The map called for Pinkie and Rarity to go to Canterlot, at least it appeared to.
"The map is glitched," said Cassandra, who knew this because she had level 99 IT skills, "it's supposed to be Applejack and Pinkie Pie, which means it most likely has to do with food service since that's where you two overlap."
"Well howdy doody, if they need help sellin' food in Canterlot, ah'm their filly. Why, ah could sell ice to an Eskimare."
She was so excited that she slipped on the marble stairs and died.
"Well, she would've just suggested they do apples, and then try to sell them apples," noted Cassandra, "I think we can find a way around this."
They decided it would be best if Rarity went instead, and Cassandra accompanied them to make sure things went all right.
As Cassandra said, they looked around for restaurants in trouble until they found one with Indian cuisine and no customers.
"Oh thank Pegashiva customers!" said a hefty stallion with a mustache. He eyed up Cassandra, "and a bride for my daughter. Saffron!" he called
"Father, stop trying to set me up with every customer who walks in- oh bless Pegashiva, will you be my bride?"
"Back off!" hissed Rarity.
"Now girls, let's behave ourselves," said Cassandra, "I have too many ponies attracted to me to be just one pony's bride, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun. But first, business. We're here to improve your restaurant. Rarity and Saffron will go attract customers, and Pinkie and Coriander will help improve the food. Doing it the other way around would be a disaster."
"Can we sing a song called 'It's Gonna Work' while we do it?" asked Pinkie.
"That depends, do you want to jinx us?" said Cassandra sarcastically.
"Do I?" asked Pinkie.
"No, " said Cassandra.
"What about you, Cassandra, what will you do?" asked Saffron, "will you perhaps put your beautiful face on promotional material to give us some star power?"
"No. I'll be solving your biggest problem of all."
"And that is?"
Your restaurant is set back 20 feet from the rest of the stores! It's no wonder nopony comes in here. I'm going to pick it up and move it in line with the rest of them."
"Oh Cassandra, so wise and strong and beautiful. Please let me help you practice kissing as a reward."
"That sounds like a great idea."
So, Cassandra moved the store, while Rarity and Saffron worked drumming up business.
"How many customers did you get?"
"Two hundred" said Saffron and Rarity in unison.
"Well, then I'd better help out," said Cassandra, "I'll pull double duty as the head chef and maitre'd. Saffron, you can be assistant chef, and Coriander, you'll be assistant maitre'd." And so, under Cassandra's guidance, they successfully restored the Tasty Treat to its rightful glory. Even the impossible-to-please Zesty Gourmand was pleased, and she gave them 4.9 stars, the only loss of points coming from Cassandra not being able to stay full time. Once again, Cassandra had saved the day.
That must be a new record for fastest AJ death.
Is... is this a parody...? Like, satire? I-- just-- I... I am beyond words.
I can't actually bring myself to read this without knowing if it's intended as satire or not.
7450226 I am 1000% serious for ever and always, and you should definitely read this!
There better be no more chapters after this I can't stand Cassandra McBitchypants
7502445 I honestly have no idea how you came to that conclusion.
I am never being sarcastic. Cassandra may be pretty and cute because she looks like fluttershy though
poor applejack
7626005 she has trouble choosing a favorite pony from her harem
7626388
That isn't a flaw! She has to have balanced traits. She can't be "trusting, helpful, lovable, beautiful, wonderful, blah blah blah" without having the same or nearly the same amount of flaws!
You need to be able to answer questions like
Why does everypony love her? When was she born? Is there anyone that doesn't like her that she still likes? She needs to be balanced and at least somewhat relatable.
Take my oc for example. She is pretty powerful and fast flying, but she's also not too great at standing up to herself and also a wallflower. You need flaws. Flaws are good. They make a character likeable.
Too scared to reply because you know she's a Mary Sue?
7627416 I don't know, I think I gave her a lot of flaws, such as delegating too much responsibility to other ponies, lack of humility, and being afraid to do things out of fear someone will get jealous, like Twilight in Boast Busters.
7630341 If she has flaws, then why does everypony bow to her? Why do they think she's their god? Why is she so important? If your answer is "she's Celestia's sister" then WHY is she Celestia's sister? Maybe try toning her down a bit. Where she doesn't single-handedly save the day.
7630402 "Why she's Celesta's sister" that's genetics, because they share a familial line I guess? And Celestia's flawed too but they still admire her