Everypony knows me as the pony who loves nature. The pony who cares for animals. Some of them even call me a tree-hugger. Let me tell you about this tree over here. It's very special to me...
Author's Note: A collaboration between myself and the lovely MidnightDancer. Be sure to check her out, because she's totally amazing, and I couldn't have done this without her help! She did a lot of the work, so if you like it, please show your support by going to her page and checking out her stuff!
Chapters (1)
Thank you for working with me on this <3 I had fun.
All I can think about is the sailor from Family Guy.
'No, me fadder was a tree.'
This premise has interested me, though. I shall read this later this morning.
This was just...beautiful.
I am trying very, very hard not to cry right now.
Bravo, lad! Bravo me laddy! That was right beautiful my friend. Brohoof from Ireland! /)
Oh, the feels. I'm an emotional wreck.
So beautiful
,
you two have really make a good work
you've earn my diamond hollyzood.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/diamod_thumb.jpg
I need to stop reading these feels stories. They're making my eyes water.
Thank you for such a brilliant story.
Fantastic job, you two. You've earned quite the following lately.
This is a damn good story. I give massive props to both of you, Elec and Dancer. Congratulations on making great story out of a throwaway show gag and recurring fandom joke.
This is the kind of fic that I paradoxically love reading and thinking about, but simultaneously try to avoid, on account of them making me moody and existential.
The story is told brilliantly.There are long, sweeping, character arcs in it. Fluttershy smoothly and gradually transitions from child to adult. Her mother smoothly and gradually transitions from life to death. I can't find anything wrong with the pacing. Fluttershy is extremely close to how she is in the show. I read the entire thing, imagining it in Fluttershy's voice, which is really proof as to how well I was taken in.
The absolutely great single moment of this story is when Fluttershy wakes up and intuitively knows that her mother is dead. She immediately breaks down very humanly before she can pick herself up. She then goes into her mother's room and sees the dead body of her mother. This is handled perfectly. She doesn't panic. She doesn't scream. She doesn't explode into sobbing hysterics. That would have completely ruined that scene and the entire fic. Both of them knew for a long time that this was coming, so there is no surprise. And while supremely sad, it is all very subdued, just like dealing with something in real life where the outcome was known long in advance. It was critical how you stated that Fluttershy's mother looked relieved and happy in death. The single best part was that none of this came off as being emotionally manipulative. Not once, Dancer, Elec, did I feel like anyone was trying to tell me that it was sad so I should feel sad and cry.
You gave death a fairly good rap in the story. For a story about losing a mother, death is not the villain. Death is not scary, malevolent, or uncaring. Death just is, and death can be a mercy. Naturally, all the characters grieve, but they don't make it theatrical. You didn't make any statements about what comes after, other than the inevitable physical decomposition. This precluded the story from having a contrived 'but it's not really a loss' vibe by pointing towards reunion in the afterlife. At the same times, it was handled tactfully enough so that it avoided that thing I personally despise, which is the 'you cannot escape death and the inevitable nothingness' vibe that always comes off as mean. As a result, you managed to avoid that thing that makes me avoid reading these stories, which is the overwhelming sense of fatalistic existential dread for my own mortality. I think it's brilliant how you keep your focus firmly on the living, which also mitigates that, in addition to making it stand out from other dead pony sadfics.
The syntax and style were absolutely perfect for what you intended to do. A thing you did really well was write the story as a compact oneshot. Stories like this work best as either short, summary oneshots, or as long, detailed multiparters. You, authors, avoided falling into the trap of trying to have it both ways, and either coming up with a multichapter fic with several small chapters that do too little, or creating a hulking oneshot that does too much. You kept it perfectly concise and focused. I personally would have made this story a fair bit longer, but that is my personal taste and style. This personal difference of opinion means that, while I do not love it, nor does it resonate as strongly with me, I fully understand why so many others love it and feel the way they do. Nevertheless, it did genuinely stir my feelings, which is quite a feat.
The narrative does not feel rushed, but it is just perfectly paced as slightly brisk. It can take time to slow down for specific incidents, but these never drag on. It can quickly summarize and skip while never feeling like it cheats the audience.
You made a few technical errors, but they were nothing that broke immersion. If you would like, then I shall go over the story and proofread it.
The way in which one reacts to this type of story is strongly subjective and voluble, even for the same person. I am not in the reviewing mindset, and I am experiencing a disconnect between how amazingly solid the writing is, but how the story somehow feels insubstantial, as if there is some small but vital missing piece to it. Therefore, I am abstaining from rating this story, at least for right now. It is exceptionally good, but I am uncertain as to how exactly to rank it. I would read this again. I would recommend this to my friends. I would say that this story has literary merit. Very well done, both of you.
