Rainbow Dash Discovers Bad Fanfiction

by TheExhaustedBrony

What the fuck am I reading?

Rainbow Dash returned home after a long day of practicing her flying tricks. She walked over to bed and looked at the stack of Daring Do novels on her nightstand and scanned the spines,

"Read that one three times, read that one six times, read that one once and that was enough, ugh! I've read all of these too recently. What am I going to do now? I need my Daring Do fix, stat!" Rainbow Dash got her laptop and opened up an Internet browser and searched, Daring Do fan stories. She knew that she wasn't the only fan of the series, so maybe somepony out there made their own story. Maybe it'd be as good as the actual books are.

As Rainbow Dash waited for the search results to load, she couldn't stop smiling. There would be no way to contain Rainbow Dash's excitement should she find an amazing story to read. The links slowly began appearing on the screen one by one. She saw the first link that read, Daring Do and The Quest For The Silver Pencil.

"What the fuck is this?" Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, curious and confused about the obscure title. She decided to read it anyway, she learned from Twilight not to judge a book by its cover. She double clicked the link and the page quickly turned to be story. The top line read:

Author's note: This is probably the best Daring Do fanfic you'll ever have the honor of reading!

Rainbow Dash suddenly felt unsure about this story. Is it really that good? Why would anyone lie about something on the Internet? She ignored all attempts her mind made to rationalize the situation and began reading. It wasn't until about halfway through the third paragraph where Rainbow Dash's eyes instantly regretted ever coming into existence.

"Who the hell is, Cowardly Don't? I-is this a fan character? He said that it was Daring's long lost brother, but what kind of fucking name is Cowardly Don't?" Rainbow Dash found it difficult to hear her thoughts over the sound of grinding teeth. She, for some reason, decided to keep reading. She decided to skip over grammatical errors because she didn't feel that she had a good enough grasp on grammar to be able to correct someone's mistakes. The sixth paragraph nearly sent Rainboe Dash's hoof through her screen.

"Where the fuck did be get the idea that the fucking pencil could cure laziness?! Was this supposed to be the fucking god damn piece of shit plot twist?! You hardly had me on the edge of my seat and this ride is moving at like less than a mile an hour. Your attempt at shocking me, the reader, actually made the ride come to a complete stop and I'd like to get off now!" Rainbow Dash began breathing heavy, ragged breaths of pure anger. Why was she submitting herself to this torture and bastardization of the greatness that is Daring Do? Nevertheless, the cyan Pegasus continue the trek through the seemingly never ending sea of shit that is this story.

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but laugh at herself for believing the author's note at the top of the page. What a load of horse shit. She'd rather kick Scootaloo than say this guy's a good writer. However, the next page revealed that killing Scootaloo would make much more sense than simply kicking her,

"They kissed?! What the fuck is this pile of fucking donkey shit?" Rainbow Dash began pulling clumps of hair out of her mane and scattering it all over her bed. "Why did you have to make Daring Do kiss Abuizotl?! According to canon, aren't they supposed to be enemies? And also, where did that little asshole, Cowardly Don't, run off to? Did he die, like, right after he was introduced? I mean, he's mentioned, but Daring hasn't seen him since. I don't remember him ever describing a scene where Cowardly left his sister!" Rainbow Dash knew in her mind that she should stop reading for the benefit of her health. However, her heart told her that Daring Do would never give up, no matter how from the situation. So she pressed on even further.

"And then Daring Do slowly pressed her lips up against his. They spent about a whole minute making out before she backed up and said... Woah woah woah woah woah, what? B-brother?! As in Daring Do's brother? Since when were Daring Do and Ahuizotl related? Again, what the fuck happened to Cowardly Don't? Actually, I don't care about him anymore, all that's important is that she's making out with her brother and now wants to have sex with him?!" Rainbow Dash slid her hoof down her face and groaned, "thank Celestia this is almost over. Ahuizotl took the silver pencil and... Nope! Not going to read that! That's just fucked up, is someone supposed to get turned on by that?!" Once again, Rainbow Dash couldn't believe what she was reading. Her own crap had more brain cells than this guy had! This sex scene continued for another four and a half pages, which she ultimately skipped to at least keep her sanity.

The last paragraph was near. Rainbow Dash smiled for the first time in what felt like what might as well had been a month. She could see the scroll bar was close to the bottom of the page. She couldn't wait for the nightmare to end so she continued,

"Daring Do took the pencil and forced it into the monster's head. It let out a deafening roar as it writhed in pain. The silver pencil had been magical, just like the old wise pony said. Daring Do pulled the pencil out of the monster's head and shoved it into its mouth shouting, "eat lead!" Rainbow Dash had no words. Words would have to be invented just to describe her fury. That pun took the joys of finally ending the horrible story and made her want to kill somepony. She took a deep breath, picked up her laptop and brought it to her window. From there, she threw it down to the earth below her floating house, smashing it into hundreds of pieces. Rainbow Dash walked back to her bed, crawled into the blankets and fell asleep. From that day forward, she decided that she'd only stick to what the creator of Daring Do wrote.

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The next morning, Rainbow Dash woke up in a pretty bad mood. Not only did she just destroy her computer, but also she couldn't stop thinking about how horrible the fanfic she just read was.

"Ugh, I need to talk to Twilight about this. She'll know how to help me." Rainbow Dash knew that Twilight Sparkle was the perfect pony to ask help from.

Rainbow Dash flew to the library, where she was greeted by Twilight who was just returning from the market.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash, good morning."

"Twilight, I need to talk to you." Rainbow Dash said, with a very distressed tone in her voice.

"What's the matter?"

