The Cassandra Chronicles

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Chapter 26: The Cuteceañera

"...and that's how you do calculus."

"Wow Cassandra, yer so much smarter than Applejack!" said Applebloom. The two of them were in Cassandra's study. Cassandra was teaching Applebloom mathematics because she needed tutoring, and nopony in her family had gotten further than second grade. After a week under Cassandra's tutelage, she was miles ahead of the rest of the class. They were eating Pocky, which Cassandra had imported from Japan. Applebloom loved going over to Cassandra's place because she had all sorts of cool video games, including many on pre-release. "There's somethin' else that ah wanted ta talk to ya about, 'cause yer the adult ah trust most."

"Is it about your cutie mark?"

"Yeah! How'd ya know? Yer much more perceptive than Applejack."

"She does have a lot of shortcomings, cluelessness being a big one."

"Yesterday ah tried givin' away apples fer free just like Applejack does, but ah didn't get mah cutie mark."

"There's nothing wrong with not having your cutie mark. Once you have it, you're committed for life. Heck, what if your destiny is to get apples as a cutie mark? Wouldn't you want to put that off for as long as possible?"

"Ah hadn't considered that! Yeah, ah guess ah would like to avoid that. So what yer sayin' is, ah should keep as far away from apple sellin' as ah can and maybe ah'll get a cutie mark in somethin' else."

"Precisely. I know you can do it"

"How are ya so sure?"

"Because you're adopted."

"Really? WOOOHOOOO! Ah knew it! Ah'm so happy!!!" She skipped out the door singing cheerily, almost bumping into Princess Celestia who was waiting outside.

"What was that?" asked Celestia

"Proof that honesty is the least important Element. What do you want? "

"I mis-oriented the sun when I rose it this morning. Would you fix it for me?"

"My god Tia, you're so stupid." It was ok for her to talk to Celestia like that because she was the princess's long lost sister. "Fine I'll take care of it. You just stay here and look pretty, and try not to screw up anything else while I'm gone."

"I will try my very hardest" assured Celestia.

*****

Cassandra flew into space, past Venus and Mercury. The temperature went from ice-cold to burning hot, but Cassandra's toughness prevailed. Because she had level 99 speed, it wasn't long before she made it to the sun. The sun ignited jealousy on contact, which is why Cassandra was the only pony fit for this task. With a monumental effort, she hoisted the ball of gas - which was 332,950 times heavier than the weight Atlas had to bear. She pushed it as hard as she could, until finally it was in the right position. Wiping her brow, she returned to earth.

*****

"You look like you'd be really good at eating cupcakes" said Pinkie Pie to Applebloom.

"Pefect!" exclaimed Applebloom, "ah'll get a cupcake eatin' cutie mark and then it'll be impossible fer me ta get an apple cutie mark!" Sadly for Applebloom, this turned out to be a bait-and-switch because they had to make the cupcakes first, and also they were for Diamond Tiara's Cuteceañera so she couldn't have any. "Ah guess a making cupcakes cutie mark could work too."

"Great! Cassandra taught me a song to sing while making cupcakes!"

"An' she taught me how ta make cupcakes!"

"It's like we complete each other!"

One chipper song later, the cupcakes were done. Pinkie Pie eagerly dug into one of them. Her eyes went wide

"This, is like a rebirth for my taste buds! I feel like my mouth's been living a lie to never have been graced by something like this. Why if every cupcake tasted like this, I wouldn't have to violate their purity with hot sauce." Tears came to her eyes, "It's a whole new world of cupcakes! Baking is worth living for again! Cassandra's recipe has pulled me back from the dismal depths of despair. I cast ye out PInkamena!!! There is no place for you in this body!" From Pinkie Pie rose a ghostly form; herself with fur darkened, eyes downcast, and hair deflated & straight. The specter screamed like a banshee as light ripped through its evil spirit, banishing it from the world of the living forever. "And to think," chuckled Pinkie Pie, "I was so bored with baking that I was going to kill Rainbow Dash and turn her into cupcakes!"

Thanks to Cassandra, Cupcakes was never written.

