Having lost her home in a weather accident, Flutter Shy moves to a new house in the city. A locked room on the second floor leads her to wonder if she is ever alone.
(There needs to be a horror category.)
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 4th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen Feb 28th, 2014
Exodus45
There's little things you hide and little things that you show. Sometimes you think you're gonna get it but you don't and that's just the way it goes .
Exodus45
Joined 4th Sep, 2013 ·
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If you're looking for a Horror tag, the Dark tag probably comes the closest.
What is that picture called?
Please continue this sounds interesting
3233337
I can continue the story for a bit. Just got a few fresh ideas as a matter of fact.
As far as what the picture is call I don't really know. I just found it on the internet. If you would like a copy I could send you one.
too scary for me
Really my only complaints are that Fluttershy is one word, and at some points in dialogue the characters are too robotic. Have them speak more organically. Like When Rainbow says "Well, okay then. I will speak to the realtor" Rainbow Dash probably wouldn't speak like that. She'd say something more along the lines of "Alright, cool. I'm gonna go speak to the realtor for a bit." Something like that y'know? Rainbow's sometimes brash but likes to play it cool, so her dialogue should be in that style right?
There's also a couple of mistakes:
Should be "The interior of the house was just as bland as its exterior"
That should be "half way through", no?
Other than these the story is fine and I can't wait for a new chapter!
3238548
Thanks for the corrections. I kind of just put it up to see what the reactions would be with out really proof reading it too much. I have the next chapter already kind of laid out so the next one should be up either tomorrow or the day after (depending on work).
I will also make those corrections tomorrow.