- Member Since 8th Mar, 2013
- offline last seen Apr 3rd, 2022
GordonFreebrony
I'm pretty sure words go in here somewhere...
GordonFreebrony
Joined 8th Mar, 2013 ·
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Beginning few paragraphs were rough, but the story has my attention. Let's see where this goes.
"There Armor than One"
What?
"my favorite part is the European swordplay and war maneuvers. We use real armor and facsimilie swords (rattan wrapped in duct-tape) as well as shields, polearms, axes, bows, siege engines, the whole schpiel."
I like your style.
"...as well as shields, polearms, axes,..."
Wait a second.
"...shields..."
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/shamefur+dispray+_44c6a66f58d1b9e61d3059618ef51506.jpg
Just outside of the story... do you do this in real life? With friends or what? I sense a bit of a self-insert.
"My kit... ... the enemy."
You describe things a bit too accurately, I would recommend you complete keep these kind of paragraphs out of your stories.
"After about five minutes of this, during which I had KO'd at least half their force"
Don't make your character that powerful. 6 years of training don't weigh up against the proffesional training those guards had.
Overall conclusion:
Needs some attention but it's interesting. Will follow.
3351122
~ I'm pretty sure that intense fighting for the guards of Equestria is a simple warm up for the humans of Earth, although I will concede that you shouldn't make your character like Hercules...
3351122
It's a pun, since there Are More than one intelligent human in this alternate version of the original story.
We use shields because of shield walls. We fight European style because otherwise the polearms would tear the shieldsmen apart, the combat archers would own the battlefield, and it would be completely inaccurate. Shields keep you alive.
Yes, I do do this IRL, and pretty much everything describing the SCA is experience mixed with fiction. The SCA is a real group, and most everything said is truthful (save for the SCA event that Richard went to. That is completely fictional. [the event itself, not the battles. They are pretty much similar])
I describe things in such accurate detail because I want the reader to be able to picture my armor and what it covers. It's a semi-self-insert, with an OC using my stuff. My kit is pretty much the same as what is described.
As for the 'powerfulness' of my character, please remember a few things:
One, they are not used to fighting a human in armor that actually knows which end of the sword to hold, two in the show their armor is pure metal lying on their skin, so a good hit to the head will knock them out. Three the ponies tend not to use shields, as it requires magic or a bipedal stature to properly use one, so advantage me, four my character took a heavy beating nonetheless, he is covered in bruises (though it's not that defined in the story) and only because of how his armor was placed did he manage to stop being skewered, and five: the fighting style that my character used, or anyone from Earth would use, would be almost completely alien to the QUADRUPEDAL ponies, and thus they would need to improvise in order to defend against and deal with it. Also, my character would not have lasted much longer anyway. You'll see why in the next chapter.
I thank you for your critiques nonetheless, and find it a refreshing point of view. Would you mind being a pre-reader for this story, in order to help me with similar things and hopefully give me some pointers in how to improve it before the public views it?
3351144
See comment below.
(and no, before you ask, I'm not trying to replace you. If he accapts, having two pre-readers is better than one)
3351168 That's fine. I know for a fact that one of my friends had over 9 proofreaders on his fanfiction account
3351122
es handed to them.
Equestrian guards don't the same level of training a professional human military would have. A civilian with "combat" experience, not real combat but simulated, would have just as much (if not slightly more) training than the Guard, if only because humans have waged war much more frequently, and are naturally much better at it. If the MC was a member of a first world military, the Guards would have lost that fight, and not won while getting their a
The MC isn't overpowered, but rather the guards are underpowered (which is supported by their effectiveness in the show) when compared to a more war-like species like humanity.
3351180>>3351122>>3351144
I'm going to show you guys a video of what it is like.
And here's one of the larger battles at the largest SCA event in America ( I think)
3351153 Ah, a pun. Alright.
The whole shield thing was a little joke.
Pretty awesome to do IRL though. I was thinking about learning how to handle a sword.
"I describe things in such accurate detail because I want the reader to be able to picture my armor and what it covers."
Yeah, I understand. Though things can get to detailed. I'd suggest shorting it a bit. 3/4th or 1/2th
"two in the show their armor is pure metal lying on their skin"
Hell, they wear golden armor. Pure gold is not that strong, even mixed with metal it's weaker than just metal and especially metal mixes. I understand your points so I realise he will take down a few ponies before going down and I'm no expert but are you sure that in a fight with 20 ponies you could take down half?
"Would you mind being a pre-reader"
Sure, why not.
Sounds interesting. I maybe give it a thumb up after the second Chapter.
"Dishonorable bastard,"
Couldn't stop laughing at that line, still am laughing.
3351239
I'd most likely be able to take down at least half, being that I regularly dent the 16 gauge steel in opponents helmets. I, myself, have only been heavy fighting for a year (not allowed to start below age 16) but I'd proably be able to do so. Especially considering they had no shields themselves, and I didn't have to take their hits unless they ACTUALLY hurt me.
3351290
The line is 'Honorless bastard'
Thanks, though!
3351251
Don't worry, it is in the works.
Sort of good story. Problems here and there, but I like it, bcs favorite universe.
When expect next chapter?
3351615
Well, quite possibly today. Thank my potentially broken ankle for giving me the freetime to write.
3351202
) is just bizarre. Good luck in that, by the way. I'll stick to mobile warfare 
I'm ex-US Army, so the concept of massed infantry formations (or what we called "target practice"
3352021
Yeah, that's right. Hide like a coward behind your cover and take potshots at the enemy. We're real men, actually going out to greet our enemy face to face. We like to let them meet us before we defeat them, you know.