You nailed down Fluttershy just from the subtle details and hints in the text. This is magnificent!
3164269 Thanks
Elec was a joy to work with.
3164414 I love your long comments :) And thanks. It took us a few hours to get this story together, but it was worth it in the end. (And you know me and Fluttershy
)
3164444 Thanks! I like knowing we kept her in character
I think I'm crying
This is so sad and beautiful at the same time.
Oh, man... I don't think I've ever read another story that gave me feels like this one did.
You two... you are some truly talented writers. I have to give you two a lot of praise for this. This was very beautiful and touching.
This was so sad!
i can count the number of fics that have made me cry on one hand. yours makes me lift another, and I raise my thumb for you!
just gonna go over here and cry for a few hours
3169724>>3167503>>3165720
I'm honored that our work touched you so much. Dancer and I worked pretty hard to make this the best we could, and I think it worked really well in the end. She was such a joy to work with. I'm particularly proud of those closing lines.
Dawwww Its.So.Prescious!
Tearing up after reading this. It's amazing.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: I’d Like To Be a Tree
Grammar score out of 10: 10. I’ll be damned if I could find a single grammatical error. Not too surprising considering it was a collab with MidnightDancer.
Pros:
Characterization was spot-on. I could hear the narration in Fluttershy’s voice, and the word choices were excellent.
The story explains Fluttershy’s unique worldview through her relationship with her mother, and succeeds brilliantly.
It was emotional, but not in a way that’s troped or overused. It taps into a very real experience (the loss of a loved one) which most people have experienced, myself included.
Cons:
I’m hard-pressed to find one. A more technically-minded reviewer might note your use of adverbs; ex.
I don’t find this a con, however, and I use them in my own writing.
Notes Section:
I sort of regret taking this one as a review, especially considering kalash93’s exhaustive breakdown of it in the comments, but I’ll do my best. Your writing is absolutely stellar. You set scenes perfectly, your dialogue is believable and succinct, and your grammar is superb. The story itself was an interesting take on Fluttershy and her development into the mare she is in the show’s ‘verse. I think the story resonates with the many people who have had loved ones with failing health or have seen loved ones pass away. And yes, I did get misty, though you didn't get any tears from me.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Beat to Quarters
3178517
Glad you enjoyed our story, my friend. I'm a bit busy at the current moment, but I assure you that I will get your review to you as soon as possible. Probably tomorrow or the day after at latest.
3178526
Don't worry about it. Whenever you get a chance is fine. You and Dancer spin a damn fine yarn, sir.
3178533
Indeed. I kind of wanted to take something that was seen as a throwaway joke or gag, and turn it into something serious that actually meant something to Fluttershy. I'm actually working on a similar fic with another friend based on the phrase 'Twenty Percent Cooler'.
3178517 Thank you for both the review and the compliment
I'm glad you enjoyed our story.
3178368
Damn, I haven't come that close to crying from a fanfiction since My Little Dashie. I still wasn't that close to crying, but I'm not much of a crier. So for someone who didn't cry from My Little Dashie, I'd say I came relatively close.
Oh, and by the way, great story!
Is story is priceless and simply beautiful. I was going through a hard time recently, and watching Fluttershy go through her troubles, and then see her mother's sapling, was something very well done. It was a beautiful symbol for hope, and this is how I interpret it: When you fall, when you feel life is hopeless, there will always be a way. Hope in a world of hopelessness. If you cradle your hope and stand by it, it will grow. It will inspire others to live in a world of love and beauty. You used the right character and right prompt for the message you were trying to portray, so job well done.
I read this story before I found A Name in the Darkness... But only after I'd read the aforementioned on the Creepypasta wiki. This one is extremely good.
I like your visuals of nature and understand and respect the points of view given in this story. While it didn't make me cry, it was still a good read nonetheless. It had a good balance of emotion and exposition and I liked how you explained why Fluttershy choose to live far away from the other ponies. All in all,
Good show.
I don't normally care for writing done in the first person. But this is beautiful. It is a wonderful extrapolation of a simple offhand comment, and it was very well done. I loved your pacing, and it had just the right amount of dialogue for a character who was consumed with introspection. It was quite a wonderful fic, and I would like to thank you for linking me to it.
Beautiful. You took that one comment that went memetic and made a serious story about it. I love that sort of thing. I was going to do the same thing with the tree comment, though in a different genre (weird fiction). You beat me to it, and you two did an amazing job doing it. There needs to be a group for deconstruction fics.
This surprised me, mostly in a good way. I tend not to like co-written stories, but this one worked quite well: it was rather sweet and sometimes even moving. Might have benefited from trying a little less obviously hard on that front, though. Still, pleasant reading.