Epilogue: We Believe
The Crystal Empire, 2042
It was to be expected. Had Twilight expected anything else, she would’ve been either naive or stupid. She was neither. Deep down, she’d known it was coming, though for the past fourteen years she had tried to hide the obvious possibility from herself, because otherwise she’d have worried to death. Twilight Sparkle didn’t have a good track record of worrying about impending disasters, so she preferred self-imposed blissful ignorance.
The scenes were so obvious, so scripted, that the external hoof of foreign powers was visible even to a child. The play was the same as in Manehattan, it was only the stage and the actors that had changed. Instead of the “Encampment,” it was the “Nucleation.” Twilight almost puked from the canned nature of it. She even thought she recognized a few protesters from Manehattan, bussed in and disguised. Sure, the tactics were switched up a bit—after all, crystal shops were much harder to burn down than the ones in Manehattan, and the Crystal Empire police were a lot nicer than the Manehattan PD. They didn’t even carry guns. But of course, foreign agitators from a much larger, more powerful country could manufacture almost any sort of event to suit their narrative. The coup went off without much of a hitch after thirty protesters, the so-called “Tireless Thirty,” were found suffocated to death on a bus, blamed on reckless tear gas firing by riot police.
“We strongly condemn the brutal, authoritarian actions taken by the Cadance regime, and call for her to step down,” Equestrian Republic President Pound Cake had said. Of course, when anypony of his political power ‘called for’ something, it wasn’t a suggestion.
Cadance and Shining Armor got the message. They quickly fled the country in 2035. Thankfully, alicorns endure well, and they made a nice home for themselves, Luna, Twilight, Spike, Pinkie, and her family on the moon, under the protective air bubble of Shining Armor’s forcefield. It was their own little private oasis, and Twilight’s teleportation could retrieve them food, water, and other creature comforts from Equestria. What wasn’t to love? Pinkie was so happy that she could jump six times higher, that she almost forgot that she wouldn’t get to see the crystal ponies again.
Instead of ‘Pest Control,’ it was ‘The Miners’ who rose up to fight the new Nucleation government, which announced that it was considering an alliance with East Equestria. But both the East Alliance and the West Alliance treaties had clauses prohibiting new members to join if they had ongoing conflicts or civil wars. It was sort of like a pre-existing condition clause in a health insurance plan, and The Miners were just the ailment that the Confederation of Free Equestria thought the Crystal Empire needed. Instead of rebelling with rifles and magic, at first the Miners used jackhammers, pickaxes, and dynamite. Then rifles a few months later. Then tanks. Then helicopters. Then fighter jets with guided missiles. All while the Free Equestrian government, to avoid an international incident, snarkily denied any involvement.
“Free Equestria does not provide material support to international armed rebel groups. They probably just bought those guns at the local sporting goods store,” Director Pumpkin Cake had once said in answering a reporter.
Yeah, you can find machine guns at Rebel Mart, right between the anti-aircraft missile aisle and the helicopter aisle, Twilight had remembered thinking. International diplomacy was such a charade, where no one could ever say what they really thought or what was really going on. Twilight was glad she wasn’t a princess anymore and could just sit back and watch the trainwreck from the safety of the moon.
Ironically, the Crystal War was far bloodier than any war that Equestria had ever fought. The war dragged on for seven years, with a body count over a million, as thousands of foreign mercenaries streamed in from both Equestrias and as far away as Oatstralia and Prance to partake in the bloodbath. They all covered their fur in glitter to maintain plausible deniability. Proxy wars were always deadly, though compared to direct confrontation between two superpowers armed with weapons of mass destruction, they were friendly games of tennis. The stakes, though, were far higher than tennis. Most of the Crystal Empire was a frozen tundra devoid of civilization. But in the Crystal War, it was the territory that mattered, not the crystal ponies living there.
The Crystal Empire had a border stretching thousands of kilometers across northern Equestria. Crystal Empire territory was within short-range missile striking distance of both Manehattan, Baltimare, and Fillydelphia in the east, and Tall Tale and Vanhoover in the west. The Crystal Empire had been neutral for fourteen years, meaning that its prime real estate had never had missile launchers stationed on it. The largely-untapped shale and tar sands were also a nice little bonus.
So, when the Manehattan-sponsored faction finally won the Crystal War in 2042, signing the Eastern Alliance treaty and permitting WMDs to be stationed all along its border, the Western Alliance was understandably freaking out. A Crystal Crisis had begun, as the Republic was openly and publically transporting twenty missiles from Hollow Shades to a destination less than a hundred kilometers north of Tall Tale.
Ponyville
Over the years, the Ponyville meeting hall had become the official place for east and west to come together to try to compromise. Usually, an unbiased citizen of neutral Ponyville like Cheerilee or Derpy moderated. Today in the meeting hall, though, Derpy wasn’t allowed, nor Cheerilee. Pound and Pumpkin were all alone, the first meeting they’d had in years without their advisors. As the week’s earlier meetings to resolve the crisis with the diplomats and advisors had failed, this meeting between just the twin leaders was a last-ditch effort to prevent armageddon.
Guards were unneeded, as each twin assured their security staff that they were powerful enough to protect themselves against the other. Pound figured he could zip out of the way of any magic spell that Pumpkin cast at him, while Pumpkin figured she only need turn intangible or teleport if Pound tried to rush her. Their unstoppable/immovable dynamic had worked so far to prevent armageddon for fourteen years, but the ending of the Crystal War had changed everything. For the past few days, everyone in Equestria, if not the planet, had been on edge.
Pumpkin shook her head, narrowing her eyes. “I’ve told you before, Pound Cake. Any stationing of weapons of mass destruction on the Crystal Empire border is entirely unacceptable. We will not take these terms.”
Pound laughed. “Or what? You don’t have any bargaining power anymore. In the Crystal Empire, we defeated your so-called ‘rebels.’”
“And you also defeated your own so-called ‘economy,’” Pumpkin quipped. “How are you enjoying those lines around the block to buy bread? Or how about your thirty percent chronic unemployment? Your massive debt?”
“And how are you enjoying all those greedy oligarchs who buy elections? Twenty percent of ponies going without adequate healthcare? Thousands of donkeys fired from their jobs just for being non-ponies?”
Pumpkin sighed. “Look, we’ve had this discussion too many times. I don’t think we’ll ever agree on politics. But can we at least agree not to station those weapons near Tall Tale and Vanhoover?”
“No. From the Crystal Empire, our missiles can now reach Tall Tale in five minutes. My next-quickest option takes hours, and so does yours. With a first-strike capability, the tone of these little diplomatic meetings will change in a hurry. Your population, who you’ve fear-mongered into a frenzy with your lies, will be begging to reunify Equestria so that we ‘fascists’ don’t blow you off the map.”
Pumpkin laughed. “You assume that you have first-strike capability. Maybe you’re wrong in that assumption, just like you’ve been wrong about everything else for the last seventeen years. Let me give you a clue. How do you know that I haven’t phased dragonfire bombs under every major city in eastern Equestria, that I can detonate anytime that I want? You’ve seen me turn an entire bridge intangible before. A bomb would be trivial. I won’t say if I’ve done it or not, but I will tell you that even if I haven’t, it’s entirely possible for me to do it, and you would have no way to stop me.”
Pound blinked.
“That’s right. I could already have first strike capability and you wouldn’t even know it,” said Pumpkin.
Pound shook his head. “You’re bluffing. If you had first strike capability, or the ability to get it, you wouldn’t be so worried about missiles stationed near Tall Tale, Vanhoover, and Canterlot.”
“Wouldn’t I, though? I’m trying to prevent a panic. I’m trying to prevent a war. Come on, let’s look out the north window. I want you to see something.”
Pound and Pumpkin walked to the town hall’s north window. Pumpkin pointed out towards Canterlot. A bubble surrounded the city, just like Shining Armor’s.
