• Published 29th Sep 2013
  • 2,442 Views, 64 Comments

An Immortal - Dragonlover553



Zeus is an immortal human mage. Woke up in the Everfree 3569 years ago and killed then sacraficed the Ophiotaurus. Gained immortality and extreme magical knowelege. Now Luna's back. And he's watching her. Comment Driven Story.

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Chapter 1

Luna was unhappy. She was after all,out on a chariot, during the day. She had been freed from the evil presence that had transformed her into Nightmare Moon only minutes ago, and yet, she still felt its poison within her. What was it? Where had it come from? she wondered unhappily. Still, at least I'm on Equis again. Even if it is daytime.
"We're almost there, Princess" Said a royal guard, addressing her sister.
"Alright then. Take us in for a smooth landing."replied Princess Celestia, who was sitting next to Luna in the chariot.And THAT is when Luna say Canterlot clearly, for the fist time in over a thousand years.
"We are surprised by its growth. What drove you to chose it as the new capital?" Luna inquired.
"Well it wasn't my first choice. My first choice was Neigh York, but it was destroyed during the Third Griffin War, 900 years ago." responded Celestia.
"The THIRD Griffin War? Tia, what did you do?"
"Lulu, you wound me. What makes you think I did something?"
"Because the other two were all your fault. The first because you wanted to exterminate all meat-eaters, and the second because you invaded them."
"Would you believe that's changed?"
"No."
"Huh. Fine, your right I started it. Remember how the Griffins sided with you, or rather Nightmare Moon, during the Overnight War?"
"Yes. They were a valuable ally. I've seen better but they were very effective. What happened?"
"Well,...I.."
"We're arrived your majesties." interrupted the Royal Guard.
"Thank you, Speeding Arrow."

****

"Tia, tell me."Luna demanded after they had landed.
"Alright, Luna, I will tell you."
"Thank you."
"Tomorrow."
"TIA!!"
Trolestia strikes again. Troll ololololo olo!

****
Zeus was almost to Canterlot. Just gotta climb this mountain. Huh. No problem. He was the Lord of the Sky. What is easier, for him, than to climb? Nothing, that's what. Still, it was cold, but he could deal with it. He had been out in -67°F weather before. This was barely 45°F. Nothing. A few minutes passed as Zeus climbed, then he got bored. He began to sing a song, a song from his home world. Terra. Earth. The Mortal Realm. All names for home. It had been so long, 3,569 years, nine months, two weeks, five days, 3 hours, 20 minutes, 5 seconds, to be exact. No, he doesn't keep track,but for some reason he always knew. Truth by told, Zeus, though he had been known as something different back then, could barely remember home. Except music, human music. Wonderful, beautiful, magical, horrible, terrible, amazing, HUMAN music. Too weak to remember, to powerful to forget. That he could remember perfectly.So, in an effort to remember at least SOMETHING of home, he began singing an old favorite,: Radioactive by someone called the Imagine Dragons. Who were they? Heck if he knew. It had been over three-thousand years, cut him some slack. The human brain is only made for 500 years. He shouldn't be able to remember anything much less entire songs and their creators. Heck, he can't even remember his own name, other people's? Somehow, just barely. But even if he barely could remember them, he could still remember.Who was I? He wondered, not for the first time.Who were they? Where did I come from? WHAT he asked himself was my name?
The most important question of them all. For, with its answer, came the answer to all the others. A name was a unique sound, with subtle differences from any other, the sum of your experiences put into a mere handful of words. There is no greater representation of a being than THAT. Even as he pondered he sang.
Ahh, the last time I sang this was… He paused mid-thought, and, with a feeling of dread in his heart, remembered. I was destroying Neigh York.
With that, he lost himself to memory, still climbing all the while climbing, climbing,climbing...
****
Celestia was laying on her bed, trying to sleep. It had been a big day. And tomorrow would be even bigger. After all she'll have to reintroduce her sister Luna, explain why nopony had ever heard of her, and sooth the public so they wouldn't attack her.A task,she thoughtfit for the goddess she pretended to be. Ponies,she mused,so easily fooled. Still, back to the matter at hoof. This was going to be the hardest thing she'd done since the Third Griffin War. Without the Staff of Dragonlords, the Wyrmstaff, her army would have been crushed. And that's without their ally. He may have seemed a griffin, but he wasn't. He struck with the fury of the Heavens themselves.
Too bad the staff had been retaken by the Dragonlords who had originally created it. Where was it now? Celestia wondered.It still exists. That much she knew. For if it were destroyed the magical ripples would rend the very fabric of the void. And besides, it would take a power beyond any on this world to destroy the Wyrmstaff. Even the Elements themselves would be utterly useless against the being who wielded its full power. Damn those Dragons. Especially that odd one. What was his name? Emrys?Celestia pondered.Well, I suppose its location wouldn't do me much good anyway. The Dragonlords are much too powerful. The Elements of Harmony aren't even their best work. They'd crush me.
The fact someone was stronger than her wasn't something Celestia, the so-called "Goddess of the Sun" admitted every day. But it was very true. Not only did even the weakest dragonlord easily out match her in term of sheer, raw magic, they were often far more skilled, and, while she was limited by how much power she could channel, dragons, especially Dragonlords, were power. They were magic made flesh. To her, magic was a learned skill, to them, it was as, if not more, natural than breathing(not that they need to do that). Even beyond magic, they had ever physical advantage. Larger, faster, more agile,resilient,stronger. Not to mention the scales.
Their greatest defense. Light as paper, strong as adamant. Perceivable only by their own magic, or other magics of a similar origin, they made the already formidable Dragons, nearly unstoppable.
Celestia was lost in though when she heard a familiar scream.
"AHHHHHHHH!!!"
Luna's.

