUCKED
I would think buttons mom set them up. I would
3598441 Well, you never know...
>>agent cupcakes
Agreed
wait at the very end when she said good thing she is not old enough to get pregnant does that mean she knew what they were doing or something? someone tell me
3639060 Yes.
..............What the fuck did I just read? Kids having sex? What the hell....
Two fav. Characters fucked I feel like vomiting
3695728 Then why the hell did you read it?
3376554 I like your thinking process
3705768 cause
I didn't know what was it about
Can you make a sequel of this?