She said, “You can’t see it well from here, but that’s actually a forcefield within a forcefield, within a forcefield. We added the third forcefield a few days ago after the Crystal Crisis started. Of course, the fields wouldn’t stop a WMD launched from a missile, but it would stop a unicorn from teleporting a bomb inside the city, at least. It also makes ponies feel more at ease when—”
“Sis,” said Pound softly.
She turned towards him. “What?”
“Look.”
Pound pointed down the street of Ponyville with his hoof. Like every other street in the former Equestria, it was abandoned due to the crisis. Benches sat empty, and blinds on storefronts were drawn shut. Crows fearlessly strutted around. But none of that was what Pound was pointing at. Instead, at the end of the street, there sat a small cottage, a typical Ponyville-style house. A mother, a father, and their two children, one filly and one colt, walked around the side of the house. The filly carried a doll, while the colt carried a teddy bear, and the father and mother carried food. They opened the cellar door, and one by one climbed down to seek shelter.
Neither twin spoke for a minute. Finally, Pumpkin stammered. “Our… that’s… just like...”
“Y-yeah…” Pound croaked.
The memories came flooding back to the twins of their night of terror spent in the Sugarcube Corner cellar with their parents. It was twenty-two years ago when Blueblood had initially invaded Ponyville, sparking the Great Racial War. The twins recalled wondering if they would survive the night, or if their entire world would come crashing down in an explosion.
But theirs had just been one family, for one night, in one town. How many countless others were there around the world, just like this family, living in fear that the twins had caused? The twins’ tears began to flow as freely as their verbal barbs had flowed earlier. There were no more words; there was just crying. They embraced each other, hugging for the first time in many, many years.
“What have we done, Pumpkin? Who… who have we become?” Pound sobbed.
She shook her head. “I don’t know. We’ve… we’ve become what we once feared, I guess.”
“We’re monsters! Both of us!” Pound shouted.
“Well… I mean… If it wasn’t us, then it would’ve just been someone else, like Rarity against Rainbow Dash, or Fluttershy against Applejack, or Iron Will against Raindrops… I think it’s unavoidable...” Pumpkin started.
Pound looked her in the eye. “No. We have to put a stop to this, Pumpkin Cake. You’re always talking about how exceptional you are, right?”
She nodded.
“And you are exceptional. I am, too. We both are, because we have a chance to make an exceptional step towards peace, together. When else will the world get this chance? When else are two twin siblings—who really love each other deep down, despite everything—ever going to be director and president again? And how many other crises will happen between now and then? And how many of them will end in disaster? It only takes one.”
“I… you know, I might have forgotten how to say this, but here goes. You’re right, Pound Cake.”
He chuckled, sniffling. “Smartass.”
She giggled. “Goofball.”
“Let’s get to work, then. We have a treaty to write,” he said.
People filed into the meeting hall in Ponyville and took their seats, muttering quietly. Armed guards from both Free Equestria and the Equestrian Republic stood on either side of the wall at attention, while a dotted line ran down the center, demarking the room. On either side of the room, giant television cameras sat.
On the front row from west to east sat the friends and former world leaders Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Luna, Cadance, Shining Armor, Applejack, and Rarity. On the second row sat the current world leaders, Prime Minister Walkabout, Duchess Sparkler, President Fancy Pants, Prime Ministers Knickerson, Foules, and Marequarie, among others. On the third row sat the advisors, cabinet members, and commanders Vinyl Scratch, Redheart, Professor Fossil, Iron Will, Dr. Stekton, Snips, Snails, Zecora, Featherweight, Soarin, Peachy Pitt, Spitfire, Lyra & Bon Bon, Raindrops, Zarek, Organized Labor, Hoops, Dr. Stable, Dr. Whooves, and Big Macintosh. On the fourth row sat prominent businesspeople Berry Punch, Filthy Rich, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Aunt and Uncle Orange, and Shiny Diamond. In the back row sat the neutral Ponyvillians Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Derpy, and Mayor Cheerilee. Needless to say, it was a full house.
When Pound and Pumpkin Cake entered, the people applauded. The twins took center stage and shook each other’s hooves, walking up to their twin podiums to speak. The room grew silent, the camera ponies motioned to their crews, and the broadcast began.
Pound spoke first. “Citizens of the former Equestria: I am Pound Cake, the elected leader of the Equestrian Republic.”
There was applause throughout the room, mostly on the east side of the room, but some respectful clapping from the western half of the room.
“And I am Pumpkin Cake, Pound Cake’s fraternal twin sister, the Director of Free Equestria,” said Pumpkin. The pattern of clapping was reversed from what her brother received.
“Thank you all,” said Pumpkin. “My brother and I have an address for everyone living on this continent and, indeed, everyone around the world. We hope to explain our current situation, and how we will solve it.”
Pound nodded. “Over the past two decades, our once-united nation of Equestria has been engaged in a terrible civil war. It has pitted city against city.”
“Race against race,” Pumpkin added.
“Rich against poor,” Pound added.
“Brother against sister,” they both said in unison.
Pumpkin said, “As these last twenty-two years have shown, we surely live in historic times. But it can be difficult to tell when living it. It’s been a slow progression, like the proverbial frog in hot water. People have simmered in their hatred over the years, becoming ever more divided, until last week when it came to a boil.”
Pound said, “My sister and I have been on the front lines of the conflict since it all began here in Ponyville twenty-two years ago. We want to share our struggles, sorrows, and joys face-to-face through the TV screen. We know that many of you are terrified, whether you live in the east or west. A lot of you are cowering in bomb shelters, or are at the border ready to begin shooting. You all deserve an explanation for how it’s come to this.”
Pumpkin nodded. “We start with the time of Celestia. For centuries, the unicorns were oppressed in various ways under her regime. By now, we are all familiar with it: the anti-magic laws, the extra tax on Canterlot, and the racial divisions. A charismatic, terribly misguided leader named Fritz Blueblood took advantage of unicorn disenfranchisement to rise to power. He led the city of Canterlot to secede from Equestria, created the Second Kingdom, and ruled with an iron hoof.
“Soon, war broke out. The unicorns, desperate to feed their starving nation, upset over food tariffs and the perceived lack of racial self-autonomy, launched an invasion of Equestria, allying with the Zebra Empire, which had its own grievances. Blueblood’s first target was Ponyville, where his troops conducted a sweep for unicorn children born to earth pony parents, who would be capable of farming. I was among them, and held prisoner. Pound will tell you the story behind our parents Mr. Carrot Cake and Mrs. Cup Cake, and that chapter of our lives.”
“Thanks, Pumpkin,” said Pound. “After the unicorns captured my sister, I couldn’t rescue her, despite my best efforts. We lost both of our parents trying; the Second Kingdom shot them dead. They were the most caring and loving ponies that Pumpkin and I ever knew. I went into a deep depression, as did she, but we soon dusted ourselves off and took action. I heavily trained in flight, while Pumpkin escaped from the farm and trained in magic, and we found each other again as teenagers after the Cloud Confederacy seceded. We moved to the small desert town of Appleloosa. Over the next couple of years, she and I fought together, side by side, to defend the town from the threats of the unicorn and buffalo invaders.”
“If we had to, we would do it all again,” said Pumpkin Cake. “Despite our political differences, Pound and I were united by a desire to protect our adopted hometown, to take a stand for what we knew was right, to use our special talents to defend the innocent ponies who were unable to defend themselves.”
Pound said, “But Appleloosa’s time was up. The Second Kingdom took the town, and Pumpkin and I each thought the other was dead. But she’d been taken by SK Research Minister Trixie who wanted to study her magic, while I and several pegasi were crippling the SK by salting its farmlands. Soon, the terrible corruption of Princess Twilight Sparkle’s administration came to light. She had an entire board of cronies and oligarchs who advised her, not based on the best interests of our country or the people, but on the interests of their pocketbooks. Her military advisors trampled on the rights of Equestrian citizens, such as the zebras, in order to allegedly preserve security. In the process, they took the courts and justice system in a chokehold.”