*****

"So after all that, ah still didn't get mah cutie mark." lamented Applebloom to Cassandra

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon passed by,
"Wouldn't it be soooo embarassing to be the only pony without a cutie mark"
"I know right? There's nothing worse than being a blank flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank."

"See?" said Applebloom "Ah can't go to th' party because ah'm a blank flank.

"No Applebloom, you're going to that Cuteceañera, and you're not going to be embarassed" said Cassandra, "I have an idea. I need you to go to the market and buy out all the unripe pears. When you get to the party, seek out two fillies named Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. Then, the three of you say..."

*****

Applebloom had decided to ignore Cassandra's advice. Instead, she covered herself up with a dress so that they couldn't see her flank. But that plan backfired when she ripped her dress, exposing her blank flank and knocking over the record player. Everyone at the party gasped. Tiara and Spoons mocked her,

"Nice try blank flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank!" Applejack might have intervened, but she was too distracted thinking about Braeburn to notice. Applebloom ran away crying and hid under the stairs. She'd learned a painful lesson about trusting Cassandra's advice.

"Hey, you're Applebloom right? I'm Sweetie Belle and this is Scootaloo. Cassandra told us to find you." Applebloom looked up to see two fillies standing over her, who were also blank flanks.

"You got the pears?" asked Scootaloo

"Y-yeah" said Applebloom finishing up her sobbing and drying her tears.

"Then it's go time."

The three emerged from around the corner, and to the snobby pony, Applebloom shouted.

"Hey Diamond Tiara!!! Happy Quince-añera!!!" She picked up a pear and hurled it at Diamond Tiara. Ripe pears were soft and pliable, but the unripe ones were hard as a stone. It hit Tiara square in the eye.

"Ow" she whined, recoiling in pain.

"You got a problem with blank flanks?" Said Scootaloo. She whipped another pear at Tiara, smashing her nose. A waterfall of blood began to gush out.

Silver Spoons nervously tried to back away. Sweetie Belle smirked, "Going somewhere?" She hurled a pear at Spoons, destroying her glasses. The broken lenses cut into her face.

"Ya got such a great cutie mark!" yelled Applebloom, landing a hit on Tiara's flank. A bruise began to form that nearly completely covered up her cutie mark.

"Bump bump sugarlump, RUMP!!!" squeaked Sweetie Belle as she hit Tiara square in the rear.

"Hey girls, I think I might get a cutie mark in pitching!" Scootaloo threw one at Silver Spoon's leg, causing her to buckle over.

The two snooty ponies cried as they continued to get pelted, each hit landing directly on its target. They tried to run, but their legs were in so much pain that all they could do was shuffle. A hit to the cranium knocked Tiara's tiara off her head. Pathetically, she tried to reach for it, but it had slid too far away, and landed by Applebloom's feet. She stomped on the crown, turning the jewelry into a broken pile of scrap, like its owner would soon be.

Their dresses were ruined, tattered and bloodstained, so they ripped them off and tried desperately to use them as face shields, to no avail. They were covered in bruises and cuts, and had given up on getting away. The pain was starting to fade, being replaced by a numbness all over. Applebloom came over to where they lay, and looked Tiara square in the eye.

"Ah'm full a potential, and don't you forget it!" She kicked Diamond Tiara in the ribs.

"Hey! said Pinkie Pie, "somepony get those two buzzkills out of here, and let's party!!!" Twilight rolled Tiara and Spoons out the door, and the party went back into full swing.

Dear Princess Celestia. That's right, ah'm writin' y'all letters in season one, deal with it. Today ah learned so many new things! Ah learned that gettin' yer cuite mark isn't somethin' to feel superior about, it's jus' a thing that occurs at some point in everypony's life. Ah learned that ah shoud trust th' advice of ponies that're smarter than me, like Cassandra. Lastly, ah learned that pears are mah favorite fruit.

Yours truly,
Applebloom.

Author's Note:

Oops, I said I wasn't going to go dark again. My bad.

Comments

[Rotorix]

Orgasmic.

[AwkwardTaco]

3456799 I came, like, four times.

[RagamuffinQ]

Yay! No Cupcakes fic!!!!!! I much prefer Smile anyway.

[Slslslfkfjgnngjf]

Dark is fine