Marcus, an NCR Ranger just got Ranger Sequioa, a gun that represents 20 years of service to the NCR when it all goes wrong on his first mission with it. Mainly being nuked by the courier.
Now follow Marcus "Ranger" as he helps Equestria become a better place in his adventures at the Fillydelphia War Zone.
Note: this is 3 years after the initial epilogue.
Origonal story by KKat and can be found here
Would like some cover art. Appreciated but not necessary
Looking for a pre-reader to help cover any mistakes i make
another note: This story will be updated irregularly due to it being a way for me to try and cure writer's block
Chapters (2)
Little error in your short description. "An NCR gets swept"
I think it's missing Ranger.
3195376
Fixed it. Thanks for the catch
So, this is a Legion-sided Courier? That's almost completely unheard of...
3195422
Nah, i was going for pro house really. So he pissed off both sides
3195456 Huh. I was always an independent Vegas person, but I'd be nice to the NCR. Always interesting to hear how people runt the game differently.
Patrolling Equestria almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter.
That courier sure knows how to get into trouble eh?
Keep up the good work.
So far so good
Either "we were" or "we're" depending on past or present tense.
No "s".
Again, no "s".
Since this is first person present tense no "s" and the "tries" should be "try". Your grammar would've been fine if this was third person present tense, so other than getting a little confused on the proper grammar for first person present tense it's fine.
For example
The grammar is fine here, but if the "He" was an "I" the "leaves" would be "leave", the "takes" would be "take" and "continues" would be "continue". So:
would be right.
It's complicated, I believe that's why most people (Me included) use past tense. Makes things much easier.
Forgot the period on the end.
Remove "of", or add "water".
I bet by now you know what I'm going to say, huh?
No "s".
Capital after a comma.
How about: "Using my newfound knowledge of magic, I had my magic on the lever for my brush gun" or something along those lines.
Ze infamous repeat, we meet again.
cdn4.explainthatstuff.com/chainsaw-parts-labelled.jpg
Chainsaw's don't have blades, they have a chain with sharp teeth to cut into materials.
Okay with all that done, I have to say it's interesting and I'll watch it, probably give it a like too. I do have to ask as to why the ponification? Nothing wrong with him being, you know, him.
Grammar was mostly fine, only it seems you have trouble with the tense you setup for yourself.
3195456
now i was gonna do a project with some other guy who will be named, but i scrapped it. it was gonna be like this but nah proceed.
3196281
thanks for the help! present tense and not past tense, got it.
ok fine! does chainsaw sword work for you?
3203545 I guess, but it wouldn't be a very good sword.
And it's not that you were using past tense before; you were using present tense the whole time, it's just you were using present tense the wrong way for first person POV.
I think you should slow down and add more detail, and more realistic reactions. Because they're taking in this strange pony without so much as a "who the fuck are you, where the fuck do you come from, where the fuck is that, why do you keep talking strangely? (The last two being after he tells him/her where he comes from, being the "other" NCR and his use of Pip-Boy and other human terms). I mean do they even know he used to be human?
Also what's with Valiant Sky (Which you kept writing "Sky" with a lower case "s") making it seem like dying and coming back is normal? Because she most certainly asked him how he died even if it was indirectly.
3230558
- Work on introductions
- remember to capitalize names
- be a little less confusing
- slow the fuck down
Ok got you! Thanks for the help. I will admit i did kinda rush during and after Sky's part so i'll do my best to fix it when i see them
Still doing good and this doesn't look like it is too long after Little Pip
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Yeah, i plan on this story 3 years after the epilgue. Long enough so the book of littlepip is published and the wasteland isnt a total piece of shit, and short enough so there's conflict
be do more pls
poke poke poke
Please,
Do continue...
I beg thee.
*throws flashbang*WAKE UP TIME TO MAKE A NEW CHAPTER
*poke
That courier is literally me when I go the free Vegas route