“Pound and I both believed this sort of corruption to be unacceptable,” said Pumpkin. “We knew that something had to change about Equestria. We demonstrated in the streets and seized buildings and towns in response to it, in events now known as the Equestrian Revolution. Both Free Equestria and the Equestrian Republic had common roots, but different goals. A major rift had begun to form.”
Pound said, “This rift was over something more basic than corruption, more basic than the war, more basic than land and money. It had to do with the rights of the citizens themselves. It had to do with what we believe.”
Pumpkin said, “I believe the one true way to freedom is to respect the rights of ponies to make their own choices, to defend themselves, conduct themselves in commerce, and be free from all undue authority which might constrain them. My life experiences of being held in slavery and tortured for the supposed ‘common good’ have informed me that this is the only correct option.”
“I take the opposite view,” said Pound Cake. “The one way to freedom is to protect the common good and enable ponies to be as free from starvation, sickness and need as possible. A powerful central government elected directly by will of the citizens, which distributes resources based on need, is the only way to do this, since private enterprise has only ever shown itself to be greedy and selfish. Money must be abolished, and ponies must only work for the good of society instead of themselves. My experiences fighting greedy businessponies who looted the country, like Filthy Rich and the Oranges, have shown me this.”
Pumpkin said, “Over the next few years, our separate countries developed with these radically different ideologies. Ponies were forced to choose sides, as the borders hardened. Sometimes, entire towns and families were torn apart. Proxy wars broke out in the Crystal Empire. With the help of dragons and changelings, we developed the most dangerous weapons of mass destruction in the history of ponykind. They could reduce entire cities to ash in an instant. Both of our polar opposite sides now have hundreds of such bombs and missiles. In the last week, we have come closer to total annihilation than at any time in all of recorded history.”
“Cooler heads prevailed, thank goodness,” said Pound. “But Pumpkin Cake and I won’t always be in charge. Those in power after us may not be as slow to all-out war as we’ve been. We must protect against this possibility. It’s only by luck that twin siblings rule each half of Equestria, and that our love for each other was strong enough to overcome our hatred.”
Pumpkin said, “Despite our differences, we have much in common. We love our families, and we love each other. We both want everyone to be as happy and fulfilled as they possibly can, to live a peaceful life free of need and suffering. We have the same general goals; we simply differ on the way to get there. But that difference alone is enough to potentially destroy the very goals that we all sought to pursue from the start. Pound Cake and I realized this after our recent meeting here. So, for that reason, both of our countries will begin the process of dismantling our WMD arsenals.”
The ponies in the crowd cheered and clapped.
“It won’t be easy,” said Pound Cake. “Huge distrust exists between our two societies, and bridging the gulf will be difficult. But this treaty on the desk before us will lay the framework for ensuring our mutual survival.”
“We may never resolve the question of how to organize society: the forces of the market or the forces of the government. Ponies have already been trying for centuries. The debate is important, but the debate shouldn’t obliterate that very society itself,” said Pumpkin.
“Our first treaty bans the production of new weapons of mass destruction, orders scaling back of existing stockpiles by fifty percent, and provides for verification so that each side is satisfied that the other has met its obligations,” said Pound.
Pumpkin said, “It will be a long and difficult process to ensure lasting peace and prevent an armageddon. Pound Cake and I will work closely together in the months and years to come. We believe that this treaty will work, and this process will be successful.”
“Someday, we both hope to have a world free of these weapons and the need or desire to use them,” said Pound.
Pound and Pumpkin Cake both got up from behind the podium, walked over to the table, and shook each other’s hooves. The treaty stood on the table before them. Pound Cake was first, and he took the pen in his wing feathers, extending it toward the paper and signing his name. Then, Pumpkin Cake took the pen in her magic and signed her name.
Everyone in the entire crowd cheered and clapped, east and west alike.
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Cooler heads prevailed in the end? Tell that to everyone who died. What a satisfying yet slightly overwhelming ending. I was really hoping Trixie would show up at the end and be like "gotcha not dead!"
I was really expecting Pumpkin to kill Pound though, glad I was wrong about that.
It all started with the revolt of Prince Blueblood and ended with two important figures, who had to risen from the ashes to create a pact that can be strengthened for ages.
Oh boy, it's me. Time to write an essay now that the story is over.
Okay, so I guess the overall question to answer is if your story is any good, now that it's finished and we have the endgame here. Um... well... it's not the worst story I've ever read, but it just got bad. It started out decently, but by the end, I just didn't care anymore. The key to a story like this is having likable characters. If every single person on every side is either a wuss or a jerk, then why should I be invested in anything happening to them? You didn't want to pick one side or the other, and I totally get and respect that. But you have to have both sides be likable if readers are going to draw their own conclusions. I get that you wanted to have neither side be 100% right or 100% wrong. Again, completely fair and I support that, but you need to have a 50/50 split for that to work. Not a 95/5 split. Both sides had good points, but it was overshadowed by the fact that every character was a raging jerk, or a wimp.
It's hard to get emotionally invested when that happens. I dunno, part of me thinks that this story would have been better from the perspective of one person. Say, Twilight or maybe even Derpy. Someone neutral. That way we as readers can connect to someone, while still getting both sides of the issue. We project ourselves onto that character and deal with the events as that character does, so we can draw our own conclusions that way. Switching between the perspectives of two selfish dickweeds doesn't make us think, it makes us irritated. Or it makes me irritated. You could have scenes where we follow another character for a bit just so we get a sense of what's going on, such as the rushed as all else Starlight assassination scene, but in the end bring it back to that central protagonist.
Speaking of that scene, did you have one of her batponies end up a traitor on account of my complaints? I don't care one way or another, I'm just curious.
I guess my complaints with the story can be summed up by a previous comment of mine:
There was no tension in the story because it jut turned into that cycle. Oh, s nuclear war going to happen?! No, and I'm not sure if I would care if it did. Maybe that's just me being a history major, but whatever. What would happen if a nuke was dropped?! See my steps above. There was no variation, no interesting characters. It got to the point at the end where Pound and Pumpkin (and most everyone else, really) stopped becoming characters in their own right, and two floating heads that just screamed at each other just because it had become habit at that point, not because either one actually had anything to say. Same with the other characters. And it happened over and over again with each chapter.
All of that together made the ending very weak and rushed. A better trick would have been to have Pound and Pumpkin slowly, maybe over the course of three or four chapters, being more open to talking with each other. They don't have to agree the first few times, but they both start giving ground. Then when they get the flashback to their past by seeing the family, it wouldn't feel so rushed because they had been building up to a compromise. Instead it came across more like "I hate you." "Well, I hate you, too." "Wait, isn't that just like us over there?" "By jove it is. Let's be happy again!" Roll credits.
On top of all of that, the characters remained static through the last ten chapters or so, except for the bit at the end where the twins make up. You probably could have cut out a dozen scenes, or even a few chapters, and not made a lick of difference. We don't get to go further into these characters' psyches, We just get to see them react to different (but really the same) situations over and over again.
So do think your story is truly awful. No, I don't. Do I think it's good? Not the second half for sure. This story needed to be shorter, it needed to have less going on, and it needed to develop its characters better. So in the end, I'd give it a 5/10. Not horrendous, but not great either.
To me, the only thing missing is Pound and Pumpkin both begging for forgiveness from Twilight, Luna, Cadance, and Shining Armor. Because when they realized how bad they had become they should hopefully realize they stole Equestria from Twilight and Luna and stole the Crystal Empire from Cadance and Shining Armor. They should also apologize to Twilight for calling her corrupt. As far as I can tell, she wasn't corrupt, it was everyone on her council who was corrupt. They complained how Twilight didn't do anything to stop the corruption but she did everything she could within the bounds of the law. The only reason Pond and Pumpkin accomplished anything was because they could break the law and do what they wanted. In the end, Twilight, Luna, Cadence, Shining Armor, and PInkie come out on top as the most likable characters.