"Well, I finished all the Daring Do books multiple times over and yesterday, I needed more Daring Do. So, I went online and looked up fan fictions. I found one, but it made me so angry that I just lost it. I wound up throwing my computer out the window."

Twilight was surprised. She knew that Rainbow Dash acted irrational at times, but to go as far as throw her own computer away seemed too irrational, even for her. Could the story have been that bad?

"Come inside, I'll make you some tea and we can talk this through. Sometimes it's just best to let your voice be heard when you're frustrated." The purple unicorn held the door open and motioned Rainbow Dash to enter.

Comments

[lmagine]

Abuizotl and Daring Do part! Genius!

[Rotorix]

Well, if there is a silver pencil, all we need to do is get Mr. Turner to get the silver pencil sharpener.

[Eddepicman]

She, for some reason, decided to keep reading. She decided to skip over grammatical errors because she didn't feel that she had a good enough grasp on grammar to be able to correct someone's mistakes. The sixth paragraph nearly sent Rainboe Dash's hoof through her screen.

Rainbow Dash is spelled wrong. Rather this was just a mistake, or the best subtle joke I've ever seen

[LunaUsesCaps]

Rainbow Dash discovered this story.

0/10

[TheExhaustedBrony]

3254106 so, nothing constructive to say?

[Lightning Star90129]

[LunaUsesCaps]

3254109

I don't give constructive reviews to trollfics.

[TheExhaustedBrony]

3254115 Aha, that's okay, just thought I'd ask. :3

[Serperior2]

Exactly my feelings when I began reading this one fic where the EOH tuned discord into a filly draconoques (I hope I spelled that right). It would have been a good story but the writing was terrible. And don't get me started on this one clopfic I stumbled upon, I don't even want to divulge the details

[Metool Bard]

Actually, in the Daring Do audio series, there's mention of an artifact called the Pharaoh's Toothbrush. But I think a story based on that would be better than the tripe Dashie subjected herself to.

Anyway, this was alright, I guess. I felt that it would've been stronger if we were reading what Dashie was reading. I get the feeling you were trying to get that across through Dash's reaction shots, but it really wasn't enough. It's one thing to have RD tell us a story is crap. It's quite another to actually show us the craptastic story.

Still, I'm always one for meta antics, and on that front, it was able to deliver. Plus, Dashie's comments did get a few chuckles out of me. So, in the end, this is not bad. Not really good, but not bad.

[TheExhaustedBrony]

3254140 I did not write this expecting people to like it, nor did I write it with a lot of care. I'm glad you enjoyed it somewhat.

[tomzon]

PLOT TWIST
guess who wrote it

[MeltingShoe]

It would be so easy to transition that last sentence into a shitty TwiDash clopfic.

[SirTruffles]

Not terrible. Saw a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but I've seen much worse.

I do agree with 3254140: if you wanted to improve it, adding a few actual excerpts from what Dash is reading would help the reader share Dash's pain and thus make her reactions much funnier.

Another place to improve would be your ending. The way it's written now makes it looks like a scene transition, and I as a reader am left expecting you to go on into a second chapter where we see Twilight helping RD detox from fanfic poisoning. You had a good ending going at "from that day forward..." because at that point the reader is left with the lesson RD learned and there aren't any more loose ends to wrap up. When you go on after the dashes, you've started the action up again by giving RD the need to find somepony to help her recover. It also introduces lose ends by discussing the questions Twilight has about RD's grumpiness, which we in turn expect to see her get an answer to. As it stands now, you might remove the bit below the dashes or move it to a chapter 2 and complete the scene. Either way would make the ending much stronger.

Finally, you can make your scene transitions look better by replacing the dashes with:

<what happened this morning>

*** <----(align this line center)

<what happened this afternoon>

This way looks much tidier than the line of dashes you have now (and is faster to type out too )

I think with a little work, you could clean this up into an above average story.

[Commander Jenna Cipher]

This is hilarious.

"thank Celestia this is almost over. Ahuizotl took the silver pencil and... Nope! Not going to read that! That's just fucked up, is someone supposed to get turned on by that?!"

images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130405221913/mlp/images/e/e1/FANMADE_Luna_I_see_what_you_did_there.jpg

[Charzoid]

Good stuff.

[Legendoflink]

i.minus.com/i4e3BBVilxM33.gif

[TheWraithWriter]

Derp.

I promised a review, so here you are. This story captured the feelings of the fan when they want more and turn to fan fiction, only to be repulsed by the shit they find. You succeeded in that sense and your writing is pretty good, but ultimately, this wasn't very funny. To me at any rate. Well, save for this-
Favorite Line:

Actually, I don't care about him anymore, all that's important is that she's making out with her brother and now wants to have sex with him?!

Rating: and a half/5
Final Verdict: Twilight wrote the bad fanfiction.
But it wasn't in the actual story, so now it's just HeadFannon.
...That's a thing now.

[Themaskedferret]

She really needs to get Twi to read this thing.

[Rainbow Dashder Dash]

This was pretty funny

[dragonjek]

Why would anyone lie about something on the Internet?

I can only hope that Twilight can lead Rainbow Dash to fanfiction that isn't eye-vomit.

[Zephyr Prism]

Primarily why I tend to have a reason to stray away from things that have bad ratings in it.

[TonyTheMage]

I bet Twi wrote it.Heh.. Um... About that....

[superfun]

"Why did you have to make Daring Do kiss Abuizotl?! According to canon, aren't they supposed to be enemies?

That line is especially hilarious since other fics actually have RD ship the two of them.

[DangerDean]

"Why did you have to make Daring Do kiss Abuizotl?! According to canon, aren't they supposed to be enemies?

Dashie, remember what Celestia said about fantasies?

[Kadi Wright]

The reading turned out great for the first part!