A planet of Zimlja in the system of Tritaris, where ponies were peacefully living as well with other mythical creatures and normal life forms like dragons, griffons, bunnies,...
Zimlja was actually the ancient Equestria, the ponies and other life froms were created by the single omnipotent Maker in the entire universe. Through many evolving ages, ponies and other creatures have live their happily life although they are still too primitive and uncivilized.
Until a day, when a secret organization of reapers discovered the planet as the mine for their soul reaping in order to ease their hunger and preserve their power. The planet immediately shrunk into infinite terror and hatred as wars constantly ravaging the planet. Reapers laughing on the bounty of souls, they earned from their wickedness works; until that day comes.
A day changes the fate of the ponies and universe forever......
neat.
3277370 Thanks!
This was really great,you introduced everything perfectly but maybe you should add a small amount of dialogue in this chapter.Also here's some advice so you don't fail moderation,and make this a better story!
1.Never,EVER rush the story,it needs to make sense,because if its rushed it will feel like a short and crappy story.
2.Use the paragraphing rule every time a new character speaks,enters the scene,or when you change the scene.
3.Never write if it doesn't feel right,if writing feels like a chore then don't do it! It will make a bad and rushed story because you don't want to do it.
4.Always check back over you're story,whenever you see a sentence like 'your kidding me right!?' Replace the 'your' with you're,and put a comma between me and right.
5.Also when you're reading over the story to check for errors,do NOT read in your head.You know the saying your brain moves faster than your hands? That means if you are reading over a story for errors your mind might skip over it,so read out loud.
Please take every single on of these seriously!! If you don't people won't like your story and it may fail moderation,so your welcome for the tips!
3277710
Thanks for these advices, i will use them on my next chapter.
Beside this is a history book, so that why i don't want to use dialogues because this is a historical chronicle in narrative form.
3277726 Okay! sorry I didn't realize that
3277881
No problem, i will continue to upload the next chapter tomorrow with few of illustrative artworks.
History of ancient Equestria is dark and tragic so i hope my first chapter entertained you.
wow this is bucking awesome
3287695
Thanks a lot!
I will continue to upload chapter 3 as well as fews of my illustrative artworks to repay your reading!
3287750
thank you, for a wonderful read that is heh
3287768
Gratefully much appreciated!
Heh good history, however ur writing could be confusing at certain points from mistakes that i feel could be easily dealt with. Besides that its a good story, and cant wait for when u finish it.
3293776
You caught me bro!
At some point of the story, i have messed about 1% things up because of thinking the great names for character. Writing a history is not easy like writing fan fiction with dialogues; i will try to practice figurative languages but it seems hard.
The Chapter 4, i will put return to normal fan fic prompt with large descriptive languages in which you will observe the battle between Mantra (Death) vs Dunkel (possesed by the amulet of Greed in which later known as the alicorn amulet).
So staying watch!
if i remember correctly, all amulets are supposed to be enchanted with a soul to stabilize the power they hold, (Example being the alicorn amulet) so why doesn't Mantra just destroy the bond tying the soul to the amulet releasing the power and all further risk of the amulet being used, i mean he is a god, Death none the less, so he has the power to do so.
Just a little idea i have for the next chapter, i'll be waiting for it to come out, thanks for another wonderful chapter
-Nespher Mcel
3298030
I will explain in the next chapter clearly.
I will spoil you some of the bit.
Death is so powerful nearly as the omnipotent Maker, the whole reason why Death entered the Zimlja without exposuring his true form of Reaper because it is too dangerous and destructive.
Even a small touch of Death to the land can vaporize an entire forest!
So that is the reason he trying to limit his power in check the whole time!
Beside all the enchanted artifacts rarely using power of souls but natural energy flowing around us; getting souls is hard because Death controls the flow of souls very strict. But i will explain the origin of the amulet in the next chapter.
3298229
huh... well i guess that makes sense, i don't think he would allow others to control souls
3299555
No way, he lets other controlling souls because it violates the natural laws and Order.
He doesn't like when to see Order get mad at him (A metioned pridomal being created by the Maker).
Wow, Good story, i hope to see more of it!. Sorry took me a while to read it.
3302239
No problem, my friend.
Everyone is always welcome!
I just finished chapter 4 with over 5000 words (work in progress), it will be very entertaining!
One of the best pieces i ever seen.
I can't wait for the next chapter.
I am very interested in the villain called Dunkel and your plot with the story of reapers are so amusing! Can't believe Death be so kind after countless aeons of soul reaping.
I think i will have to read this more, some chain of events is confusing.
Good work!
Nicely organized, there are a few fixable grammar mistakes but they didn't ruin the goodness of the story.
The story is pretty close to my avatar so i faved for that.
I expected to see more!
I knew that your drawings aren't professional but they have demonstrated the storyline clearly.
The plot is very interesting!
I am attracted to the illustrative drawing, neat!!
The storyline is amused, beside i need more info on the amulet.
I hope it would be explained in chapter 4.
3302782
If you have any question, feel free to ask!
3302926
I love to hear your futher replies.
I am amused as this series continued to expand.
I started be amused by this!
Neatly done!
Especially, i favorited this for it including the story of reapers, my brothers.
I rarely see many writers actually dig deeper in the aspect of history and creation.
Story had neatly done although there were few grammatical or typing mistakes but it could be passed.
The concept is excellent because i have never seen a creative idea about Death like this unlike other stories countless told about Death.
This is a new thing! KEEP IT UP
3303442
All Reapers are my friends!
3303467
I will try to prevent these mistakes as possible.
I hope to see more of this!
You deserve some recognition?
Your idea is unique and i love unique things!
FAv and Like!
There were some parts in which you typed missing; i can barely see that.
But the idea is great so i like it!
Stalin approved!
3304727
YEP!
3304683
Thanks for the advice, i will fix in the future,
All Reapers approved and loved this!
So do I, you have made all reapers to get some recogintion as well as some grammatical errors which can be forgiven.
3307205
THanks so much, the chapter 4 just uploaded.
You should check it out.
The Chapter 4 is thrilling, it left us many unaswered questions too.
I don't know why 3 people disliked this but the chronicle is well-written and unique creative while there were some grammatical mistakes.
I think you should change the new phase of the story in the new way but not just the old way of violence and death.
The Chapter 4 is extended and well-written.
But i don't understand why the amulet of greed started to transform into hooded reaper.
3309272
Good question!
Because the next chapter will tell you all of what is going on in the Ancient Equestria which attracting the force of darkness to shroud the planet in hatred and terror.
3309240
I will keep that in mind, friend!
The next chapter and other future chapters would have a different taste as the chronicle extending to the whole new level of imagination.