6463681 The 50/50 dynamic that I tried to foster is a risky strategy that, in my mind, has both benefits and drawbacks. The benefit to it would be that I get to explore real life (or quasi-real life) political issues in the context of MLP without alienating a chunk of my readership by having any one side be a "designated villain." Readers get to pick a side if they want, and root for them, at least that's the idea. Or, they just read the story and hope for the best outcome for Equestria as a whole. But the drawback to the 50/50 strategy is that some readers might find neither faction to be likable, leaving such readers as alienated as you were. I'm honestly surprised that, given how opinionated you tend to be like me, you didn't end up agreeing at least a little with either of them over the other. I guess that is my fault as the author for not making them relatable to you, as you said. In the end, the only thing that I successfully split right down the middle was your 5/10 rating of my story. Ouch. Guess I won't be resubmitting this to TRG
But as for your bold assertion that none of the characters are likeable, and they are all dickweeds or wimps? That's a bit harsh, don't you think? I mean, I lean towards the libertarian side of the political spectrum, close to what Pumpkin and Co. believe, but I at least attempted to give the other side some heartwarming moments. During his speech to the griffons, Pound Cake really shows the strength of his personality and his caring, his determination to make things right and find solutions. I don't agree with his politics personally, but from his speech, can't you see why the griffons or pegasi of Cloudsdale would? How about Doctor Stable curing cancer, does that not make him at least a shred sympathetic? And on a side note, I guess Pumpkin gets no credit from you for the thousands and thousands of lives that she's saved, or for providing a low cost delivery service to pregnant mares, huh? Nope, she's a dickweed in your eyes too, because... reasons?
For goodness sakes, even *Glimmer* got the chance to be the hero sometimes and 'cure' ponies of compulsion or failed career paths, and though I don't agree with her methods or her goals of a markless society, I at least think I've made her more likable than show Glimmer who we never got to see why her ideology was ever appealing to anypony. On the other side, even the psychopathic *Stekton* got the chance to redeem himself at least a little bit by giving the Buffalo a truly working lightning cannon that didn't sap their life force, and allowed them to defend their casino. Though you could argue that his karma is still in negative territory by the end as he developed the dragonfire bomb. As for the neutral ponies like Derpy, Cheerilee, or the CMCs, you didn't like any of them, either? You could call Derpy and Cheerilee a lot of things, but they're neither jerks nor wimps. They stood up for their small town and what they believed in. Honestly, if there were a "true hero" of the story, it would be Derpy. You didn't like Twilight, who had finally come to terms with her mistakes made as leader, but just wanted to see her friends and both sides of Equestria united again? Obviously, I can't argue you into liking any of my characters, and none of them are perfect role models, but for goodness sakes, it's undeniable that at least I've given you a lot to work with, here.
The ending was a little rushed, I will admit. I could've dragged it out to five more chapters if I had wanted, but the desire by me to end the story, and the desire expressed by multiple of my readers (including you) to see it ended, compelled me to finish it as soon as practical while still tying up most of the plotline. I promised my readers 50 chapters and an epilogue, and I delivered, though the quality could be argued. The Glimmer assassination scene took up 900 words of a 22,000 word chapter 50, but maybe it should've been closer to 1,500 words. Ideally, if I had chapters 51, 52, 53, 54, and 55 to play with, it would've been that long. (The bit about the Batpony insider was indeed inserted due to your complaints, so thanks for that idea
)
I also would've done a few additional things like tying up Zappo, restoring the griffon empire to (at least some) of its former glory, and seeing how some of the changelings attempt to integrate into Eastern Equestrian life. (I'll leave that abandoned plot thread to be picked up in a new canon by the Cake Chronicles). With more BAS chapters, I would've also explored some of the fiscal and social ramifications of both the Equestrian Republic and Free Equestria's chosen governmental and economic systems. And, of course, I would have fleshed out the scenes of Cadance and Shining Armor having to flee the crystal Empire, instead of revealing it through the epilogue's exposition.
But again, the story was already way too long, over my own budget, and over most of my readers' length expectations. I would have lengthened the story at the expense of losing the interest of the readers, and as an author, that's something that also has to be considered. As I said in a prior comment, your riot, concession, something bad happens cycle is true to an extent, and I had the sense that some of my other readers were tiring of it, though maybe not as much as you were. In fact, even Twilight in the story mentions that it's the "same play, but with a different stage and actors" and that she was gagging from the "canned nature" of it. But that's not from me, the revolution/concession/something bad happens/repeat cycle is how stuff works in real life, too. As a history major, I'm sure you know that
Of course, if the story was longer, I would have had Pound and Pumpkin have more character development, particularly by losing some of the fire of their youth and slowly coming to a more agreeable state of mind. But I disagree with your assertion that they have had *no* character development for 10 chapters. That's just blatantly not true, and if you look carefully, you can actually see them start to loose just a teensy bit of that fire even at age 18. Carry the trend line out fourteen years and the epilogue is an obvious development. You can see it in Pumpkin towards the end of Chapter 50, when Rarity reminds her that she shouldn't say things to make ponies feel as though they're backed into a corner, and she realizes that Rarity is correct. She starts to take on a role of uniting leadership (that will later help her unify with Pound and East Equestria) when she gives the speech to Tall Tale. And her decision to hand over the interim Directorship itself to Rarity in Chapter 49 shows a huge growth in her humbleness and judgment that maybe she isn't always right.
As for Pound, his ultimate and *firm* rejection of Starlight Glimmer's ideology shows that he finally realizes there is no light in her solution, no salvation there like he initially thought when the protests began and he was flirting with the idea of becoming an Equal himself. More importantly, it shows that he has started to develop the capacity to admit when he was wrong about something, the capacity to change his stubborn mind, which is key to his decision in the epilogue that he had become what he despised. You also see a bit of that in his interaction with the transgender war veteran in Chapter 49, where Pound learns that he has to back off sometimes when it causes other ponies trauma and distress, and not just when he finds it convenient and acceptable to back off. Just like with Pumpkin, Pound Cake also starts to take on a role of uniting leadership (that will later help him unify with Pumpkin and West Equestria) when he gives the speech to Cloudsdale.
There should have been more scenes like that for both twins, but, as mentioned previously, my self-imposed 50 chapter limit meant that I had to go with what I did.
The reasoning for the strategy that I ultimately used in the epilogue, though, was this. In the prior meetings with each other, Pound and Pumpkin were surrounded by their advisers, their officials, etc. They would have gotten some face-to-face time with each other, but not as much as just having a one-on-one meeting. Even if they did want to reconcile deep down, they would've been surrounded by advisers shouting at each other. I mean, Pound and Pumpkin shouted at each other, and they're siblings, so you can probably imagine how hectic those meetings were with unrelated ponies from opposite ends of Equestria who hated each other's guts. Reconciliation is a lot harder in that environment. The one-on-one talk was truly a last-ditch effort by both sides to avert the Crystal Crisis and total Armageddon. Thanks to the growth in both twins' characters, a reconciliation between them was possible where it hadn't been before.
I thank you for your (mostly) constructive criticism, and would agree with many of the points that you made, though hopefully you can understand my reasoning for writing it the way that I did.
I also hope that you please give the Cake Chronicles a chance, as it will be a shorter story with clearly defined protagonists and a lot fewer characters and plot threads to complicate things. It'll follow the mold of the Appleloosa chapters of BAS, which I get the sense that you liked better than the later chapters. Of course, after your disappointment with BAS, I would understand if you didn't want to read another story by me. If you give it a shot, though, I'd appreciate it
I think this crisis ended about as well as it could have. It was well thought out, better than I could have done. I must admit, I feel sorry that this is over, but still, it was nice while it lasted.
I sided with the ER and Pound. Not because I'm liberal (I am not; I'm conservative, and agree with a lot of what the other side were saying), but because I dislike the idea of secession, and because I didn't like the idea of Pumpkin turning away people who were poor.
