- Member Since 21st Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Jun 9th, 2022
The Letter J
"You are a weird combo of Pinkie Pie and Sweetie Belle." -Ausbrony "You're actually Discord, aren't you?" -Ausbrony, again
The Letter J
Joined 21st Aug, 2013 ·
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this is good
wow you are good at this
That we agree.
3276133
Thank you. And I also thank you for being the first one to fave something I've written here.
3276139
The more I see of Spike, the more I realize just how awesome he is. I think Equestria Girls was what really sold me on him.
Always nice to see more fellow poets here on FIMFic!
I think this is my favorite of the lot — it's a joy to see poets play with form and word choice. This sort of alliteration takes serious effort.
3279990
Poetry can get a bit under-appreciated around here, no?
Serious effort indeed. I didn't time myself or anything while writing any of these, but I am almost certain this one took the longest to write. It was fun to do something so completely different from my normal stuff, but I'm not exactly making a habit of writing things with this much alliteration.
3281521
Poetry is underappreciated indeed. Although the Pony Verse collaboration did briefly hit the featurebox (thanks to nine authors cross-promoting it, as well as an EqD feature), time after time poetry gets ignored; Melt, which I think is one of the best things I've written, has a fraction of the views of my other stories.
Different is good. You really ought to read through Pony Verse, just to get a sense of the vast variety of styles that poetry can take — there are some real gems in there. (My own Lagniappe is fairly close in meter to your usual style, though it uses a staggered two-beat/three-beat rhythm. My favorites in the collection are On Pegasi and on the way home.)
Best,
H
3281648
Well, it looks like I've got a few more things to read around here. My "Read Later" list is getting a tad bit ridiculous.
My usual style tends to default to iambic tetrameter, though looking back I realize that only two of these are iambic tetrameter. Actually, with all the others I think I just went with whatever sounded good regardless of meter. Oh well.
Thanks,
J
You sir have talent as a poet.
A particular pal named Pinkie Pike.
I believe you meant pie here. unless pinkie had a name change while I wasn't looking.
Well, just as promised, I read your poems. all I can say is this:images.wikia.com/morph-society-4real/images/a/a9/Bravo_Bravo.gif
awesomegifs.com/wp-content/uploads/jon-stewart-colbert-bravo.gif
You sir have talent! I saw only one or two places where you were lacking in flow, and those were so miniscule that I don't even think they are worth mentioning.
there were also a few places where there were typos, but again nothing too big to detract from the poems.
Bravo! Bravo I say!
3285281
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/014/c/1/pinkie_pike_by_snowflamepony-d4mblzv.png
Now how did that happen? I suspect that after writing that poem my brain refused to acknowledge the existence of the letter P for several hours, so extensive proofreading never really happened
3285294
I got gifs!
And thank you very much. I'm glad you've enjoyed these.
3276901 youre welcome! i love the chocolate rain
3285401 that picture scared me so bad i may never go fishing again
3308398
I just googled "Pinkie Pike" to see what get. I was thinking of Pinkie with one of these pikes, but instead I got...that.
But hey, it could be worse.
Pffft, that ending.
3552775
And that would be exactly the reaction I was looking for. Not what you were expecting, was it?
I now have to read all of these...
I love this by teh way^^
Spike is indeed awesome, and I seem to have a habit of forgetting him in my own stories...
Sorry Spike.
Dat ending.
Also, no poem on Rainbow's pain?
You shall see to that, right?
3556025
Believe it or not, my affinity for Rainbowbuse (is that even a word? I'm using it now anyway) is entirely a product of, and is so far constrained to, that story of yours. That being said...We'll see what happens
Rainbow needs a poem about her anyway.
3556018
It seems that a lot of people forget about Spike in stories that aren't specifically about him. But without him, I'm pretty sure that Twilight would have failed many more times. Would she have even given a second thought to making friends in Ponyville if Spike hadn't encouraged her?
hmm... this poem's good, but it is lacking in flow in some places. As advice, when you write poetry like this, try to get the lines to have the same number of syllables as the one that came before them. It tends to put you in the right mindset, and really helps your flow.
3577661
Can you point me to a line that doesn't have the same number of syllables as every other line? It's true that I do sometimes ignore things like meter if I think it sounds good, but this one I did try to do entirely in iambic tetrameter. And unless I missed something several times or there's a word in there that we're pronouncing differently (either of which is possible, I suppose), I thought I had it.