3352028
[youtube=nhlHzYt4xRM]
Yeah, well the victor writes the history books :p (we need an emoticon that fits that emotion better than these two:
)
3352046
The only reason Jones shot him is the fact that the entire film crew had diarrhea. And besides, what purpose does flailing your sword in the air do? Better to charge your opponent and attack rather than attempt to 'show-off.' In fact, that's the sign of an Amateur.
3352058
Charging a gun just makes it easier to shoot you, especially when the gun is a pistol
I will say this, what charging a rifleman with a sword and plate armor lacks in intelligence, it makes up for in brass balls.
3352076
Exactly. Plus, half of the riflemen will shit themselves in fear if you do it right.
3352080
We're in combat. That's a given
Still, you charge a squad of rifleman in a single massed formation, the squad's gunners will just mow 'em all down. Solid plate can't stop a 5.56mm AP round. Though, I don't think they would have to worry about overpenatration... Maybe (biggest problem with our ammo and current RL enemies).
3352095
We get enough guys and we'd be able to steamroll you. I mean, having three to four ranks of
redshirtscannon fodder would certainly be bullet proof for the guys behind them.3352101
You forget the dead men fall down and backwards, which will trip the guys behind them. That fodder would just keep you in the killzone longer. Fight smarter, not harder
Besides, why are you sitting here talking to me. GET BACK TO WRITING
Alright, I guess I'll go with this. I rather look forward to the other non-canon versions of the original. This one being interesting enough I don't know why it has so many dislikes aside from questionable power balances.
3353019
Why, thank you. That whole power difference thing is something I don't think the people get though. Richard is nearly completely encased in steel and chainmail, 6 fooot 2, has fought sword and shield for six years, only two of which were spent using mostly spear, and delivers hits which dent steel. Match that against about twenty four foot tall quardupeds armed with mostly spears (which are better against foes without a shield.) no shields, minimal armor and what is there is unpadded and made of some gold alloy, whose job's biggest part is to stand emotionless all day?
It's no surprise Richard had been able to defeat so many of them. Trust me, if he didn't have a shield, things would have been a bit different.
Also, sorry for the rant, it;s not directed at you.
I like it. Continue please.
You should some howe figure out how to get the song "human after all" (by daft punk) into this story.
Oh, and is the written lauguage and mathematic the same. So he could say, divide unreal (times i) polynomasils , just to fuck with there mind.
Good story
Missing a capital after a period? Gordon how could you?
Must be that lifetime of war getting to you.
While i'm supposed to be nice, I can't help but say this story sucks Omerta dick.
3353104 24 FOOT tall? Might wanna recheck your measurements there, he's not fighting giants. I can't really see any obvious grammar, spelling or any other kind of errors I am only an armchair expert. IE I haven't really studied it professionally. All in all its good, if only lacking more in-between stuff to put in the between the lulls in action and other sorts of stuff.
I like this, while he does fight a moderately large guard force they aren't trying to kill him. So obviously he'd fare well against them. Hes armored, skilled in medieval combat, and has a non lethal weapon, why would a trained guardforce actively try and kill such a creature since humans are valuable. It would be akin to a seemingly well trained and almost intelligent war horse, the benefit of capturing it live would be worth the risk. Also while the title leaves a bit to be desired, I admit the pun is appropriate and coming up with a clever title is far more difficult that it seems.
3354908
Oops, meant twenty ponies, each four feet tall.
You know what, I'm sorry for that comment.
3355581
Thanks for apologizing. Also, could you tell me why you thought that way at least? I much prefer criticism to cynicism. That way I can try to improve rather than just ignore.
3356477 The intro, just, please don't try to be slicky aka mcgee. It really pushes alot of people's buttons, and not in the fun way!
3356728
...
You comment, sense it makes not, young padawan.
Could you perhaps elaborate? What do you mean by Slicky AKA McGee?
3356953 Please, don't try to use aka as a reliable source of humor. Damn you autocorrect.
3357222
Oh, the first line. I admit I might have used it a little. Not too much, though.
There an ETA on the next chapter?
3394288
Well... uhhh... no...
I'm hoping to get to work on it this weekend, but my freetime has taken a considerable drop, due to a sudden workload from my AP classes, as well as chores and whatnot around my house. Heck, most of the time I even spend on the site is patches here and there, or when I'm supposed to be asleep, but I can't type much then.
As for my ankle and the promised chapter last week. Well, eheh... it wasn't broken(
yay!) but it also meant a large jump in homework the next day because I was absent... So it's not playing out as much as I had hoped, sorry.
3394336
No big deal, just curious if there was a plan. My stories haven't been updated since I got into college, about four years ago
SCA! Fuck yeah!
Are you actually in the SCA, or is it just the character in this story?
3352021
Poke fun if you want, but that's how humans have been doing it for ten thousand years. Modern warfare is the thing that's bizarre, here.
3353104
Richard.
You would choose Richard as the name for your protagonist in a "Your Human and You" spin-off, wouldn't you?
Now I have to change my guy's name.
3400506
However, mobile warfare is much more effective (there is a reason why it's used and not massed infantry with plate armor), especially when modified with unconventional and covert warfare tactics. I'd rather have a SFOD-A than a battalion of "heavy infantry".
3400469
Yup, I actually am. In fact, I think I am the only one to have written an SCA fanfic on this site. I deleted my old one because I couldn't take it anywhere (damn you muse for leaving me to dry) but I repurposed it for this.
What barony/kingdom you from? I'm Mid Realm, in the Cleftlands
3401296
I can't contest that.
3401927
I'm up in the north-western mountains of Artemisia.
3402287
Huh. Not a pennsicer (pennsicee? IDK, try partake in the pennsic war.) then?
3402464
I'll be honest. I've only been in the SCA for about a year. I have no idea what you just said.