There will be some who question the validity of the story's ending, and say they wanted something more epic. There is nothing less practical then destroying the world, which is the only "epic" result that could have reasonably occurred. I support the ending as it is. Good job, author.
The ending was different then I expected but out of the two country's pounds will likely continue to degrade we already know that most of there factory's are in horrible disrepair and there economy has tanked to the point where they may never get out from under there dept. there is also the fact they have already started breadlines do to a number of reasons but the largest being that they are now likely suffering from a famin do to the incompidence of the party. Punpkins country my be less kind but the difference is that there's is sustainable. Besides fluttershy should have never entered politics her tendencies make her impossible to compromise with.
6463121 me too out of the two punpkin is far more dangerous, but she has a cooler head pound was just a lose cannon for rainbow to exploit to push her party's goals. Besides pound is easy to bait with his emotions always running high. Also there country is a farce with all the dept they have soon they won't be able to save anyone. While pumpkin has her own problems she knows how to control herself and make sure her country doesn't end up a failed welfare state like pounds. Besides I'm willing to bet the unemployment rate will continue to rise to the point where no one can pay taxes
While the politics were a tad topeish, overall very well done.
If I were a literary critic, I would lament the overdone character building, but I'm not, and it was a fun read.
I did like the ending also--the two step ending mixed with a little bit of an anti-climax is very satisfying.
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I dunno. I didn't think that of Cheerilee or Derpy, but they were in the story so little, especially near the end, that their characters seemed more like an aside. We didn't spend enough time with them to really get to know them as characters, beyond the obvious stuff (their neutrality) but as for the rest, Pound and Pumpkin, and everyone else, just seemed like they spent most of their time shouting at each other, which got boring really quickly. Sure, they were nice enough to the ponies on their own side, but the mark of a good person isn't how he treats his friends and everyone who agrees with him, it's how he treats the people who don't agree with him. All the two sides did was villify each other into murderous monsters. They didn't think "hey, the Equals and PPP might be a minority, so when the other side screams that at us, we should probably calm down and listen a bit." Nope, it was just "one group/pony/being on your side did something awful, ergo you are all terrorists who want to enslave us all." Why should I care about people like that? I don't like it in real life, and it doesn't make likable characters here.
As for all of the good things both sides did, it evens out with all of the nasty stuff they did. I'm not talking about during the Race War. That was a legit war where they needed to do what they needed to do to survive. Neither side was particularly likable. Both did terrible things that I can't think would fit into any of the characters, especially not the Mane Six, a third of whom became afterthoughts near the end. I can't even remember what Pinkie did in the story.
And hey, if you want to go into more detail with a story, split it into two. Make the Race War one story, then make the adult Pound and Pumpkin stuff into a sequel. They were pretty much different stories anyway. That way it doesn't get too long, and you can go into more detail with the second story. And it keeps readers interested for longer.
A lot of the good stuff the twins do (such as saving the thousands of lives in the stadium) happen during the first half, which is far and away the better half.
No, I didn't, because her and Luna were wimps and not at all like their show counterparts. They folded like a house of cards during every conflict, letting their power shrink more and more every time Equestria looked at them funny. A good example is the baloney that happened with the moon over Cloudsdale.
Oh boy, do I ever. Lookin' at you 18th century France.
One of the biggest examples is at the very end of the story? It just seemed rushed.
I'll totally give your next story a chance. I'm not off on your stories. Far from it: after I finished reading this one I read the one of Trixie on trial and thought it was good. Just because you made a few mistakes in your story doesn't mean I think you're a bad author.
They should just use their super weapons on the moon.
For some reason I think that pound is Russia and pumpkin is America
What a crescendo of a conclusion! I expected a lot of big things at the end, but not WMDs. I like the ending. I'm glad you didn't have one sibling win, and also that Equestria didn't become a tiny fracturing of statelets. Despite the dark tag of the story, the ending was honestly hopeful, and that art at the end was adorable. Thanks for the fantastic story you've given us over the years, it's been quite a ride! As much as I enjoyed the darkness and realism of this story, I'm also looking forward to The Cake Chronicles, it sounds like that will be right in my sweet spot.
-Will the plan to feed the griffons work, or will they eventually run out of invasive species to hunt? I think the Griffon plan will work, with a few provisos: 1) The Griffons have to work to keep their own numbers down with aggressive family planning. 2) Don't tell Fluttershy, but all the non-sapient top predator species in the hunting zones have to go. Cull the bears, wolves and mountain lions. If they do this, I think the Griffon problem could be solved for good.
-Was the caller really Discord, or just a prank caller? Definitely Discord. He's a force of nature, basically a god, I really doubt he can be killed. There's a reason Celestia never smashed his statue.
-Will the peace treaty hold between the Equestrian Republic and Free Equestria? I think it will, provided Pound and Pumpkin stay in office long enough to see the disarmament through. I think, since we're on parallels to history, sooner or later the Equestrian Republic will not be able to financially support their military, and they'll evolve the same way the USSR did. Maybe they'll even reconcile with the other side the way East and West Germany did.
-Who, in this story, did you ultimately end up siding with, and why? I never really chose a side. I was maybe 60% Pumpkin 40% Pound, but her government isn't sustainable either. Ultimately, Rarity is going to die, her example of superhuman levels of charity from the wealthy will die with her. When that happens, the poorest ponies will start demanding a welfare state from their government, and the next time there is a revolution they will cease power, through elections or otherwise. Here's the big unanswered question: Can the Free Equestria Constitution be amended? Because if it can, I foresee majorities gaining power, altering the constitution to add in at least some allowance for welfare, but with the strong fiscal tradition not enough to create unsustainable debt. Power will go back to other hands when the economy improves, and Free Equestria will manage just fine, just like the Uneighted Kingdom. If the Constitution can't be amended, however, then its an immortal force holding down the will of the ponies, just like Princess Twilight, and I foresee an eventual revolution, just like in Manehatten.
-What was your favorite part of Brother Against Sister? Were you satisfied with the ending? My favorite part was the tremendous lengths you went to to show us everyone's point of view. We got to hear Lightning Dust defend herself! I'm mostly satisfied with the ending, most ponies and creatures got to make their own choices, and they all have to live with the consequences of those choices.
-What could I have done better in writing Brother Against Sister? Were there any storylines you would've liked to see explored more, characters who you wanted to see more (or less) of? Was there any other thing about my writing that I could improve on for future projects?
Probably the biggest issue I've had with this saga overall is having to see characters I love be evil. Everyone's favorite stage magician led the Pony SS, and a pair of loveably sneaky con ponies committed some truly horrific war crimes on their own. Sunset Shim-sham was just awful as well. I get you needed horrible villains, and you did try and fit the positions to the ponies on the show who were closest, but I wish the 2nd Kingdom had been made of mostly OCs. Blueblood I didn't mind because you went to incredible lengths to mold him slowly right from his show character into Pony Hitler, and Starlight was always a serious villain, but seeing so many characters that are antagonists so minor as to be more interesting side characters than anything commit crimes that would make canon Sombra blanch is something I've always struggled with.
That said, you're right here: 6352724 The show is something like 95% less realistic than history, think of the changling invasion where apparently no pony died. This story is maybe 70% less realistic than history, you described pretty well how things would actually play out in real life in this comment. And I do think for all the major characters and non-antagonistic minor characters, you did a really good job of fitting them to their show personalities.
There were a few other things I didn't like, but they are more story choices than writing critiques:
- So Oatstralia was seized in a violent coup d'etat, right? The lawful Prime Minister, with a huge majority of support, was kidnapped. Is Walkabout still in power, or has he ever been tried for his crimes?
-I feel sorry for all those ponies forced to endure their cutie marks who didn't want them, I doubt Luna helping them "face their fears" will stop the compulsive aspects of cutie mark magic (which I love), but I suppose that's necessary collateral damage.
