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When Equestria annexed the Crystal Empire and defeated King Sombra. Not all of it's citizens were comfortable with Princess Cadance and her rule.
Two Brothers, Shattered Dawn and Steel Defiance, must fight their way through a maze of lies, deceit and murder in order to finally liberate their homeland and set an oppressed people free.
If you dislike/like please leave why in the comments same goes for if you favourite 
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Not bad, not bad at all
You asked for comments, so here it comes:
Your dialogue is good. Not perfect but good. It feels fluid and natural. I've seen a few fics with dialogues stiffer than a 8 inch steel rod but you steered right clear of that. Very good for a first story.
The pacing COULD have been better. You could have put all three chapters into one without much problems, they just feel very... short. Too short. Personally I prefer chapters above twelve hundred words. But don't make them too long, a single 20.000 words chapter might scare the readers.
Just make them a bit ... longer.
Another downside is that a few paragraphs look a bit like a wall of text while on other parts there is a bit much vacuum in between the sentences.
Characters and story idea seem perfect, although the characters look a bit flat on second glance, but that might be because we haven't done anything yet.
In total:
Good story, good idea, average pacing, a bit better than good dialogue.
I will definitely keep reading.
5628807 Thanks a lot man I'll try to keep working on becoming a better writer
5628801 Thanks a lot man I've been meaning to do this for ages and only recently mustered up the courage
Pretty good so far, though a few minor issues.
Pace: slow down a bit, no need to put everything out so quickly, you're leaving yourself more then enough space by word count to flesh details out.
Background: Go into a little more detail about Equestria coming in and taking over. You don't have to dedicate a huge chapter, but a little more background would helps us sympathize with the main characters. Also a little more background into the main characters themselves would be good.
Grammer and dialog are good, no problems there really.
All and all a good read so far, will track and keep reading.
5629358 Cheers man I'll try and work on the backstory in a little more detail, I was considering having a chapter from Cadence's POV as she watches all the anarchy unfold
5629364 That would actually be one of the best ways to do it I think. Though, a little background from the crystal ponies POV would give both sides to the story.
I always surprised me that there are not more stories like this, after a ruler like Sombra you would think that the crystal ponies would be hostile to any outside "princesses" trying to take power in there country. Will we see Cadence in later chapters? I would love to see her side of things and maybe even Shining Armors as well.
5629425 I could possibly have a debate between Cadance/Shining Armour and a a rebel ambassador who has come to negotiate a peaceful treaty although for story purposes he may have to fail
By the way if anyone is/knows an artist who would be willing to do a cover photo (The Current one doesn't really fit in) please don't hesitate to PM me
5629445 The question would be then, who's fault was that?
5629429 don't worry both Shining Armour, Cadence and even Flash Sentry will appear later
5629458 Well probably the Rebels having to resort to violence but also The arrival of a special unit headed by Flash Sentry to wipe out the rebels
5629429
I think it all boils down to that frustratingly ambiguous "Behold! The Crystal Princess!" line. Is she really an outsider or not?
5629986 I like to imagine her as an outsider, I mean other people can have their own interpretations but I do like to imagine her as an oustsider
Shes fairly young and the empire has been gone for 1000 years even if she was descended from crystal ponies after that long it wouldn't mean anything. She also likely has no experience ruling over a country except from what she was thought (what we learn from school and and we learn from experience are very different). Shes likely a puppet put in place by celestia to keep harmony between ponies.
Hm. Not exactly subtle about who're the bad guys in all this, eh?
5629454 Hey if you need cover art, I can give it a shot after I read the story.
5639849 I would love for you to do some cover art, pm if you want any details
5639557 Don't worry man I got some big plans for later, after all one man's freedom fighter can easily be anothers terrorist
5641015 M'kay. I'll let you know when I've read the story first.
I'm really not sure why previous commenters commended you on your grammar, because it's pretty shit. You need to take a good long look at The Elements of Style or baring that, at least the site writing guide. I mean, there are so many little issues I can't even start to point them out.
Secondly, what's with all the hands? Are these not ponies? If they have hands, this probably needs an Anthro tag.
While this point isn't really a gripe with the fic so much as it is an observation, I still have to get it out: you're not doing a very good job of creating compelling characters or compelling moral issues. You spend no time contemplating the horrors of violent uprising, you seem to, be necessity, have taken your AU tag to manipulate Shining Armor into a less moral character, thus weakening your plot. You really do have a decently interesting idea, its just executed very poorly. If you were to attempt to make this fic while still sitting within the bounds of canon, as well as with a bit of a better grasp of pacing and grammar, this could be a really great story.
5683982 Thanks, I'll try and improve
although the dialogue can be a bit clunky occasionally, and i'm not sure whether these are anthro or you just keep using hands by mistake, i'm really liking this story, keep it up
5819084 Cheers man
also nice profile pic 
a very cool chapter, but these rebels are far from tactical geniuses, with a weapon that powerful, they could easily have blown down the walls of the crystal palace, or destroyed something more powerful than a single ship, and I'm sure they could have got more for a princess than someone who is utterly replaceable.
But, poor choices aside, another great chapter, keep it up m8
5829991 Cheers comrade, I like to think of the ship not as a primary target but more as a testing ground for their new weapon, but regardless I think I will have to bring it back again and in a bigger way
5830010 right, i thought they could only fire it once and it would need recharging, but Alicorn magic is either super OP or they have plenty of it in the crystal thing.
I'll just leave this here...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OT0yoo9B2Bc
5838965 Parts of this are based of the war fro for independence especially the Black and Tans part however I might have to change the name
Here's my favourite rendition though https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCnGD6xv5ik
will the rebels ever say "Give us liberty or give us death." it is a pretty strong sentance so to say
5843807 Hmmmm, now there's an idea
Uh, is this anthro?
5857170 I've got so many questions over that
, however I didn't want it to be anthro originally so technically it's real ponies 
So the prologue... It was ok, nothing special though. It was a nice introduction but I think it was a bit short... Maybe adding a bit more detail and saying what Shattered Dawn looks like would help. But it was still ok I guess, I would definitely support those demonstrations though.
5990431 Cheers for the feedback man, and I'm quite awful at character descriptions so it will probably just be one of those things I have to work on ( meh what can you do
) anyway cheers for the feedback and I'll probably get my flank into gear and release the next chapter either just before or after the 100th episode drops 
you need a comma after "two brothers" and after "Defience"
6016075 Cheers for pointing that out, just got it fixed
its ok
moar
6542638 thanks for the comment, I'll definitely try to get more written
sorry it took so long to reply
Ok. I'm a idiot if someone said it but are they communist or no?
These character are completely OOC in this.
So this is like the African American civil rights movement but for crystalvempire right?
When will the next chapter becoming out
8227927
not entirely sure mate, I have a lot of exams on at the moment so there will be a pause at least until they are over but once summer hits and I have less pressure from other sources I will hopefully be getting around to it