I'll Call You Harvey
Pinkie Pie looked across the endless expanse. There was only fog and pale light from an indeterminable source. She picked a direction, and trotted.
"Welcome," A voice called out to her.
"Hi Mr. Disembodied Voice." Pinkie Pie grinned. "Are you real? Or are you a preemptive response to loneliness created by my brain for the sole purpose of staving off madness? If it's the second one can I call you Harvey?"
"I have been known by many names," The voice answered, "But I have never been called anything that reeked of such disrespect before."
"Alright then Harvey." Pinkie Pie looked around. "What is this place anyway? It's big and unending, so I think I'm gonna call it The Big Vast Notending Place."
"It has also been known by many names," The voice lectured, "The void. Purgatory. Limbo. But you may simply know that it is the nothingness that exists between worlds."
"I'm still gonna call it The Big Vast Notending Place," Pinkie Pie insisted.
The voice sighed.
"So, Harvey?" Pinkie Pie looked up at the direction of the voice. "How do I get back home? Because I was in the middle of a pie eating contest, and I started to choke. I think I need to get back there to let everyone know I'm alright. I mean, I know I would hate it if I thought a friend was in trouble and then they just disappeared."
"Get back home?" The voice laughed, "You just have to beat me at a game."
"A game? Are you challenging me?" Pinkie asked, "I choose Pinkie Ball."
"Who said you get to decide the game?" The voice yelled.
"You challenged me," Pinkie Pie explained, "And challengees choose the game that they and the challenger play. I choose Pinkie Ball."
"Very well." The voice twisted itself into existence from the fog. Bones formed first, and mist settled around its form to become pale flesh on the large horse's body. "What do you need to play this... Pinkie Ball?"
"I need two goal posts five hundred feet away from each other. and a football," Pinkie demanded, "Thank you, Harvey."
Harvey raised a hoof, and goal posts erupted from the ground. He then kicked a soccerball to her.
"Uhm," Pinkie Pie looked down at it, "I need a handegg."
Harvey tossed a football to her. "Why do you need a football and a handegg?"
"I just need the handegg," Pinkie Pie clarified.
"This is a cultural thing, isn't it?" Harvey sighed and crushed the football into the ground.
"Yep," Pinkie nodded, "Pinkie Ball works like this. That's my goal post, and that's your goal post. Whoever didn't make the last touchdown gets the ball. Whenever someone scores they get to make up a new rule."
"How do you signify when we start?" Harvey asked, just in time to see Pinkie showboating in his end-zone. "You didn't say start!"
"Well, maybe if you score you can make that rule." Pinkie Pie tossed the handegg to him. "My new rule is that whenever you score you have to do a victory dance for the point to count."
"Fine," Harvey knocked Pinkie down, and ran into her end-zone, "My new rule is that you have to say 'start' before running down the field."
"You have to do a victory dance," Pinkie reminded him.
He sighed, and made an attempt at the Charleston.
"Alright." Pinkie took the ball from him, and threw it.
"What?" Harvey muttered.
"Start!" Pinkie Pie yelled, ran down the field, and caught her own pass. "My new rule is that you have to smile the whole time we're playing."
Harvey slowly curved his lips upward, revealing bloody gums and sharp filed teeth.
"Can I change my rule?" Pinkie asked.
"No," Harvey answered, and took the ball from her, "Start!"
He knocked her down again, and popped into the end-zone.
"Don't forget to dance!" Pinkie yelled.
Harvey began doing an odd pelvic thrust. "My new rule is that I get teammates."
A trio of Minuettes appeared. Pinkie Pie sighed.
"A classical music joke?" She shook her head. "Really?"
"I don't follow." Harvey confessed. "What do you mean?"
" A trio of Minuettes? A minuet-trio," Pinkie explained, "Start!"
She bounced across the heads of the Minuets and slammed the ball into the zone.
"My new rule," Pinkie breathed, "Is no classical music puns! Nopony understands those anyway."
"Fine." Harvey tore the ball out of her hooves. "Start."
The Minuets broke away from Pinkie. Harvey tossed the ball to one of them, and she did her victory dance.
"You're in trouble now," Harvey teased, "My new rule-"
"Nope," Pinkie objected, "She made the touchdown, so she makes the new rule."
"I didn't make them capable of speech," Harvey fumed.
"Too bad," Pinkie gently took the handegg from one of the Minuettes, "I guess thems the brakes. You really shouldn't start something that you can't finish."
Pinkie Pie walked past them and into the endzone.
"You didn't say start!" Harvey yelled.
"Yes I did," Pinkie laughed, "I just didn't say it by itself. I said it in a sentence. My new rule is that you have to send me home."
"What?" Harvey's jaw dropped.
"Yep." Pinkie Pie smiled.
"What!" Harvey raged. "You think you can just waltz out of here?"
"No." Pinkie Pie patted him on the head. "That's why I made the new rule."
"Fine!" Harvey sceamed, "Good riddance!"
He slammed his hoof down and Pinkie dissolved into the mist. He sighed, and placed his hoof on his face. This had not been how previous challenges had gone.