- I'm just super pissed you took away the Crystal Empire and forced the alicorns and co. to live on the moon. There were a lot of good story reasons why it happened, but I'm still pissed. Where are ponies who want to see their alicorn princesses supposed to go now?
So that's my feedback. For Pound and Pumpkin managing the disarmament, I'll leave you with this wise quote by Albert Neightstein:
"I know not what weapons Equestrian War 3 will be fought with, but Equestrian War 4 will be fought with trained attack platypuses. Please say trained attack platypuses are a common pet in Talltale and can be used to sniff out changlings.
6463121 Hehehe, considering that I did that "gotcha, not dead" with the caller "Discord", (depending on whether or not you believe it's him) I think doing that with Trixie, too, would be overkill. Sorry that Trixie didn't make a comeback, but she very well may appear in the Cake Chronicles
I'm glad you were wrong about it, too. I knew that I had to deliver a satisfying ending to my readers, some of whom have invested three years in this story plus TTWU, and having the twins kill each other would've been anything but.
6464016 In my opinion, Twilight was only "corrupt" in that she allowed her judgment to be subordinated to moneyed interests like Filthy Rich on a few occasions. Overall, her council was supposed to be advisory, and I think that most of the time it did maintain that role. And as Lightning Dust points out, for a leader not to consult with powerful economic figures can also have its own set of trade-offs. I think that, even though talking to those people on a regular basis might be seen by some critics as "corrupt," it's unavoidable in some aspects. Even Pound had to work with Shiny Diamond, or else his country wouldn't have had a banking system. Pumpkin will no doubt have to consort with Diamond Tiara, Filthy Rich, the Oranges, JSUC, etc. in her side of the country, even if it's just in purchasing a new fighter jet from Jet Set and Upper Crust.
Were there ever an apology towards Twilight, it would definitely have to be "off the record," because the twins wouldn't ever be able to publically contradict their national security aims.
During the Revolution, the twins had a definite advantage in that they both decided that they weren't going to listen to the law anymore if they didn't agree with it. That only worked until they actually got into positions of lawful authority. After that point, they had to be constrained by the law, or risk either impeachment or a revolution against them.
"Revolution is easy, governing is hard."
Thanks for reading the story, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
6463555 It all comes back around full circle, doesn't it? Thanks for reading, and I hope that you enjoy the Cake Chronicles!
6464213 Well, his recklessness and not following instructions got them killed. In Pound's defense I do think that if Pound had the rescue mission of Pumpkin to do over again at a later age, he wouldn't have faltered. Even at age thirteen in Appeloosa when we see him, he had already matured past the point he was at in chapters 1 through 4. The great irony of life is that we are required to make the decisions that have the greatest impact on our lives, when we are least able to make them. I am curious, did you also support Pumpkin politically towards the later chapters, as well?
6465962 That could be one potential solution... Shining Armor had better hope that his force-field holds up against WMDs, though
6467904 I'm certainly channeling the Cold War during the epilogue, that is correct
6464524 Thanks, I'm glad you liked how it ended!
I think that most of the comments that have been posted since yours have been generally supportive of the way that I ended things... looks like most people agree with you, and prefer a subdued, upbeat ending to an epic, downer one 
I am curious, though. Given that Canterlot is on the side of Free Equestria, and Canterlot was Equestria's traditional capital before Blueblood seceded and created the Second Duchy during The Trouble With Unicorns, is it really fair to say that Pumpkin has even "seceded" from Equestria at all? If you don't consider secession legitimate, then Canterlot is still Equestria's rightful capital and has been all along. Since Canterlot is part of the Western Alliance and aligned with Pumpkin, technically the Equestrian Republic are the true secessionists as they are opposed to Canterlot.
Also, did you support Walkabout's actions in Oatstralia? That wasn't a secession; it was just a bloodless coup. Armed, but bloodless.
I'm a bit bummed that the story is over, too. It has been a huge investment of my time over two years, and no longer writing it is like finally paying off a mortgage. The payments (writing) are done, and now I get to enjoy the house (finished story). Unlike writing checks to a bank, though, writing has been a fun process and I'll miss it. That's why I'm excited about the Cake Chronicles, and I hope that you please give it a sneak-peak before it's published. I could use some constructive criticism and feedback on it; I want it to be both better-written and to become more popular than Brother Against Sister is now.
6469678 I'm pleased that you're pleased. Honestly, I did support Walkabout and his coup, even though it was against the side I supported. It was indeed bloodless. I wonder what the former prime minister - the one he ousted - tried to do about it afterwards.
As for constructive criticism... I suppose I can only request, and not demand, that there be no sensual (sexual) conduct or content in the next story. That, however, is not my call to make. And this story was fun to read overall, even I was horrified occasionally by the violence, mostly that undertaken by the SK against unarmed people, but I guess that if it had been otherwise, it would have been harder to support Equestria against them.
Thanks for writing BAS, and for finishing it the way you did. I'm glad that love and peace ultimately won out against ideological concepts.
Also, did Luna get charged for murder by Pound's Equestria after Starlight got, er, finished? And, if I may ask, what happened to the Equals after her demise?
6470281 As Marequarie was said to have been banished to Neigh Zealand in Chapter 50, the country was later listed as an Eastern Ally, and she was then listed under "current world leaders" in the epilogue, it is implied that Marequarie and her political allies regrouped in NZ. She later became the prime minister of an NZ aligned with Pound Cake. Presumably, "pony Oceania" had the same East/west continental divide as Equestria did.
Luna and her guards never faced repercussions for their actions in Baltimare. Due to Starlight Glimmer's disagreement with the revolutionary government in Manehattan, Pound and Dash probably believed that Luna did them a favor. By killing Glimmer, the only pony known to have a cutie mark removal spell other than Twilight, and by destroying the mark receptacle, the Equals were essentially destroyed as a group. Even if their newly-remarked members wanted to get back together under a common flag, their major losses in Dodge Junction would mean they'd be too weak to pose a threat to Dash's government. On the other side, the PPP suffered a similar fate, as well.
Just like this story, the next one will not contain explicit sexual depictions. There might be a few sex jokes here and there, or ponies mentioning sex... but not too frequently and certainly nothing will be said or done that warrants a sex tag on the story.
I can definitely promise that the next story will not contain scenes or descriptions of childbirth. That was a uniquely BAS thing due to Pumpkin's chosen career path, but in the next story she will be in High School helping her parents out with Sugarcube Corner, as will Pound.
The gore will also be toned down, if there is ever a scene with ponies dead, I will probably just say, "X died from Y causes" and that will be the extent of it.
6469668 yay for some reason I though they crystal empire wars were vietnam
6469644 It was still a very good end.
I admit I was really hoping Pumpkin and her brother Pound would at least have had one epic showdown. Maybe next time.
6470522 Okay, that's great. Thank you very much!
6469644 Oh yeah that reminds me whats the Cake Chronicles?
Are you ganna kill my waifus in it too?
Hmm?
HMMMMM????!??
6469668 If his force-filed can fall with a small army of changlings head butting it, it's impossible that hundreds of missiles hitting them at once wouldn't. P.S If they could send a rocket to the moon they would probably make a rocket ship, and go there them selves.
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I appreciate you saying that you still think that I'm a good author; that means a lot to me
Yelling and shouting at each other by characters from either side is and was pretty much unavoidable given the type of story that I wanted to tell. I could have toned it down a little, and perhaps had them make more attempts to compromise during the story. If I had more time, I would have included at least one or two additional conversations between the twins that were more relaxed. Time constraints meant that their last interaction before the epilogue was the bridge scene.
I actually have considered making another story in this canon. However, I really did want the Pound and Pumpkin saga to be a single self-contained story, mainly so that I could have consistent readership in a single story, without the need to explain things to newcomers to a sequel. It also allowed me to have the "book ends" in Ponyville, an artistic choice which would not have been as powerful if it had been split into two.