3577774
The first line has eight syllables, while the second has seven.
{edit} I miss counted the syllibals, but it still feels awkward.
while this has the proper number of syllables, the word determined comes across as awkward, and breaks up the flow.
again, proper number, but i can't help but feel that "filled with" would work better here then "full of". it emphasizes a past tense, which is important because all of this happened 1000 years ago.
while cares, and there sound similar, they do not truly rhyme, and therefor break up the rhythm that you have.
"her moon has shone" would probably role off the tongue better here then "when the moon shone"
Due to the change I suggested above, "I" instead of "I'd" would work better here.
This one feels awkward. not really sure how to fix it, but the word that feels awkward is "longer".
probably go with "who saves the day" instead of "who'll save the day".
This one doesn't rhyme very well, and breaks the flow.
"but" would work better here then "for"
"unmatched" and "track" do not rhyme.
same problem here.
This line doesn't fit with the tone that you set with the rest of the poem, and therefor comes across as jarring .
Otherwise, I think it was great! just a few problems, that as a whole, break up the flow of the whole poem.
3577774
Going off this, then, you've got a few problem lines.
>But she was determined to fight.
This scans to me as "but SHE was deTERmined to FIGHT", or * / * * / * * /, or an iamb followed by two anapests (depending on your method of scansion
)
>And ev'ry night, when the moon shone,
Small tip: important words in the sentence usually end up getting the stress. Here, you're trying to place an unstressed on moon, when it's acting as the subject of the verb, and trying to place a stress on the, which is usually a throwaway unstressed -- an unimportant part of the sentence that tends to get skipped over. You can fit it into the ba-Dum-ba-Dum pattern of iambic, but it'll feel very unnatural.
A better line here might be something like "And ev'ry night, when moonlight shone," or similar.
>But no longer, my wait is o'er.
Duel problem, here: Longer is being forced into a trochee when it's naturally iambic -- LONGer, not longER -- and "no" would naturally be unstressed. You can elevate it to a stressed syllable, but given that it's right next to a stressed forced to be unstressed, you end up starting this line with an anapest.
>Last time magic sent her away.
You reversed the meter here on "magic": you switch from an iamb to a trochee.
>She's in Ponyville, preparing
Same as the example two lines up: it can fit the meter, but it's being forced into it. The first two can sort of work, but with the next two you reverse their natural pattern to suit the poem's.
In other words, poNYville is usually POnyVILLE & PREparING is usually prePARing.
I'm not sure how you could massage this line into behaving, since you need the rhyme with bring. I'd consider switching out preparing for something ending with -thing: most -ing words end with the -ing unstressed, so past tensing a verb won't really help.
>She'll provide Princess Luna's cure.
Provide gets reversed here (prefixes, like pro-, pre- & a-, tend to be unstressed). I'd swap it out with something else, but you could leave it as is. This one isn't vital / I am quibbling, here.
Similar problem to above with these:
>Yet she cannot do this alone
Cannot is reversed
>Others will help bring Luna home.
Others here
>Working alone does not make sense.
Working with this one
>Luna will see she need not fight.
And Luna here.
Apart from that, however, most of it is iambic. I'd say you're being held up more by your rhyme choice here -- real & skills is the what -- than by your meter. Nicely done
3578737 3603808
Thanks for the help and advice. I'll give both of you more detailed replies and probably go back and make some changes when I have more spare time. Which probably won't be until I'm done with finals.
Oh my CELESTIA I hate romance and lovy dovy (even shipping) IT'S JUST THAT ENDINGGG!
4135549 A word of advice: Don't watch or read Bride of Discord, as there's too much romance to go around in both the story and the YT series. (The latter is based on the former)
Three words: Bride of Discord.
Puerile is boyish, the right word here is puellar. Latin 101!
One of my favourite songs has alliterations, but not all in one letter. It's called Galaxies by Owl City.
The lyrics are as follows:
AcoustiMandoBrony's Laughter song has a part of it with the tune of Smile Smile Smile in it.
3603808 also it's eight syllables, not ten.
Have you ever considered contributing to this?
6657221
By some weird coincidence, I actually happened to be reading through some of your recent blog posts about ejector seats and UAVs and whatnot while you posted this comment.
As for your question, I am the type of person who generally keeps the mature filter turned on, so I'm not really interested much in that type of poetry/story. I have read a few of the poems in that compilation though, and they are kind of amuzing, even if they're not really to me tastes. Thanks for the offer though.