"Hello again Harvey!" Pinkie Pie popped back into existence beside him.
"What are you doing back here?" Harvey stared blankly. "You should be back in your body!"
"What's a zombie?" Pinkie asked.
"Zombie?" Harvey looked down at her. "What do zombies have to do with this?"
"Well, I came back and I was at this party, but everyone was crying," Pinkie explained, "So I asked them why they were crying. But then ponies just started screaming about a zombie. I didn't know what that was, but it sounded really scary, so I ran with them. Then Twilight cast a spell, and now I'm back here."
"Oh, crap." Harvey shook his head.
"Want to play some more Pinkie Ball?" Pinkie smiled. "I think it's your turn."
"No!" Harvey yelled. "I quit!"
"You mean you forfeit?" Pinkie asked, "Looks like I get to go home."
Harvey slammed his hoof into the ground again, and Pinkie dissipated.
"Never, never again." He looked to the Minuettes. "You hear me? I am not letting another challenger pick the game."
"That hardly seems fair," Pinkie Pie commented.
"What are you doing back here?" Harvey screamed.
"I think the zombie must have gotten me," Pinkie guessed, "So, you up for another round of Pinkie Ball?"
Harvey gazed into the madness for eternity, and the madness gazed back into him.
"Please leave," He asked the madness.
"Maybe you could give me temporary invulnerability or something?" Pinkie Pie suggested.
Harvey slammed his hoof down again. She reappeared at the funeral home, still propped up against the wall. She heard indiscernible light murmering from a small crowd. Several guards were questioning the numerous ponies in attendance.
"What did I miss?" Pinkie asked.
"The zombie's back!" Somepony screamed.
"Where?" Pinkie Pie looked around. "And what is a zombie actually? You guys never explained that one."
Twilight Sparkle shot a magical blast at Pinkie. It singed her coat, but did little else. A guard immediately cuffed Twilight.
"What!" Twilight gasped, "I was just trying to stop the zombie!"
"Attempted murder is a very serious crime Ms. Sparkle," The guard began to escort her out, and whispered, "I recommend a temporary insanity plea."
"Bye Twilight." Pinkie waved. "Have fun on your vacation!"
Pinkie looked at the empty casket. It was surrounded with pictures of her at various points in her life. Each photograph marking a time of significant change in her life. Her mother and father were in the front row. Her closest friends were right beside them. The ponies in attendance stared at her.
"So who died?" Pinkie asked.
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I think choking on a baked good is how she would like to go.
3331639
Most likely.
No words only laughter
3331697
I'm happy you got a laugh out of it.
"Can I change my rule?" Pinkie asked.
"No," Harvey answered.
There are other lines that are more cleverly worded.
There are other bits more evocative in tone.
But this bit. With Pinkie requesting a rule change and Harvey having the only bit of authority he shows the entire fic, amuses me.
3331716
If it weren't for that the fic would just entirely be about Pinkie owning Harvey. I wanted to avoid that.
poor Death, or Harvey
I hope this gets featured, nice story mate.
3332090
Thank you.
Poor Harvey, I don't think that he can take much more of this.
:
Funny.
3331639 Of course, she would come back.
This reminds me of that Animaniacs episode, "Meatballs with Consequences".
Why can't shows be like that anymore?
Ah, that was a fun read. Kudos.
3334709
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
3334186
Parental watchdogs.
that.....was..... SO AWESOME.
It's Review Time!
No, Daddy, No!
Okay, so Spoiler! Pinkie dies. And she challenges Death, I mean Harvey, to Pinkie Ball, which is exactly like Calvin Ball. Only, you know, not. While it didn't nearly cause me to suffocate, this story did amuse me to a degree. Random Tag justified.
Favorite Line:
Rating:
/5
Final Verdict: Twilight Sparkle- 1000 years banishment!
You always do that.
Well... community service?
Okay, that was hilarious. Especially the way Pinkie kept coming back.
But I don't think Twilight would immediately jump to 'shoot Pinkie with magic when she comes back from the dead'. After all, it's Pinkie.
This story is awesome! It portrays Pinkie so well! 10 out of 10! Love the ending!
3338027
Thank you.
If I meet Harvey, I should play Pinkie Ball with him.
3339849
Nah, he knows the rules now. First rule would be 'even if you win, you lose.'
3340368
"Hi Harvey, can we play Pinkie Ball?"
"You're a friend of the pink one, aren't you?"
"I guess."
"Then no."
3336831
Thank you for the review and your generous gift of mustaches. I shall add them to my collection.
So...that's a thing....
Wat
While this is a pretty neat story and I enjoyed it, it needs some serious editing and some spacing between paragraphs. And especially between scenes.
Also, I'm not entirely sure having Twilight getting arrested actually added anything to the story. If anything, it just made me annoyed. Up to that point, though, the story had been pretty amusing.
Pinkie Calvinballed her way back to life. Clever.
Thought Pinkie dying and comedy couldn't go together but here we go. "Harvey" didn't stand a chance.