Author's Note:

Dun dun dun.

Comments ( 63 )

Reading this gave me a headache. I think you need an editor.

3273767 Yeah...wanna be mine?

ill fav seems itresting

3274050Thanks. Your the second one and it only was posted yesterday.:moustache::moustache::raritystarry::heart::derpyderp1::derpyderp2::rainbowdetermined2::rainbowlaugh::rainbowkiss::rainbowwild::eeyup::moustache:

Desperately needs an editor.
Also needs a plot.

3274522I'm not to the ploty part yet. Zeus is going to Canterlot. Plot enough for you?

He's an immortal, human, mage. 3,592 years old. Still looks 20. He woke up in the Everfree 3,569 years ago. Killed an Ophiotaurus. Gained immortality and mastery of magic.

Achieved a 'Gary Stu' status.

Meet Zeus. Don't say it Zeus, it's pronounced Zay-oos. After Zeus. That's what he calls himself, he forgot his true name centuries ago. He's an immortal, human, mage. 3,592 years old. Still looks 20. He woke up in the Everfree 3,569 years ago. Killed an Ophiotaurus. Gained immortality and mastery of magic. Expectantly lightning. Now Luna's back. And he's watching her.

Oh God, a Gary Stu.

i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/8/9/3/168893_v1.gif

Is... is it dead yet?

"That's what he calls himself, he forgot his true name centuries ago. He's an immortal, human, mage. 3,592 years old. Still looks 20. He woke up in the Everfree 3,569 years ago. Killed an Ophiotaurus. Gained immortality and mastery of magic."

So, were you in a hurry while writing this?

3275750yeah. And it's my first story...

3276049

Don't write if you are in a hurry and being new is no excuse. You completely ignored the basic guide that fimfiction provides.

3276046 Gary Stu. A character that is so powerful and has no flaws whatsoever, and therefore becomes impossible to take seriously, as it looks like the author is trying far too hard to make them "cool."

Also universally loathed by everyone in the writing community.

3276107 There were guidelines?

3277914 Ever watched "Soul Eater"?

Comment posted by Dragonlover553 deleted Sep 30th, 2013

3276107 I made the description more awesome.

3278193 No, though I fail to see any relevance here. No crossover tags, for starters.

And, for Christ's sake, you made it worse.

3278373 :facehoof: I gave him Free's type of immortality. Also, did I really?

3278165 Check the ''Writing Guide'' under ''FAQ''.
And try to get an editor or proofreader.

3279709 I'm already looking for one...want be?

3279729 If you checked my comment, you would see that I provided you with some links to two groups where you can get someone to help you.

As for me.... sorry.

3279740 Oh. Thanks. I made some small changes, like paragraphs, details,and such.

3279806 derp this story is interesting but becoming a cliche as hell type...I SACRIFICED A DEAD THING A MAH BOB AND NOW I AM IMMORTAL! FEAR ME MORTALS.

3281697 the Ohiothingy is from Greek mythology. There prophesy states the he who sacrifices its entrails to fire will gain the power to slay the gods. Celly and Luna are worshipped as gods by the ponies. He may end up killing them. And maybe Discord.

3281697 He didn't sacrifice it to anyone, he just sacrificed it.

3288479Oh ._. TIL and that makes the story better...less gary stu i guess :P

3292779 My word... it means Today I Learned.

And oh god my headache...i hate meetings...fml

~nightmare

3297256 because im lazy. there.

i have some storys(the starts...) that i can make mlp related but i have yet to that ive been debating posting...but then again im a lazy person who i doubt would have the time to put them on and update regularly :(

3301215 yup. and YAY! i just sent my start up chappy to my proof reader so expect a chapter from me in a week to two weeks :D (my proof reader is over seas atm)

3320169 I am following you, so good! Can't wait!

3329690 prepare to be dissapointed :( its my FIRST story so im expecting it to be shit :P but oh well ill learn and improve hopefully! :) now i just need to edit it myself...i have loopholes...and i left it at a stupid part -_-

question: do you think 1500 words is OK for a chapter?

3330452 probubly not a shitty as mine.

3334664 :P hehe oh well at least ill get better :D

SPOILER: its a AU on earth and a BLEACH XOVER with mlp :D (bleach first then mlp added :D this should be interesting....)

3334736 i just noticed you AND me have both had a week long conversation. on the internet. :rainbowderp: :derpyderp1:

also i like pancakes and im REALLY liking this new mouse i got. like seriously its amazing. now i just need to figure out how to bind the middle key to do stuffs.
(i REALLY need a bot to auto make my signature -_-)
~Nightmare Demon of the Shadows

3334811 everyone likes pancakes.

I see you took my suggestion,Good luck with the story though

3386478 Thanks...What was your advice again?

3390229 Zay-oos instead of Zeus,Because taking the name of a god is bloody egotistical

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