Twilight did the best that she could given her lack of experience in leadership. As I have told other readers, Celestia's untimely death put Twilight Sparkle into a position of leadership that Celestia was not ready to have her take on. Celestia was supposed to have mentored Twilight on leadership for decades, but she only got a few years. You might say that Twi acted more resolutely in the face of show villains like Discord, Sombra, or Chrysalis then she did in the face of Blueblood or the EFA. This is true to an extent, but it's also true that it's far easier to face off against an undeniably evil opponent then it is to face off against your own countrymen who disagree with you and sometimes make legitimate points. Plus, Twilight was more in her element, no pun intended, when she faced off the villains in the show. The adversaries and societal problems she faced in BAS couldn't have just been magicked or friendshipped away.
You are correct that Pound Cake does very little productive with his life after the war ends. That is why he is so frustrated and starts the Encampment. But you can't say the same for Pumpkin. Phase Healing was truly a remarkable business endeavor in Equestria which allowed thousands of patients to receive health care that they otherwise would never have been able to receive. Pumpkin cured cancer patients who otherwise would have died. She allowed expectant mothers to deliver their children pain-free, at the time of their choosing, for a fraction of the price of a hospital. Isn't that an admirable thing?
In real life, if someone found some sort of way to do what Pumpkin did with Phase Healing, they'd be lauded as a hero. There would be monuments and statues erected in their honor like Thomas Edison, roads and bridges named after them. They'd get movies made about their life like Zuckerberg of Facebook. I didn't go so far in the story because I didn't want it to turn into a Pumpkin Cake centric story, lol. But IMO she was doing heroic, lifesaving things up until the outbreak of Pest Control. Pest Control was a movement that Pumpkin really didn't want to join initially, but felt like she had no choice because everything that she had spent years of her life building was going to be taken from her.
Pumpkin displays earlier character development in Chapter 48 Blast From the Past when she decides that she has to team up with Dr. Stekton and temporarily forget his past transgressions towards her. She puts her emotion of anger and resentment aside so that she can pursue her goals. I don't think she would have been able to do that in the earlier chapters. The scene in his office was one of her most important moments of the entire story.
As for the Mane Six, I think I had them be pretty faithful to their personalities. They would never have made what they felt like a compromise to their main virtues of Generosity, Honesty, Kindness, and Loyalty. It would have defied who they were to compromise, which is why Chapter 50 ended like it did. When, in the show, have they ever compromised on these virtues? They don't. Pinkie Pie served the purpose that she does in the show, which is comic relief and light-hearted banter. Did she play a role as epic or grand as the others? No, but what role do you propose that I would have had her play? She's a rather one-dimensional character on the show, I'm sorry to say.
6464586 I think that you mentioned a good point with Fluttershy. Under her meek facade, there is definitely a pony in there who, on certain things, is as stubborn as Applejack. Her occasional bouts of rage would put even Iron Will to shame.
I, too, am of the opinion that Pumpkin's half of Equestria will last a lot longer than Pound's half, but I kind of left that open for the readers to decide. As you can probably tell, I haven't really used this story as a vehicle to push one particular political agenda over another. I let the reader decide and just try to tell a good story that delivers a good message in the end. I'm glad that you enjoyed it and read through to the end, so thanks!
I also hope that you please check out the Cake Chronicles, as well.
6464625 Thanks for reading, and I'm glad that you liked it!
Character building is a tricky thing. I have other comments on this story that say that I didn't do enough of it
6463004 I love CinemaSins!
I'm sorry to say that I didn't do a sequel like you wanted, since I felt that I said all that needed to be said about this canon in BAS. The good news is that I am doing another story starring the Cake twins, the Cake Chronicles, and I hope that you read it.
6467917 I'm glad that you enjoyed the ending! Thanks for being a longtime reader and sticking with it, and thanks for all of your thoughtful comments!
I think you're right on the money with the griffon plan. There might have to be a One Child policy enacted to get their numbers down to reasonable levels. Not sure if any predators have to be culled, but they'd definitely have to compete with griffons. Depending on whether the seaponies end up on the Eastern or Western Alliance, It might also be possible for the griffons to work out some sort of agreement with the seaponies to let them go fishing in the sea again.
I think the caller was really Discord. I wrote it with that in mind. Discord breaks the fourth wall on the show. Given that, I had the caller break the fourth wall a few times, as underlined below.
"If I blew everyone up immediately instead of letting them squirm for a while, that would be like skipping to the last chapter of a long, enjoyable book! That, or maybe I'm just a crank caller and not really Discord. Like everything else so far, it's up to you to decide."
The Free Equestrian constitution can be amended, but it takes a long process and a supermajority to amend it, much like the U.S. constitution. The same thing might happen to them that happened to the US, with the state's role expanding over the years, but I don't know if such a system can ever keep a sustainable level of debt. People's compassion often exceeds their ability to pay, and whatever is being done by either private charity or the government is inevitably seen by some as not enough, and they will cry loud enough to make others sympathetic to their pleas. Then you eventually see ballooning debt like you see in most western countries now. I don't know if the problem is at all solvable. If a philosophy allows an entity to take from others who have more than itself, and those people are right there to object, then what's to stop that entity from borrowing from future generations who aren't even born yet and don't have a say?
The constitution, but it can be amended. Common sense, but most voters really don't have it and can't see past the promise of the benefits that they feel that they "deserve." As soon as they figure out that they can vote themselves a pay raise, it's over, and politics just becomes a competition between those who can promise to give away the most free stuff. The vast majority of voters just hear "free healthcare" or "free college" but don't bother concerning themselves with who will pay for it, or even if who will pay for it has even been born yet.
That's why I left the fate of Free Equestria on the table, as I did with the Equestrian Republic, even though history might give an earlier example in East Germany or the Soviet Union. The time of the western welfare states' collapse will come someday too, though, if we stay on the spending path that we're on, and I really don't see anything promising to get us off of that path.
You'll be happy to know that in the Cake Chronicles, most (not all) of my biggest changeling villains and allies of the changelings will be OC's. This is mostly because Chrysalis is the only named changeling in the show, lol. She will definitely be an evil villain, though.
In real life America, there would have definitely been more bloodshed than there was in the Equestria in this story. The Civil War definitely proved that, along with more recent events like Waco or Ferguson. So in writing BAS, I needed a good example of a situation where people really, really didn't want bloodshed, and exercised more restraint than you'd see probably anywhere else, including America. I could only find one really good example, from right after the Ukrainian revolution in February 2014, as Ukraine began to split up. Russians and Ukrainians generally see themselves as brotherly people and it took a *lot* to get them to start killing each other as they did starting in mid-April 2014. What happened between was nothing short of a miracle of peace, though. When Putin took Crimea in March, I think that what, like five people died, maybe? It must've been the least bloody forceful annexation of territory in history. Then later, in eastern Ukraine, there actually were situations like the one that happened in Dodge Junction in the story, right down to the "locals" rising up with mismatched uniforms and rusty rifles. Would you believe that when this police station was seized in Kramatorsk, no one died or was injured at all? Which is amazing, considering that they're using their guns more recklessly than a thirteen-year-old kid on Xbox live who's had too much Red Bull. Even the rebels in Libya or Syria would think these guys are too trigger happy. I remember watching this video back then and wondering what planet it was filmed on.
-Walkabout got away with what he did. Like the Encampment, he granted himself immunity for the laws that he broke.
-Luna has an impossible task ahead of her, I agree. She can only do so much. Maybe if those ponies are lucky, another pony will emerge with the same cutie mark switching power as Twilight, and maybe they can set up a talent swap service or something. Sort of like Magical Mystery Cure, but deliberate.
-Maybe... uh... Luna can start a ferry service to the moon? I mean, Celestia sent her there just fine
Pound and Pumpkin have quite the task ahead of them.
Thanks again for reading!
6472613 The Cake Chronicles are an upcoming story, set in a different canon than BAS. It stars Pound and Pumpkin Cake as they attempt to stop a changeling conspiracy to enslave ponykind. Their parents are in it, too, still alive. You can get a sneak peak of the story here.
I hadn't actually planned on Trixie appearing in the story at all, but now that you mention it, I might be able to work her in just for you. No guarantees though
You'll be happy to know that if she does appear in the role that I'm thinking about for her, I don't think I would kill her off. But again, no guarantee that she'll be in the story to begin with.
6472847 You're right on that point. His forcefields would be relatively weak compared to a missile. But I don't think that either twin would have an incentive to launch rockets at the moon... though there could be some sort of space race, perhaps.
6471675 Thanks for giving it a shot, and I'm sorry that it wasn't what you were expecting
I'll admit that my earlier chapters aren't as good as my later ones, as I improved drastically in my writing skills over the years. This includes stopping to smell the roses and showing more character development. Maybe someday I'll rewrite those earlier chapters.
The good news is that I do have more comedy stories coming out in the future, which I hope you will read
6476603
Well given the first like, twenty five chapters were mostly character development, I have to disagree with those critics. Also, just out of curiosity, is Pumpkin at least kind of inspired by Sir Hayek?
Woo! This is the first time I've ever been directly credited by an author for my comments and contributions to a story.
6476752
Re: Constitution changing. Once again I prefer the Australian method, a Double Majority, rather than the US Super Majority. The Australian constitution can only be changed with the following majorities:
A majority of representatives in each house of federal parliament need to vote for a referendum to occur. (Or at the Governor General's discretion, if one of the houses votes for it twice at least three months apart and the other house rejects it each time)
A majority of voters in the country need to vote for it.
A majority of voters each in the majority of states.
It doesn't matter if every single member of parliament votes for it; it must be subject to a double majority of the people if it involves changing the constitution.
Loved, LOVED, this story, and just the Unicornverse trilogy as a whole, cannot overstate that enough. However, this story especially just seemed so utterly well-researched, so relatable to countless historical and contemporary events, so able to prompt discussion and thought regarding the characters and their actions and motivations, and so seamlessly fitting within the show's canon (both up until the point of divergance and also in not introducing anything that seemed too outlandish or impossible within the show's context), that I would not hesitate to give Brother Against Sister the title of 'best story I've read on this site'. As much as I love several other stories, none aside from this had me eagerly anticipating the next chapter, hoping that I'd see the notification for an update. Wonderful, wonderful job.
One quick question I had; we were shown a graphic of the Equestrian Republic Tricolour in a previous chapter (48, I believe), as well as a few other flags. Which is the flag which Free Equestria would have used? The Mareicopa flag, the Yellowjacket flag, or a new flag entirely?
6476752 Thanks for the wrap-up. I don't really know what will happen with us, or with Free Equestria, so its probably best you left it open-ended, as no one really knows.
6477038 If I had to assign labels, I would say that Pumpkin is just a generic conservative libertarian, not really inspired by any one particular person in the movement. Same thing with Pound Cake, he is a generic liberal socialist. Given that, though, there is plenty of overlap between either of them and real life politicians, economists, businesspeople, etc.
I wanted the twins' personalities to be sort of timeless in a way, and much of my character development was dedicated towards this.
From Pumpkin's time in the Everfree with Zecora, to her time with Vinyl, to her time at Phase Healing, you can see how she arrived at her beliefs. Same with Pound and his time with Spitfire in Cloudsdale, to his time with the Cloudsdale Loyalty Committee, and later Equestrians for Action. Their various experiences shaped their beliefs.
But there is a curious battle between nature and nurture here. Look at the twins' special talents: intangibility and flight. Are those merely flashy tricks, or do they actually speak to the twins' deeper personalities and motives as Pumpkin implies in Chapter 50: Unstoppable Immovable? Pumpkin's talent is intangibility, literally the ability to resist change, while Pounds is flight, motion and change itself. Pumpkin's "immovable" libertarian philosophy can be summed up in four words, "don't mess with me," while Pound's "unstoppable" socialist philosophy can be summed up in four words, "revolution of the people." Pound is never truly satisfied, always agitating against some injustice, whether perceived or actual, and always seeking government action to remedy it. Pumpkin is content to just have her magic and her medical practice, and mostly wants to be left alone to pursue it, with the government staying out of the way.
You could almost say that the twins' talents are to be political, and have been ever since the episode "Baby Cakes"
6476331 You keep mentioning Pumpkin's business. But my point is that you can do great things but still as a person be awful. Pumpkin exemplifies that.
6482602 In what way is Pumpkin an awful person? You've never exactly stated it outright.
6482659 She just often came across as... unpleasant. I wouldn't want to hang around with her unless I knew she fully agreed with my political views. Same goes for Pound. Neither one of them came across as nice ponies unless you agreed with them.
6483273 I guess that's a fair assessment. Neither twin tends to be too nice to people that don't agree with them politically... at least in the political realm. I wouldn't say that it makes either of them "awful people," though. Plus, we rarely get to see them in a non-political capacity. Could Pound or Pumpkin go to a party or a bar or something and still get along with diverse people of diverse views? I think Pound would be better at that since he tends to be more sociable, though I don't think that Pumpkin would go out of her way to be disagreeable unless a political argument came up.
I think the best example for that is the twins' sixteenth birthday party near the end of the war. They do have a bit of initial quarreling, though they end up still being sociable with each other and each other's friends after Pinkie sets them straight.
6477350 you certainly deserve it, and thank you again for your detailed feedback. I actually inserted the fake moral of Celestia being the one who had held everything together when Derpy wondered about it. Figured you might get a kick out of it, and I hope you ended up enjoying the story's true moral better then the one you feared that might have been
I guess I can see both benefits and drawbacks between the Aussie method and the US method, which does not generally rely on direct input from the voters. I do think that both methods seem to be designed to ensure that the people truly do want an amendment to the Constitution, rather than just a temporary whim of the times. And in a federal system, the opinion of smaller states must be taken into account.
I hope that you will please check out the Cake Chronicles. It's a bit more light-hearted and comedic, also not political, and I plan to have a non political Walkabout play a semi-important role as a secondary character.
6477684 Thank you for your kind words. I am quite honored that this is your favorite story on the site
The Confederation of Free Equestria would use the yellowjacket flag to represent the entire Confederation, but each city like Mareicopa would still use its own city flags.
Well...
It's taken me quite a few days and a little procrastination to read this whole story and I have to say that I'm incredibly impressed.
Along with being a rather political story, something which I like to read, the character development and worldbuilding done here was some of the best I've seen, although that may be because I haven't read enough serious fics.
Nobody felt truly out of character, although I may have felt a little disgruntled at a few certain interactions. The relationship between the twind is complex, but at the same time understandable. Politics really does do these things to family. So far, the only problem I had was with how they managed to resolve their Cold War-esque. It felt a little contrived, but I guess that it can pass.
That should be about it. I can talk more, but then I'd start rambling and that's never a good thing.
Thank you for the story!
6822430 You're welcome. Glad you enjoyed it
So, which twin did you end up siding, with, if any? And why?
The title of this story was a bit misleading and only applicable to the last several chapters. I kept expecting Pumpkin to end up brainwashed and fighting for the 2nd Kingdom against Pound for the majority of the story.
Overall though, a good story and a vote up from me.
6837879 Thanks for reading!
I had kind of intended to slightly mislead the readers that way for a while, and a lot of people had been expecting such a plot. Keeps things interesting
However, I had also intended to get to the conflict between the twins a lot earlier on in the story than how I ultimately ended up doing it.
Out of curiosity, which twin did you end up sympathizing with the most?
I'll make sure to check this one out
I just read through this story in two days, and it was quite a gem. The plot lines made lots of since and it was quite realistic, though I found pumpkin to be the only sensible one towards the end. While a sequel or further epilogue is probably not going to happen at this point I would welcome it. This was a great work and kept me hooked like almost no other.